Therapy *Sequel to Circles*

Continuing the Session


I started to breathe before telling her word for word.

“so to you none of this is a game it feels like it you only reel me in when you think it’s appropriate, so go be a rock star follow your dreams because along the way you lost someone does that feel good to lose another person you love you say they leave you well maybe its you who leaves them first they just stay away because they don’t want the run around of you want me now you don’t! I will probably have a fucking hard time getting over this, but Shay I’m the one leaving you realistically because your going to see everyone else, but me that’s fair. Nope not one bit I’m done Shay have a nice life go play your games with Jake, and I was just playing your game back, but I was serious on that song its about me, and I know it.” He said. “Wait you know about Jake liking me?”
“I know about it all Shay I heard every word in that bathroom that night you liked us both, but you told him to stay with Ella because she is a better choice I know there is something going on there you’d be blind to miss it go be with him or yet Mike, Austin, hell even CC because you are so chummy with them.” He said bitterly. “Jack Austin is a close friend. CC is like my nutty best friend, and well Mike I don’t know what we stand as alright it was a fucking drunk hook up like ours alright hello you fucking get high as a kite, and drunk plus have a few smokes in that mix and your off your ass so a drunk hook up means shit all so what if I hooked up with him or even Alan those were accidents hell I don’t know if I even did anything with Alan because we were both collapsed on each other half naked when we woke up.” I said I realized what I had just said fuck , and Alan are going to kill me they were supposed to be a secret. “I knew it go play with someone else’s heart Shay because I know you know how it feels to be hurt, but do you know the shame of hurting someone else?” he questioned me coyly. “Oh wait you don’t because your just another band whore who used people to get to the top. Can’t believe I fell in love with you. He grumbled climbing on the bus “We can go now.” He yelled as he slammed the door with the engine starting up I watched as they pulled away I fell to my knee’s crying I got up after a few moments after the bus disappeared. I headed straight for my bunk where I kept my choice of weapons. I made sure the coast was clear before heading into the bathroom opening the schnapps as I started the shower up so they would think I am taking a shower. I took a long hard drink of the Schnapps pulling the small razor out of my bra looking down at my old friend I haven’t used in like 5 months now. I unzipped my dress pulling it down moving it away so I wouldn't get blood on it I took another long drink of my Schnapps letting the spices burn my throat as I took the razor back in my hand looking in the mirror at myself seeing how thin I had gotten Jack was right I looked so thin. Jack why did I have to open my mouth Alan is going to be mad. Same with Mikey fuck I am so stupid I looked at it again before moving it to my thigh knowing well no one is going to see them there I ran the razor against the tight shuddering before digging it in running it over the spot a second time “Fuck” I cursed forgetting how bad it stings at first I grabbed the bottle taking another drink before adding another god I hate to say it, but I missed this.

I ran the blade over another spot hitting an old scar I hissed at the pain. Realizing I hadn't locked the door. I moved over to lock the door as it was swung open to my sister standing there looking at me shocked. She pushed me back rushing in locking the door. She fixed me up made me sleep in her bed that night too all I could hurt myself with we left tour early and well she moved in with Jenny and I told my band we were moving to L.A. I locked myself away doing drugs not eating sleeping cutting myself drinking and writing lyrics thats all I did for like 2 months before we moved and well Shy and the others put Garrett and I here tho he more or less came here voluntarily unlike me and well thats all of it, but that's what brought me here you see it was hard for me to even tell anyone this no one knew how I felt for years I kept it bottled and I think it was just time Jack was my downfall, but also what made me tick and gave me a new life made we want to prove the world wrong and when I am out I won't be me any more and it will all be fine." I told her now shaking and bawling as she moved over hugging me.

"I think it is best tho you may love him.." I cut her off. "But I also still really like Jake.." I sobbed into her. "I know and I think you made your break through I say we do the tests get you on the meds and back out there but what is this on becoming someone else?" She asked as my sobs became under control. "I am changing everything because I want a fresh start the me I always wanted and its time to start my new life get my band image and stage name up." I said. "Is this to hide from the past?" She asked me. "Not at all." I lied with a happy smile. "Just a fresh start in the music industry I still with be making music but no videos or anything. just me and my sis while our band is totally separate." I said . "Alright let's get the prescriptions and start you on them all tomorrow, except the insomnia and night terror one I want to see how they do tonight." She said taking out all the bottles handing them to me explaining them all to me. "Thank you for everything Doctor Annes." I said hugging her before leaving finally feeling well enough to take on the world.

I ran up to mine and Garretts room "Garrett guess what?" I yelled running in the room. "What and seriously you couldn't knock." He said trying to pull his pants on. "Sorry and did you get told yet?" I asked not wanting to ruin the surpise for him. "That we get to leave at the end of the month?" He said walking over. "Yes all four of us!" I exclaimed jumping on him. "Do the others know?" He asked. "We know!!" Terry yelled running in as I let go of Garrett before grabbing her shoulder jumping with her screaming. "Oh My God I have to Call Shy, Alex, Cass, Skye, and CC. Hell Just everyone we can get on it of our friends." I yelled running out of the room to the activity room where one of the desks were "I know I only get one skype call a week but I was just told once my meds kick in at the end of the month I get to leave can I please skype call all my friends at once." I asked lillian at the desk she loves me. "Of course congrats Honey." She said handing me the only laptop with Skype on it I quickly sat down signing in to see they were all on I added them to a group convo hitting call. Everyone immediately accepting

"Anyone who isn't here or on get them now big amazign huge holy fuicking god news." I yelled "Everyone is here we were having a band meeting." CC said laughing. "Same here." Skye said. "Agreed" Shy said waving with Roxie, Zane, Lea, and Jemma with Ty, and Aiden in the background smiling "We're here." Cass said. "I'm here" Sammi said. "Oh hi Sammi." Jinxx said. "Hi Jeremy." She said. "I'm here with the guys and well Lisa." Alex said. "Jack too?" I asked. "I am here why?" Jack asked. "Umm no reason, but I can't tell you can you maybe go for a walk not to be mean I just can say with you here." I said feeling a bit bad. "Shay holy fuck here you are you ran out on us four oh Hi everyone." Garrett said waving. "Kay long as Your not pregnant with my kid I will go." He said. "Its not that and not at all wow maybe if yea weren't a man whore you wouldn't have to ask that" I laughed. "Yea yea yea bye Shay." He said leaving with Vinny. "bye Jack." I sighed while he left the screen. "Oh Austin, and Vic just sighed in I'm adding them."Alex said. "Shay!!!" Mike, Vic, and Jamie shouted while Tony smiled. "Shay" the Of mice guys called. "YO YO YO BITCH WHERE YOU BEEN AT I MISS MY HOE" Alan said. "YO BITCH I'M Here calm your man titties." I said laughing with Alan man I miss him. "Man I Miss you Shay." He said. "Miss yea to Ginger Princess." I said. "Anyone got kellins or any of sleeping since Lights just logged in." I said. "I got kell." Vic said adding him. "Add my cousin" Terry said clicking on Derek as he accepted so did Kellin and Lights with Beau and the guys with her we all exchanged our hellos. "Beau can you add Shane?" I asked. "Yea and this is a huge thing. wow what like 8 bands all on a skype call?" HE said laughing. "Oh just add him babe." Lights said laughing at him. Soon we had sliverstein, Bring Me The Horizon, Asking, Blood, Jeff, Motionless, and Falling in reverse, Paramore, my friend Ryan's band from back home windseeker, my friend Braden Barrie other words SayWeCanFly and Courage my love all in the same thing with us.


"Alright I guess since there is like everyone of us in here now I should tell you guys the good news and please stay quiet since there is like almost nearly 100 people around and in this." I said. "What is it sis before I smack you through the laptop for making us wait." Shy said laughing. "Geez maybe I won't say."I said pretending to be mad. "We get out of here in three weeks so we will see all of you then and we are just waiting on Shay's meds to kick in then we are all out." Garrett said ruining my fun. Everyone started to talk all at once. "Guys.... Guys.... Guys.. GUYS!!!!" I yelled while everyone finally calmed down. "now you all know what Shy and I are doing. Alex is Jack around?" I asked scared to go on. "No vinny and him too off for a bit they said text them when to come back." He said. "Alright so you know I am officially going by Sage Adrian White while Shy is going by Darcie Lynn White. Dahvie, Haley, Jeff, Jayy, Chris, Ricky, Juliet Cass, Skye, and Sammi I need you guys to fly over here then go to my house and we are going to give both of us and unbelievable makeover I don't want us to be remotely recognizable at all so the whole nine yards." I said getting all of them nodding. "Well my body you know looks nothing like it did at all by far." I said thinking about how I have changed over time from when I met them till now.


"Alright I'll be there what about you guys?" Sammi said. "Were in" Dahvie said with all of them nodding. "I'll be there not really seeing why us." Ricky said."I agree with Ricky, but we haven't seen you since you came with Jeff to meet us so I am in want us to bring Ghost or Balz?." Chris said "I need help with it any well the makeup you guys do is similar to what I want and sure why not I miss them well all of you legit all of you in the call but well anyways plus and Jeff can show me products and all." I said answering Ricky and Chris. "Well Cassadee and I are in the same area so we can easily be there." Juliet said. "Well I am coming for sure if all the girls are to much man hormones here I am drowning in them and I am beginning Rocket too." Lights said causing all us girls to laugh. "What about me don't we get invited." Lisa and Regina said sticking their heads in the screen. "Well come if you want I guess its all us girls plus the four guys for sure well I should say 3 since sorry Jayy." I said laughing. "Fuck you Shay remember I am helping on this." He said trying to be serious. "Sorry Jayy Luv yea." I said pouting. "Mate you can't deny that adorable pout can yea." Danny said laughing. "I will make a visit to all you british bastard soon but its like 8-9 and I have to shower so I will see you all of and Kell?" I said. "Yea What is it?" "Tell Kate she is welcome to come I haven't seen her in while and tell her to bring Brittany Matty's Wife she is welcome too and well of course Cope and my dear of mice and peirce boys tell your gf's and wives to come over too we have way more than enough rooms in that place for all of us we can send the boys off for the night...." I was cut off. "Hey no no one is sleeping in my room." Aiden said. "Oh shut it Aiden and suck it up, but Cope, and Kate, Lights, and Rocket get there own space got it." I said getting a course of yes, yea yea, and fine from everyone. "Alright guy I have to go leave all the RSVP's to my sis, and my cell which I get back in 3 weeks will miss you all, and talk to you soon luv yea. oh and Alex please stay on same with you Cass." I said as I got a lot of goodbyes see yous and all that jazz as they logged off. "Well Alex you guys are in cali that week right?" I asked. "Well myself, and Lisa are. "Good I want you to see it when its done." I said smiling. "Alright well Jack is back now so we will talk later bye." He said as everyone weaved ending his. "I am so ecxited to see you oh and I am coming by tomorrow I want to see you before everyone" CC said. "I thought you left." I said laughing. "Not till I get a good night." He said pouting while Ash slapped him in the head and the others laughed. "Night CC." I laughed with the others and well the 3 behind me. "Night!" He yelled ending it. "Rian and I well you know we are coming next week so see you then hope the meds kick in soon you need the rest Hun. Love you and see you soon." Cass said. "Bye Shay." Rian said ending it I shut it down taking it back to lillian. "thank you lillian." I said hugging her.


I got showered and crawled into bed with Garrett for the first night of my meds just incase I have a nightmare. This has become normal for us he does this at least 4 times a week for me. "Night Garrett." I said kissing his cheek. "Night Shay." He said kissing my head before pulling me closer crashing. Within a half hour I was out peacefully too for once.

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Back to reality. Now you are all caught up with me to the present and from now on it will be just my life.
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Notes