Circles

Jack pulled me closer to him hugging me tighter than he ever has. “Shay I’m so sorry for how I was to you. I over reacted the other day I’ve actually been meaning to tell you how I felt I missed you a lot since I had seen you at the airport ask the guys I drank myself into oblivion just to forget you, and still I can’t. There has been so many times where I pick up my cell to text you, or see if you texted me forgiving me. I have no clue why I was so harsh the other day.” He said still holding me too him tight with what he just said to me I felt myself start to cry harder into his chest. Why do I have to always feel this way around him? Why did what he just said mean so much too me? I can't be falling could I? I don't believe in love, it doesn't exist its all just lust, and sexual tension right?
“Jack I forgive you for back then I forgave you so long ago, and realize we are only ever going to be friends as much as I still like you, and care about you I don’t even know why you came here tonight, but it means the world to me that all 5 of you came especially you and you don’t need to explain I would freak to thinking I was the main reason someone tried to kill themselves, but it wasn’t all over you not by far I was losing my mom she wasn’t well, my family was falling apart, I was fighting with someone I cared about more than a friend, I didn’t know I had depression, none of it is your fault I was out drinking myself when we got in the fight I was also sick so I was on cold med’s Hun so none of that night was your fault. I’m here today I’m on meds for it I’m in therapy I’m getting better Jack my therapist even told me I could go on tour that we would Skype our appointments.” I said still crying.
“I’m so glad your doing better but you’ve gotten so thin how much do you weigh now from when I last saw you?” he questioned.
“I weigh 150 now I was 184 when we first met.”
“You looked like 145-150 then now you just look like you weigh 120 Shay you look sick.” He said leaning his face into my hair pulling me fully against him.
“I am sick that’s why Jack I am still sick that’s why they are making me go on tour so they can watch me so all of you can watch me.” I said bawling into his chest after about 20 minute of him just holding me while I cried into his chest. He pulled away enough to put one arm under my legs the other staying on my back pulling me to the bathroom sitting me on the counter. “Shay look at me.” Jack said pulling my face up to look at him with one hand he moved away from me to search for something coming back with my makeup wipes I probably looked like a raccoon he set the wipes down after pulling one out wiping my eyes to get rid of the black lines that had been streaming down my face. Once my face was clear we walked back out to sit on my bed I looked at Jack seeing something I noticed before he looked tired like he was dead inside like me how did I not notice how I was hurting him as much as I had hurt myself.

“Shay can I see them?” he asked. “Jack see what?” I asked him confused what he meant. “The scars I’ve always wondered because you hid them so well” he said looking in my eyes. “Jack let me change first so they will be easier to see. I walked over to my closet grabbing this polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=111042760 “Jack you can stay in here, but turn around.” I said smiling at him I’m glad we are talking civilly for now at least. “Shay do you not remember what I said about up at the pool I saw you naked I don’t think you need to hide anything.” He said smirking “Jack you dick and you did what!?” I yelled. “You didn’t know that I saw you did you?” he asked. “No you dick that’s it I’m going to change in the bathroom so you can’t be a fuckin’ pervert.” I said walking and slamming the door to the bathroom. I quickly changed throwing my hair up and slipping on my boots. I opened the door to see my bedroom empty, but the door still shut where did Jack go? I stepped out looking around towards my bed seeing a lump under my blankets. I ran over jumping on the lump. “Ouch Shay what the hell? Why did you do that?” He said sticking his head out of my blanket. “Well one you’re in my bed with your damn day clothes on, two you’re on my side of the bed.” I said rolling off him onto the floor landing on my feet doing it. I got up pulling him off the bed. I laughed when Jack hit the floor I got up running for the door as he got up. “Shay you are going to pay for that I was comfortable.” Chasing after me down the hall. “Guys help me its case of the killer Jack save me” I yelled running into the living room diving in between Zack and Matt hoping they would hide me better. “Shay that wasn’t funny really it wasn’t.” he yelled stopping in front of me. “Well don’t try to sleep in my bed!! With your clothes on” I said laughing. “Really Shay what did you actually do?” Zack asked. “Umm well you see I kinda seen a lump under my blankets so I ran over and jumped on him then rolled off over him landed on my feet on the floor then pulled him off it and ran out.” I said with a laugh. “Nice I wish I would think of that when he and Alex won’t wake up.” Matt said high fiving me. “That’s it.” Jack exclaimed. Grabbing me throwing me over his shoulder. “Guys help this isn’t funny.” I yelled at them. “You deal with it this time. Want to go to the pub up the street guys?” Alex said I heard everyone get up and leave. Leaving me alone with Jack this can’t be good.
Jack kept walking down to my room when I heard the front door shut Jack making it to my room shutting the door behind us walking over throwing me onto my bed. “Humm now we are alone what would be a fitting pay back maybe showing me the scars and I would think about not getting payback.” He said smiling at me. “Fine I’ll show you them Jack.” I got up turned to my side lifted up my bottom of my shorts revealing all the scars on my upper outer thigh the better side and then turning my leg so he could see my inner thighs then standing back how I first was, but showing the worse side from where went to far. “Shay those look bad.” He said putting his hand on them. “Jack any deeper on any one of them, or one more and I would have died.” I said sitting back down as I pulled off my wrist bands showing my wrists before rolling down my socks to show the word worthless in my ankle, and lifting my shirt the last of them on my ribs. “a lot of these are from before I met you especially my inner thighs and my left arm and this one under my chin.” I said pointing to my chin where the scar is. “Shay I knew you had a lot before but you have so many more now. I never knew it got this bad. Is there anything else I should know?” He said walking over sitting down beside me.
“You don’t need to worry so much about me I haven’t hurt myself in a while, my anorexia is almost the same, but I am eating at least 2 small meals a day now. I am honestly only getting better and better as time goes on.” I said smiling at him. It’s so nice to be able to have him here and just be alone for once not fighting. I heaved a heavy sigh I was holding in laying my head on Jack’s shoulder turning my head to look up at him he looked down to me his eyes trailing from my eyes to my lips he can’t be thinking what I was because I just know it will end up the same I can’t let this happen. Before I knew what was really going on he pressed his lips onto mine firmly, and passionately while moving me so I was in his lap sideways I just can’t move I feel like I am frozen because this isn’t what I want I mean I still care so much for him it hurts. I think about him a lot this just feels so right, but it’s so wrong because I see that we aren’t going to make it on one hand, but ‘I could stay like this forever on the other hand. I forced myself to pull away from the kiss never kissing back. “Jack we can’t be like this there can’t be a you and I not now not ever all we do is fight.” I said getting off his lap laying on my bed with my arms laying flat as
I was looking up at the ceiling I felt him get up then feel the bed start to move till I came face to face with Jack hovering over me before laying himself down on me. “Your heavy get off.” I whined. “nope not till I get at least one kiss back.” He said pouting fuck he looks adorable. “Well get comfy then because we are going to be like this for a long ass time.” I said rolling my eyes at the goofy man child laying on me. “Have it your way.” He said going dead weight on me putting his head on my breasts with one of his hands on my hip, and his other was tracing back and forward along my collar bone.
“I have to ask this it’s been on my mind since the airport where do we stand?” he asked resting his chin in my cleavage looking at me. I sighed looking him in the eyes I don’t know if I can lie to him maybe I can distract him. “Are you ever going to get off me you are really getting heavy?” “Not moving till you answer me.” He said. Fuck okay second option. “You really want your answer?” I said “Yes I need to know where the hell we stand.” He said still not moving. “Get off me then I’ll tell you.”I said bargaining because he was getting heavy. “How about you just tell me then I will get off you.” He said. “No get off me then I will tell you.” “Shay we both know you won’t tell me if I just get off you and I don’t want have to resort to the second option.” He told me with a huge smirk on his face. “Still not… Telling you…Jack.” I said trying to push him off not getting anywhere. “that’s not going to work just tell me for fuck sakes, or do I have to make you admit it that you still have feeling for me as much as I do for you still.” He said looking at me seriously still being completely dead weight and only making it worse.
“I’m not telling you because we can’t be together alright so there is nothing to say now get off me.” I said looking at him coldly. “Alright I didn’t want it to have to be this way Shay, but I guess it has to be the second option.” He said moving his hands pinning mine above me with one hand the other on my collarbone still leaning down to kiss me again. He stayed hovering there before smashing his lips onto mine kissing me with so much passion every damn time he kisses me it’s like I can’t fight it. Something always pulls us back together I don’t know why it’s like we can’t stay away. I stayed still not kissing back, but he didn’t stop kissing me his kisses only getting more passionate as he went I don’t want to fight this. I should be kissing back, enjoying this, but I have to. I can’t give in. He pressed my wrists down harder kissing me a bit rougher, but still with so much passion oh my god this is paradise. I have to do something, or I’ll end up caving soon I can’t let it happen. “Jack.. Please. St.op.. pl.ease. do.n’t .make this… so hard. Just.. let. This.. g..o.” I said as he still kept kissing me. I went to speak again when he moved his tongue into mouth rubbing it against my own causing me to moan trying to close my mouth and squirm away. I opened my eyes when I got an idea I bit his tongue.
“Ouch Shay.” He said in a low growl. I’ve never seen him like this it’s kind of a turn on “Just admit it you still want us.” He said in a rough tone pressing me down on my harder while running his hands under my shorts along my panties fuck sakes he needs to stop. “Jack I’m not answering you.” I said while shuddering from where he was running his fingers long. How he does this to me why? “You can’t deny it that’s why you won’t say anything and someone getting a little turned on because you’re pretty wet.” He said leaning in again keeping my hands in place above my head. I looked up at Jack just smirking at me I gave him the coldest look I could muster up before turning my head away from him which was a huge mistake as he began to kiss down my neck running his free hand down my side, and back up to my breast before squeezing it. Moaning lightly while biting my lip moving my head back to where it was in the first place so he couldn’t keep kissing my neck. “Jack stop.” I whimpered slightly as he bit down on my on my shoulder sending jolts of pain, and pleasure through me. “Just admit it then I will stop.” he said against my shoulder before biting down again. I can’t take this. It’s too much. “I can’t admit anything because there is nothing to admit you ass. So go ahead try to make me admit I love you, or something that isn’t there because love doesn’t exist. I don’t believe in it so how are you going to make me huh tell me that? There is no way to make someone fall in love with you, but just know I like this Jack. What your doing is a fucking turn on I don't know if anyone told you I like it this way so go ahead I dare you to get something out of me because you won't. You won't get us, and only reason I am wet is because of you, you fucking ass hole now stop being a dick about this, and do something already” I said venomously. “Are you seriously daring me to make you love me and want me Shay?” I guess I was in a way I doubt he will really do something about it though. “Yea I guess I am Jack so go ahead but you can’t make someone who doesn’t believe in love fall for you so what you doing to use it to be lust driven it that it? Then go ahead do your worst Barakat.” He bit down leaving a bite mark for sure then sucking on it leaving a sure to be large hickey behind with it.

He got off me without much further delay walking to my closet grabbing my house coats belt before smirking at me before walking back with a lopsided grin on his face. I was totally frozen he wasn’t thinking what I think he is. I got up moving my back against my headboard looking at him. “Jack don’t you dare when I said I liked this and to go ahead and try I didn’t mean to take it further.” I said as he climbed onto me kissing me without a second thought pulling my over shirt off then looping the house coats belt through the iron bars of my headboard wrapping it around once on one of the bars tying one of my hands to it while holding me in place trying to tie the other in. I kissed back throwing him off he stopped trying to tie my arms to the bed putting both his hands on my face kissing with so much intensity and emotion. God I missed this it’s taken everything in me both times not to kiss, back but now it’s my turn. I pushed Jack back pulling away the belt still attached to my wrist, but no longer the bed as I climbed on top of him grabbing his shirt pulling it over his head while grinding on him. “Your right in one way I want us, but not exactly how you want it Jack.” I said smirking then smashing my lips back on to his with force. “Shay right now I don’t even care long as I finally got to you, and its more than sex you damn well know it is” He said smirking against my lips in between kisses. Tugging on my shorts as I undid his belt. I kissed down his neck mumbling. “Yea, but in two days you’ll be gone I won’t see you for like two months why can't our feelings just get lost it would be so much easier just to forget you. You and I both have said it we don’t need love we don’t believe in it there is no way I can love you ever it’s just not me you have said this I don’t need love all I need it to screw.” I said moving down pulling his penis out of his pants swirling my index finger around the head lightly before being flipped over where Jack was over me again pulling my shorts to the side running his finger over my clit lightly before sliding it in a few times before adding another. “Fuck Shay your really tight.” He said pumping them in and out causing me to moan loudly. “Jack why didn’t we get to this sooner.” I said as his fingers pulled away from me I moved so I flipped us over before crawling backward a bit bending down before taking his penis in my hand I moved my mouth down to the bottom of his shaft licking up the length of bit before swirling my tongue over the head a few times. “This what you want?” I said in a seductive tone. Taking the head in my mouth swirling my tongue over it again before releasing it. I looked up to Jack as he nodded for me to continue. I winked at him quickly before running my fingers lightly over his hips making him shudder before quickly taking his cock fully in my mouth I started to move my head up and down as he took some of my hair in his hand pulling it lightly making me moan with the vibrations coming from me he pulled my hard a little harder messing it slightly. I looked at him realizing something I hadn’t until now I shot up quickly panicked by my actions. “OH MY GOD I JUST CHEATED.” I yelled climbing off Jack I even had forgot Tay existed. “Oh my god oh my god oh my god I’m such a slut.” I yelled walking out of my room to my drink cabinet in the living room grabbing the watermelon vodka opening it taking a long swig from it.
“Shay what the hell is going on? And see you admit it you have feelings for me still. why did you just get up and leave? we were finally working it out even if it was in a weird way, but we were, and it was fun.” Jack yelled coming out of the hall without his shirt on yet and his belt still undone. “I just cheated on my boyfriend with you that’s what happened Jack.” I said taking another long swig from the bottle. “I am such an idiot you know I have a boyfriend.” I said realizing he knows I have Tay. I put the bottle to my lips drinking as I listened “Shay we wanted each other. You can’t even blame this on me fully because you didn’t stop it. no you took it further you know you have a boyfriend so why did you kiss back? why did you make it go that far? Making a game challenging me to make you admit you basically fucking love me! But you don’t believe in it that it doesn’t exist! Just like I feel so strongly about you. No I didn’y believe in love before, but for fuck sakes Shay I’m damn well in love with you. No you knew you had a boyfriend, and you kept going clearly you don’t like this guy enough to remember you have him because you don’t know what you want besides me and that one is obvious to the world.” He said pissed off. I took another swig keeping a steady flow I started to feel the slight buzz already. “Jack you started all this here you kissed me then held me down turning me on like crazy purposely. When I tried to say something you kissed me again then went to turning me on more. I’m sorry you made me so horny I almost had sex with you because I am fucking head over heels about you, but no I don’t love you I don’t have that emotion because it isn’t real its only lust love doesn’t fucking exist get that you saying you love me is justsome hard core lust. You have it right I apparently in love with you but not as much as your infatuated with me.” I yelled at him as I heard someone by the door clear their throat. Alex and the guys walked back in had it really been that long. This probably looks bad my hair is probably messed, I am in a sports bra, and my short shorts are down lower on my hips, and I am pretty sure I have bite marks on one side of my neck, and a house coat string tied to my wrist as where Jack is shirtless a Hickey on his neck, and belt undone. “What is happening here? What is with the yelling you could hear it down the hall? And do you want to know why Shay has something tied to her wrist” Alex said. Looking confused at us. Taking another long chug or my bottle. “You clearly heard what happened I cheated on Taylor alright I fucked up because of him. you heard us fuckin yelling about us pretty much being in love how There is no such thing as it, and I don’t need it because I don’t feel love never have never will its only lust, and take a wild guess Gayscarf why I have this tied to my wrist your psycho Lead Guitarist almost tied me to my bed.” I said pointing to Jack walking back to my room. “That was your fault and you know it you never dare me to do shit because you know I will so telling me I dare you to make you love me and daring me to do my worst to make it happen real smart.” He yelled at me. “Good night guys sorry you had to hear that. Also sorry for the name calling Alex, and sorry for allegedly loving your major dick ass Jack.” I said as I closed the door crawling into bed with my bottle of vodka taking another swig before placing it on the night stand crying myself to sleep how am I going to hell him.

When I woke up I had arms around me while on someone’s chest please let it be like Alex, or Zack. What happened after I came in here I remember crying and finishing most of the bottle then someone coming in holding me while I cried then kissed me good night that’s all I remember after the fight. I looked in front seeing the Jack Skellington tattoo I have come to know so well as to be on Jacks chest. The last person I wanted to see Jack he was asleep sitting up still shirtless from last night I moved my hand slightly against his thigh wait he’s only in his boxer’s what the hell. Please don’t tell me we actually had sex after or something. I pulled away from him walking out to the living room seeing everyone, but Alex. “Hey guys.” I said in a high pitched tone. “I am going shopping today so if you want to come get dressed I’m buying breakfast as a sorry to the four of you for what happened last night can someone please wake up those two? And why was jack in my room?” I asked. “Yea we will go its fine Shay we saw the bottle and you both were in rough shape last night when we walked in, and Jack went to talk to you after what happened about 45 or so minutes after you stormed off turns out you were crying in your sleep.” Matt told me. “That doesn’t explain him being in just his boxer’s.” I said freaking out. “He always sleeps that way.” He replied walking off. “So we didn’t have sex?” Zack and Rian just shook their heads. “Phew well I am going to get ready.” I said heading to my room to get ready .That was that after everyone was awake no one really talked we walked across the street to the mall, I paid for the boys since I had promised. by the time we left I had so much stuff ready to go the guys and I said our bye’s minus Jack and I they left I won’t see them till half way through tour.

I walked into my room and started to pack all that I wouldn’t need plus what I got today for the tour.
Shirts polyvore.com/shirts/set?id=111143073
not including under shirts and bandeaus.
Pants & Skirts polyvore.com/pants_skirts/set?id=111143941
Shoe’s polyvore.com/shoes/set?id=111145046
Accessories polyvore.com/accessories/set?id=111144575
Performance one with Alex.
polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=111044804
Performance 2 & 3 with Alex.
polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=111143355
Performance with Ashley then with Andy.
polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=111145753

Notes