Circles

Its been 4 1/2 months since the everyone left its so hard on me I really miss everyone a lot esp Alex, and CC plus not talking to Jack kills me I kinda stopped talking to him because he was drunk one night about 3 months ago, and called me a bunch of harsh things how my x is right I am a fuck up so it kinda put me over the edge I had quit cutting for like a month an a half, but I knew it wouldn't last, and I figured it would get no where for me, and him he does message me saying he is still my friend, and he is sorry, but it just can't cut it I still love him very much it hurts so bad tho I am currently seeing a very good looking tall Goth boy, he's a model, but its not the same I have lost some weight, but not in a good way since they left I kinda sunk further because a few weeks ago after working on my demo I was just plain out mad I had had quite the amount to drink while I was out with my friends at Karaoke, and wasn't thinking, and in pain from something else so I ended up mixing medicine, and alcohol plus my depression going nuts I couldn't take it, and had a moment of weakness I nearly died I was lucky my mom found me.

I had called Alex a few hours later knowing his time zone wasn't far off he convinced me to go get therapy, or go to rehab because of the anorexia, depression, self-harm, addiction's he wanted me to get better I tried to get in to one Maryland, or in Hollywood so I could be with at least someone my Mom wasn't helping, but I couldn't get to a facility in either place same with Florida knowing Austin would come visit, but none worked so I am stuck here in Canada doing it almost on my own its kinda helping me the therapy, but not enough I still get a lot of hate, and she helps me every week. It took Alex almost a month to get me to go here with refusing to go somewhere unless I was near a good support system, but here I have Skye, and Al. reminds me I have to go meet Skye to work on the final product to send in because I am about half way done the song. well we are together, but I have it done now. I have to send it out with in the month so I really need to get it done she said she do the back up vocals for me so I was happy.

I decided to go get ready for the day since I had to be at Skye's today to finish the song, so glad she is helping me. I hopped in the shower and rinsed my hair I kinda like that Dahvie made my hair white it suits me, maybe I should change it soon maybe back to red, or go to black not sure yet I got out dried off, and walked out to my bedroom at my new apartment I kept the same design from before because I liked it too much to get rid of it. I walked into the walk in closet for some reason I want to wear Batman today humm oh well I got changed into polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=106662232 ran out to my fridge grabbing a yogurt drink and a bottle of water realizing I only got 2 an a 1/2 hours to get there and her place is almost 2 hours away shoot I ran out the door to the train station.
~About 2 hours later~

I was just outside Toronto at her house after the annoyingly long train, and subway rides, but I am here. I walked up to the door ringing the door bell. Seconds later the door came flying open Skye engulfing me in a tight hug like she hadn't see me in years in reality its only been 3 days "Hey Skye why so happy?" she let go of me just beaming and dragged me into her house. "Shay I have a huge surprise for you like you will probably kill me for this, but you will love it at the same time just sit here for a minute while I go see if its all set up" as she made me sit in her living room while running up the stairs to her studio "Skye? hey? what do you mean all set up?" "just stay!" she commanded I felt like I dog I silently snickered to myself wondering what she was so damn happy about. "Alright Shay come up here like asap." "I'm coming"I exclaimed "hurry up" she demanded. "Geez I am coming calm down" I shouted as I got to the door I walked in the room seeing Alex on the couch with Zack, and Rian I looked at them, and couldn't contain my tears any longer I started bawling my eyes out as they got up to hug me "Skye is this what you were doing when you couldn't focus last week, and were so into your phone?" "What would make you think I did this it was all him!" Pointing to someone behind me my jaw dropped when I turned around seeing CC behind me with all the rest of the guys "Oh my god" I just kept crying as I was enveloped in so many hugs wait someone is missing "Guys not that I don't appreciate this like you have no clue how much it all means, but where is Jack? I would actually like to see him, and ask him why he said that mean stuff, and like I know you guys are in town today" I said turning to CC, and the guys "for your concert, but what are you guys doing here?" Alex grabbed my wrist and pulled me down to sit with him looking at me like I would break I mean yeah I Lost so much weight went into hiding to be safe, but why is he looking at me this way I looked over at BVB seen they were looking nervous too, but why? "Shay Jack is here, but not here?" I looked at Alex confused. "I mean he's here in the City, but not here at Skye's he didn't want to see you like this is he saw your twitter pics you don't look healthy, and well we were all thinking since Sumo Cyco won indie week, and is going on tour in Europe you should go help out do merch we have a tour that is crossing paths with them over in a few months same with BVB, AAS, SWS, OM&M, PTV, BMTH, and AA so you will a lot of us, and we came to see you finish the song you said it was done so you, and Skye go show us what is done so far maybe I can help you with the lyrics, Andy, or even Ashley guys you want to help?" I looked to Skye, and she just nodded.

I looked at Alex, then to Andy, and Ashley the two looked at each other, and nodded "Sure why not like we have anything better to do we have a day off the concert isn't till tomorrow, and maybe we can all just see how it goes so pass the book over." Ashley said with a small laugh. "By the way does anyone see what she is wearing right now, or am I the only one who has noticed it." Andy said of course he noticed it first this is what I get for wearing batman. "We all see it Andy she's wearing Batman calm down" Jake said looking at Andy shaking his head then flashing me a toothy grin "I knew you were pretty cool, but now you are fuckin' awesome." Andy exclaimed "Anyways you were saying Shay" Jinxx gestured me to continue. " Okay yeah this is great you can look, and give me small adjustments, but this song is too personal I know you will all hear it, but its one of the ones that has screaming on it so umm Andy do you want to come in, and do the other part with Skye, and I?" he looked iffy "Why not, but Shay I want you to know that it may not be right I will help, but do it all yourself we will back you, and be there to help you I will do the small male parts because Alex can't scream." "thank you here" I passed him, and Ash the book they look stunned I had 3 songs for this one is me, and Skye then one was with Andy now I think. Losing My Mind, The Broken & The Tragic, and Maybe Tomorrow. one soft song, one medium pace, one fast pace for the demo.

"Shay?" Ash looked up "Yea Ash?" "These are good but why do they seem so sad" "because they are" I stated simply then continued "I love the one I want you on Andy, or Alex, or hell even you Ash if one of you want to?" "Why me?" " I looked up your old band, and liked your voice on its own would you want to try any of you three? or do I need to get Zack to do it?" I looked to Zack pouting he just laughed and said "Shay I am good, but they are better get one of them" he stated smiling "Well fine then Merrick! so will one of you do Maybe Tomorrow with me? or The Broken & The Tragic because Maybe Tomorrow its kinda like a slow song tho I wrote it in the last few months when I almost died because I remember slipping, and well his words sent me over the edge, and I want Jack to hear it the song means a lot to me right now." "Wait I was part of that I was part of the reason you tried to kill yourself months ago why Shay? I know I was harsh, but I thought you were better? everyone told me you just snapped!, and lost it because of Scott not me!?" I believe from the voice it's Jack well who else would it be with what was said I shot my head up, and I looked away from Alex to look behind the guys where Jack stepped from around them" I thought you weren't here!" "I wasn't till you were explaining the songs what is wrong with you? like how could you? you had to go to rehab have you even done that yet?" "Jack I am better now I was already mentally weak, but alright blame all this on me not some of the harsh things you said" I said with sadness, but still them coming out more venomous than I planned. " you know what I am gone I am out I am glad I told the cab to wait." he went to leave but turned back to me" Have fun with the tragic thing, and forget you ever knew me because you're not worth it." I watched him leave maybe for good this time and maybe I shouldn't go on that tour if we have to cross paths .

I just broke down as he left fully wow in 5 months I have cried more because of Jack than anything in my life I was brought out of thought by hearing Alex next to me, and his arms around me. "What were you saying?" I asked slightly embarrassed "I said I will do Maybe Tomorrow." I'm in to help the male part of the song you are doing with Skye." Ash said with a big smile on his face. "I'll do The Broken & The Tragic with you said you were doing on your own when we talked maybe blend the screaming so you don't have to do over laying are doing" Andy said "guys you don't have too! I was just suggesting it!" "We want to" Skye said. "Alright so Skye lets show them how it goes" she nooded, and we headed to the booth slipping on the head phones. (These are my songs I don't want anyone stealing them, and all my songs were written, and dated plus signed by me in my hand writing plus I am working on an ep so no) "Ash you see the Red that is your part Skye will sing it then I will get you to come in once you think you got it that cool?" " Yea is this the one you are sending in for the demo?" "Yupperz so be ready!" I said popping the P's "Shay you ready?" Skye asked I just nodded my head Jinxx walked over pressed some buttons, and we started the song when the guitar ,and Piano came in I learned it not to long ago, and I was a natural just like the piano. we finished, and played it back I asked Ash if he was ready "I guess we able to do a few takes of it?" "Really Ash you need to ask just come on? I'll give you cue come in two seconds after I nod to you alright" I said waving my hand to him he came in, and put on the headphones, and the music started up.

( Shaden is the Italic.)
(Ashley is the bold.)
(Underline is both Shay, and Ash.)
(Skye would be in brackets Shay joins in on the Eh yeah thing.)

I have been scared for too long
Holding onto all my pain
Wishing there was a way to turn this around
finally let go
I can't pretend anymore
that I'm okay
Because

I'm losing my mind
I need to get away
(Get away)
even if its for a day
Escape this town my own personal hell
Just like in my head
(Holding you down)
like I am bound to this life all on my own
giving me time To think
what we've done

I nodded to Ash to cue him in

I can't trust you with all I've heard
I wanted this but now I can't be too sure
As much as I want to believe in you
I don't know how
When you're so lost in your own mind
Not seeing your only hurting everyone else
I can't play this game again
Not this time

I'm losing my mind
I need to get away
(Get away)
Even if it’s for a day
Escape this town my own personal hell
Just like in my head
(Holding you down)
like I am bound to this life all on my own
Think of what we've done __________

When will it end this game of cat and mouse we are caught in?
I am sick of hurting over all
this aren't you?
I want to but I can’t let go!
(Eh yeah he yea hey yeah!)
I can't stand all this pain I see in
You're in a losing battle with yourself
But can’t you see you’re the one who's done it to me ?
I've been losing my mind over you for far to long


I'm losing my mind
I need to get away
(Get away)
Even if it’s for one day
Escape this town my own personal hell
Just like in my head
(Holds us down) like I am bound to it this life all alone
To think of what we've done this time______________
Now look what you've done?

I pulled off my headphones looking at everyone outside the booth they all had unreadable expressions. I looked over to Ash he smiled and picked me up. " that was an amazing song Shay how did you come up with this concept and the lyrics." he set me down I just looked down, and gave a sad smile, and looked back up with it still on my face" I guess I have one person to thank for creating all this drama I never would have had this song about my feelings."I stated. Alex barged in hugging me knowing I had kinda used what Jack had said as a fuel in the song because some of those were actually his words "Shay look at me I know where the verse Ashley is singing came from I didn't know those were the lyrics, and thats why I was shocked they were Jack's words from the night after the party aren't they?" I kinda huffed out the breath in a heavy sigh looking around at everyone looking at me with eager eyes to tell them if Alex is right, but more than they know he is 100% right they were Jack's words from that night in the closet. I couldn't even find the words so I just nodded letting a few tears fall. "Jinxx can you do a play back please I want to hear it." Ashley said worried. "your kidding right with the music behind it your 3 voice's sounded perfect together you don't need another take listen." Jinxx was right we sounded great together I looked to Ash, and he just smiled "you're right man we don't." He said " get your asses in here all of you thank you so much. Alex if you didn't pick me I wouldn't be here at all!." I didn't pick you neither did the other's it was Jack we all liked your voice we thought you were amazing, and there was another girl who was as good, and well Jack begged us for days it was a split vote Zack, and Jack then me, and Rian, but we checked your youtube cause Jack saw your link from twitter we saw you do pressure, and nothing but me, and we knew you were it." "So I should really thank Jack, but I can't do it now." I sighed "Shay now what about tour? you going to come with us because I know we can get this song out there because we cross paths on the day off with BVB so you, Ashley, and I can do the song one night." Skye said. I was kinda iffy. "Shay you are going no if's and's or but's you have to, and all of us will make you same with all the other bands that are going to see you during that time plus Sumo Cyco invited CML to join them so it will be all of you." I perked up hearing I was gonna have Phoenix Mercedes, and Brandon were going to be with us. "I guess when its put that way I guess I got no choice so I am in, and why don't we send the demo now to the labels that asked me to? When is tour?" "Umm Let's send it now by the way All Time Low is here till like next week, and tour starts in 3 weeks so we can see them all then so lets finish these other songs record them, and get those two on it." Pointing to Alex, and Andy.

We got to work had Andy, and I done, recorded by midnight as I hugged them all goodbye as they left till I see them next I feel bad I barely got be hang off CC, and goof off with him tomorrow I work with Alex, and Zack this is going to be fun.

Notes