- - - - - x - - - - -

Bella ran down the flight of stairs as fast as she could, her legs buckling in fear underneath her, feet beginning to fail her. Maybe that's why she should have paid attention all those times in P.E. Maybe that's why she should have just listened.

She banged on the kitchen door, begging and praying for an answer that she knew would never greet her. Bella's arms flailed around as she smashed a hole in the door, trying to prepare herself for what she knew she was about to find. A splint of wood stuck in her arm, Bella could do nothing but stare as she watched the tiniest drop of blood spill, running slowly down her arm.

Relief. For a mere second.

"THAT FUCKING WOMAN." Bella screamed, hoping for some sort of answer, as she continued to bang on the door.

Finally, she psyched herself up enough to barge in, and laying there on the floor, was a pale, cold, lifeless body. A body that should have been filled with her Mother's character and ambience. But no. Not anymore. The light had faded from her eyes, blacked out.

- - - - - x - - - - -

"For fuck sake" Bella whispered to herself, "why did you leave her? Why didn't you stay? Why didn't you go back sooner? Why wasn't it you? Why couldn't you just fucking do something right for once in your whole fucking life?!"

And here they come.

All the guilt ridden questions that plagued Bella everyday of her life. Questions that she wouldn't be disappointed in seeing the back end of. They all came flooding back and suddenly, Bella could feel herself losing grip. On life. On reality. On hopes and dreams. And most of all, she was sinking into a bottomless abyss, the memories becoming the water that was surrounding her. Lost out at sea and no way of returning to shore, Bella slowly let herself.. just drown. In the hope that maybe nobody would revive her.

That was it, the last straw. Bella waited through the day at college and then made her way back home. Soon returning home, she made her way to her bedroom and slumped down into a heap on her bed, bringing her knees to her chest, cradling herself. Slowly rocking unintentionally. Bella was going out of her mind, she was sure. Something shimmered in the summer sun that was shining through her bedroom window, causing her to look up.

"Face it, you're a coward. It's not getting better, it's getting worse. You can't do this, you never could and I don't know why you spent so long trying to convince yourself that you would be able to. Idiot."

Bella dashed towards her desk, where sat a small clear box. Full of small pieces of metal. Step by step, she opened the box. Tilted the box in the midst of the sun. She carefully put the box down and waltzed over to her stereo, switching it on and waiting for the music to start. Bella turned the dial up as far as it would go and laid upside down over her bed, reaching for something underneath. A bottle of vodka rolled out from underneath the bed and she smirked. Rolling carefree off the bed, she lifted the bottle and planted it on the side before yanking her clothes off with speed.

This was it.

Today was the day.