My Only One (Jalex)

Jack's POV:

Talking to Alex had helped me a lot. I'd stopped bullying as much and life in general was just a lot better. I felt happier in myself and, although I had my down moments, I knew that things were starting to look up for me. There was one thing I couldn't quite figure out though: my emotions.

I've never really had anything against people being gay, I just never thought that I would be one of them. I'd never found guys attractive, but I'd also never found girls to be attractive either. Of course, I'd slept with a few girls, but that was mainly just to keep my reputation up. At all of my other schools, girls were practically throwing themselves at me. Don't get me wrong, I loved the attention but I never actually enjoyed it. I'd just gone along with it in fear of losing my social status. Things had changed now. At Dulaney, girls still flirted with me, but I didn't even feel anything. Normally, if a girl sat on my lap and started to grind, I'd get turned on, but not now. Now, I felt disgusted whenever some slutty girl tried to get into my pants. My mind was just constantly on one 24 year old teacher. Alex haunted my dreams, he was there for me when I needed it most and he's not left my mind since. My feelings confused me though. A lot. I kept thinking about Alex in ways that I should not be thinking of him. I thought about how good his ass always looked in his tight skinny jeans, how his hair falls perfectly over his forehead, how his brown eyes pierced my own, holding so much emotion. I thought about how his voice was calm and soothing, how his touch sparked a thousand butterflies into motion in my gut. I thought about his smile and how it had this remarkable ability to light up an entire room. I thought about his gestures and how he nearly always talked with his hands. Needless to say, I thought about him a lot. I know I shouldn't be thinking about my fucking teacher in this way but I can't help it. He draws me in and I don't think I want to resist against it.

The school day was nearing its end, 30 pupils fidgeting in their seats in the bland English classroom, no one bothering to listen to our teacher ramble on about some shit about Shakespeare. It was a Friday and everyone just wanted to get home, apart from me. I was spending the next two hours with Alex, talking as usual. I didn't want to go home anyway. The end of the school day was my favourite and I never wanted it to end.
The bell rang sooner than I expected. I shoved everything in my bag and ran out the door, heading towards Alex's office. It felt weird calling him Alex at first but I've gotten used to it now. His name just rolls off my tongue like it was meant to be. I hurried down the senior leadership corridor, checking my appearance in every reflective surface to make sure that I still looked decent enough. I reached Alex's office. I stood outside the door for a few moments, trying to compose myself and to also not seem too eager.

I knocked on the door softly and waited for him to tell me to come in. It was a few moments before I heard a very quiet 'come in'. I hesitantly walked into his office, thinking that Alex's hesitant reply was a little strange. I walked in, shutting the door behind me. Alex was sat at his desk, his head in his hands, his shoulders softly shaking. I dropped my bag on the floor, locked the door and ran over to him, wrapping my arms around him. I hugged him till his crying had subsided slightly, his sobbing now reduced to sniffles.
"Lex? What's wrong? What's happened?"
It had kind of stuck that I called him 'Lex' now, especially since it slipped out that one day as I was getting out of his car.
"M-my brother...he d-died."
Alex broke down again, sobs rattling his body as tears streamed down his face. I pulled him into my chest, letting him sob onto my shirt. I rubbed circles in his back with my thumb, hoping that the soothing gesture would calm him down somewhat.
"Lex, I'm so sorry, I really am."
I whispered calming words into his ear as his crying subsided again. He pulled away from my with blood-shot eyes and a tear stained face. He still looked beautiful to me though. Wait, what?
"Do you wanna talk about it, Lex?"
Alex only nodded as he stood up from the chair and walked over to the leather sofa that had become our usual place to talk. We both sat down fairly close to each other, my hands in my lap, not knowing whether to hug him or not. Alex sighed, dried his face a little more on his sleeve and started talking, just staring off into space.
"My brother, Dan, and I weren't the close...he was a lot older than me so we never really bonded until we both got older. I'd only just started to get close to him too... He lived back in the UK: he didn't like it here. His long-term girlfriend had left him a while back after finding out that she was pregnant and he turned to alcohol. It got bad, Jack, really bad. He was constantly smashed... It got too much for his body, Jack. He drank himself to death. His liver had just packed up, along with his kidneys... He didn't talk to anyone about it, Jack. He drank himself into oblivion..."
Alex broke down again, crying into his hands. I hugged him without hesitation. Right now, that's what he needed and that was what I was going to give him.
"Lex...I don't know what to say. I'm so fucking sorry and if I could take your feelings away from you and give them to myself, I would do."
"No, Jack, don't say that. You shouldn't say things you don't mean."
"But I do mean it, Lex. Look at how much you've helped me. It's my turn to help you now. Just stop being so stubborn. Let me help you through this?"
Alex sighed, relaxing into my side. I stroked his hair with my hand that was on the end of my arm that was wrapped around his shoulder. It was so soft. It felt really thick and all I kept thinking about was how it would feel to properly run my hands through it.

We stayed like that for a while longer, me comforting Alex the best I could whilst he softly cried, his body still pressed against mine. I've never had to deal with a loss like Alex's but I've had to deal with my brother and sister moving away...that was five years ago and I've never heard from them since, so in a way I did know how Alex was feeling. I couldn't even imagine how it would feel to get close to a family member just for them to be taken from you soon afterwards. I could tell that Alex was distraught, he was broken. His eyes didn't hold that spark that they usually do and his actions didn't have their usual spring in them. Who could blame him though, really? The poor guy had just lost his fucking brother!

Alex pulled away from me, sighing and rubbing his eyes.
"I'm sorry, Jack..."
"Sorry? What for, Lex?"
"For crying all over you, for making you listen to me harp on about D-Dan."
"Lex, don't. Like I said, you've helped me and you needed support. I gave it to you. It's okay, I didn't and still don't mind, okay?"
Alex smiled weakly at me, his eyes not smiling though. It was clearly a forced smile but a smile was a smile in my books.
"You should go, Jack. I don't want to keep you here for much longer when you'd have to put up with me crying all over you."
"Lex, I don't care. I'm concerned about you..."
"I'll be okay, Jack. Don't worry about me."
"But I do worry. Can...can I give you my number so you can text me all weekend, just so I know that you're okay and so you can vent if you need to?"
Alex seemed to think my proposition over. I know that if he found to have my number, he would get into serious trouble but this was an exception. I didn't want Alex ending up the same way that his brother has. I know that sounds selfish, but I don't care. I'm sure Dan didn't deserve to die but I know for certain that Alex doesn't either.
"Okay, I guess. You're not going to take no for an answer anyway. There's little post-it notes on my desk."

I stood up from our embrace, walking over to his desk. I could feel his eyes on me, making me feel a little uncomfortable, really. I had no idea why but I suddenly felt so self-concious of myself, of my appearance, of the way that I was standing. I became aware of every little movement that I was making. It was a weird feeling, really. I can't say that it was bad, though. It was...weird but it also felt strangely good.

I located the post-it notes on his desk, chuckling at the childish flower-shaped ones. Choosing the pink, flower shaped one, I scribbled down what was needed.

"J. B 01234 567890
Talk, Lex. I'm here xox"

Maybe it was weird that I put kisses to my teacher, but something inside me told me to do it, told me that he could do with the little clue of my affection. I heard Alex get up off the sofa whilst I was writing it. I stood up straight from my bent-over position over his desk and spun on my heel only to find Alex's face millimetres from my own. Time seemed to stop as we stood there, breath steady, eyes boring into each other's. There was so much emotion in Alex's: hurt, sadness and something else that I couldn't name. My hands started to sweat slightly, butterflies erupting into a dance within my gut. Alex lifted his hand and cupped my jaw, his thumb running over my cheek repeatedly. I felt myself blush, heat rising from my neck to my cheeks. Our faces seemed to move towards each other's. My breath quickened as I imagined what it would feel like to kiss Alex. Our lips were now pretty much touching, grazing over each other every so often as one of us took in a deeper breath. Alex closed his eyes and closed the gap between us, capturing my bottom lip between his. It didn't take me long to respond, my lips moulding against his, my hands finding their way to the back of his neck. The kiss was gentle, slow and passionate. There was no lust, no hunger, no neediness. It was just a simple, innocent kiss but, to me, it was much more. It was confirmation of three things.
1) Alex liked me.
2) I liked Alex.
3) I was definitely not straight.
This kiss ended all too soon, Alex being the first to pull away for air, our foreheads still pressed together as we both struggled to catch our breath. We both opened our eyes at the same time, a small smile pulling at the edges of Alex's soft, pink lips, slightly inflamed from our little moment. I slipped the pink piece of paper into his hand that wasn't on my face and pulled back. I walked over to my bag and picked it up, slinging it on my shoulder. I made my way over to the door and went to open it before Alex's voice stopped me.
"Jack, I'm so sorry about that."
"I'm not, Lex."
"I'm your teacher, Jack. This, us, can't happen. It can't happen again, I'm sorry."
"Lex, just forget about it for now. I'm not sorry but now's not the time to be discussing it. You've got my number, text me, please?"
Alex smiled, a dimple showing on his face. It was utterly adorable.
"Yeah, I promise. See you, Jack...and thanks again."
"No worries, Alex. See you Monday, and don't forget to text me."

I unlocked the door and walked out, smiling over my shoulder as I made my way down the corridor. On the outside, I seemed calm and collected but on the inside it was a total different story. My stomach was doing flips, my heart hammering inside my chest. I was freaking out, but in a good way. I walked home with a spring in my step and a small smile gracing my lips. I was happy for once and I loved how it felt.

Notes

Hey,

Aww, they kissed. Was this too soon? Oh well.

I am aware that Alex's brother didn't die when he was 24 but it just fit the story line. I don't normally like writing about this because it's Alex's personal life, hence the name change.

Thanks for reading/voting/commenting,
Em x

(OH AND THE ALL TIME LOW BAND ACCOUNT FOLLOWED ME ON TWITTER YESTERDAY AND I LITERALLY SCREAMED AND WOKE THE ENTIRE HOUSE UP!!
If you want to follow me on twitter it's @Em__McFly__ATL_ (it's a lame @ name, I know, but both Jack and Alex's tweets to me are to it and I don't have it in me to change it.))