My Only One (Jalex)

Alex's POV:

Jack was totally different and I was confused as to why. Yesterday, he was broken. He was a just a broken fragment of who he was before and today he's back to his stone-like exterior, to the point of threatening others and holding them up against lockers by their throats. It was obvious to me that he had issues of his own, and that's okay, but taking it out on innocent people really isn't okay.

He'd earned himself a two hour detention with me, yet again, after school. He was different, that's for sure. He confused me a lot and he always seemed to be on my mind. So far, I've seen two extremes to his personality: the broken side to him and the side to him that you do not want to cross. To tell the truth, it scared me. The thing is though, I know things about him that he didn't want telling and I was going to use that to my advantage.

I had a feeling that Jack would try to get out of his detention so I thought it would be wise to collect him from his last lesson, English. Just as I was nearing the corridor I heard shouting. I hurried my way towards the source only to see Jack arguing with his teacher.
"Do you think I fucking care about Shakespeare?"
"Jack, I don't care. You have to learn about this."
"No I fucking don't."
"I hate to break it to you, Mr Barakat, but you do. Now, I'd appreciate it if you took a seat and toned your language down."
"Fuck off, slut."
That's when I intervened. I couldn't stand for that.
"Jack. Out here, now."
"Oh, look, everyone. Mr Gayskank has come to fuck me against a wall. Sorry, Sir. I'm not gay."
"Good for you, Jack. Get out here."
I didn't know what his problem was. So what if I'm gay? I don't even know where he found that out anyway. I've not told anyone. Who cares, though? I don't.
Jack grabbed his bag off the floor and slung it on his shoulder, successfully smacking the ginger kid, Alan, that he had previously pinned against the lockers. He stepped outside the door, standing in front of me with a smirk on his features.
"You know, Jack, you really do confuse me. Not even twenty four hours ago you were passed out on the sofa in my office after having a panic attack. Soon afterwards, you were in such a state that I genuinely just wanted to give you a hug and make whatever's hurting you disappear. What happened?"
"That's a little gay, Sir."
"No, Jack. It's caring. You still haven't answered my question."
"Yesterday was a one-off. It'll never happen again because I'll never let it."
"It's okay to not be okay though, Jack."
"Yeah, well look where that got me."
"What's the supposed to mean, Jack? You know what, let's not discuss it here. Let's go to my office, you're in there for your detention anyway."
I motioned for Jack to follow me to my office, him doing so willingly. I could already sense the broken side of Jack making a reappearance. This is kind of selfish, but I want that part of him to show again. I want him to see that it's okay to cry, that it's okay to feel the way he does. I know how he's feeling. Yes, our situations may be miles apart but our feelings are the same. I don't know why, but I feel drawn into this complex boy. He has the pull on me. He's addicting and I don't ever think that I'll get enough.

We walked into my office, Jack taking a seat on the leather sofa, me next to him.
"Come on, Jack. It's just us, okay? No one else."
"...and?"
"You can let it all out. Let out all the pent up emotion. I'm not that much older than you and, as you already know, I used to suffer from panic attacks."
"Used to. You don't any more though, do you?"
"Granted, not as much, but I still have bad anxiety."
Jack sighed heavily, his entire body slumping. He exhaled, his breath catching in his throat.
"Why?"
"Why what, Jack?"
"Why me? Why should I tell you? Why should I spill everything to a person, a fucking teacher, who I've only known a day?"
"Because, Jack...Look, I'm going to tell you something that only the close members of my family know, okay? But, I want you to promise me that this information stays between us. It's personal, Jack. Promise?"
Jack bit his lip, contemplating the idea. I have to admit, he looked pretty damn hot biting his lip.
"Yeah, I promise."
"Thank you. I was younger than you when it started, twelve, maybe. It was just when I was starting to figure out who I really was. It occurred to me that I wasn't entirely straight. I'd come to terms with it but that wasn't my main concern. I was paranoid that, somehow, people would find out and they'd use it against me. I was already being bullied and I wanted to keep it to a minimum. I shut myself off from everyone, Jack. I'd alienated myself. I pushed away my entire family, the people that loved me and I loved, Jack. I became a shell. That's when the anxiety started. I constantly thought that people were talking about me, laughing at how pathetic I was. When it got too much, I had panic attacks. And that only made people bully me further. I was in England at this point, I'm originally from Essex. My mother had finally had enough and pulled me out of school. She home-schooled me whilst we sorted out everything to move over here. I reinvented myself. I became a whole different person, Jack. I changed, I became better. I got therapy for my anxiety and I managed to get my attacks under control. My therapy didn't consist of having weird treatments or any form of medication. I literally sat in a beige room and talked to a man that looked like he would keel over any minute. I'm offering that to you, Jack. I'm offering you the chance to talk to me about it. What do you say?"
Jack had an unreadable expression on his face, his eyes just staring into the distance, not really focussing on anything in particular.
"I, um, I don't wanna, like, be a burden."
"Jack, do you think I would offer you this if I thought you would be a burden?"
"No, maybe, I don't know. Maybe it was just out of pity?"
"Pity?" I scoffed. "Jack, no. I see myself in you and I know how it feels. I want to help you."
"I...Thank you but I don't need help or anything. I'm fine the way I am."
I sighed at Jack's stubbornness. I wanted to help him, I needed to help him.
"Jack, look, I don't mean to pry or intrude but I know that something is going on at home, I'm not stupid. No one has that much of a reaction if nothing is wrong. Please, Jack. Let me help you."
Jack bit his lip again, obviously something that he does when he's thinking.
"I, um...fine."
My face broke out into the biggest smile that I had smiled in a while.
"Thank you, Jack."
I hugged him from the side, bringing him closer in me.
"Wait, this isn't too gay, is it?"
"Nah, sorry about that. I didn't mean it."
"Don't sweat it, Jack. I know you didn't."
We continued to sit there, me hugging him from the side for a while. No words were spoken: there wasn't a need. I sat and thought about how natural this felt, us hugging. Jack's lanky body fit perfectly into the side of mine, like puzzle. There wasn't any sparks shooting up my arm and there was no tingle up my side like the fairy tales say. It just felt natural, easy, like it was meant to be. Butterflies swarmed my gut, my stomach flipping.

"You know," Jack broke the silence, "no one has ever seen through my façade before. Pretty much everyone just labelled me as an obnoxious trouble maker...but not you. You're different. You've willingly put yourself out of your way to help a kid and that is something that no one's ever done before. Thank you, Sir."
I smiled, hugging him into my side even more.
"Jack, I didn't do it for the thanks. I did it because I care and I felt like I had to do something. And, whilst we're in here, call me Alex, okay?"
"Okay, Si-Alex."
We continued to hug some more, neither of us feeling the need to pull away. It made me wonder if Jack gets any affection at home, whether he feels the love that he deserves. I hope he does because he deserves it. He's a troubled person who needs to be shown love and affection.
"Jack? Can I ask you something?"
"Yeah..."
"Have you ever thought about harming yourself or have you already done so? I just need to make sure, that's all. Just from past experiences, that's all."
Jack pulled out of our embrace, leaving my side cold. I felt lost without the warmth of his body radiating into mine.
"Past experiences?"
"Answer my question first. I'll elaborate afterwards."
"Um, yeah, I've thought about it. I've never acted on my thoughts though."
"Good. Don't. For me?"
"Yeah, okay. Past experiences, Alex? You did say that you'd elaborate once I'd answered your question."
I sighed, secretly hoping that he didn't want me to explain further. I knew I had to though. If I was expecting him to open up to me, I've got to be open with him.
"When the bullying was at its peak, when I was still in England, a lot of older kids were telling me to go and cut myself. At first, I didn't listen because I knew that it wasn't something that I wanted to be getting myself into. That was until I was straightening my hair and I wanted to see if pain would help. I burnt myself with the irons and it felt good. I kept burning myself, claiming that, whenever someone queried them, I was just clumsy. It then got to the point where I wanted more, I felt like I needed more. This was when I came over here and I had just started therapy. My therapist brought up the subject and I just thought that I'd try it, despite telling him that I never had and never would. It felt good. I'd show you the damage that it leaves behind but I don't think that taking my jeans off would be appropriate."
Jack virtually threw himself into my arms, his arms snaking their way around my middle this time. I hugged him back, knowing how it made me feel before.
"Alex, don't do that again, please?"
"I won't, I promise. I've not done it since I was fourteen anyway. Ten years since I've done it, I think I'll be okay."
I squeezed Jack's shoulder, hearing him sniff.
"Why are you crying, Jack?"
"I'm not."
"That's why there's tears coming from your eyes then. Come on, what's up?"
"Nothing...it's just, I'm relieved that my silent screams have been heard. Maybe I'll get somewhere now. I can turn my life around."
"That you can, Jack, and I'll help you through it. Look, we've been sat here for two hours now. How about you let my pack my stuff away and I drive you back home again?"
"Are you sure? I mean, I can walk. It's not too far and I walk here every morning anyway."
"It's further than you think, Jack. It's not a problem, I have to pass your house to get to mine anyway."
"Only if you're sure though."
"Yes, I'm sure. But, you've kind of got to let me go so I pack up."
Jack quickly released me from his grip, blushing slightly as he ducked his head down, hiding him crimson cheeks behind his fringe.

I'd packed my stuff away and we were now on our way home.
"You sure you're going to be okay?"
"I'll be fine, Alex. I'll just lock myself in my room, as usual."
"Hmm, okay then."
I pulled up to his house shortly afterwards. We sat in silence in the car for a few more minutes, neither us wanting to say something. I enjoyed being in Jack's company. I felt like he completed me. Like I'd finally found the better half of me, the only half I need. I wouldn't even mind if the most that we ever are is friends but I can't help but hope for me, regardless or the legality of it all.
"Thank you, Alex. I mean it."
"My pleasure, Jack. Do you want to make it a thing? You know, staying after school with me and talking, I mean?"
I blushed, fumbling over my words.
"Yeah, I'd like that. I better go. See you, Lex."
I was about to question him on the nickname but he'd already got out of the car, the sound of the door shutting cutting me off. I watched him walk up his driveway, his stature visibly slumping again. I knew he was hiding something but we had to take baby steps. I couldn't push him. Jack waved to me just before stepping inside his house, catching another glimpse of me before shutting the door.

For once, I felt happy, I felt warm inside. I knew that what I was getting myself into was messed up and, if we did do anything that was inappropriate, I could go to prison. Right now, though, I couldn't care less. Jack was who I'd been waiting for my entire life and there was no way in hell that I was going to let him slip through my fingers.

Notes

Hey,

I do apologise about the amount of dialogue in this, I tried my best to break it up but I couldn't figure out how I'd do this chapter differently. I'm sorry if any of you are left confused.

Thanks for reading, the feedback so far has been amazing, so thank you for that too and keep your opinions coming. It's lovely to hear from the people who are reading the crap that my mind comes up with.
Em x