Stop fucking around with my emotions.
Awake and unafraid, asleep or dead.
Trigger warning: mention of self harm scars and cuts
*Alex's pov*
My body ran onto the stage. My voice shouted outgreetings and my arms waved about. My mouth was turned up into a grin. I was doing all the actions, but my mind was somewhere completely different. The noise that met ears did not reach my brain. All I could feel was the anxiety snaking round my chest. Jack ran onto the stage and the crowd started throwing bras to us.
My fingers began to play the start of Weightless, and my voice sounded out. I felt Rian, Jack and Zack join on. My mind sprang back into place, the music slapping my face and bringing me back to earth. I looked over at Jack.
"But maybe it's not my weekend, but its gunna be my year-" I couldn't breathe. My vision was consumed by darkness. My chest rose in fast, shallow movements. I felt my knees give way and the last thing I remembered was my head hit the cold, hard ground, before everything went black.
***
"He's gunna be okay, right?"
"Jack, calm down, it was just a panic attack"
"No Zack, I will not calm down, he had a panic attack because of me, what was I thinking, doing that to him right before a show?"
"Jack, it's not your fault"
"I CAUSED THE FUCKING PANIC ATTACK HE LOOKED AT ME RIGHT BEFORE HE HAD THE ATTACK"
"Jack"
"I know, calm down blah blah blah"
I wanted to open my eyes, but they just wouldn't.
"I've let him fall" Jack said in a whisper "he's worse than he was last time this happened. I can't believe he would do that to his arm, they're so deep" Was Jack crying? "What if he kills himself?"
My eyes shot open.
"ALEX ARE YOU OKAY??!1!"
I sat up and blinked a few times. I was in my bed, on our tour bus.
"Yeah, fine. What happened? Why am I here?"
"You had a panic attack on stage and fainted. We had to stop the show" Zack said, one of his hands on my shoulder.
"Were the fans okay with that?! Shit I've messed up"
"Alex this isn't your fault. The fans were fine, just worried about you" I sighed in relief.
I looked at Jack. He met my gaze, and before I realised what was happening he had pulled me into a tight hug. I rubbed circles into his back hoping to calm him.
"A-Alex I was s-so worried" Jack couldn't control the sobs that he had tried to hold back.
"Shhhhh, it's okay, I'm fine" I saw Zack retreat out of the room and I smiled at him in gratitude. Jack pulled away and I wiped away his tears with my thumbs. He looked down at my arm and I realised I was wearing a short sleeved top, and my bandage had been replaced. He gently unwrapped the bandage and lightly kissed each cut. He stroked the old scars on my arm, and looked into my eyes.
"I tried to catch you Alex, I'm sorry I failed" He looked down.
I put both my hands on his face and made him look me in the eye. Our faces were so so close.
"Jack, I've not fallen yet, I'm hanging on by my fingertips. You're the reason I haven't let go"
*Alex's pov*
My body ran onto the stage. My voice shouted outgreetings and my arms waved about. My mouth was turned up into a grin. I was doing all the actions, but my mind was somewhere completely different. The noise that met ears did not reach my brain. All I could feel was the anxiety snaking round my chest. Jack ran onto the stage and the crowd started throwing bras to us.
My fingers began to play the start of Weightless, and my voice sounded out. I felt Rian, Jack and Zack join on. My mind sprang back into place, the music slapping my face and bringing me back to earth. I looked over at Jack.
"But maybe it's not my weekend, but its gunna be my year-" I couldn't breathe. My vision was consumed by darkness. My chest rose in fast, shallow movements. I felt my knees give way and the last thing I remembered was my head hit the cold, hard ground, before everything went black.
***
"He's gunna be okay, right?"
"Jack, calm down, it was just a panic attack"
"No Zack, I will not calm down, he had a panic attack because of me, what was I thinking, doing that to him right before a show?"
"Jack, it's not your fault"
"I CAUSED THE FUCKING PANIC ATTACK HE LOOKED AT ME RIGHT BEFORE HE HAD THE ATTACK"
"Jack"
"I know, calm down blah blah blah"
I wanted to open my eyes, but they just wouldn't.
"I've let him fall" Jack said in a whisper "he's worse than he was last time this happened. I can't believe he would do that to his arm, they're so deep" Was Jack crying? "What if he kills himself?"
My eyes shot open.
"ALEX ARE YOU OKAY??!1!"
I sat up and blinked a few times. I was in my bed, on our tour bus.
"Yeah, fine. What happened? Why am I here?"
"You had a panic attack on stage and fainted. We had to stop the show" Zack said, one of his hands on my shoulder.
"Were the fans okay with that?! Shit I've messed up"
"Alex this isn't your fault. The fans were fine, just worried about you" I sighed in relief.
I looked at Jack. He met my gaze, and before I realised what was happening he had pulled me into a tight hug. I rubbed circles into his back hoping to calm him.
"A-Alex I was s-so worried" Jack couldn't control the sobs that he had tried to hold back.
"Shhhhh, it's okay, I'm fine" I saw Zack retreat out of the room and I smiled at him in gratitude. Jack pulled away and I wiped away his tears with my thumbs. He looked down at my arm and I realised I was wearing a short sleeved top, and my bandage had been replaced. He gently unwrapped the bandage and lightly kissed each cut. He stroked the old scars on my arm, and looked into my eyes.
"I tried to catch you Alex, I'm sorry I failed" He looked down.
I put both my hands on his face and made him look me in the eye. Our faces were so so close.
"Jack, I've not fallen yet, I'm hanging on by my fingertips. You're the reason I haven't let go"
Notes
Title credit: Famous Last Words by My Chemical Romance
ay ay ay sorry for not updating sooner
OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH my instagram is @team.free.willy , its mostly a supernatural account but i post lots of all time low and other bands and textposts, yeah follow or what evs, if u wanna
will fix typos tomorrow but it is late and i am tired rn
anyways ilyguys lottttttttttssssssssssss
This is so good!
and.
@Queen of burritos
I'll be looking forward to that
7/6/14