Alex POV

Well, talk about perfectly inconvenient timing. I walk through a door and Rian says “don’t tell Alex”... Paranoid much?

I stood in the doorway of the tour bus, one hand on my hip and one arm around Lisa. My wife. (Oh God no, I still haven’t come to terms with that just yet...)

Pretty much every few minutes a realisation that I’m married hits me with a force so strong that I almost crumble under the mounting pressure on my shoulders. Yet somehow, I manage to shake it off and remain standing, holding what feels like the weight of the world.

Rian’s wide eyes locked with mine across the room and I literally saw the panic flash behind them.

“H-how long have you been standing there?” He stammered in shock.

Seriously, the inability to remain calm and play it cool runs in our family. Rian is even worse than me, if that is actually possible.

“I just walked through the door then, when you said “don’t tell Alex”,” I informed him, frowning deeply. “So, come on... What’s going on?”

My voice was calm and casual, but really, I was slowly becoming frustrated and desperate to know what they weren’t telling me. The paranoia was already starting to haunt me.

“Oh… I, uh… I drank your coffee the other day,” Rian said slowly. “Yeah... Sorry about that.”

And the worst liar award goes to: Rian Dawson

He actually raised his voice at the end of the sentence so it sounded more like a question than a statement. Not exactly very convincing.

I narrowed my eyes suspiciously.

“Liar,” I accused him bluntly.

The word had barely left my mouth before Jack suddenly scoffed, “Oh, look who’s fucking talking.”

My eyes darted from Rian’s face to Jack’s automatically at the unnecessary interruption. I was trying to avoid looking at him, because I wanted to pretend he wasn’t here just for now… Just until my erratic feelings towards him calmed down a bit… It’s hard to face. But the second I looked at him and acknowledged his presence, I felt the anger begin to sear through my veins.

“Was I talking to you?” I demanded coldly.

Jack smirked for some reason.

“Of course not. You’re planning on pretending I don't exist for a while, right?” He guessed presumptuously.

I glared at him, trying to figure out what the fuck is funny about me ignoring his existence. But my eyes were drawn immediately to his rapidly bruising cheek where my fist had collided with his face. I let you down. I shouldn’t have hit him, but he was fucking asking for it. He pushed me too far and he should know by now that it doesn’t take much to make me lose control around him… He makes me lose my mind. I'm not insane...

I have never resorted to violence before tonight, and that’s one of the many reasons why I think punching Jack hurt me more than it hurt him. I never knew I could lose control of my actions like that. I think my addiction to him and bad temper combined and backfired, which is rather worrying… I hate feeling so powerless.

“I’m not trying to ignore you... I just have nothing to say to you,” I retorted flatly.

“Well, that’s not true," he dismissed nonchalantly. "You could try… Sorry?”

Oh, he has a fucking nerve…

“You don’t deserve an apology,” I growled, replaying everything that happened between us earlier in my mind for what seemed like the 100th time.

His words will forever continue to resound in my head and haunt me, because they are embedded in the core of me: “I liked you better when you were a fucking alcoholic.”

I still can’t believe he said that. It was such a slap in the face. How can he say he liked me more when I was at the (all-time low)est and darkest point in my life? I hardly even knew Jack’s name half of the time back then. I was just drinking my life away, killing myself a tiny bit more every single day. Is that really the way he preferred things?

I thought he, of all people, would always support me as a recovered alcoholic, seeing as he helped me kick my addiction in the first place. Why did he help me if he was just going to give up on me and go back on everything he’s ever said?

Not only did he say the worst thing he possibly could to me, he also tried to force the alcohol on me. What was he thinking? He must really want to see me lose everything now. I’ve lost you… It kills me. Maybe I deserve to lose it all for the way I’ve treated him, but I don’t want to sink again, so I will keep treading water for as long as I can. This is nothing new.

“You punched me! I think I’m entitled to an apology,” Jack snapped.

Just because you're entitled to an apology does not mean you're going to fucking get one.

“What you did to me was worse and you know it,” I replied defensively, pausing to sigh heavily before continuing. “I’m not apologising to you until you apologise to me.”

Selfish beneath the skin…

Jack’s hard expression crumbled slightly and his eyes betrayed the slightest trace of emotion. I could see the guilt swimming in there, but he stubbornly refused to voice his feelings, like me. He broke the eye contact we held and refocused his gaze on the floor, avoiding my glare.

There was an uncomfortable silence that I wanted to break, but I didn’t know how to. I could feel Rian and Lisa’s narrowed eyes burning into me, but I wasn’t looking at either of them. I was still staring fixated at Jack. Everyone but him was temporarily invisible to me at that moment.

All of a sudden, he broke the silence with a loud and heavy sigh. I watched his shoulders rise and fall dramatically, and then suddenly, he left the couch and jumped to his feet.

“Looks like neither of us are saying sorry then,” he spoke in a tone that suggested the conversation was over.

I couldn’t see how we would ever resolve this argument. There's no way I’m backing down first… I wouldn’t know how to throw my pride aside, even if I wanted to.

Jack started to stumble across the room, heading for the bedroom door. That was when I noticed how much of a bad state he was actually in, and worry suddenly stabbed me in the gut, taking me by surprise.

He looked a complete drunken mess, even worse than the last time I saw him on that stage an hour ago. My wandering eyes were drawn to his hand which was covered in blood-soaked bandages.

Oh my God… What happened to him?

I couldn’t stop myself lurching forward instinctively and grabbing hold of his arm as he staggered past me.

“Oww,” he inhaled sharply through clenched teeth, snatching his arm out of my grasp.

He clutched his arm protectively with his hand where I had grabbed him. I could tell it was hurting him.

“What the fuck have you done to yourself?” I questioned him in disbelief, eyeing up the dark, red stains painted on his clothes. He was fucking covered in blood!

“I… nothing… It’s nothing,” he mumbled, shaking his head impatiently.

“It doesn’t fucking look like nothing!” I exclaimed, looking at him in incredulity.

“I just… fell over,” he replied hesitantly, frowning at me, clearly confused at my dramatic tone of voice. But my frantic voice was nothing compared to the frantic beating of my heart.

Seeing him in such a bad state almost made me forget how angry I was with him. My anger levels seemed to have dropped drastically inside of me; I was suddenly feeling too emotionally damaged to feel anything but upset. I felt like I was wounded and bleeding too.

“You... fell over,” I repeated monotonously, staring at him blankly. “Yeah, right.”

How can someone get into such a bad state from falling over?

“Oh, why do you even care?” He snapped short-temperedly, clearly avoiding the truth.

I care way too fucking much for my own good! He’s still my best friend… I think… Actually, I don’t know... But I do know that I hate seeing him like this.

“I… don’t care,” I replied reluctantly, avoiding the truth, like he did, and forcing a shrug. It hurts to say.

I had to lie; I can’t let him know how much I truly do care… He could use it against me in the future and purposefully hurt himself just to hurt me. He’ll use himself as a weapon against me and destroy us both.

“Yeah, didn’t think so,” Jack spoke in an expressionless tone of voice.

His almost emotionless exterior didn’t fool me. I knew him well enough to know that I was causing him pain like he had never felt before.

Does he know me well enough to know that it hurts me just as much as it hurts him?

This time the conversation really was over. Jack suddenly turned on his heel and walked to the bedroom without another word or even a final backward glance at me. I let out a heavy sigh, but it was drowned out by the sound of the bedroom door slamming.

When he was gone, I stared at the closed door for a moment, stuck in my own torturous thoughts. But then, suddenly, Lisa broke the silence and broke me out of my trance.

“What the hell is going on between you two?” She enquired in confusion.

I pulled her closer to me with my arm around her; she stiffened.

“Nothing. Not anymore,” I reassured her slowly, feeling slightly resentful, but doing a good job to hide it. “It’s all in the past."

“Really? Because it looks like it’s far from over," she sighed.

It feels like that too, actually.

I dropped my arm from around her suddenly to take her hand instead and lead her towards the sofa next to Rian. He was sat on the edge of his seat, holding his head up in his hands, looking up at the ceiling, deep in thought.

I collapsed onto the sofa in exhaustion, pulling Lisa down carefully onto my lap. I stared back at her as she stared thoughtfully into my eyes, running her fingers through my messy hair. I could just see it in her eyes that she was about to ask me something, so I braced myself for further interrogation.

“Why did you punch him?” She asked almost predictably, pushing my hair out of my face like she was re-styling my fringe to make it look completely retarded.

To put it bluntly: I was an idiot and so was he.

“Uh... He tried to make me drink alcohol and… and said some shit he shouldn’t have. But I shouldn’t have punched him. I didn’t mean to, I just lost it,” I muttered shamefully, hanging my head. Shame pulses through my heart from the things I’ve done to you.

Lisa trailed her hands out of my hair and down to caress my face with her soft fingertips, lifting my head back up to look her in the eye.

“Sounds like he deserved it,” she shrugged, leaning down to peck me on the lips.

I swear I detected a hint of satisfaction in her voice. I wasn’t sure what to make of it… But it seemed to annoy Rian. He suddenly exhaled very loudly and climbed to his feet.

“He doesn’t deserve half the shit you’ve put him through,” he proclaimed boldly at me, even though I hadn't even said anything. Then he stormed out of the room, following in Jack’s footsteps.

Part of me wanted to push Lisa away and call Rian back; to talk to him and find out how much he knew about what happened tonight. But I didn’t really want to talk about it in front of Lisa, who was draped over me, kissing me passionately.

I felt trapped.

I couldn’t stop my mind wandering to Jack in the next room as I kissed Lisa absent-mindedly. Distracting thoughts of his perfectly soft, addictive lips against mine suddenly entered my mind.

Fuck. How can I still want to kiss him after everything that’s happened tonight?

Fear crept up inside me as I realised that I was craving him again already. I’m afraid I’m stuck in my ways and that’s the way it stays. My addiction to him had not diminished in the slightest.

What will it take to make it disappear?

Notes

Sorry for Another shit chapter... i felt like we needed an Alex POV..
Please comment.. like only two people commented and it made me sad

Song: Avenged Sevenfold