Jack POV

I heard the doors slam shut and I knew that Alex had gone back inside, leaving me outside on my own. But I guess being alone is something I must get you used to now Alex is marrying Lisa.

I wandered across the stage blindly, surrounded by darkness and the chilly night air. I felt lost on the stage with no crowd or sense of belonging to welcome me with open arms. The eerie silence and emptiness represented everything I now felt inside.

I stopped walking abruptly, finding that I was stood right on the edge of the stage. Then I heaved a sigh and dropped to my knees, staring out into nothingness. In the background, I could hear faint noises of music and people laughing and having a good time on the other side of the brick wall.

I was almost waiting for Alex to come back to find me. I was desperate for him to return and throw his arms around me, and tell me he loved me and I was the one he wanted… But there was a voice in the back of my mind saying,‘Don’t be so naïve’. I knew he wasn’t coming back outside; he was going to marry Lisa and there was nothing I or anybody else could do to change his mind.

I tried to talk him out of it. Tried to make him see that it is the wrong thing to do. But I guess there is just no helping some people. He is a lost cause, and so am I, because I don’t know how or if it’s even possible to stop loving him. What can I do to make you see how it affects me so deeply still?

I felt like breaking down in tears and running inside to declare my undying love for Alex before he had the chance to promise himself to someone else… To someone who doesn’t deserve him… But I did nothing but sit on the edge of the stage, consumed in my torturous thoughts, because I knew that the minute I ruined Alex’s wedding, would be the minute I lost him as a friend forever.

I’m no fool. I know things will never be the same between Alex and I again now. Maybe we’ll never go back to being the best friends we used to be, but I’m holding onto the remaining shred of hope that we could still be friends who are able to stand being the same room together. Somehow. Because if we’re not… Well then, that’s the end of All Time Low, and ultimately, the end of me. What would I have to live for without Alex and the band?

Alex doesn’t want me to do anything stupid, but if he really cared about me, he wouldn’t be doing this; he is fucking pushing me towards ‘doing something stupid’. You pushed me overboard into knee deep water, and you didn't throw the anchor of hope. I know I promised him I wouldn’t, but promises don’t mean a thing anymore. Alex of all people should know that… He’s about to make the ultimate promise to Lisa and it is nothing but a lie!

I sat there consumed in my thoughts and the deafening silence for what felt like hours. Time was torturing me… I needed to get out of there. I decided to leave and go back to the empty tour bus alone.

I clambered to my feet, getting up from the edge of the stage, and headed towards the backstage door reluctantly. I sighed as I reached out for the handle and pulled the creaking door open vigilantly.

The once loud and hectic room was now mostly silent and calm, except for one woman’s strident voice that was bouncing off the walls. The vicar. No one even turned their head as I entered the room; everyone was so absorbed in the ceremony that they didn’t notice the disturbance.

I felt invisible. I wondered if they would take notice of me if I started yelling and causing a scene. More importantly, would Alex notice me again? I miss his attention already. I'm untouched from your point of view.

I stood in the sidelines of the room, observing the scene silently and scanning the room for the guys. I knew where Alex was, because everyone was facing in one direction, and as always, he was the centre of attention. But I didn’t dare look in his direction…

I suddenly spotted Rian, Rob and Zack all stood together on the opposite side of the room. None of them looked very thrilled to be at their best friend's wedding, but nevertheless, they wore looks of intent concentration on their faces as they listened in silence.

I almost wished I felt the same as they did and thought Alex was being a bit stupid rushing into something like this, but didn’t care half as much as I do. Then maybe I could stand with them, wondering half-heartedly if Alex had lost his mind. But I couldn't do that. I was the odd one out in this room; I was the one that this was killing the most.

All of a sudden, I snapped out of my thoughts for a moment as the words of the minister filtered into my brain.

“If anyone has any reason as to why these two may not marry, I urge you to come forward now or forever hold your silence.”

Oh, I have quite a few reasons why they shouldn’t get married…

I swallowed hard and bit my tongue to prevent from speaking up, but every passing second of silence was like torture. My broken heart was beating itself into a painful frenzy. You ruin me from the inside.

I was so desperate for someone to take the words right out of my mouth and come forward to stop the wedding. But who would do that? No one knew the words that I was biting back. Except Rian. But he had already done everything he could to stop this wedding, just like me.

I couldn’t believe it was happening. It all felt so surreal. I felt almost disembodied as I stood there helplessly, waiting for the ceremony to proceed and determine my fate. My eyes were focused on the floor, but I could sense a pair of intense eyes burning into me with more fire than ever… And I knew immediately who they belonged to.

I forced myself to tear my eyes away from the floor and glance in the same direction everyone else was looking. And then, my eyes suddenly locked with his across the room, through the busy crowd. How can you stand there and look me in the eye? I stared at him with the most pleading look I could muster and sad eyes swimming with the ghost of our past.

After a long uncomfortable silence, the minister carried on with the ceremony. I had missed my chance; I was now bound to a life of holding my silence forever.

“Do you, Lisa Ruocco, take this man, Alexander Gaskarth, to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

I felt like breaking my silence now and shouting, “You can’t have him, you scheming bitch! He’s mine!” The main problem with that, of course, is that he's not mine… He was never mine. I have no hold over him whatsoever. I can’t do anything to save him now; he’s walking straight into her trap at his own will.

“I do,” Lisa answered almost instantly.

Isn't it funny how two simple words have the power to destroy a person one fragile heartbeat at a time?

“And do you, Alexander Gaskarth, take this woman, Lisa Ruocco, to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

No!

My heart actually froze in its irregular beating for a second, waiting for Alex to say the two words that would finalise everything, giving me and him proper closure at long last. But I never wanted closure between us… Never wanted to lose everything we had together… And I never wanted to hear those two words come out of his mouth.

Alex’s eyes were still very much locked with mine. He seemed so entranced in the intense contact that he hadn’t even heard the question; he made no immediate attempt to answer, like Lisa had, and there was a very awkward silence.

Gradually, a few people started to whisper, wondering what Alex was doing. Murmurs filled the room and several people glanced over their shoulders, following Alex’s engrossed gaze to find me standing alone in the corner, eyes similarly fixed on Alex like a hawk.

I could feel more and more people’s eyes burning into me, but Alex’s gaze had more fire than everyone else’s put together. I was trapped, getting lost in his eyes… Tearing me down, I can't hide… I could almost see him reliving every meaningful moment we had ever spent together in his mind.

Hope began to rise a fraction of an inch inside of me at Alex's hesitation. He was having doubts... He knew he was doing the wrong thing... But then suddenly, he tore his eyes away from me, tearing down my building hope in the process.

For once, it was a staring contest between Alex and I that I had ‘won’. But really, I hadn’t won at all. In fact, the words that fell from Alex’s lips finally told me I had lost. Everything. I can't not act torn about this.

“I do.”

Heartless intentions; your favourite game to play.

Notes

SSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOO This is short..... Please rate my story! (If yo rate it with the stars ill start to bring back the kissy and the lovey stuff!!)

Song lyrics credit: Architects