Jack POV

Please tell me this isn’t happening… Please let it be a dream…

My heart stuttered painfully inside my chest and my lungs constricted drastically, making it harder for me to breathe normally.

“Now?” I choked out in incredulity.

Zack nodded curtly, confirming my fears. This is not a dream.

How can Alex MARRY Lisa after everything me and him have been through? Why is he just going to throw it all away…?

I didn't understand. I needed answers.

“Well, then I need to talk to Alex. Now,” I spoke at once, feeling suddenly desperate as I felt the pressure mounting and my heart beat increasing.

I needed to talk him out of making the biggest mistake of his life.

I didn’t waste another second before hastily dragging myself off of the sofa and onto my feet. I headed straight for the door with Zack quick at my heel.

As we hurriedly made our way through the dark fields, leaving the empty tour bus behind, several angry outbursts from me dominated the conversation.

“I can’t believe he is doing this… Does he realise how fucking stupid he is being?”

How could he do this to me? I thought he loved me. I don't know how you don't choke on every lie you've ever told to me.

“He’s only known Lisa properly for like a month!”

He’s known me so much longer and we’ve been close from the beginning… Why is he choosing her? I gave you everything I could.

“This is insane. Has he lost his fucking mind?”

There was a thoughtful and tense silence between Zack and I as we practically ran through the dark fields, before suddenly, a thought occurred to me: Rian didn’t come and tell me Alex was getting married. I found it weird because he’s usually the one I talk to about Alex. Zack and Robbie didn't know the full story, only parts of it.

“Where’s Rian?” I voiced my curious thoughts, glancing sideways at Zack as we walked swiftly.

“He sent me to come and get you… He said he was going to have a word with Alex and try to talk him out of it,” he informed me.

“Well, hopefully he makes him see that he’s being a fucking idiot,” I muttered furiously.

Our quick pace managed to get us to the location of the party in record speed, and soon enough we were approaching the door leading backstage. My breathing was shallow as I grasped the doorknob with a shaky hand.

I couldn’t help but feel like I was gatecrashing his ‘wedding’, because technically, I was not invited. It was obviously his intention to make sure I didn’t feel welcome… And job well done, because I sure as fuck didn’t.

The door creaked open slowly and I walked into the room cautiously, followed by Zack. I had never seen the room so full before… It was as if every single person involved in the Tour was crammed into this one small, backstage room.

All these people were invited by Alex to his ‘wedding’, some of whom he had probably only met once in his life… And then, there was me; his meant-to-be best friend for the past 5 years, and he didn’t even invite me. Rejected didn’t even begin to describe how I felt. You offer little sympathy.

“Can you see him?” I asked Zack loudly over the noisy music, standing on my tip-toes and straining my neck to see over the crowds of people to look for Alex.

I couldn’t see him anywhere.

“I think Rian took him outside onto the stage to talk to him… They might still be there,” Zack suggested with a shrug.

I nodded and slapped his shoulder briefly as a way of saying “thanks”, then quickly headed towards the stage doors on the other side of the room, pushing my way through the crowds of people impatiently.

Finally, I emerged from the crowd on the other side of the room and practically ran for the doors that lead to the stage. But then suddenly, a hand grabbed my shoulder, spinning me round on the spot, and then I found myself face-to-face with Lisa. It came as an unpleasant shock.

“Jack? What are you doing here?” She demanded, frowning at me.

Oh, I’m sorry, was I not meant to come to my ‘best friend’s’ wedding?

I glared at her wordlessly for a second, wishing she would just disappear off the face of the earth. I know that you will never leave… You’re here just to torment me.

I bit my tongue to stop myself shouting at her in a room full of cheerful people, and took a deep breath to let the anger simmer in my veins.

“I’ve come to see Alex,” I stated coldly, choosing to look around the room absent-mindedly rather than look her in the eye.

“He won’t want to see you,” she retorted matter-of-factly.

I turned my head in her direction again sharply just in time to see her shaking her head slowly. I was slightly taken aback by her abruptness; I stared at her with an expressionless face, though contradicting emotions and feelings such as sadness, hurt, anger and repulsion, were threatening to take over.

“I don’t give a shit if he wants to see me or not,” I spat. “I have something to say to him.”

...Don’t do this to me.

“It’s a shame he doesn’t listen to what you say then, really,” she shrugged, taunting me with her knowing eyes.

I narrowed my eyes at her suspiciously.

“He always listened to me before you came along,” I growled, my voice dripping with resentment. “But even if he doesn’t believe me, I know that you’re lying... Just admit it; the baby isn’t even his.”

She stared at me with an innocent expression for a second, but then she did something that caused the anger to boil again and sear through my veins like venom.

She smirked.

“Prove it.”

My mouth fell open slightly in shock; I had never seen this side to her. My secret thoughts about her being a fake bitch had just been confirmed, as far as I was concerned.

I clenched my fists as I let two words slither out of my mouth like the deadliest of poisons: “I will.”

I shot her one final evil glare before stomping past her and pushing open the doors to the stage, leaving the loud and busy backstage room behind.

As soon as I stepped foot outside, the cold air and surrounding darkness engulfed me. I couldn’t see much through the darkness, but just above the howling wind and thumping music I could hear two quiet and very familiar voices.

“You’re just being fucking ridiculous now,” Rian was saying.

I could just picture the disapproving look on his face as he lectured Alex.

“No, I’m not… Jack has an effect on me I can’t explain,” Alex protested strongly.

Well, you have an effect on my heart I can’t explain... It makes me weak. We fell in love and I fell into your trap.

My brain responded to the sound of my name falling from Alex’s lips immediately, making me follow his voice. I warily took a few steps further onto the stage and into the darkness.

“How can you be addicted to a fucking person?” Rian demanded, raising his voice.

My eyebrows shot upwards when I realised they were talking about Alex's addiction to me... I didn't know Alex wanted anyone else to know. Why were talking about it?

“I don’t know, but I am. I forget my responsibilities when I’m around him… He takes it all away. But that’s what is so addictive about him; he makes me forget my fears, my pain, my worries… Everything, except him,” Alex explained hesitantly. “But it makes me lose control and I don’t think rationally about stuff when I’m with him… I lose myself.”

I guess that explains why he’s totally changed recently... I don’t even feel like I know him anymore.

“Look, what happened between me and Jack last night was a mistake... I shouldn’t have let it happen,” Alex sighed.

A mistake? Fuck off, it’s not a mistake if you repeat it.

Last night was the second time he told me he loved me... Why would he make the same mistake twice? I almost can't believe you're the same person who can straight-faced with a smile tell me that you love me.

I’m no mistake… I’m his fucking guilty pleasure.

“Trust me, Rian, my addiction to him is bad for me. I need to get over it... I need to get over him,” Alex finished with another extensive sigh.

My heart stuttered inside my chest at the thought of Alex getting over me when all I want is him to get with me. To be mine.

No one said anything for a while and my fragile heart broke a tiny bit more with each passing second of awkward silence. Rian seemed to be giving up trying to talk him out of marrying Lisa. I didn’t blame him, because from what I had heard, he was fighting a lost battle; Alex seemed to already have his mind made up… And that’s what hurt me the most.

“Jack told me he was done with me earlier. So, this is my way of moving on… This is my closure,” Alex suddenly added in a flat tone of voice.

Wait... He’s marrying Lisa because of what I said? Oh my God... I may have said that, but I don’t want closure… I want him! I know I should run, but I just keep running back.

I stumbled forward out of the shadows and approached Alex and Rian noiselessly, unable to bear to hide in the background any longer. I stopped motionless when I could see the silhouettes of their bodies a few metres away.

I was afraid that my voice might break, but I needed to say something and let them know I was standing there, and had been there the whole time…

“I didn’t mean what I said,” I whispered reluctantly.

Alex POV



I snapped my head around in surprise at hearing his voice drifting on the breeze in a ghost of a whisper.

At first I thought I was hearing things and my mind was playing tricks on me, but then all of a sudden, my searching eyes sifted through the darkness and rested on a dark outline of someone stood only a few metres away.

“W-what are you doing here?” I choked in disbelief.

Shit. He’s not meant to be here… Not tonight…

“Please don’t do this, Alex,” he pleaded softly, coming closer through the darkness. “I didn’t mean what I said earlier… I’m not done with you. I’ll never be done with you…”

Oh God...

There was an awkward silence as I stood there motionlessly, feeling almost paralysed from being so torn between decisions. I wanted to cry or shout or something, but no sound was coming out.

Suddenly, Rian broke the tense silence.

“I’ll leave you two to talk,” he muttered on the other side of me, putting his hand on my shoulder and squeezing before leaving.

His footsteps gradually faded away and the door leading backstage opened as he went back inside.

The ray of light from inside lit up the stage very briefly and I caught a glimpse of Jack’s face and the pained expression he wore. I wanted to caress his face and erase the hurt. But I couldn't, and it made my heart rip in two a little bit more inside of me.

“I… I have to,” I whispered barely loud enough for him to hear.

It's the only way out of this mess.

“I know you didn’t mean what you said earlier either…” he replied apprehensively. I could tell he wasn’t confident about what he thought he knew at all.

I said nothing. He’s right; I didn’t mean it when I said I don’t love him, but I’m not one to give in and openly tell the truth.

“Alex?” He whispered uncertainly, as if he wasn’t sure if I was still standing there.

Maybe I could slip away without him noticing… Go back to the party and leave him out here… And just tear out my heart and give it to him as I go.

“Tell me you don’t love me,” he demanded weakly.

…Did I just hear him right? Is he encouraging me to lie?

Still, I remained silent for fear of choking on my wicked lies.

All of a sudden, Jack came closer, right up to me, until I felt one of his hands come into contact with my own limp hand down by my side.

“What are you doing?” I gasped, jerking my hand away from his impulsively.

My voice was on the verge of breaking, like me.

I tried to recoil away from him more as he moved outrageously close, but my body was responding to his touch. He came forward until his body was pressed up against my chest, like he would be if we were hugging. But we weren’t hugging; I could not put my arms around him... I wouldn’t let myself.

He slowly slouched down and pressed his lips lightly to my ear.

“Every secret is a lie to me,” he breathed.

My breath caught in my throat and my heart skipped a random beat as his words and the feel of his breath on me sent a shiver down my spine. I had a sudden flashback to the concert earlier when those very words came out of Jack's mouth during 'Coffee Shop Soundtrack'. They confused me then, and they confused me more now.

A few torturous seconds passed, before I finally gave in, heaving a quiet sigh and letting my heavy eyelids flutter shut.

“I don’t love you,” I murmured reluctantly, giving into his command, though I didn’t understand why he wanted me to say it.

Maybe he could tell that it killed me to say it… But didn’t it kill him to hear it?

“I don’t love you either,” he whispered back, and my aching heart ceased in its irregular beating for a split second.

How can he say that?

I didn’t understand what he was doing, but hearing those words cut like a knife. It hurt almost as much as saying it myself. I didn’t want to break down and cry but I could feel my eyes start to sting. I swallowed a lump in my throat and widened my eyes to keep the tears from falling.

Then suddenly, Jack pulled away, leaving me feeling empty and missing the closeness immediately. But before I had time to force myself to get a grip, he was leaning towards me again, and this time he attached his lips to mine, taking me by surprise.

The kiss was very tender; neither of us even parted our lips. It was a brief kiss to say everything that we weren’t saying:I love you.

I could hear the sound of my fragile heart beat in my ears loudly, the timing getting more frantic and out of sync with every passing second. Until suddenly, the sound of it breaking drowned out the beating as I pushed Jack away. A single tear rolled down my face as I did so.

Pushing him away was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, because I could feel that it was a kiss goodbye, and I never wanted it to end… I never wanted to say goodbye to him. But I couldn’t stand there kissing him when my fiancé was waiting for me on the other side of that door. It was time to say bye whether I wanted to or not.

I couldn’t bring myself to say anything else, so I just walked away from him, wiping my tear-stained face and eyes with my sleeve.

“Don’t do this, Lex,” Jack cried desperately after me when I was already half-way across the stage. “Don’t marry her… She’s lying to you.”

Is he so desperate for me not to marry her that he must convince himself that she’s a liar? I trust her.

“I’m sorry, Jack,” I sighed, not stopping in my tracks.

Sorry things turned out this way… But I fucked this up.

I could hear him running after me, so I stopped a few metres away from the backstage doors.

“Please,” he begged me relentlessly.

“When you’re addicted you’ll do anything to kick the habit,” I stated flatly, refusing to look at him, but staring straight ahead.

“What? Wait, you think marrying Lisa will make you stop being addicted to me?” He questioned in confusion, suddenly appearing at my side.

Even through the darkness I could feel his intense eyes staring at me curiously.

“Yes,” I replied confidently. “Love is the addictive substance in your system, and this will make you hate me.”

I put my foot forward to carry on walking, when suddenly, Jack put his arm out across my chest, blocking my path.

“Hang on,” he spoke quickly. “Even if I did hate you, I would never stop loving you…”

So what happens when love and hate collide…?

“Give it time… You’ll get over me and let me go,” I assured him with a heavy sigh.

“But how can I move on when I’m around you constantly?” He demanded, raising his voice in desperation. “This is just one fucked up circle. You can’t stop kissing me and being all over me, because you’re addicted, and I can’t stop loving you, because you’re not giving me a chance to get over you!”

One of the many reasons why this is complicated…

“All we need is closure,” I replied simply, feeling self-assured.

“You’re not going to break this fucking connection and get over your addiction to me, Alex,” Jack disagreed frustratedly, his voice echoing faintly round the vast, empty stage.

He used to be so encouraging towards me getting over my addictions... It was clear to see he didn't care about what was good for me anymore.

“The only thing you’re going to break is my heart!" he cried in a pleading voice.

Breaking his heart is something I never wanted to do... But by doing so, I will break the special connection we have that makes me addicted to him.

“Well, maybe then you’ll stop loving me,” I retorted flatly, pushing Jack’s arm out of my way and carrying on walking to the door.

Suddenly, as my hand grabbed the doorknob, I heard Jack speak in a voice that sounded strangled, like he was trying not to let his voice break.

“The day I stop loving you will be the day that I die.”

I froze in my position, clutching the door handle as I processed what Jackk had said and the way he had said it. He shouldn’t say things like that.

I glanced over my shoulder hesitantly. I couldn’t see him, but I knew he was standing nearby. His words were resounding in my head, chilling me to my very core.

“Promise me you won’t do anything stupid,” I spoke urgently.

My plea was followed by an unnerving silence, which added to the growing fear inside of me. I felt like dropping to my knees and begging him not to do anything stupid like trying to kill himself... The thought alone made my lungs constrict.You make it hard for me to breathe. I could not live without Jack; I’m not prepared to lose him completely just to get over him.

“Yeah, whatever,” Jack mumbled uncooperatively, clearly reluctant to promise me anything.

"Jacky, please," I begged, chewing my lip nervously.

I needed to hear him promise… I needed to know he would be alright.

He turned his back to me and started walking away, back onto the stage.

"Fine. I promise," he retorted flatly, not even bothering to look over his shoulder at me.

Notes

ssssssoooooo....I updated my laptop. hated the update, so i went back to the old version.....doing that it deleted... Word, iTunes, Photoshop, my bookmarks, favorites, personal settings. Now i have to try to remember the chapter i typed in word, and retype it all on here, and it is just! BAD! so the next few chapters will most likely be short and poorly written. (This one isnt so bad because i emailed it to my friend) THANK YOU JESUS!
Dont forget to rate my story!! :)!! lke you know... fill in the stars please?