Jack POV

I was just beginning to wonder where the hell the others had disappeared to when I suddenly heard a familiar voice drifting on the late night breeze.

“Jack!”

I stopped in my tracks as I headed to the tour bus alone and span around impatiently to see Rian running to catch up with me.

“Where are you going?” He asked when he finally reached me.

He was breathing heavily like he was out of breath from that pathetic little run.

I frowned at him.

“I’m going back to the bus. Where else would I be going?”

It’s not like I really have a social life or anything on this tour…Everyone feels so far away from me.

Rian looked confused by my cynical response, cocking an eyebrow at me inquisitively.

“What about the party?” He whined.

There’s a party…?

My facial expression remained as a rigid frown.

“What party?” I enquired innocently, trying to keep my tone of voice as expressionless as possible.

Rian’s bewilderment turned to more of an expression of distress, realising that I was completely clueless to what he was on about.

“Shit, he… didn’t tell you?” He asked hesitantly.

Who didn’t tell me? …Tell me what?!

“Rian, seriously, what the fuck are you talking about?” I questioned short-temperedly, throwing my hands up in hopeless confusion.

Annoyingly, Rian seemed tentative about explaining himself; he heaved a sigh and lowered his eyes to the ground undecidedly. I felt myself rapidly beginning to lose patience with the conversation as he stood there shuffling his feet awkwardly for a while.

Then, just as I opened my mouth to repeat myself even more forcefully, he spoke again.

“Alex told us all before we went onstage that there was a party backstage after the show… You know, to celebrate the tour ending, and like, I don’t know, apparently we’ll be celebrating something else,” he informed me, staring at me closely with analytical eyes.

Oh. I should have known this was abouthim.

I averted my eyes to the ground immediately, avoiding Rian's questioning glare, as I processed what he had just said.

It seems Alex told everyone but me about this end-of-tour party. Oh, how charming... Clearly, I’m not welcome.

Honestly, it was a fucking slap in the face, but I tried to keep my face blank from any emotion.

“Well, that’s news to me,” I responded lamely, not knowing what else to say.

“I’m sure he just forgot to invite you or was thinking someone else would tell you,” Rian suggested quickly, somehow noticing my disappointment, although I thought I had hidden it. “He’s got a lot on his mind right now.”

I knew Rian was trying to comfort me and stick up for Alex at the same time, but I knew Alex too well… And I knew he would not just “forget” me. This was done purposefully.

“Oh come on, Rian, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out he doesn’t want me to go to this party,” I disagreed stiffly, trying and failing to shrug my tense shoulders like I didn’t care.

“But that makes no sense,” Rian objected in confusion. "Surely you’re the person he most wants to be there!”

…Surely not.

Rian’s perplexed reaction made me remember that he was totally oblivious to the argument me and Alex had earlier.

“Need I remind you that I was in the bedroom last night too?” Rian suddenly added with a mischievous grin.

No, there is no need to remind me of something I'm trying to forget about…

“Dude, I heard Alex confessing his love for you!”

I groaned inwardly.

Yeah, thanks for the reminder...

My heart suddenly started thudding achingly inside my chest as the memories of last night inevitably came flooding back to the front of my mind…

The way Alex held me close to his warm body to stop me shivering… The way he kissed me passionately and didn’t even stop when Rian came in the room… The way he whispered in my ear “I love you too”…How the fuck could it al have meant nothing by the morning?

I sighed heavily and finally managed to shrug my shoulders with great difficulty.

“Yeah, well, you weren’t there earlier when he took it all back again, were you?” I responded flatly, forcing myself to raise my eyes to meet Rian’s; they were swimming with sympathy. “But I get it now. Manipulative liars tell you whatever they know you want to hear at the time, Rian. Remember that. I know I will."I swear, for the last time, I won’t trust myself with you.

Suddenly, Rian’s expression hardened and he started shaking his head.

“For fuck sake,” he cursed, suddenly frustrated. I recoiled very slightly, wondering if I had angered him. “Why does Alex keep messing you around like this?” He demanded, like it was a simple question with a simple answer.

But the answer was far from simple...All I ever think about is this… Alex's actions and cruel intentions with me are just controlled by his fucked up thoughts about me. Addiction is an unpredictable, dangerous thing.

I decided to avoid Rian’s question with a shrug.

“I wish I knew what he really wants. But I just can’t figure him out,” I mumbled sadly.I don’t know who to trust.

There was a time when I knew Alex better than anyone... Better than he knew himself, in fact. I remember when he completely lost sense of his identity back in his alcoholic days. He used to tell us all repeatedly that he was a fuck up and he didn’t want to do the whole All Time Low thing anymore, and it hurt me to see him giving up on himself.

I couldn't believe it when the others reached breaking point and just gave up on him too. We were all fed up with the way he was acting, but I couldn’t do that... I couldn't let him waste his talent and his life. So I didn't.

And if it wasn’t for me listening to Alex pour his fucking heart out, letting him cry on my shoulder and giving him the support he needed to get his shit together, I doubt he would even be alive today. I stopped him falling and look at us now; we’ve swapped places and now I'm the one falling... But who is there to catch me?

I’m not holding my breath waiting for Alex to return the favour, because he’s the fucking one who pushed me.Trying to put my trust in you just takes so much out of me.

“Jack, he wantsyou,” Rian suddenly replied, interrupting my harrowing thoughts and memories.Heavy thoughts forcing their way out of me… “He’s justscared to want you and he feels like he can’t have you now because…” he trailed off abruptly, chewing his lip awkwardly.

I got the feeling he was mentally kicking himself for saying too much. But he hadn't, because I already knew what he was going to say.

“…Because Lisa’s pregnant,” I finished his sentence helpfully.

He suddenly looked at me in surprise, his eyebrows shooting upwards.

“You know?”

I nodded slowly.

“When did Alex tell you?”

Have we not already established that Alex doesn’t tell me anything?

“He didn’t,” I answered bluntly.No surprise. “I overheard him and Lisa talking earlier.”

I don’t think Alex was planning on me finding out for a long time… But I pretty much ruined that plan.

Rian ran his fingers through his hair absent-mindedly, staring at me blankly for a few seconds.

“Does Alex know you know?”

I nodded again.

“I, uh… sort of confronted Lisa about it,” I explained vaguely, causing Rian to frown at me inquisitively. “Well, actually, I accused her of lying,” I verified.

Rian’s eyes suddenly widened and he gaped at me as if I had just announcedI was pregnant too.

“Why would you do that?” He asked in incredulity.

Quite simply because I don’t trust her...

“Well… Last night she was asking me all these random questions to do with lying about something big to keep someone you love… And it just adds up that this pregnancy is nothing but a lie to keep Alex,” I tried to convince him of my theory.

He just looked at me sceptically, totally unconvinced.

“Dude, you can’t go accusing her of lying about something as big as this just because youthink she is,” he lectured in disbelief. “You haven’t even got any proof!”

Here we go again…

I rolled my eyes in annoyance at Rian’s mistrust.Why does no one believe me?!

“Alright, don’tyou start... I was just saying,” I muttered.

Can’t a dude express his opinion round here anymore?

“AndI’m just saying that you shouldn’t just make assumptions like that, ‘cause it’s easy to piss Alex off at the moment and I don’t know what he’d do…” He exhaled slowly, rubbing his eyes and groaning.

“Oh, stop being so dramatic,” I snapped, silently concluding that ‘drama Queen’ runs in the Dawson/Gaskarth household. “What’s the worse thing he would do?Kill me?”

It was Rian’s turn to roll his eyes then.

“I don’t think he’d go quite that far, Jack. But I wouldn’t put it past him to try to hurt you,” he sighed again.

His pessimistic, overdramatic attitude was starting to get on my nerves. Seriously, is hetrying to depress me more? I don’t need him to warn me about the danger of messing with Alex... I know full well what he is capable of doing to my heart.

“Well I wouldn’t put it past him either, because he already has. Repeatedly,” I retorted flatly. “But I won’t let him do it again... I won’t be foolish enough to fall for everything he tells me. I already told him I’m done with him.”I won't waste myself on you.

I never wanted us to be over... I just wanted the pain to end.I’ll take everything from the inside and throw it all away.

Rian looked shocked that I had it in me to be so assertive with Alex. (I was shocked at myself, quite frankly.)

“What did he say to that?” He asked nosily.

“I didn’t wait for a reply."

No doubt it would have just been another lie.

Rian raised his eyebrows quickly before narrowing his eyes at me, inspecting me intently.

“So what about when Alex comes crawling back to you, like, tomorrow, and tells you he is sorry and he reallydoes love you… What happens then?” He proposed inquisitively.

What happens is my heart will shatter like glass all over again.Trying not to break, but I’m so tired of this deceit.

“I’ll tell him to make up his fucking mind. It's either me or Lisa,” I replied honestly, feeling resentment surge through my veins.

She is the only thing standing in the way of my undying dreams coming true…

“But… Do you really think he’d leave Lisa now she’s pregnant?” Rian questioned slowly.

“No... I think we are over,” I sighed dejectedly.

I have no hope left to think optimistically.

Rian suddenly lifted his hand to rest on my shoulder sympathetically.

“I’m sorry, man."

“Just Forget about it, Rian,” I replied flatly.

“Are you sure you’re gonna be alright?” He persisted worriedly, showing no sign of 'forgetting about it'.

I nodded stiffly.

“I’ll be fine.”…Eventually.

The sound of loud music suddenly started ringing in my ears, catching my attention. I craned my neck to see past Rian and spotted bright lights and a crowd of people gathered in the distance near the backstage area. As I stared distractedly, I suddenly felt Rian’s eyes burning into me, bringing me back to focus.

“So… Are you coming to the party?” He asked in an unenthusiastic tone that told me he already knew the answer.

“I’m not really in a partying mood,” I answered with a feeble smile. “You go.”

Rian didn’t say anything immediately; he just looked at me, disconcerted. Then he sighed extensively.

“Sure you’re gonna be alright?” He repeated relentlessly.

No. But I will be as soon as I get Alex out of my fucking head.Tension is building inside steadily.

“Yes, Rian,” I lied compellingly.

He nodded slowly, accepting that there was nothing he could say to get me to go to the party.

“Well, okay then…” he surrendered, giving my shoulder a light squeeze, then removing his hand and leaving me behind as he headed back in the direction of the stage.

I felt an awful sense of emptiness as I carried on making my way back to the tour bus alone.

***

I didn’t even realise I had drifted off to sleep in my clothes on the couch until I was being rudely awoken by a loud voice and hand tapping me.

“Jack? Dude, you gotta wake up...”

Zack? ...the fuck are you doing?

I blinked my eyes open so fast I was momentarily blinded by the light.

“Wha-?” I began in confusion, squinting my eyes. “Turn off the fucking light!”

“I can’t, man, you’ve gotta get up and come with me,” Zack replied urgently.

I frowned to myself and rubbed my tired eyes, trying to wake myself up properly.

“What the fuck?” I demanded sleepily. “What’s the time?”

Surely it's not morning already...

Disorientation and exhaustion was clouding my brain from thinking straight. I didn’t realise how sleep-deprived I actually was.

“It’s just past midnight. Sorry for waking you, but everyone is waiting for you,” he rambled, being annoyingly uninformative.

“Uh, why? What’s going on?” I yawned, pulling myself into a sitting position and running my fingers through my matted bed-hair.

Zack hesitated; I felt my patience wearing thin for the second time this evening. I was already feeling grouchy about being woken up and his reluctance wasn’t helping my mood.

“Dude,“I began in a frustrated tone of voice.

Then, all of a sudden, something I was not prepared to hear fell from Zack's poorly-sealed lips, silencing me at once.

“Alex and Lisa are getting married, Jack.”

Time stopped, noise stopped, I felt everything in my entire body drop… A whisper in the
back of my head.
…no…

Notes

Thank you so much on the happy comments and making me genuinlaly feel loved and not alone, here's a chapter to rip out your hearts..... Commence the all caps, paragraph long, comments!!! (If you dont comment on this chapter im so judging you)