Jack POV

I stomped through the fields with my hood up and head down in the direction of JAI’s tour bus.

I tried not to freak out and stay strong as I made my way there, but just the thought alone of seeing Alex holding Lisa like he held me last night was crushing enough to make me want to turn back. I had to mentally fight with myself to keep going, and I could only hope that I wouldn’t have to witness the two of them intertwined like that.

As soon as the familiar black tour bus came into view in the distance, I took deep breaths and longer strides determinedly. But as I got rapidly closer to my destination, I felt my fake confidence evaporate inside of me in a nervous heartbeat.

I stopped in my tracks, standing no more than a good few metres away from their tour bus, debating whether to turn around or force myself to walk straight up and confront Alex.

But what if I walked on in them in bed together or something? I'd want to jump off a building. So, maybe I should approach this situation with caution.

I could see that the door to the bus was open slightly, but I couldn’t bring myself to go any closer. I knew I still needed to get some answers, but I couldn’t hold back the sigh of defeat and the feeling that I was losing my battle with myself.

But then, suddenly, I heard a familiar voice drifting on the breeze, encircling me and going straight to my head. Instantly, my thoughts were interrupted and my heart and mind were tempted. I felt myself being lured forward, following his muffled voice and straining my ears to try to catch the conversation.

“Are you having doubts?” I overheard Alex’s distinct, curious voice.

…Doubts about what?

Before I realised, I was leaning in curiously towards the door and peering through the gap. I couldn’t actually see anything, but spying and eavesdropping seemed like the best way to get answers.

“Uh… no,” came the clearly hesitant reply from Lisa.

From what I could gather from the tones of their voices, they were having a rather serious conversation. I started to feel that maybe I had come at the wrong time… But I made no attempt to leave.

“You seem upset though. Is something bothering you? I mean, other than the main problem…” Alex asked, clearly concerned.

I frowned to myself as I racked my brain for an idea of what they might be talking about, but I did not know what the ‘main problem’ was, so I found no answers.

No one spoke for a while. I pictured the two of them sat on the sofa; Alex staring at Lisa with intense eyes filled with worry, and Lisa avoiding his gaze as well as his question.

But then, several lengthy seconds later, she spoke again.

“Have you been lying to me, Alex?” She questioned unexpectedly.

Hearing this, my eyebrows shot upwards; I was taken aback by the abruptness of the confrontation.

Has she figured something out here…?

I couldn’t imagine how Alex was controlling his facial expression in response to her. I know from experience that he doesn’t appreciate direct confrontation like that, simply because he knows there is no way around it; it’s either truth or lie, and knowing Alex, it will be lie.

There was another short pause, this time on Alex's behalf, before a feeble response was attempted.

“What about?” He wondered aloud uncertainly.

Everyone knows if a person responds to a question with another question, they are trying to purposefully avoid what they’ve been asked. And I already happen to know that Alex is an expert at avoidance.

“Anything,” she mumbled vaguely.

Whoa, she's onto him!

Come on, Alex... Be a fucking man and admit the truth! Tell her how you’ve been cheating on her with me…

Thinking about Lisa’s innocence and Alex’s deceit suddenly made me feel an unexpected stab of guilt in my stomach, which took me by surprise.

Since when the fuck have I cared about Lisa?It's her fault; she's the one who keeps coming back. She basicallystole Alex from me, so if either of us should feel bad, it's her! But of course, she doesn't know how much I love her Goddamn boyfriend...

“I- No… I swear I wouldn’t lie to you,” he quickly protested his fake innocence.

Yet another lie. What a shocker.

“So, you’re really not going to leave me to do this alone?” Lisa questioned naively.

Okay, what is she on about? Do what alone…?

I frowned deeply, my vision becoming slightly impaired by my eyebrows.

Her question was followed by yet another brief silence.

The way my heart stuttered inside my chest told me that this was final decision time; if Alex answers the question saying he’s leaving Lisa, it means he’s chosen me. Any other answer and it means he is just gonna toss me aside carelessly.

So what’s it gonna be, Alex?

I felt like he was holding my heart, hopes and dreams dangling on a string inside of me that was very slowly tearing.

“Do you really think I’m that much of an asshole?” He suddenly retorted defensively.

There he goes again answering her question with a question...

I didn’t even know what they’re talking about, but I felt the sudden urge to say “yes”.I guess I'd have to agree.

“Of course I’ll be there for you,” he continued with a sigh. “This is my baby too, right?”

...Your WHAT?

And just like that, the string inside me snapped in two, causing my heart to lurch horribly inside of me and my hopes to crash and burn.

Oh my God! Lisa is pregnant?

It felt like a hand had reached into my aching chest and was now suffocating my heart in a painfully tight fist, limiting the number of beats. I inhaled sharply, nearly choking on thin air as I tried to breathe properly.

This isn’t happening… No, this can’t be real…

The weird thing was, I felt like I already knew this information and had no fucking idea at the same time. Did I subconsciously work it out and not realise or something? That would explain the guilt I felt so strongly minutes ago… But it doesn’t explain itself. How could I possibly have known?!

“Right,” Lisa suddenly answered feebly after a long, depressed silence.

Maybe I’m just in shock and I’m sinking rapidly into denial and fuck knows what else… But for some reason, there is a voice in the back of my mind that simply refuses to accept this devastating information. Part of my subconscious mind is convinced that it’s all a lie… Some kind of twisted joke...Something you said I misunderstood…

Suddenly, any surrounding sound, including Alex and Lisa’s conversation, was gradually drowned out by the familiar yet indistinct voice in the back of my mind that was echoing repeatedly, like a stuck record.

“Do you think it’s wrong to lie to try to keep something you love? ...What if it was a lie so big that it would change someone’s life?”

Where the fuck did these questions come from? Are they just unanswered thoughts of mine or forgotten words of another?I'll figure it out...

They can’t be my thoughts, because I think the answers are obvious; lying doesn’t solve anything. I know from personal experience that more often than not it just makes a situation more complicated and fucked up. And everyone deserves to know the truth behind the lie. The problem is, there is absolutely no truth between our lies

‘Truth between the lies’…Haven't I heard that one before?

As soon as that thought entered my mind I felt a strong sense of deja vu wash over me and it suddenly occurred to me that it wasn’t the first time I had either thought or spoken those four words.

Then, another realisation struck me within the same second, as if a loose wire was suddenly reconnecting in my brain and causing an impulsive snapshot flashback to last night. My mind started conjuring up images: a room full of people drinking and dancing almost on top of me… Lisa picking me up off the ground… Me and her sat on a step, talking…

Wait… Dancing? And talking? Since when do Lisa and I have fucking heart-to-hearts?!

I frowned to myself and strained my memory, trying to remember what was actually said. My snapshot flashback seemed to be missing vital parts, like sound; my mind just kept coming up blank. (I guess I can blame the amount of alcohol I consumed for my lack of memory of last night.)

All of a sudden, real sound seemed to drift back into my head, temporarily drowning out the echoing voices.

“I've… I’ve made my decision, Lis. I can do this...We can do this,” Alex suddenly stated boldly.

Hearing what seemed to be Alex’s final decision didn’t make me feel anything but empty. I was already too overwhelmed to feel any more pain. My lack of hope seemed to drain me from feeling and make me numb instead.

“I will change everything but my mind from now on,” Alex added confidently.

Well, that's laughable. He’s constantly changing his mind… He’s the most indecisive person I know!

I felt a sense of foreboding in the pit of my stomach; I didn't want change. And Lisa being pregnant inevitably changes everything.

All of a sudden, the voice in the back of my mind started fading back in, getting louder again;

“…a lie so big it will change someone’s life…”

“I love you, Alex,” Lisa replied softly.

I don't take her seriously.

“…a lie to try to keep something you love…”the voice haunted me persistently.

And that was all it took for pieces of the puzzle in my mind to finally fit together, and for me to realise that the voice in my head belongs toLisa.

Fuck. I don’t trust her. This can only mean she’s lying about the pregnancy to try to purposefully trap Alex…

Well, I'm not just going to stand by and watch it happen. I'll destroy her web of lies if it's the last thing I do!

Notes

HOLY SHIT?!?!? my heart stopped when i was reading it over again......!!!!! sooooooo..... what the actual fuck is going on?!?!?

Song lyrics/chapter title credit: Plain White T's
Gah I officially suck at updating! Sorry it's taken a while busy times..

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