Jack POV

"Well... Who said I love you?” I demanded, trying to play it cool, but my voice somehow managed to come out an octave higher than usual.

How the fuck does he know?!

He was quiet for a while and he looked like he was hesitating and debating whether to tell me what he knows; his eyes flickered awkwardly in every direction, before eventually meeting mine across the room.

“You did. Last night,” he told me with a long sigh.

Oh… Nice one, Jack. You fucking drunken idiot.

I mentally punched myself for saying too much in my drunken state. I should know already that as soon as alcohol passes my lips the secrets all come pouring out.

I felt the colour drain from my cheeks as my sense of security seemed to fall away, leaving me suddenly extremely vulnerable. I tried not to show what I was feeling and keep my face as expressionless as possible, but the panic in my voice gave me away once again.

“Oh…. I- I did?” I stuttered pathetically.

Alex looked at me with piercing eyes, before looking away quickly.

“Yeah."

Well, fuck. Be smooth, Jack...

“Oh, uh… Yeah… Well, about that… I- I talk a lot of shit when I’m drunk,” I rambled quickly with a forced shrug.

Oh yeah, smoooooth.

Alex raised his gaze from the floor to my face again. He was looking at me suspiciously and I could feel the colour rapidly returning to my cheeks, burning with shame. My eyes dropped to the floor automatically with my awkwardness.

“Well, uh... I already knew. Rian told me,” Alex told me slowly, causing my eyes to spring straight back up to meet his again. He was playing with his hair in a casual way, but I knew it was one of his nervous habits.

Rian! What the hell?

What I told him was confidential information, damn it! Why did he have to tell Alex?

Oh my God, maybe Alex hates me now…

I don’t want him to hate me! I don’t want things to be awkward-

“Jack… It’s okay, I’m not mad or anything,” Alex suddenly said, interrupting my silent panic as if he had just climbed into my head and heard my deafening thoughts. “I just… I wish you had told me sooner.” He heaved a depressed sigh.

The truth’s the worst I could do.I wanted to tell him… I just didn’t know how.

“What difference would it have made?” I frowned at my feet, taking another drag on the cigarette I'd forgotten I was holding.

Things would just have been awkward for a longer period of time if I had told him sooner... That's all.

“I would have done a lot of things differently. And things would be a lot less complicated right now,” Alex revealed unexpectedly, looking guilty.

My eyebrows pulled together in confusion as I tried to think what he might have done differently. I mean, really, what difference does it make to his life how I feel?

“What do you mean?” I asked curiously.

I was desperate for some clear answers; I hated not knowing what was going on. But Alex seemed reluctant to explain himself. (Nothing new.) He didn’t answer for so long; it felt like an hour had been and gone already.I’m losing sense of time…

“I don’t know if the truth would be the best explanation here,” he mumbled eventually, chewing his bottom lip nervously.

Of course it would. Honesty is the best policy. He's just internally programmed to lie.

I told him my truth, though. Yes, it was unintentional, but still, it’s only fair that he tells me his.

“Go on. I can handle it,” I assured him, inhaling the poison from my cigarette one final time.

The problems that have come haven’t yet torn us down.

There's nothing he could throw my way that I wouldn't be able to deal with. Sure, some things would be harder to deal with than others, but I'm a strong person. I could cope with anything.

Except, maybe, if he hated me and didn’t want anything to do with me. (Which wouldn’t be possible anyway, because of the band). Yeah, okay, that would destroy me.

I stubbed out my cigarette in the ashtray and sat up straighter on the sofa, leaning forward and looking deep into Alex’s eyes. He didn’t look away this time.

“Please,” I begged in a small voice.

He closed his eyes and exhaled slowly and I knew he was finally giving in to me.

“Okay... okay. But I was never going to say anything, because I didn’t want to make this any harder for you… I need you to understand that I’m with Lisa and I have to stay with her now. It makes no difference how I feel, okay? Do you understand?” He rambled in mild panic.

Uh, no. How can I possibly understand when I don’t know what the hell he’s talking about?

“How you feel…?” I repeated enquiringly, as uncertainty flooded through me.

Alex was silent for a long time. I swear he gets off leaving me hanging in torturous suspense all the time.

But then suddenly, he uttered the three words I had been dying to hear him say for as long as I had known him.

“I love you, Jack.”

I felt my heart start pounding harder and faster inside my chest, hanging onto Alex’s words with every heartbeat as they resounded in my head.

I tried to ignore it; I tried telling myself in my head, ‘I’ve heard it all before…heard and seen it all... He’ll take it back in a minute.'My heart is out at sea, my head all over the place.

So, I waited. I daren’t say anything or let myself think for one second that what he had just said could be the truth. I knew full well what he was capable of doing to my hope… I’ve had him build me up to tear me down too many times before.You’ve taken me to the top and let me fall back south. You've had me at the top of the pile, and then had me kissing the ground.

But then, as we sat in silence for what seemed like hours, our eyes met across the room, and as soon as mine locked with his, I knew. He wasn’t going to take it back this time; he meant it. I could see it in his innocent, vulnerable eyes.

My reaction was slightly delayed, but I gasped, nearly choking on air, my lungs constricting. Alex’s gaze wandered down to the floor, avoiding my eyes suddenly. I could tell he was ashamed of the truth, but it was hard to care when I was feeling this sudden overwhelming happiness. Inside of me, my fucked up heart was lifting higher and higher with the hope that was coming alive inside of it again.

I jumped to my feet in one swift motion, my whole body literally lifted by the sudden elation inside of me. My heart was thumping rapidly in my chest, demanding that I go to Alex… Pushing me towards him. I took a few steps in his direction, but he suddenly looked up at me with urgency and worry on his face.

“You understand that it doesn’t matter though...Right?” He said quickly.

How the fuck can it not matter that we’re in love with eachother? Jesus Christ...

“It matters to me,” I declared sincerely, taking another few steps towards him.

Hearing these words, he was on his feet faster than my heart was racing, standing in front of me now only a metre away. But my feet didn’t stop; they were determined, like my heart, to get me to him.

“But… No... Jack,” He whined, looking at me anxiously and backing away slowly. “Fuck. I- I shouldn’t have said anything.”

Yes, you should.

“Well, I'm glad you did... You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to hear you say that andmeanit,” I told him shyly.

I’ve been waiting far too long.

He swallowed nervously, but stopped in his tracks… Stopped trying to get away from me. He just let me come to him. He didn’t stop me invading his personal space. He didn’t stop my face from coming within inches of his. And he didn’t even stop my lips brushing against his trembling lips; he just let his eyelids flutter closed and his lips part for me.

I could see through his defiant act that he wanted this just as much as me.

But before I kissed him, I gradually pulled back a fraction of an inch and whispered, "I love you too. More than I can fucking say."

Then I closed my eyes and leant forward slowly, searching for his lips again.

But before I had chance to find them, I felt his warm breath inches from my mouth as he whispered something back.

“I’m only going to hurt you.’

If it hurts this much, then it must be love.

His words were brutally honest, but it was hard to take in what he was saying when he spoke in that silky, delicate voice. How could the owner ofthatvoice ever hurt me? It wasn’t what I wanted to hear, but he didn’t give me time to think too much about it, because our lips were finally colliding in a passionate kiss.

Our tongues intertwined with eachother expertly, knowing exactly what to do. Alex’s arms wrapped around me just the way I like them to, and one of my hands drifted up into his hair, tugging lightly.

All of a sudden, the bedroom door creaked open and heavy footsteps started rapidly approaching where me and Alex stood making out, but I didn’t even care. I couldn’t bring myself to tear my lips away from his.

Alex, on the other hand, didn’t hesitate. I blinked my eyes open as he unwrapped his arms from around my body and jerked backwards away from me abruptly, panicking.

“Oh, it’s you,” he spoke in a distinctly relieved voice, looking over my head.

Who?

I turned sharply to see who the intruder was and my eyes fell on an awkward-looking Rian.

“Um. Yeah. Sorry… Don’t mind me,” he rambled, rubbing his neck uncomfortably.

“We won’t,” Alex said shortly, and I suddenly felt him pulling on my arm, spinning me back around to face him.

I threw my arms around his neck as his lips collided with mine once more. He was apparently unphased that our band mate had caught us out. But I guess this is nothing Rian didn’t already know…

My heart skipped a beat elatedly. I was in my fucking element, standing there on Alex's lips and in his warm embrace. His hands stroked their way down my back before stopping on my ass, causing me to groan softly into his mouth.

“Jesus... I know I said don’t mind me, but at least wait till I’m out of the fucking room,” Rian muttered, and I couldn’t stop myself smiling like an idiot mid-kiss. Alex didn’t stop kissing me, but I felt his lips curl upwards slightly too.

We continued to make out for a long time after Rian had left the room. Happiness was taking over me. I felt complete, for once. Like the void inside of me had finally been filled. I never wanted the kiss to end... Never wanted to lose the overwhelming sensation I was getting from it.

But then, I sensed sudden resistance and hesitance from Alex. He even stopped groping my ass and removed his hands. I pulled back with great difficulty and he just turned his head away from me, unable to look at me for some reason.

I kept my arms around his neck as I stared up at him curiously.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, feeling confused at his sudden loss of interest.

He sighed slowly.

“Thisis wrong.Fuck.How can something that feels so right be so wrong?” He questioned, turning back to me, his eyes searching mine for answers.

He looked genuinely confused.

The answer was obvious to me and before I realised it was rolling straight off my tongue.

“Because we’re meant for eachother, Alex.”

We’re like noughts and crosses in that opposites always attract.

I know it's cliche, but whatever. It's true, I swear to God it is.

“I'm not so sure, Jacky," he mumbled, making my heart sink a little.

I watched him closely, as he stared over my head; his lips were pouted and his eyes were narrowed and questioning. His thinking face is adorable… I couldn’t resist a sneaky peck on his lips. I didn’t know what I could say to convince him; I hoped the kiss might be all that was needed.

It certainly seemed to be. When I pulled away from his mouth his eyes were focused back on my face; I had his undivided attention again.

“I’m still pretty tired, y'know,” I informed him, hinting subtly.

It’s true; I am insanely tired. But I do not intend to go to bed without Alex again.

He pouted.

“You’re going back to bed?”

Okay, he didn’t get the hint… Time to be more obvious…

“Only if you come with me,” I invited him openly.

He cocked an eyebrow at my insistent tone.

“I'm not that tired though,” he told me, but I detected a hint of lust glinting in his eye.

“Well, who said anything about sleeping?" I retorted, raising my eyebrows suggestively.

You’re keeping me awake; it’s been like this now for days.

Alex smirked and for a second I thought I had him persuaded, but then he suddenly dropped his eyes to the floor and the smirk was wiped off his face, leaving him looking upset.

I sighed, removing my arms from around his neck and stepping backwards, giving him space. I folded my arms across my chest guardedly.

“What are you scared of, Alex?”

Don't be scared of me... Don't be afraid to love me...

"Hurting you," he replied in a whisper. "I don't want to lose you."

He looked genuinely scared at the thought. I felt unsettled by the idea too.

"Trust me, you could never do anything to me that would make me not want you in my life," I told him comfortingly. "You could never lose me, Lex."

He heaved a sigh so heavy it made his shoulders rise and fall.

“I don’t know what to do, Jacky,” he murmured. "I've fucked everything up."

I furrowed my eyebrows, confused at what he was so worked up about. I knew instinctively that it was to do with me and Lisa. But really, it's not an impossible dilemma... He just needs to make a choice between us.

"You just need to do what your heart tells you to," I replied cornily.

Yeah, it's a lame thing to say, but it's true.You can make your own decisions, you can make your own mistakes.

"I will understand if you choose her," I forced myself to say selflessly, but inside I was wishing he would just forget about her. I could be everything he needs and more.

I know my heart already belongs to him, but if his heart is not prepared to belong to me, then I can handle it… I will learn to understand his decision, no matter how much it hurts. I would just give anything to be the one he chooses.If I am, then just say.

Alex didn’t say anything else, but I could read his eyes as they stared into mine; he was still undecided.

He suddenly exhaled slowly and stepped forward, leaning in to kiss me again. I kissed him back, but it barely lasted a minute; he pulled away quite suddenly.

“Come on, then” he said, taking my hand to lead the way to the bedroom (as if I didn’t know it already).

We approached the bedroom door and heard the sound of loud snoring coming from the other side of it.

“Okay, the guys are asleep, so we need to keep the noise down,” he told me warningly.

“You know I’m shit at being quiet,” I whimpered, my mind automatically wandering back to the last time Alex tried and failed to make me keep quiet... Well, as long as his hand (and anything else) stays away from my dick this time, I think we’ll be fine.

“Well, we’ll just have to make sure your mouth is occupied at all times,” Alex responded suggestively with a shrug.

I raised my eyebrows at him in a flirtatious way.

“Oh, really?”

He grinned at me.

“Kisses, sugar,” he smirked. “There’s no way we’re doing anything more with the guys in the same room.”

I couldn’t help but feel slightly disappointed that that was all he meant… I’d be willing to give him so much more. Ugh, I'm such a whore for him.

“Well, let’s stay out here then…” I suggested, looking at Alex with eyes swimming with lust.

He grinned at me again, making my knees go weak. Then he shook his head slowly, making my heart go weak.

Why not?

“I think we should try to control ourselves sexually… At least for the time being,” he told me vaguely, not really giving me a reason why, but I guessed that he wasn’t ready to do anything else with me yet… Not while he was still with Lisa.You always have your way.

He opened the bedroom door with one hand, held mine with the other, and we both crept inside. I assumed that we would just get back into my bed, but I felt myself being pulled by Alex in the direction of his bed.

He pulled back the covers and got into his bed as quietly as he could. Then I climbed in beside him and the springs in his bunk inevitably squeaked loudly as it sustained our combined weight.

Alex pulled our bodies impossibly closer, wrapping his arms around me tightly. I put my arms around him too and we just lay in his bed, cuddled up closely.

“Love you,” I breathed softly, loving that I could just say it to him now after keeping it a secret for so many years.

“Love you too,” he replied in a ghost of a whisper, his lips finding mine through the darkness.

I was almost floating on cloud nine as we lay entangled in eachother's arms, kissing tenderly.Almost, because somewhere deep inside my fragile heart, I was having doubts.

He says he loves me, but he’s said it before and destroyed my hopes… And it’s not the first time he’s held me like this and kissed me either…

Does he mean this forever, or just for this moment in time? Does he even mean it at all?

For now it’s too soon for me to say, 'Will we be always?'

Notes

Well, there's your lovey dovey fluffly chapter (they are a rare occurrence in this story, make the most of it!) You guys deserve some Jalex..... im so sorry for whats going to happen next... i am so very sorry, but it has to happen, it is a fixed point in time an this has to happen. But who says it will end bad? ;)

COMMENT what you think Lisa is talking about.. RATE so more people can join the fun!SUBSCRIBE! so you can be the first to see what happens next.

Song lyrics credit: You Me At Six :)