Jack POV

The sound of men snoring loudly filtered into my mind, echoing painfully in my sore, throbbing head. I blinked my eyes open warily to be absorbed by the pitch darkness surrounding me. Disorientation flooded through me as my eyes darted back and forth around the black room.

I tried to sit up, only to realise that I couldn’t… I was trapped underneath wrapped arms. The realisation that I wasn’t alone in this bed suddenly hit me with a force so strong that I jerked vigorously in surprise, making the other person inhale sharply.

I tilted my heavy head upwards curiously, looking up to see who it was that I was apparently lying on. I could only make out their silhouetted figure through the darkness, but I don’t know why I even looked; I knew who it would be anyway.

Okay, why the fuck am I in bed with Alex? Did something happen between us last night? Oh my God, I can’t even remember. I was completely fucking out of it…

Maybe it was the shock I had experienced so suddenly, or maybe it was the inevitable hangover striking powerfully without warning, but all of a sudden, my stomach turned over and I didn’t feel so good.

I hastily broke free of Alex’s embracing arms around my body, throwing them off of me carelessly, followed by the duvet, then I dived across Alex’s body and fled from the room desperately, stumbling loudly in the direction of the bathroom.

POV: Alex



What the… Jack?

I awoke with a start to the abrupt contact of Jack pushing me off of him and then climbing over me to rush quickly out of the bedroom. I forced my tired eyes open and was blinded by the light that had immersed into the bedroom through the open door.

“Was that Jack?” I heard Zack ask drowsily.

“Go see if he’s okay, Lex,” Rian yawned from the opposite side of the room.

“And turn off the fucking light,” Robbie chipped in groggily from the bunk above.

Jeez, Jack managed to wake up the heavy sleepers…

I stifled a yawn and responded with a protracted sigh, sleepily dragging myself out of bed.

I squinted my eyes automatically as I headed out into the lit-up lounge after Jack, closing the bedroom door behind me to please Robbie. My curious eye was automatically drawn to the ticking clock as I walked through the living room, and the time flashed 5:17am.

The sound of Jack being violently sick filled my ears as I neared the bathroom. I hesitated in the doorway before slowly creaking the door open; I was met with the sight of Jack kneeling on the floor with his head in the toilet.

Oh, my poor Jacky…

I took a few hesitant steps towards him and then leant forward to place my hand on his back supportively. As I did so, a realisation suddenly entered my mind;this is exactly what Jack used to do with me when I got myself into this state from drinking excessively.When the fuck did me and him literally swap places? I don’t want him to make the same mistakes that I did...

It took a while for him to stop throwing up, but eventually he exhaled loudly and leant backwards, away from the toilet, and rested against the bathroom wall. I finally got a proper look at him, and sweet Jesus, he did not look good… There were dark rings around his bloodshot eyes and his face looked a pale shade of grey.

He groaned loudly and put his head in his hands. I said nothing to try and comfort him. I was feeling too many emotions to try and form a logical sentence.

I was angry and frustrated at him for doing this to himself… And I was angry and ashamed of myself for causing him to do this. I was torn between saying either “I'm sorry” or “you’re an idiot”.

I sighed noisily, as I picked up a glass next to the sink and filled it with cold water from the tap.

“Here,” I spoke flatly, holding out the glass to Jack, who lifted his head to look at me questioningly.

“Oh,” he mumbled, taking the water from my outstretched hand hesitantly, “thanks.”

There was silence between us as Jack sipped the water and I stared fixated at the floor, wondering whether to leave the room or try to talk to him. Still, I couldn’t find the words to say.It used to come so easy…

Suddenly, Jack put the glass on the floor clumsily and cleared his throat loudly. I lifted my gaze from the floor to his face automatically and found that he was looking at me with his mouth half-open and eyes narrowed. I could tell he was deciding whether to say something or just embrace the uncomfortable silence.

“Wanna explain why you were in my bed?” He eventually asked plainly.

I almost wanted to laugh at the way he was so blunt about it, but I refrained, because clearly, he was very confused and could not remember anything that happened last night.

“Uh…”

Okay, I don’t know how to answer that.

I could hear my usual excuses echoing in my mind automatically;

I wasn’t thinking straight. I had the urge. I couldn’t control myself.

But there were also some hesitant, new ones forming in my head;

You were cold… I was just warming you up.
I wanted to hold you so bad… It was my last chance.
I wasn’t actually intending on staying in the bed all night… I’m such an idiot for falling asleep.

It was a combination of all of those things, really.

“See, the last thing I remember is you pushing me on my ass… So, excuse me if I’m a little confused as to why I woke up in your arms,” Jack continued sarcastically, looking at me with searching eyes.

Great... The one thing I wanted him to forget, he remembers.

“We worked things out,” I shrugged vaguely, looking back at him with innocent eyes.

My answer apparently did not satisfy Jack’s thirst for details.

“What’sthatsupposed to mean? Did we fuck?” He demanded bluntly, reminding me of Robbie; the King of bluntness.

Does he really think I’d take advantage of him in his drunken state? I don't need to wait for him to be drunk to take advantage…

“Um, no… Trust me, you’d rememberthat,” I assured him, just a little suggestively.

He cocked an eyebrow at me suspiciously.

“So, what happened then?”

“Nothing happened. We didn’t even kiss,” I told him honestly. He looked doubtful, staring at me with narrowed eyes. “Seriously,” I added forcefully.

“Right, whatever. Well, I think I’m done here…” Jack trailed off, looking at the toilet as if for confirmation that he was done being sick and then back at me again. “I’m going back to bed… Will you be joining me this time too?” He asked in a mocking, yet distinctly hopeful voice.

I was quiet for a moment as I watched him trying to pull himself up using the toilet, which looked like hard work to me.

“Actually, no... I need to talk to you,” I finally replied candidly.

At this, Jack very nearly fell in the toilet, quickly losing his balance. But somehow he managed to miss and end up back on the floor, against the wall.

He suddenly looked at me with raised eyebrows.

“Youwant to talk?” He asked me in exaggerated disbelief. “Well, that’s a first…”

I understood his overdramatic tone; I knew he was referring to the times recently when he had tried to talk to me and I had walked away from him. But I didn’t want to walk away now… This time we really did need to talk.

I rolled my eyes at him and stepped forward, offering him my hand to pull himself to his feet.

“Yeah, well, it’s a rare occurrence… Make the most of it,” I retorted flatly, mocking myself, as I helped him to stand up so he was on the same level as me (well, nearly…).

“Well, I would, but it’s like 5 in the morning, I have the worst hangover ever and I still feel fucking drunk… Can’t it wait?” Jack complained in a whiny voice.

“Well, not really… But fuck it, if you’re just going to whine at me, then I’d rather you did just go back to bed,” I retorted moodily.

He nodded slightly, then started walking towards the bathroom door. But he only took a few steps, before he turned back to face me with wearing an expectant look on his face.

“No... I’m not coming,” I said stubbornly, shaking my head dismissively.

“But-” he began in protest, but I cut him off immediately.

“Goodnight, Jack.”

He glowered at me, before stomping out of the bathroom and back to the bedroom.

I headed into the living room, reluctantly in the opposite direction of Jack’s footsteps; my feet wanted to take me after him and follow him back into his bed and stay there forever…I'd like to say that it's easy to stay, but it's not for me, ‘cause I'm barely here at all.

POV: Jack


My ears were greeted with the deafening snoring of Robbie, Zack and Rian once more as I stepped into the bedroom. It sounded like a fucking lawnmower in my sensitive, throbbing head.

I climbed back into my bed lazily, yawning as the tiredness started taking over me and I started drifting off to sleep before my head had barely even touched the pillow.

Man, I wish Alex was in this bed with me again. Why did he refuse to come with me? I would have let him get his daily ‘fix’ on me.I'll say yes, I'll undress; I've done more for less.

He seemed mad at me… Did I imagine that? Or is he actually annoyed about something? Wait, he wanted to talk to me about something… What was it? It must be important because Alex never wants to talk to me these days…

I was suddenly wide awake again, lying in my bed with my eyes open, seeing nothing through the darkness.

That was weird. It wasn’t even a dream… It was just an empty place in my head where all my thoughts were circling round repeatedly, obsessing over Alex. Something tells me I’m not going to be able to sleep now thinking that Alex’s angry with me…

I exhaled loudly in defeat, throwing my covers back once again and climbing out of bed slowly. Whatever he wants to talk to me about at a riduclous hour like this better be fucking worth it…

I exited the bedroom again and wandered distractedly into the living room. I felt like shit and wanted to just go to sleep, but I was desperate to know what was wrong with Alex.

I found him sitting alone on the sofa in the corner of the living room, smoking. He didn’t look at me as I stood in the doorway, but he must have heard me come in, because I’m not exactly the quietest of people. But even if he hadn’t noticed me standing there, I was going to make sure he did.

“Okay, I can’t sleep. I mean, are you mad at me? Because you seem mad. And if I’ve pissed you off then I want to know, because I can’t sleep thinking I have,” I rambled quickly, causing him to snap his head in my direction and ghost his eyes over my entire body, finally noticing my presence.

But then he instantly looked away again.

He didn’t say anything for a long time; he just sat there, taking constant drags on his cigarette and staring at the floor vacantly. I took a few hesitant steps forward to sit on the sofa opposite where he was sat. For some reason, I daren’t go and sit right next to him.

“Do you remember you once told me you would never drink alcohol again?” He suddenly asked, breaking the silence. Our eyes locked across the room. “You said you’d give up too and support me.” His tone was bitter.

Apparently yes, he is pissed off with me…

If the point’s to never disappoint you, somebody's got to tell me what to do...

I do remember saying that to him… Three years ago… I guess I lied, but things have changed since then.

“Yes. I didn’t realise you still needed my support though... I thought I couldn’t help you anymore,” I answered lamely.

It’s true. He did say that I can’t help him anymore, being his addiction and all.

But apparently, it’s not true. My statement seemed to light a match behind his eyes… They were no longer vacant; I saw the veiled anger flash.

“I need your support with this now more than ever!” He declared quickly, glaring at me intently. “And what about you? Are you going to support yourself?”

I found myself becoming rapidly annoyed with his interfering attitude. In order to stay calm, I followed his example and grabbed a cigarette from my packet lying on the table.

“Oh Alex, it’s not like I’m a raging alcoholic, is it?" I retorted irritably, purposefully now avoiding his heated gaze. I slipped a cigarette in my mouth and lit it up, sucking in the poison and then exhaling the smoke slowly. "So I had a little too much to drink last night for the first time in fucking years… It’s not a big deal."

Alex stubbed out his cigarette in the ashtZack a little violently, refusing to look at me.

“Yes it is a big deal. Alcohol is addictive because it’s deceiving... It pretends to take the pain away, when really it only fucking blocks it from your memory for a few hours… It never heals it. It only makes everything so much worse. Trust me on this,” he spoke urgently, his eyes flickering up to meet mine. He was talking as if this was a life and death situation, and it was slightly alarming.

I sighed and rolled my eyes.

“I’ll take whatever pain relief I can get, Alex,” I stated Frankly.

What you want, what you need has been killing me…

The heat from his piercing gaze increased; my careless responses seemed to be creating some kind of volcano in him. I could practically feel him getting more frustrated with me.

“You can’t turn to alcohol every time you’re pissed off about something!” He argued touchily.

Jesus, I didn’t realise one drunken night made me a severe alcoholic...

“Save the lecture, Alex. You don’t understand what I'm going through,” I replied indignantly, without thinking what I was saying.

Alex was silent for a few seconds that felt like hours, and in that time I realised I had really said the wrong thing. I reluctantly peered through my lashes at him again, and found he was frowning at me profoundly.

“How can you say I don’t understand this? Do you not know me at all? Of course I fucking understand!” He exclaimed, seemingly offended that I had been stupid enough to say he doesn’t understand what I’m going through. “Alcohol was my form of escape for years… It was my drug to take my mind off the pain and make me feel invincible… It poisoned my fucking mind. I fell for its false sense of security and I don’t want you to do the same. You’re the only reason I stopped drinking in the first place!” He ranted desperately.

Don't worry, Alex, I'm not foolish enough to make the same mistakes as you did.

Suddenly, he heaved a long sigh and continued speaking hesitantly.

“Promise me you won’t get yourself into this state again. Just give up the alcohol now, before it’s too late,” he pleaded worriedly.

Promises are just disguised lies…

“Are you going to givemeup?” I asked plainly, raising one eyebrow at him enquiringly.

I’m a hard habit to kick… Don’t try to fight it, just embrace the addiction.I think it's better this way.

I watched him intently as he chewed his bottom lip hesitantly, before finally answering my question.

“I… I have to.”

I don’t want him to give me up! I know what’s good for me, but I want him instead. Fuck, I’m so desperate… I just want him to use me.Trying to be everything that you want me to be…I want him to love me.

“Then I’m not promising you anything,” I retorted flatly.

Promises are only made to be broken… Just like my heart.

Alex sighed slowly at my stubbornness and then ran his fingers through his hair absent-mindedly. Eventually, his eyes locked with mine again.

“You’ll do this for me, if you love me,” he finally said, causing me to flinch in surprise at the serious words that had just escaped his mouth.

Fuck... Does heknow?

He shot me a knowing look that confirmed my fears;the secrets out.And now he’s using the truth as a weapon against me.

Brilliant.

Notes

Shit is about to go down......
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Song lyrics/chapter title credit - Marianas Trench