POV: Alex

“He loves you too.”

The words kept circling in my head as I tried to make sense of them. Still, I was in denial.

Wait, he LOVES me?

‘Love’. Could that possibly be the addictive substance in his bloodstream that calls out to me? ...The fateful reason I came to depend on him for everything and lose strength and control when I’m around him? Could his love seriously have that effect on me?

No hospital can fix what I've become.

Suddenly, Rian’s phone started ringing, snapping me out of the erratic thoughts running deep in my mind.

“Hello?” He answered, frowning.

I strained my ears to see if I could recognise the sound of the voice on the other end of the phone, but all I could hear was the howling wind whistling in my ears.

Who the hell is ringing him at this time of night?

“Fuck... What happened? Where are you?”

The sudden urgency in his voice made my mouth go dry. I knew then that something bad had happened.

“Alright… Okay, just try and keep him in an upright position. We’re coming now,” Rian replied hurriedly.

He hung up the phone immediately and looked straight at me with anxious eyes. Fear flooded through me automatically and I literally felt the colour drain from my face.

“What’s going on? Who was that?” I questioned quickly, trying to keep calm, but the dread was rising fast within me.

“It was Lisa… She’s with Jack. He’s in a pretty bad state,” Rian explained worriedly.

Oh my God... What has he done?

“Let’s go,” he added hastily, turning to walk away.

But I suddenly couldn’t move. I stood rooted to the ground, momentarily frozen with panic.

“What happened?” I demanded fretfully, staring after Rian like a lost puppy.

“Come on!” he exclaimed impatiently, refusing to stop. “Jack needs us.”

The realisation that Jack was in trouble finally sunk in, causing me to suddenly spring to life. I had no idea what was going on; all I knew was Jack needed my help and he whole-heartedly deserved it after all the times he’s helped me over the years.

Wasting no more time, I hurried after Rian through the now almost pitch black fields.

“Tell me everything Lisa said!” I demanded when I caught up with Rian.

“She just said they went to a party and Jack had a little too much to drink,” Rian replied vaguely.

What the fuck? Jack has been to a party with Lisa...?

“Since when do they go partying together?” I blurted out in a moment of confusion. "I thought Jack hated Lisa! And I also thought he gave up alcohol at the same time I did… Since when the fuck does Jack go partying at all?” I rambled, frowning to myself.

It is not like him in the slightest… Could it be me who drove him to do this?

“Since you upset him, I assume.” Rian retorted flatly, confirming my secret fears.

This was all my fault.

“Oh my God, do you really think he did this because of me?” I groaned, guilt stabbing me painfully in the stomach.

“I don’t know, Alex. But he better fucking be okay,” Rian snapped.

He’s mad at me… He blames me for this. And I blame me too.

I suddenly realised I didn’t even know where we were going, but after a few moments of awkward silence between Rian and I, loud music filtered into my head and bright lights came into sight in the distance.

My vision was distorted by the darkness, but as we drew closer to the lights and music coming from a tour bus, I started to see a faint outline of a person knelt on the floor, holding onto someone else who was lying on the ground. My stomach twisted and my heart rate increased radically at the sight... I didn’t need sunlight to know exactly who the silhouetted figures were.

“Jack!” I yelled, but my voice was drowned out by the deafening music.

I broke into a run and Rian mirrored my actions beside me, until we finally reached Jack and Lisa.

The dim lighting emitting from inside the unfamiliar tour bus was enough to light the shadows on Jack’s emotionless face as he lay on the ground, being held up by a struggling Lisa.

She looked up at us standing over them and relief clearly washed over her.

“Thank fuck you’re here! I- I don’t know what happened… One minute he seemed alright… I mean, we were talking, and then he- he just passed out!” She explained frantically.

I almost didn’t hear what she said as I dropped to my knees beside Jack, not taking my eyes off of him once. I vaguely noticed Rian extend his hand to Lisa and help her stand up. Without hesitating, I took Lisa’s place and put my arms round Jack, lifting him into a slouched position so he was lying on me, instead of the floor.

Above me, I indistinctly heard Rian trying to calm Lisa down, but I lost focus of the conversation instantly, captivated by Jack lying in my arms so lifelessly. It chilled me to my very core.Now I'm cold and sweaty with a nauseous heart.My throat felt incredibly constricted all of a sudden and my heart felt like it was going over-beat itself.

I placed my hand on Jack’s chest tenderly, desperate to feel his heart beating and reassure myself. Beneath my touch, his heart thumped vigorously out of sync, like mine.

“He’s going to be okay,”I told myself silently.

If I say I'm okay, I'm also a liar.

I suddenly felt a hand gently squeeze my shoulder and I tore my fixated gaze away from Jack to see who it belonged to. My eyes met with Rian’s, who was stood over me, wearing a concerned expression.

“Maybe we should take him back to our bus,” he suggested.

I wasn’t sure I would be able to speak without choking on my words, so I just nodded silently.

Rian lifted Jack off of me with a lot of effort, allowing me to get up off the ground. He tried to pick Jack up into his arms, but I could see him struggling. Well, come on... Rian is like a stick. There's no way he can carry Jack.

“I’ll carry him,” I offered, finally managing to find my trembling voice and holding out my arms for Jack.

“You sure?” Rian asked apprehensively.

I nodded wordlessly again. Rian shrugged, then heaved Jack into my arms. It felt like he weighed nothing at all. I hugged his motionless body close to me, feeling rather thankful for how light-weight and portable he is.

I turned to leave, not realising I was completely forgetting something… Or someone.

“Alex?”

I glanced over my shoulder to see Lisa standing there, looking at me with a pained expression.

“Call me or something… You know, let me know how he is…” She said quickly.

I nodded curtly.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I told her, forcing a smile. “Thank you for looking after him tonight, by the way,” I added, expressing my genuine gratitude.

]I don’t want to think what might have happened to him if Lisa hadn’t gotten him out of that party when she did…

She gave a small smile and nodded.

“Yeah, it’s lucky you were here,” Rian agreed graciously. “Well, goodnight.”

She waved to us half-heartedly as we turned and started heading back to the bus.

I looked down at Jack in my arms, pondering the reason why I was able to hold him like this without being controlled by urges towards him and losing my mind.

I felt strong around him tonight… It seemed the beast inside of me was just as lifeless as him right now.

Is it too hopeful to think the addiction might possibly have disappeared? Maybe it’s more realistic to think that the beast is only conscious when Jack is conscious.I’ve got a million addictions wearing me down.

“I think you upset Lisa,” Rian suddenly stated out of the blue.

I snapped my head in his direction as we walked, frowning at him.

“Why?” I challenged his belief.

He’s accusing me of upsetting everyone tonight… Is he right?

“When you picked Jack up and turned to leave without so much as a word to her the hurt was so obvious in her eyes,” he sighed, choosing to stare ahead at the darkness, rather than meet my gaze.

“Oh... I’m sure she understands that I was a little distracted,” I replied flatly, focusing back on Jack.

It’s not my fault I forgot about her back then when my undivided attention was on Jack.

“Do you think she’ll understand when you leave her?” Rian enquired slowly.

Well, that was slightly presumptuous…

“Who said I’m leaving her?” I retorted inquisitively, glancing sideways at Rian again.

This time he met my questioning glare.

“Well, aren’t you going to be with Jack?” He asked, raising his eyebrows in surprise.

I haven’t decided what I’m going to do yet. But I don’t see that I have much choice in this, really…I've trapped myself in a ring of fire.

I broke the intense contact to look straight ahead. I was silent for a long time before eventually answering.

“I don’t know,” I admitted with a defeated sigh. “I wouldn’t just be turning my back on her, would I? I have a child to consider now.”

This is so fucked up. I’m not meant to be a DAD! I’m meant to be with Jack!I fell into an old cliché...

“But I don’t want to hurt Jack... Tell me what to do,” I pleaded pathetically.I’m begging for help.

“I don’t know what to say, bro… Maybe if you talk to Jack he’ll understand. It’s kinda unavoidable that you’ll hurt him, but this is one of those situations where you’re going to hurt someone whatever you choose to do,” he replied gravely, at a loss for ideas, like me.

Well, that was reassuring...

“Great, thanks for the help, Rian,” I responded sarcastically.

Gotta face this one all alone… And if I don't make it, remember that I'll always be a part of you.

So, I have to choose between Jack or Lisa and my baby…How am I gonna get through this?

I wish someone would just make this crushing decision for me. I feel so trapped right now.The only way out is through the pain.

Notes

BLAH SORRY FOR OTHER OTP BLAH!!!
just a small filler
COMMENT what you think Lisa is talking about.. RATE so more people can join the fun! SUBSCRIBE! so you can be the first to see what happens next. Also check out my other story Nameless Beauty Boy....
Song lyrics/Chapter title credit: Madina Lake
BUt no seriuosly guys.. i really need you to rate this story, please..... please