Jack POV

As I played along to our first song of the night, I stared out into the sea of screaming fans. I watched as they all jumped excitedly and sang along tunefully in unison. I wanted to lose myself in them. I just wanted to be absorbed in the music and jeering, and escape the resounding thoughts trapped inside my mind. But some things just cannot be drowned out…

“Don’t you dare come near me tonight.”

He has a fucking nerve. Who does he think he is? He does not control me... He can’t even control himself! He needs to make up his damn mind. Last night he was all over me, begging me to touch him, and now he’s commanding me to stay away and avoiding me like the plague… He can’t have it both ways!

So, maybe he wants to get over his ‘addiction’ to me... But that’s too fucking bad, because I’m not ready to be given up. We have something too special to throw away here…

Alex POV

The time has now come that I need to kick my bad habits.Old habits die hard; I always end up hating the end. What other choice do I have now Lisa is pregnant?

I can’t keep relying on Jack the way I do... The only person I should depend on in life is myself, otherwise I’m too vulnerable. I need to be in control of myself and not constantly at the mercy of the urges in my mind tempting me towards him...

“How do I get away? When you’re begging me to stay?” I screamed into the microphone, hating how relevant the lyrics were to my current state of mind and feelings for Jack.

The words coming from my mouth were like a subtle reminder that if Jack lets me go, it’s inevitable that I will sink faster and deeper than a rock thrown into the sea to the bottom of the ocean.

I’m already too close to falling and that’s why I need to let go of him before he has the chance to push me; he has all the potential to break me… But I’m already broken enough. I just desperately need to break the unhealthy connection between us before it's too late and the damage is unrepairable…

The first part of the concert flew past in a blur. I wasn’t fully aware of my surroundings or what I was singing, because I was using all my self-control to get my mind off of Jack and focus it on Lisa instead. I was having a silent battle with myself inside my head the whole time.

“You’re beautiful, but you’re cold as ice…” I sang along robotically, quickly stealing a glance in Jack’s direction. He was walking round the stage head-banging and playing along whole-heartedly.

“Yes, you do need Jack… Just one more hit..."The beast was back, purring in my ear.

“No! Lisa is the one you need now,"a strong voice fought back in my mind.

The beast growled, but slowly faded out of mind with one thought of Lisa.

“And it keeps me hanging on!...”I’ll always stay the same.

I’m hanging by a noose now… There’s an obsessive monster inside of me trying to take me over.

“What am I supposed to do? Uh Oh...”

I shot another glance at Jack over my shoulder; he was now playing next to Zack towards the back of the stage. Suddenly, he looked over at me and caught my eye. The slight smirk that was playing on his lips was enough to flare up the beast inside of me yet again.

What is he smirking at? There is nothing funny about this situation or these ironic lyrics that I have to sing…

I felt my hands start trembling as I felt the urge to kiss Jack start eating away at me, so I clenched my fists and tore my eyes away from his.

I headed over to the side of the stage where Lisa stood, turning my back on Jack and my sudden strong urges towards him, which were getting me increasingly worked up.

I cannot give into these urges… I’ve gotta learn to resist them.

“When it’s so damn cold, like 20 below…” I continued to sing absent-mindedly.

When I wrote that lyric, being cold was obviously a metaphor being sad over the things that were bad for me, like the drugs and alcohol, that I was defectively in love with and addicted to. Well, I guess Jack is my cold now, and I really need to escape my fate of becoming freezing myself... Stuck this way... Addicted forever.

When the guitar solo suddenly kicked in, I was thankful that I could have a small break from singing and just play my gutiar. I was just worried that I might accidentally sing my thoughts and utter Jack’s name or something...

My head was still swirling with tempting urges and I still needed to distract myself.

All of a sudden, my thoughts automatically switched to Lisa and the baby, which was something I was trying not to think about too, but, in all fairness, it's a fucking distracting topic.

The truth is finally starting to sink in properly now. After Lisa told me last night that she is pregnant with my baby, I plunged deeper into denial as the night went on; I was becoming increasingly infuriated and desperate (hence why I tore the room apart like a hurricane).

So, when I picked Lisa up from the airport earlier today, I demanded that we go to a clinic and buy a pregnancy test, because I needed to see for myself that it was real and I had no form of escape… I couldn’t keep setting my sanity on denial and hopes that it's not happening.

But my worst fears were confirmed once and for all; it was fucking positive. There sure as hell is no escape for me now.

I knew the obsessive beast inside of me was currently lurking quietly, just waiting to spring to life again as soon as I stopped focusing my thoughts on Lisa and back onhim, but I was determined to keep it silenced.

The guitar solo came to an end and I found the words of the chorus pouring from my mouth automatically in time with the music. I wandered to the centre of the stage and dropped to my knees, feeling weak from the pressure I was putting myself under. My voice was so out of tune it was painful; it was deafening me, echoing in my own ears.

Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jack coming towards me. I tried to stay calm and ignore his approaching footsteps, but I instinctively turned my head to face him. I swallowed nervously, but shot him a warning look that had“don’t come any closer”written all over it… But he didn’t falter in his steps.

What the fuck is he doing?

He was having an unexplainable effect on me; everything had suddenly gone quiet... The sound of screaming fans, loud music and tuneless singing was no longer pounding relentlessly on my ear drums. Even my thoughts had momentarily faded into nothing. I thought for a moment I hadactuallydeafened myself. But then, I felt the panic starting to rise as Jack arrived at my side, causing the beast to roar piercingly inside of me, making me wince.

“Kiss him!”

I jumped to my feet at the same time that Jack abruptly climbed on top of a monitor directly in front of me, towering above me. I felt so small… So vulnerable…Broken, confused…

Seriously, what the fuck is he doing?

“He’s playing into your hands… Now’s your chance to make him yours once again…”The beast growled delightedly.

“No! He’s messing with your head! Get away…”Another voice screamed distantly.

I was quite sure I was verging on insanity. I just wanted the voices to leave me alone.Can't stop what I started…

Jack suddenly lost his balance on the monitor and before I had chance to move out of the way, he was falling on top of me. The microphone slipped from my grasp and hit the ground with a thud and a high-pitched noise as I staggered backwards, holding onto Jack to remain upright. He clutched at my arms, stumbling forward and pushing me clumsily.

Then, for a split second, we stopped moving backwards unevenly across the stage and I took the chance to try to break free from his grasp.

Every part of me was calling out to him… Desperately craving him...“Yes! One more hit!”But something else burning inside of me momentarily overwhelmed the desire:Anger.

Leave. me. ALONE!

Acting on sudden impulse, I shoved Jack away forcefully, breaking free from his hold on me and defying the commands of the Devil inside of me. He didn’t even stagger before losing his balance and falling backwards, landing on the hard ground.Don’t say I didn’t warn you…

The beast continued to corrupt my sanity and snarl in fury. I stormed across the stage, leaving a disorientated Jack to slowly pick himself up off the floor. My foot intentionally came into contact with the mic stand as I kicked it with as much force as I could muster, causing it to fall to the ground, just like Jack.Why do I make a scene?

The applause of the crowd had faltered considerably; I looked out into a sea of stunned faces. Nearly every person was staring at me in bewilderment.Speechless and frozen; uncomfortable silence.I could feel thousands of pairs of eyes all burning into me, including, Zack, Rian, and even Jack’s, all wondering the same thing;“what the fuck is wrong with you?”I’m in the middle of a breakdown…

Well, I didn’t mean to push Jack over… He was never supposed to end up in a heap on the floor like that as a result of my insecurities. But I told him not to come near me; I knew something bad would happen. It’s inevitable when I’m determined to fight my addiction that he will end up getting hurt, because HE is the addiction, so he is the one I have to fight off!

But he defied my wishes to stay away from me, forcing me to defy my own desires and reject him.By the way, what made you think you’d have it your way?

The urges gradually weakened and faded out completely, leaving behind pure anger and a surprising sense of emptiness pulsing through my veins.

Whatever Jack was trying to achieve tonight by breaking the rules failed miserably. Unless it was his intention to make me feel like a part of me has fucking died.

This time we both lose.

Notes

Title/song lyrics credit: Hinder

Blah blah, sorry for other otp names... blah... sorry for not updating so much, i need to get good grades this year, so i'm doing ALL my work! and all my brakes are used on sleeping and eating, stupid human things that are annoying..