Jack POV

Right, if I was Alex where would I be?

Uh… Getting coffee?

That does not help… There’s not exactly a fucking Starbucks in these fields.

Well, this is a stupid game. If I knew where he would go, then I wouldn’t be asking myself this at all, would I?

I snapped myself out of my sudden trance and blocked out the war of voices erupting in my head as I walked briskly through the crowded fields. I kept my head down and my hood up, being careful not to attract any unwanted attention. Believe me, it’s not easy.I managed to discretely scan everyone’s faces, without a single trace of the person that I needed.

I was absent-mindedly heading in the direction of the room where everything happened last night… The last place I saw Alex… Because maybe,just maybe, he didn't leave there at all last night.

The backstage area came into sight in the distance eventually. It was slightly harder to find my way back with the crowds of people hanging around, standing in the way, but it wasn’t long before I was free of the jostling crowds and standing outside the door.

I glanced over my shoulder in paranoia, checking that no one was watching me, as I cautiously disappeared inside the dark room.

Okay, well, the light being turned off is not a good sign...

I fumbled around in the darkness for the light switch. When I found it, my mouth fell open in utter shock at what I was greeted with in the light, and anxiety levels inside of me kicked into overdrive.

“Holy shit!” The sound of my strangled voice echoed in the room.

It was like being in a different room completely. The room Alex and I were in last night was immaculate; nothing was out of place. You had to look closely to even find things in the room at all.

But inthisroom everything was in chaos and disorder; it was completely trashed. The music equipment that was discretely piled up in the corner of the room yesterday was now damaged and scattered across the floor.

What the fuck happened here?

I stood rooted to the spot as I scanned through the wreckage in disbelief, searching for any clues as to what could have possibly happened here. Then, suddenly, my eyes fell on something that lay broken underneath an overturned amplifier and they focused on it intently before widening in horror at the realisation of why it was so familiar.

I lurched forward to pick up the pieces and inspect it closer, seeing if it was what I thought it was.

Unfortunately, itwas.

The screen was smashed and the back of it was hanging off, but it was still recognisable as Alex’s cell phone.

“Fuck! Alex, what did youdo?” I whispered to the room full of ruins fearfully.

I stared at the broken phone helplessly in my hand, urgently pressing the power button over and over, even though it was no use. In the end, I tossed the pieces aside frustratedly.

He’s not here… He has no phone, so I can’t contact him… What now?

I can’t sit back and wonder why.

I sighed in frustration, running my fingers through my hair hopelessly at a loss for ideas.

Maybe Rian will have a plan B. Yeah, he’s the expert… He’ll have some, comforting advice…

I took one last sweeping glance round the vandalised room to check that Alex wasn’t hiding in amongst the wreckage, before leaving as quickly as I could, heading back the way I came.

***

“So he smashed everything up and just fucked off somewhere alone without his phone?” Rian questioned, gaping at me in horror.

I nodded, confirming what seemed to be Rian's worst fear.

“Oh man... This is bad.Fuck, so bad,” he groaned, starting to frantically pace up and down the living room.

So, apparently I was wrong about the whole reassuring advice thing…

“Yeah, this is not looking good,” Zack interposed worriedly, sitting on the sofa next to Rob.

“I know,” I agreed with a sigh, watching Rian walking back and forth across the living room at an increasing speed until I actually started to feel dizzy.

“Come on, Alex is a big boy. He can look after himself,” Zack suddenly interjected nonchalantly, frowning at Rian. “I'm sure he's fine. And I’m positive he won’t miss the show tonight.”

How can he be so fucking confident?

Seriously, why is Zack always so chilled out when everyone else is freaking out? I am fully aware that Alex is a "big boy"… But he is a big boy that is prone to freaking out over anything, and who knows what he’s capable of doing in a moment of panic?!

“Well, we have fucking reason to worry about him, considering the last time he went off alone like this he had a breakdown and tried to kill himself!” I retorted, raising my voice in slight hysteria.

I could remember that day so clearly, even though I would really rather forget it…

He disappeared off the face of the fucking earth, without a single trace, for hours upon end. Somehow,thankfully, Matt managed to track him down, and talk him out of taking an overdose to end it all. He made him throw the pills away, once and for all.

“Jack, that was three years ago when Alex was mentally unstable. You know, when he was heavily addicted to drugs and all that shit that really messed with head. Plus, he and Dem had just split up... He was in a bad place emotionally,” Rob answered insightfully.

I tried to take in what he was saying, because let's face it, Rob doesn’t do ‘deep’ very often. But even though he was trying to convince us that Alex was fine, and Zack and Rian seemed a little calmer, nodding in agreement, it had quite the opposite effect on me.

“Heavily addicted”... “Mentally unstable”...

Rob's words circled in my mind hauntingly, causing my heart to beat faster and echo loudly in my ears.

I know the truth… I know Alex is heavily addicted once again. Tome. This time I'm the drug. He’s fucking usingme. I’mwhat is messing with his head…

My eyes suddenly widened in panic.

“What’s Lisa’s number?” I spontaneously demanded, startling Zack slightly, and making Rob roll his eyes at the increasing urgency in my voice still.

Rian just stopped dead in his tracks and frowned at me, his eyes silently questioning what the fuck had gotten into me so suddenly. I didn’t attempt to explain. I just raised my eyebrows expectantly at him, waiting for him to hurry up and tell me what it was.

He cocked an eyebrow at me as he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. I could hear his silent thoughts loud and clear:“I never thought I’d see the day when you would ring Lisa, without someone holding a gun to your head…”

Well, Rian, thiscouldbe a matter of life and death, so it’s almost like someoneisholding a gun to my head.I’m in too deep and I’m trying to keep up above in my head, instead of going under.

Alex could be in danger and if there’s a chance that Lisa knows anything about his whereabouts, then I’ve got to force myself to at least ask her.

After a lengthy pause, Rian read out her number hesitantly. I punched it into my phone impatiently and lifted it to my ear, listening to the dull ringing sound.

Every second that passed with no answer caused my heart beat to increase considerably. I was literally approaching heart attack point when the ringing tone fell silent.

“Hello?”

“Lisa… It’s Jack,” I said simply, trying to control the scowl that had formed on my face at just the sound of her voice.

“Oh, hey… What’s up?” She asked, sounding slightly confused.

Understandable. I mean, it’s not like I call her every day…

“I was just wondering if you know where Alex is?” I asked candidly.

I may as well get straight to the point, because I didn’t exactly call for a juicy catch-up session.

“Uh, yeah, he’s here with me… Why?” She questioned, still sounding confused.

Why? Oh, no reason. We're all just here going out of our Goddamn minds with worry...

I never thought I’d be relieved to hear Alex was with her. But I’d rather he was with her than lying in a ditch somewhere.

He could have been decent enough to tell us where he was going though. I was verging on driving myself insane with haunting thoughts of him being alone somewhere in the same state as that frenzied backstage room.

“Wait… So, he’s in Baltimore?” I gasped in disbelief, feeling the relief disappearing inside of me.

Rian, Rob and Zack all gaped at me, with mouths hanging open in shock.

“No, no, we’re at the airport! I just landed in Detroit and he came to pick me up,” she explained brightly.

I felt disappointment quickly rising inside of me, taking the place of the relief inside me.

So,Lisa’s back.She hardly fucking left. I knew she wouldn’t let me have Alex all to myself for any longer than two days.

“Oh.”

I waved my hand dismissively at Rian, Robbie and Zack to let them know it was a false alarm and they could close their mouths now, because Alex hadn’t really gone and spontaneously ditched the band before the end of a tour.

“So, when will he be back?” I asked emphatically, dwelling on the idea of being a singer-less band a little too much.

“Like, an hour or so… In time for the show, don’t worry,” she assured me, knowing what I was getting at.

I instinctively glanced at the clock on the wall, noticing that the time was already approaching 5:30pm; we were due to go onstage in an hour and a half.

“Right, okay... I guess we’ll see you when you get back then,” I replied awkwardly, silently asking myself why I was still on the phone to her now the situation was not 'life and death'.

“Yeah, see you later,” she responded cheerfully.

I have no patience for goodbyes; I hung up immediately.

As soon as I was off the phone, Rian, Rob and Zack instantly sprung to life, verbally attacking me with questions.

“Where is he?” Zack demanded at the same time that Rian worriedly asked “What happened? Is he alright?”

I nodded and recited the conversation robotically.

“I told you he was fine. You’re all a bunch of pansies,” Rob commented bluntly.

***

6:49pm.

The extended silence was proof that we were all feeling the mounting pressure. My eyes could not focus on anything for longer than a few seconds. They flickered back and forth restlessly.

I looked at Rob. He was stood opposite me with his arms folded and a rigid expression on his face. Quite frankly, he looked like he was about to punch something.

I looked at Zack. He was stood next to Rob with his hands on his hips, staring up at the sky with a puzzled expression.

I looked at Rian. He was stood a short distance away from all of us, frowning at the ground and biting his nails anxiously.

I looked over my shoulder. The field stretched out for miles into the distance, but there was still no sign of him.

I looked back at the time on my phone again.

6:51pm.We were now due onstage in less than 10 minutes.Where the fuck is he?

As the clock ticked, the panic was rapidly getting the better of me.

“He should really fucking be here by now!” I declared frantically, searching for answers that I knew the others didn’t have.

“Getting worked up and obsessively checking your phone is not going to make him magically appear, Jack,” Rob retorted in typical blunt fashion.

But damn it, why hasn’t he appeared already?

Awkward silence consumed us again for a few extensive moments, before Rian broke it.

“What if he doesn’t get here in time?” He asked fearfully.

Well he’s not going to… Have you SEEN the time?

I impulsively glanced at the time on my phone again, ignoring Robbies’s remark.

6:55pm.

“Then you’re fucked,” Rob replied flatly, but I could sense the rising anger in him. I knew that Alex would be a dead man when he got here(IF he ever got here...).

Rob's statement was quite a conversation killer; no one spoke again for what felt like hours. The time was dragging by slowly.

“I think I see him coming,” Rian suddenly said, narrowing his eyes and staring fixatedly over my shoulder.

We all turned automatically to stare in the direction Rian was looking, hope coming alive in all of us again.

Finally, motherfucker!

My heart elevated dramatically inside my chest, making me feel like a massive weight had just been removed from my shoulders.

Alex and Lisa were rapidly approaching us. As they got closer I noticed the odd expression etched on Alex's face... It was like a mixture of frustration, guilt and sadness.

“You’re cutting it a bit fine, aren’t you?” Rob greeted Alex sharply when they reached us. His tone was irritated, like the look on his face as he glared at him.

“Yeah, well, I’m here, aren’t I?” Alex responded flatly, looking round at us all.

His eyes briefly met mine before darting away and focusing somewhere else. I could tell straight away that something was wrong... There was something not quite normal about him, but I couldn't put my finger on it.You can’t hide it; you might as well embrace it.

“What took you so long?” Zack enquired curiously.

“Long story,” Alex muttered, looking at the ground.

He opened his mouth again and it looked like he was going to continue talking, but Rob jumped in before he could.

“Well, it can wait. You’ve got a show to play now,” he grunted dismissively.

Does Rob not realise how rare it is for Alex to actually want to talk about something? Someone should tell him that if you tell him to wait to explain something, he never will...

“Actually, I need to talk to Jack,” he announced firmly, lifting his mysterious eyes to connect with mine again, properly this time.

Huh? What does he need to talk to ME about so urgently that it can’t wait until after the show?

“Uh… Okay,” I shrugged uncertainly, slightly phased by the stony expression on his face.

This procrastination did not sit well with Robbie, who was becoming increasingly infuriated.

“Alex, you haven’t got time to waste right now. You two can fuck later,” he snapped abruptly.

Alex flinched at his bluntness and snapped his head to face Rob sharply, shooting him a livid glare.

“Fuck off, Maldoon,” he growled, and it wasn’t in a light-hearted, jokey kind of way… It was deadly serious.

For the first time since they arrived, my eyes fell on Lisa. She was standing just behind Alex, looking at the back of his head with raised eyebrows. Her curious eyes wandered between Alex and Rob, before suddenly meeting with mine. I immediately refocused my glare back to Alex, avoiding her questioning gaze.

“Don’t start getting pissy with me, Gaskarth. I’m not in the mood for one of your bitch-fits,” Rob spat, pointing his finger at him accusingly.

I stood there awkwardly, my eyes flickering between the two of them. They were both glaring at eachother with menacing expressions. I could see that things would very quickly get out of hand, so I instinctively decided to jump in now and stop it from escalating into a full-blown argument.

“Enough," I snapped, standing in between them. "You guys just start making your way onto the stage, and we’ll be there in a minute,” I added firmly, addressing everyone.

Rob abruptly broke the intense eye contact he and Alex held, glaring at me instead, before eventually rolling his eyes and turning his back on us. He stormed up the stairs to the stage in a stress. Rian and Zack followed wordlessly, exchanging mystified glances at eachother.

Lisa hovered awkwardly behind Alex, obviously unsure whether to leave us alone. Maybe she was wondering if we actually were going to fuck or something. (I wouldn’t mind... But I seriously doubted we would.)

“Lisa, just give us a second, babe,” Alex said in a calm voice that sounded really strained.

I hate it when you fake it.

Lisa glanced at me uncertainly for a moment, then focused on Alex.

“Sure,” she finally nodded, smiling a sweet smile that looked so forced.

Why did things seem so fucking awkward between them?

She slowly walked off, following the footsteps of the guys and leaving us alone at last.

“What’s up?” I asked, trying to sound casual despite feeling nervous all of a sudden.

“I just wanted to remind you of our agreement,” he stated sinisterly.

What agreement? Clearly, I do need reminding…

I cocked an eyebrow at him questioningly.

“Stay away from me onstage,” he told me flatly.

We’re running in circles again.

My heart dropped into my stomach at the realisation of the “agreement” that he was referring to… The one that I really didn’t want to “agree” to.

“Oh…that,” I mumbled slowly.

I suddenly felt like I was a child being told what to do. Although, ironically, when I was a child, I never did what I was told; I was one of those little shits that rebelled against instructions and fought to do the opposite. If I was told not to walk on the grass in a certain area, you can bet your ass that I took my dog for a walk there the next day. I just never liked being given pointless commands.

“Yeah. I mean it; I don’t want you near me,” he warned threateningly. But I noticed that when he said these sharp words, he couldn’t look me in the eye; he had dropped his gaze to the ground.

I began to find this situation very similar to the whole grass thing. Alex is here telling me that he’s off-limits to me... It’s almost like he’sdaringme to break the rules.

“That’s not what you were saying last night,” I scoffed, annoyed.

If he's going to treat me like a child, then I may as well act like one.

“Last night was a mistake. It only happened because I’m not strong enough to control myself if you’re all over me, Jack," Alex argued insistently, typically blaming me. "So, don’t you dare come near me tonight.”

Oh, he IS daring me… Well, that’s a risky little game to play with a daredevil like me…

But if that’s the dare, then what’s the truth? What's his reason for the sudden change of heart?

His rejecting words hurt. But for once, I found myself feeling resentment instead of sadness.You’re driving me insane.

“You’re kind of an ass, you know?” I retorted boldly, staring at him with a fire in my eyes. “And do you wanna explain why the fuck you completely trashed the room we were in last night?” I added questioningly, suddenly remembering what I found earlier.

He didn’t look up to meet my burning gaze. I was starting to think he was ignoring me, but then he suddenly spoke after a long pause.

“Because everything is so fucked up,” he muttered barely loud enough for me to hear.

“Why?” I demanded pryingly, wanting to understand his reasoning for his insanity.

It seems like each time I’m with you I lose my mind because I’m bending over backwards to relate.

All of a sudden, Rian shouted at us from the side of the stage, interrupting our conversation.

“Guys, come on!”

Alex’s head snapped up immediately to look at Rian. Then, he gave me one last warning look before turning away and heading on over to the stairs.

It suddenly struck me, as I dragged my feet up onto the stage, that after all these years, I still can’t force myself to obey orders that I don’t want to follow… I could feel the rebel inside of me coming alive once again, drowning out Alex’s warning.

The question is, do I fight it or let it take over?Something’s telling me I’m in too deep…

Notes

Again. sorry if there are any other otp names! my brian in mush todaay!!! When you guys comment it makes me so happy!! i LOVE reading your comment!!! I LOVE when you type big long paragraphs expressing your feels! i love that reaction... and i feel like i'm not putting Jack and Alex through enough because no one is commenting or fliping out .-. maybe Alex and Lisa will gwt married or something... i need those feels comments of you guys flipping out! i love it

Title/song lyrics credit: Sum 41

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JALEXCASHBY !!!! (Its also mikey way's birthday)