*POV Jack*

Alex stared at me for a while longer and I held his gaze very briefly, before I had to look away; it was too painful to look in his eyes. He looked away too, focusing back on the telly.

Neither of us attempted to make small talk. Quite frankly I didn’t feel like trying to act like I wasn't feeling rejected by talking to him normally after he just stated he’s over “Jalex” (which basically translates as he’s over me and whatever we had).

And even if I did feel like making an effort, it would be awate of my time because Alex had returned to the weird, reserved mood he was in before our conversation. We were both emotionally disconnected from eachother.

Then, suddenly, the front door slammed, causing both of our heads to jerk in the direction of the front door in surprise where Rian stood in the doorway.

“What’s up?” He asked us, coming over and crashing on the sofa opposite us.

“Nothing much,” I said, sounding bored, because I was. “Where have you been?”

“Just out,” Rian shrugged vaguely. “You two look like you’ve just had an argument,” he added accusingly, narrowing his eyes at us.

It's like he can see right through us...

I frowned at him wordlessly.

“You’re all like… so serious,” he frowned back.

“Well, we haven’t,” I shrugged.

Well, not really...

“Hmm. Yo, Alex… Everything alright?” Alex suddenly asked, cocking an eyebrow at his antisocial brother.

“Fine,” Alex retorted shortly.

Usually, when a person says "fine" in a razor-sharp voice like that, they're not fine...

I noticed he had returned to watching TV and refusing to look away from the screen again.

Rian turned his questioning glare to me; I shrugged uselessly with a blank expression on my face. Rian nodded his head in Alex's direction and rolled his eyes; I rolled my eyes too. Alex was oblivious to our sign language.

I turned to look at Alex intently, analyzing his tense face. He was definitely not "fine". He looked suddenly so stressed, like he was clenching all the muscles in his body. His face was contorted with a weird kind of concentrated expression and his forehead was creased with a permanent frown.

Seriously, what the fuck is going on in that head of his?

He can’t be annoyed about Lisabanning'Jalex', like I am, because he was on her fucking side of the “argument”. He made it clear that he’s“over Jalex”(yes, the words are still echoing loud and clear in my head.It rings on through; your voice, clearly receptive.)

I don’t know how long I was staring at Alex, but I almost couldn’t look away… I was mesmerized. He was very obviously avoiding my stare, because he never looked at me the whole time. I felt another pair of eyes burning into me though…

Alex was staring at the TV blankly; I was staring at Alex intently; and Rian was now staring at me suspiciously.

I forced myself to look away from Alex and my eyes soon locked with his brother like friend narrowed ones.

Now what?

Rian shook his head wordlessly in response to my cocked eyebrow.

The silence had completely taken over the room again.“Hello again, rather fucking awkward atmosphere,”the voices in my head greeted.

It felt like hours before someone finally broke it.

“I’m going out,” Alex suddenly stated, tearing himself away from his fixed glare on the screen and standing up so fast I nearly jumped in surprise.

“Jesus,” Rian muttered, recoiling into the sofa at the rash movement.

Alex ignored him, storming straight past us both. We stared after him in silent confusion until the front door slammed shut behind him.

Was it something I said?
I didn’t say anything…

Something I did...?
...What did I do?

“Alright, so what’s pissed him off?” Rian demanded the second Alex was out of earshot, getting up from the sofa opposite me and coming straight over to sit in Alex’s place.

I shrugged. "He said him and Lisa had an argument."

But is that really the reason he was so worked up? Maybe there's more to it...
Perhaps Alex's secretly as devastated as me about the end of 'Jalex'. Maybe he craves my attention as much as I crave his...

But then, why would he put an end to it and deprive us both? He makes no sense.

“Oh really? What about?” Rian questioned pryingly.

“Uh… Me, apparently,” I shrugged nonchalantly.

Rian’s eyes grew considerably wider and I realized that I probably shouldn’t have said that.

“What were they arguing aboutyoufor?” He gasped.

I flinched dramatically at his tone of voice.

“I happen to be an excellent topic for conversation… and disagreements…” I huffed, folding my arms in fake offence. (I often resort to sarcasm and humor when I’m trying to hide my feelings…)

“Jack. Seriously,” Rian said, now looking bored instead of surprised.

I didn’t feel comfortable getting into the whole situation and explaining the’confusion’. I knew that if I spoke about it the bitterness and jealousy towards Lisa in my voice would be obvious and I didn’t need Rian on my case.

“Rian. Seriously… I don’t know,” I shrugged again, refusing to give anything more away.

“Oh… So, that’s all he told you?” Rian persisted, frowning. (He doesn't give up easy when there's gossip going around.)

“Yes,” I lied flatly.

“Well, that’s weird,” Rian sighed. “Dude, you should probably just steer clear of him while he’s acting like a fucking hormonal teenage girl,” he warned as an afterthought.

Steer clear of Alex? That’s like asking Alex to stay away from coffee… It’s never gonna happen... It's practically impossible.I’m hung up on you…

***

That night onstage was not a very enjoyable experience, because of the new 'rules' which state that I'm not allowed to violate Alex, so to speak, or vice versa.

I’ve just taught myself very recently that when I feel like going over to Alex and doing something onstage, I shouldn’t hesitate to do so; I should follow my heart. But now, I have to re-train my brain to resist temptation from now on, because the game that Alex was playing with my heart onstage isover.You leave me no choice.

I don’t know what changed. Alex seemed as into ‘Jalex’ as me last night... It’s like Lisa has brainwashed him. Or maybe he didn’t like that I was getting too confident and starting to take control by acting on my feelings; I think he loved the power of controlling me. He used to not be able to get enough of me.

I guess, like he said, he’s just over the whole charade now. The only problem is, in my mind, it wasn’t a charade.

Lisa was stood at the side of the stage again, like last night. I felt like I was being constantly watched in case I broke the ‘rules’ and I hated it.

I would stick to the fucking rules, no matter how much it pained me, as long as Alex did… And as long as I was sure it was whathewanted, not Lisa.

As well as feeling paranoid about being watched, I also felt like Alex was purposefully torturing me by being an even bigger tease than usual. He did his whole perverted routine of making sexual comments, while making sex noises, before ‘The Party Song (Walk Of Shame)’. He seemed to have gotten over the shitty mood he was in earlier (or maybe it was all an act for the crowd), because he seemed pretty fucking happy now.

But then, I suppose he does become a whole different person onstage… It’s not like he goes around touching himself and moaning so openly offstage, which I consider a good thing, because if he did it would be impossible for me to ignore my thoughts and how turned on I’m getting. (I can just about manage to control myself onstage, but it wears me out!)

I’m pretty sure I stared at him without looking away for about half of our set.You are the centre of my attention.The least I could do was watch if I couldn’t join in or anything.

But then, out of nowhere, a random shirt landed on my head, blocking my view. It took me second to realise why I couldn’t see… I thought I had gone blind! Then I realised there was a shirt on my face... So I removed it.

I held it out to look at it and saw that it had“I Love Alex”written on it.What the fuck?It was like someone was taunting me; they knew my secret. I stared at it in bewilderment for a moment, before finally deciding to put it on to please the screaming fans. And possibly fate.

I glanced back at Alex, who was holding a top of his own in his hands. When he turned it round I saw his said “I Love Jack”.

Seriously, are these tops falling from the fucking sky or something?

My heart jumped excitedly in my chest at the words on the top and the idea that Alex could ever love me.

He smirked, before tossing it aside.A sentimental sign of rejection.My heart sunk as I realized I was getting my hopes up about stupid things again.

I felt like ripping off my“I Love Alex”t-shirt then. I couldn’t help feeling rejected again, just because Alex wouldn’t put on some goddamn shirt!

I’m such a fucking pansy... But it hurts.

I knew I couldn’t take the shirt off now though, because I had only just put it on and it would look fucking weird if I just took straight off again.

Then suddenly, Alex turned and looked at me for the first time throughout the whole set. His eyes lingered on my top for a while, before raising to meet mine. And then he flashed me a smile that made my knees go weak. It wasn’t a smirk either, it was a genuine smile. And that was all it took for me to want to keep the t-shirt on forever and never take it off.

***

I walked back to the tour bus with Zack after the show.

“Man, that was a good show, wasn’t it?” He smiled cheerfully, glancing sideways at me.

“Yeah. It started a little rough, but things improved,” I replied truthfully.

Everything about the show tonight was so wrong, up until the minute Alex smiled at me… Then everything fell straight back into place.

“Nice shirt, by the way,” Zack smirked, and I looked down instinctively at my“I Love Alex”top. I didn't even know I was still wearing it.

“Oh, yeah, some fan threw it onstage… I think,” I shrugged.

“What, and now it’s your favorite top?” Zack teased, mocking me because I hadn't taken it off yet.

"Itispretty awesome," I smirked.

"Mmmmhm," Zack responded, looking at me through narrowed eyes.

What? It's goddamn shirt!

“Stop looking at me like that,” I frowned at him, unnerved. “If you have something to say, just say it.”

Zack’s suspicious expression disappeared as he grinned at me.

“That’s alright, I think the shirt says it all,” he winked.

Oh God… Does he know my secret?

Wait, I need to stay calm... He’s just messing around… There’s no way he’d know the truth; I haven’t told anyone!

Rather than protesting or lying, I just smirked at Zack and shook my head lightly, lowering my gaze to the floor.

We arrived at the tour bus fairly quickly and found everyone just sitting around talking in the lounge area.

Rob and Rian were sat on one sofa, and Lisa and Alex were on the other. There was enough room for one more person on each sofa, and Zack beat me to Rob and Rian’s, so I sighed and headed over to the spare seat next to Alex.

As soon as my ass touched the seat, I felt Alex’s hand briefly brush against my thigh. His accidental touching sent a shockwave straight to my dick… (His touch has a powerful effect on me.) I shuffled uncomfortably in the seat.

“Jack… Are you aware that you are wearing a top that says you love me?” Alex immediately asked me, captivating me with his bright, mysterious eyes.

Jeez, what's put him in such a good mood all of a sudden? It's rather unnerving actually...

“Uh-huh, Zack just informed me,” I replied nonchalantly.

Alex smirked, his eyes shining.

“I like it,” he told me simply.

Yeah, I'm never taking this off. Ever.

I smiled at him coyly.

“Maybe I should get one of those,” Lisa suddenly piped up on the other side of Alex, totally ruining the moment.

Alex turned back to face Lisa again, and I sighed quietly.

“Why, 'cause you love me?” He asked, sounding rather amused.

“Maybe I do,” she said in a tone that sounded like fake shyness, causing me to roll my eyes discretely.

They've been going out one frickin' day and she already thinks she loves him? What is she, like, 12 years old?

“You’re cute,” Alex responded with a smirk, then he leaned forward and pecked her on the lips.

I mentally noted that he hadn’t said he loved her back and it lifted my fucked up heart slightly.

“Hey, Jack, can I steal your t-shirt?” Lisa suddenly asked me, leaning forward to see me from the other side of Alex.

What the fuck?

“Why?” I asked, annoyed.

She hasAlex… The t-shirt’s mine!

“I think it’s cool. If I wore it, it could be like a secret sign that me and Alex are dating,” she replied innocently.

I didn’t buy her innocence.

I swear Lisa has it in for me. First, she doesn’t want Alex and me fooling around onstage… And now, she doesn’t even want me to have a shirt that’s probably just meant to be a joke. What is her deal?

I felt like saying“no, fuck off”but how could I when all pairs of eyes in the room were now fixated on me, waiting for my response?

“Uh... I guess?” I said reluctantly.

Alex suddenly started laughing.

“You know, I don’t think the fan that made that shirt made it because they wanted people to take it seriously, Lis… They just probably fantasies about me and Jack.”Oh, so I’m not the only one then?“And I dunno... I don’t think they’ll be very happy if they see you walking round in it!” He said disappovingly.

I didn’t even know why he was defending my right to have the top over Lisa… But I liked it.

“Don't you think it’ll be fun to tell everyone that we're together indirectly by doing something like wearing that top?” Lisa persisted. "It's like a sutble hint."

Alex looked thoughtful, before replying with a shrug “I don't know... It's up to Jack."

It's up to me? Haha! Hell, if I actually had a choice in all of this Lisa and Alex wouldn't be dating at all...

“I don’t really care,” I lied with a forced smirk, then I slowly started to pull the top off over my head.

It’s insane that we’re having this conversation about a stupid t-shirt. And what’s even more insane is that I actually do care… But I can’t protest because, like I said; it’s a stupid t-shirt!

I’ll never know how I managed it, but I ended up getting my arm stuck in one of the long sleeves while I was pulling the top over my head. Either I’m completely retarded or the top was hanging on for dear life, not wanting to be parted from me… Therightfulowner...

No, yeah, I’m retarded.

“Uh…” I said helplessly, stuck inside the top.

Everyone laughed at my stupidity and the next thing I knew Alex was helping me pull my arm free and escape from the top. When I could see again, the first thing I saw was Alex’s beautiful, amused face inches from mine.

I had to use all my strength and will-power not to just kiss him there and then.

“How the fuck did you manage that?” Alex asked, frowning and smirking at the same time.

“Fuck knows…” I muttered.

Alex shook his head, smiling. Then he suddenly lowered his hand until it came into contact with my thighagain, causing my breath to hitch in my throat.

Oh Jesus, Alex… Stop doing that!

He suddenly seemed to realize where his hand was, because he quickly removed it and turned back to Lisa.

“Here,” he said shortly, giving Lisa the damn top.

“Thanks, Jack,” Lisa beamed at me. “Now we just have to get you a top that says you love me and then maybe everyone will get the message!” She added, and I assumed that part was for Alex.

“Yeah, I’ll see if I can find the fan who made it and ask her if she can make a different one,” Alex replied sarcastically.

I couldn’t help but smirk at that. I enjoyed the fact that Alex was being pretty sarcastic and patronizing towards Lisa tonight.

Now if he would just dump her already, I would enjoy that even more. But something tells me Lisa isn’t going anywhere just yet… She’s sticking around to make my life torture.Is this how our story ends or a new chapter begins?

Notes

IM SOOOOO SORRY!!!! I HAVENT UPDATED IN FOREVER AND I AM SO VERY VERY SORRY!!! i am grouned from my things so its hard to type a chapter!! im so soory11!!