*Jack POV*

I was surprised when I stepped foot inside the bus and was met with the sight of Alex sitting by himself on the sofa watching what appeared to be some kind of reality TV program. I was mainly surprised to find him alone.

He tore his eyes away from the TV briefly to look at me as I stood dithering in the door way. My eyebrows were raised and my eyes were darting from him to the TV screen as if to say"...the fuck are you watching?”But he said nothing. He just turned back to the screen.

The atmosphere between us was tense and I had no idea why. I found myself chewing my lip nervously.

"So, er, what you watching?” I finally managed to ask, walking forward and sitting down next to him on the sofa slowly.

“I dunno,” he shrugged, but he didn’t look away from the screen. He seemed entranced in this show which he had no idea what it was.

“Uh, okay then," I replied, frowning at him.

Everything was silent between us for a few uncomfortable moments, before I plucked up the courage to start a new conversation.

Why is it so hard to talk to him right now?

"Where are the others?" I quizzed him casually.

"I dunno," he repeated monotonously.

I sighed, playing with my hair distractedly.

"I thought Lisa would be here…"

"Well, we’re not joined at the fucking hip, Jack,” he barked.

Well, it seems to me like they have been recently…

“Alright, jeez," I retorted, slightly taken aback by his sudden outburst. "I was just saying."

"So was I," Alex shrugged, suddenly calm again.

Well, there was no need to bite my fucking head off.

"Did you and her, uh, sort things out?" I asked cautiously, not being able to refrain from asking, even though I knew he was in a funny mood, so he would probably start shouting at me.

“What, you mean after you threw me in the shit with her?" Alex snapped.

Fuck off did I “throw him in the shit”… He threw himself in it by lying in the first place!

"…Yes, we did.”

Oh, excellent.

"I cannot believe you're annoyed with me about that," I spoke with a fed up sigh. "It's not my fault-"

“I'm not annoyed with you,” he said shortly, his lips pursed.

Yeah, right...

I stared at him and my eyebrows pulled together in confusion. He was certainly annoyed aboutsomething…

“Why are you in such a pissy mood then?” I demanded, narrowing my eyes.

“It doesn't matter,” he responded flatly.

“Uh, yes, it does,” I disagreed.

Alex rolled his eyes at the TV, probably because I was pestering him. But I had no intention of giving up.

“Look, me and Lisa just had another argument," he stated, sounding bored. "But it’s nothing.”

He sure as hell wasn’t acting like it was “nothing”.

I couldn’t help but feel the jolt of excitement that shot through me. (Yes, I’m fucked up; I enjoy the fact that they’re arguing… And at least now I know that it’s not me he’s annoyed with, it’s Lisa.)

“Oh… What about?” I asked, too intrigued to care about how nosy I was being.

Alex averted his eyes from the TV for the second time since my arrival, looking me up and down once, before reconnecting his eyes to the screen.

“You,” he answered finally.

What the fuck? Did he just say they were arguing about... me?I wanna know what this means…

Okay, well, in that case, I might be partly to blame for his mood…

I stared at him blankly.

“What?” I managed to ask, perplexed.

Alex's response was a shrug, like it was no big deal… Or maybe he just didn’t want to give me the details of his relationship problems. But I’m pretty sure I’m entitled to know more, since it involves me…

I sat in silence, waiting for him to tell me what the hell happened.

He said nothing.

“Okay… Well, what did she say?” I asked, making my question clearer.

“I need to stop messing you around,” Alex replied flatly.

Holy crap, she said WHAT?!

Despite the insane voices starting to freak out inside my head, I somehow managed to stay calm and composed on the outside.

“What the fuck?” I blurted out in confusion.

Okay, onlyrelativelycalm…

“That’s what I said,” Alex sighed heavily.

I couldn’t work out which direction their argument ended up going, because Alex was giving nothing away in his expression and answers.I wanna know how you feel.

“…And what did she say to that?” I encouraged him.

Seriously, it's like trying to get answers out of a brick wall...

“That‘Jalex’is confusing,” he replied automatically.

The emphasis he put on “Jalex" made it sound like he was making fun of it... Or maybe he was making fun of the crazy fans for inventing a name for what we do onstage. I don’t know, but I wish he wouldn’t say it like that… I happen to enjoy ‘Jalex’ for obvious reasons!

“Uh, what?” I repeated, lost for what else to say.

I can’t believe Lisa is getting involved in what we do onstage… It’s nothing to do with her!

“She thinks it confuses the fans,” Alex said blankly, finally turning his gaze from the TV to look at me again. "And you."

I stared back at him, noticing how his eyes had narrowed.

“Me? I’m not fucking confused!" I choked out defensively. "Okay, well, maybe I am right now with this conversation… But Jalex? I get it!”

I get that, to Alex, it's all an act to mess with fans and stand up for gay rights... And to me, it's everything I wish was real.

"...Do you?" Alex enquired uncertainly.

"Yes!" I exclaimed loudly. "What the hell is confusing about two friends messing around onstage, like we do?"

The words falling from my mouth were starting to contradict the way I truly felt. Secretly, of course I was fucking confused! Alex's 'urges' towards me are what I do not get. But then, I embrace confusion. And Alex’s urges. And Alex...

"The fact that there's chemistry…" Alex suddenly muttered, almost too quiet for me to hear.

But I did hear him. And then I was secretly feeling even more confused...

"Wait, are you... confused?" I questioned suspiciously, looking at Alex in wonder.

He dropped his gaze to his hands in his lap, avoiding my stare.

"Yes," he admitted in a small voice, making my heart skip a beat.

Did he just reveal that he's confused about his true feelings for me?

"Okay, you know what? I am kinda confused," I confessed with a sigh.

Alex slowly nodded his head and then hesitantly raised his eyes to meet mine again.

His eyes were captivating. Half a minute passed and it had practically turned into a staring contest. I knew that I would not be the winner... Alex loses very rarely at things anyway.

He didn’t respond; he just kept staring. I started to wish that he would turn back to face the TV again; I preferred his analyzing eyes on the screen instead of my face. I decided to avoid his eyes, but it proved difficult... They were like magnets.I looked away; then I looked back at you.I was drawn to them, just like I was drawn to him.

I was literally seconds away from leaning in to kiss him, when he suddenly opened his mouth and eventually spoke words I was not expecting to hear…

“Maybe it’s time we stopped messing around and made things completely clear for everyone.”

What? No! Confusion is a small price I am willing to pay to be able to kiss those addictive lips of his...

“Wha- why? I'm sure things will become clearer to people over time,” I spoke in a hopeful voice, adding silently in my head'It might become clear to you that you like me as more than a friend.'

“No, I don’t think it will," Alex stated slowly. "It's too confusing if I'm dating Lisa and, uh... kissing you…"

Then dump her! Don't stop kissing me! Never stop...

My heart sunk at his words; I knew he had chosen which of us he wanted... It wasn't me.

I suddenly realized that as far as Alex knows, I'm unaware that Lisa is even his girlfriend until this conversation, because this is the first time he’s mentioned her being his girlfriend to me... He could have told me in a more sensitive way. But then, why would he? He wasn’t aware that it was like a slap in the face for me to hear it.

“I don't mind confusion,” I mumbled, trying to reason with Alex.

"Well, I do," he retorted frankly. “And this whole ‘Jalex’ thing... I’m over it, dude,” he added with a small shrug, implying that he indeed doesn’t care anymore.

He’sover it?But... He seemed pretty fucking into it last night!

I didn’t want to look at him with a face like a kicked puppy, but I knew I probably had one, so I looked at the floor instantly.

I'm not over it. I need his affection...

This is blatantly all Lisa’s fault. For fuck sake, is it not enough for her just to date Alex? Is it really necessary for her to put thoughts in his head about Jalex and destroy my only form of release for my feelings right now, and the only chance I get to be physical with Alex… the onstage antics?

“Jack, are you okay?” Alex suddenly asked, staring at me looking bewildered, like I was crying my eyes out or something.

A wave of panic crashed inside me as I wondered if I actually was crying.I don’t wanna fall to pieces; I just wanna sit and stare at you.But then I realized that I hardly ever cry. He was probably just wondering why I was acting a little odd.

“Yeah... I just- I don’t understand this... I thought we were making a Best friend statement?” I spoke, stumbling over my words.

After all, the whole point of 'Jalex'wasto have fun, express feelings. I just got too attached to the whole act. And Alex.

“Well, yeah, we were. But I think it's safe to say that the statement has been well and truly made,” Alex replied bluntly.

It's also safe to say that the attachment has been well and truly made, too…

“Right, let me get this straight; you want us to basically stay away from each other onstage from now on because it mightconfusea few people?” I asked, suddenly unsure about whether I was hearing the conversation right… It seemed so absurd.

“Yeah, well there are other reasons too,” Alex replied impatiently in a tone that told me he was not going to go into the details, so there was no point in asking. “It’s no big deal. I just have a girlfriend now… So I should save my urges for her, you know?” He finished, smirking slightly.

Ouch.

For some reason, I felt betrayed; part of me actually believed that Alex’s urges towards me meant something… That just maybe he might even like me.I wanna know what is real.But I guess his “urges” were just his sexual frustration that he always used to take out on me because I let him… And now he has a girlfriend I am of no use to him.

I felt like protesting and saying“No! Use me!”but I knew it would sound completely ridiculous, so I bit my tongue and heaved a long sigh instead.

“Fine,” I said simply, even though I did not feel fine about him putting an end to the chemistry we had onstage at all. If I had my way, I’d never get over you.

The conversation was really awkward all of a sudden. It felt like Alex was breaking up with me, even though we were never even together.I don’t wanna talk about it ‘cause I’m in love with you.His rejection made me feel suddenly so used and empty. Like everything we had was slowly falling to pieces right before my eyes.

Notes

meeeeeeeeeeeerp! tell me if you like it so far!

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