*Jack POV*

Alex and I were sat alone on an empty stage in a deserted field deep in conversation.

“Tell me the truth, Jack,” Alex spoke softly, looking at me with warm, encouraging eyes.

I nearly lost myself in them. He knew I could never deny those eyes.

“I… I love you,” I confessed, hanging my head in shame as I finally told my best friend the truth after all these years.

My confession was greeted by an unnerving silence.

I peered up through my eyelashes when Alex didn’t reply. His soft expression very slowly turned stiff, like he was angry. Then suddenly, he started laughing. And it wasn’t his smirking kind of laugh that I’m used to… He was having a fucking hysteria.

…What the fuck?

I looked up at him questioningly, the hurt written all over my face. I would rather have him shouting at me and going mental than laughing at me.

“Lex,” I whined, trying to get him to stop. “Don’t laugh!”

He didn’t stop.

Then out of nowhere, Lisa appeared. Her arms snaked around her boyfriend possessively as his fits of laughter continued to shatter my heart. She glowered at me for a few seconds, before joining in with Alex’s uncontrollable and unnecessary laughter.

What is so fucking funny?

I stood up immediately and felt my world spinning like I was on a roundabout being pushed faster and faster… I couldn’t get off either.

I stumbled backwards and turned to focus on the open fields. But they were no longer deserted… They were filled with thousands of people as far as the eye could see. But they were not the cheering crowd of fans I was used to standing in front of, because they were all laughing callously too, as if watching Alex destroy me was their favorite fucking comedy show.

In the front row of the crowd I spotted Zack, Robbie and Rian, laughing too, of course… What the fuck were they in the crowd for? It was weird being on the stage without them... And being the laughing stock of the audience.

The sound of laughter was ringing in my ears, driving me to the brink of madness.

Yes, let’s all fucking laugh at me for stupidly revealing my inappropriate feelings! Stupid, stupid Jacky…

“STOP LAUGHING AT ME!” I screamed at everyone, but no one listened.
They laughed harder, if that was even possible.

I turned desperately to face Alex and Lisa, who were now behind me embraced in each other’s arms, kissing passionately.

“Stop that!” I shouted at them, but my voice was fading away.

They ignored me too.

The sound of their lips smacking together echoed inside my mind along with the hysterical laughter. I couldn’t decide which was worst; they were both driving me insane...

Suddenly, everything went extremely dark, like someone had turned the lights out… or the sun. And then I was falling.The end comes reeling...

The last thing I saw before I faded away like the light was Alex’s smirking face in the distance. The warmth that was once in his eyes had well and truly vanished, leaving behind coldness and emptiness.

“Can’t you see that it’s killing me?” I tried to scream at him, but no sound came out.

Can you hear me now?

I continued falling, further into nothingness and never stopping.I know you may not miss me.

I awoke with a start, my eyes wide and alert. My hair was stuck to my forehead with sweat and my breathing was rather heavy.

Holy shit. It was a dream! A really fucking weird one, too. It’s over now.

Relief washed over me as it sunk in that it wasn't real; I thankfully hadn't ruined my friendship with Alex and made a complete fool of myself.

They say dreams are a person's deepest fear... Well, I guess I know what mine is now: Alex’s rejection. This hopeless feeling; this fear of falling down…But as long as dreams aren't some kind of premonition of the future, I’m fine. I’m not crashing now.

I think I’ll keep my feelings to myself for now…I’ll keep them safe and sound.

“Jack… Are you okay?”

I jumped slightly at the sound of someone talking to me and snapped my head sideways to find Lisa lying opposite me in Alex’s bed, staring at me with a frown on her face.

The relief that was flooding through my body suddenly disappeared, like someone had unplugged a drain somewhere in my body.

The sight of her brought back memories from the night and my brain automatically replayed some of the sounds I was tormented with… The smacking of frantic lips, the rustling of covers and clothes as they were thrown on the floor, and the heavy breathing and moaning…

It was literally torture being in the same room as them last night and I realize now that I should have escaped before it got too heated.

“Um… Yes…” I mumbled, embarrassed.

Alex was not in the bed with Lisa; I presumed he was having a shower by the sound of the running water in the bathroom. Me and Lisa were the only ones in the bedroom at all.

What the hell is the time?

Lisa didn't look convinced.

“You've been talking in your sleep,” she informed me, causing my insides to twist into a massive knot as I tried not to freak out.

Oh God, what did she hear?My hopes and dreams aren't for anyone…

“Oh… h-have I? What was I saying?” I groaned.

Lisa hesitated.

“Well… You were sort of saying “it’s killing me” over and over.”

Oh, nice one, Jack, you fucking sleep-talking idiot!

“Oh… Was I? That’s because… Well, uh… I was being attacked by this giant spider,” I lied quickly, shuddering at the horrifying thought of it.

“Oh, right,” Lisa replied slowly.

I don’t know if she bought my story, but she didn't question me further. I felt relief gradually crawl back into my system again.

I was trying to let the conversation between Lisa and I die, because let’s face it; she’s not someone I want to talk to… But she annoyingly carried on talking.

“Aren't you surprised to see me here in Alex’s bed?” She asked, smirking slightly in a way that was almost bragging.

Who knew a smile could feel like such a fucking slap in the face? I badly wanted to wipe that smugness off her face.

“No, I heard you come in last night,” I admitted stiffly.

“Oh, sorry, did we wake you?” She apologized half-heartedly, looking at me like she was actually concerned.

I frowned at her slightly.

"No, I was already awake," I shrugged in a bored voice.

There was an awkward silence and uncomfortable tension between us, which made me want to escape the room. But then suddenly, Lisa spoke again.

“Look, before you think I’m some kind of slut that just jumps into bed with anyone-”Whoa, too late for that!“-You should know that me and Alex are kinda together now,” she informed me with a wry smile.

Don't fucking rub it in that he's yours and not mine.

My resentment suddenly caused my bitter thoughts to spill from my mouth, through no fault of my own…

“Yeah, well, you weren't his girlfriend the first time you “jumped into bed together”,” I muttered under my breath.

“What do you mean?”

Fuck... she wasn't supposed to hear that.

“Last night was the first time,” she added in an innocent voice.

“Oh, really? 'Cause that’s not what Alex told us,” I scoffed, the words pouring from my mouth like word-vomit.

The smug smile on Lisa’s face slipped away instantly.

Mission accomplished.

As if on cue at the mention of his name, Alex walked into the bedroom, drying his wet hair with a towel.

“Morning, babe,” he greeted Lisa sweetly. Then he glanced at my bed casually and noticed I was in it. “Oh, hey, Jack,” he smiled cheerfully.

Yeah, now it’s actually written all over his face that he got laid last night... It wasn't last time...

He suddenly realized both me and Lisa were staring at him wordlessly with questioning expressions painted on our faces.

“What?” he asked hesitantly, looking down at his clothes like he was paranoid he forgot to get dressed when he got out the shower or something.

“You told everyone you already fucked me?” Lisa questioned sharply, raising her eyebrows.

I raised my eyebrows at Alex too, but he avoided my gaze and stared at Lisa with a confused expression. Then, the realization of what he was being accused of finally sunk in and he realized he had some explaining to do.

“No I didn’t! What the fuck?” He replied quickly.

Or rather denying, than explaining…

“Jack says you did,” Lisa said flatly, dragging me into something I wanted to stay way the fuck out of.

Alex automatically shot an irritated glare at me which told me he was rather pissed off with me.

Jesus, I only repeated what he told us... It’s not my fucking fault he lied! How was I supposed to know it wasn't true? Why the fuck did he lie at all?!

“Well, I didn't,” Alex continued to deny the accusation, turning back to face Lisa wearing a more subtle expression.

“Uh yeah you did. You said she was a good fuck,” I blurted out before I knew what I was getting involved in.

I just couldn't take his pointless lies.

Alex suddenly looked back at me again, this time frowning deeply and wearing a‘what the fuck are you doing?’kind of expression.

“Why did you lie?” Lisa demanded, clearly annoyed.

I was pretty keen to know the answer to that question myself.

“I never said we had sex. I just... didn't deny their accusations,” Alex defended lamely, turning back to Lisa once again.

But when I asked him straight out if Lisa was good in the sack, he said "yeah." I distinctly remember because that was the moment a piece of my heart shattered, feeling betrayed...

“Whatever,” Lisa sighed, throwing back the bed covers and reaching down to pick up her clothes which still lay abandoned on the floor from last night.

She was wearing just a bra and some rather slutty underwear. I glanced at her for a second, then looked away instantly, realizing that I had no desire to see her like that.

Then I felt Alex’s piercing eyes on my face again, so I looked up at him instinctively to be met by a warning glare, as if he was telling me not to look at his girlfriend when she’s wearing practically nothing.

Jesus, I didn’t fucking want to anyway!

I felt like declaring'the only person I was to see with little to no clothes on is YOU, you fucking idiot.'But I held my tongue, knowing that he wouldn't appreciate that confession coming from me.

Lisa stood straight up, unashamed of her lack of clothes, and stormed out of the room, presumably heading for the bathroom (unless she was planning on walking back to her own tour bus half-naked… I wouldn't put it past her, to be honest).

“Thanks for that,” Alex snapped sarcastically at me, before heading after her like a lost puppy.

I stared after him wordlessly wearing a confused frown on my face.

How can he be annoyed with me? All I did was speak what I thought was the truth!

I don’t get it… If nothing happened between Alex and Lisa the other night, then why didn't he just say so? He could have spared me the burning jealousy because of it.

I could hear Alex trying to explain to Lisa that it was just a misunderstanding through the thin walls, as I climbed out of bed and got dressed distractedly.

“They got the wrong idea… That’s all.”

Oh, yeah, that’s right… Blame us...

I rolled my eyes, annoyed that he was still avoiding the truth.

“Well, you should have corrected them instead of letting them believe I was just some cheap whore,” Lisa snapped.

It makes no difference to me whether Lisa and Alex had sex last night or the night before (there’s only one fucking night between it, after all), because they still have, and for that reason (and quite a few others) I will continue thinking of Lisa in the negative way I do, like the stubborn, jealous bitch I am.

“They don’t think that of you at all… Rian, tell her!” Alex demanded.

“Huh? Oh, um, no… We don’t think that...” Rian commented awkwardly after being dragged into the tense argument.

Speak for yourself, Rian..

I had to smirk at Rian's unconvincing attempt at comforting Lisa. I could also imagine Alex rolling his eyes at Rian for being useless.

“I’m sorry I didn't point out their mistake, but I didn't realized," Alex lied, playing the fool.

“Jack just said that you said I was a good fuck! Sounds to me like you knew what you were saying,” Lisa retorted, obviously not falling for Alex’s pathetic excuse.

“He lied!” Alex exclaimed. You've got be kidding me... He's calling ME the liar?“But hey, you are,” he added in a lower voice, and I could almost picture the smirk playing on his lips.

I rolled my eyes trying to ignore the sickening feeling in my gut.

“Well, you wouldn’t have known that if it wasn’t for last night,” Lisa pointed out sharply.

“I know that. Babe, why are we making a big deal about this? It’s just a silly misunderstanding," Alex sighed, sounding fed up.

I had to agree that Lisa was being slightly over-dramatic about this whole thing. I almost wanted to tell to just get used to it. Men are all the same... This is what we do.

"I’m sorry for offending you, though,” Alex added softly.

Lisa didn’t reply straight away. I imagined Alex looking at her with those warm, hypnotic eyes of his and irresistible pouting lips, which will make her, realize she cannot deny them or anything about him.

“I guess you're right. Sorry I overreacted,” Lisa finally sighed.

I have a rather accurate imagination, right?

I wanted to walk out of the bedroom, but I didn’t want to walk past them most likely in the middle of their 'make-up kiss', so I waited for a few minutes, pacing up and down the small room.

Finally, I heard the front door slam shut, followed by silence, so I assumed the coast was clear and made my escape.

I walked into the living room and noticed that the rest of the guys weren’t here either. I had no idea where they’d gone, but the tour bus was empty now... Just like me.

Usually when Rian, Robbie and Zack go out for a walk or whatever they all do, it leaves me and Alex alone here. And that’s how I like it. But now he has Lisa and I guess I have no one... I want more than anything to still be the one Alex wants to spend his time with. I envy Lisa for being that person, instead of me.

I glanced at the ticking clock that was the only thing that currently filled the silence; it was just past two in the afternoon. I didn’t know what to do with myself.

I groaned out loud at the idea of going out and socializing; I usually like making an effort to meet and impress new people every day, but today I don’t even want to bother. Therefore, I will be a bit of a social reject...The choice I made...


I sighed and decided to get some fresh air. I put the hood up on my jacket up and decided to go for a walk. Alone, of course.

***
Alex avoided me like the plague onstage tonight. He didn’t mess with me… Didn’t come near me… Didn’t even look at me.

I don’t know if I’m being overly-sensitive or if he’s actually annoyed with me, but the way he ignored me ignited a fucking flashback to my dream last night. I can’t let this go...

As I walked by myself back to the tour bus after the show, I made a mental note to myself:Find out if Alex’s on his fucking period.

Notes

So I was in the middle or rereading this chapter for any mistakes and MY DAD CAME HOME! I am super grounded from my computer and i had it Open on my bed! Usually i hear my dads truck and i know he is home. i didnt hear his car and someone tried to open the front door (IT was locked thank god) i looked out my window and my dads car was there! i freaked out threw mt laptop under my bed put my phone in dresser and threw everything off my bed. i was shaking i was so scared! omg i have to be careful next time!