*Jack POV*

Alex totally disappeared after I almost told him I have feelings for him. What’s the deal with that? I wish I had just got it all out in the open before Lisa rudely interrupted and stole him away. If I’m going to tell him, I need to do it soon, before I lose my fucking nerve.

The day dragged by slowly without Alex around to keep me entertained. I spent the majority of the day wandering around aimlessly, watching random bands.

I didn't see Alex anywhere and I had no idea where he went… Wherever it was, he obviously wanted to be alone with Lisa because he didn't invite me or anyone else. I hated the idea of them being alone together, but there was not much I could do to stop it.

When it was finally time to do what I wait all day for and get up on that stage in front of thousands of fans, my mood improved dramatically. Nothing quite compares to the feeling of playing live. It's what I live for.

Alex showed up out of nowhere when there was just a few minutes to spare before we were due onstage, nearly giving Rian a heart attack. Lisa was with him; she stayed standing at the side of the stage for the duration of the show.

The screams and cheers from the crowd made the adrenaline pump through my body, making me feel alive. I let myself go, head banging and going crazy as I played guitar, like my life depended on it.

All Alex seemed to be able to talk about in between songs was how insanely hot it was. I had to agree. It was like a fucking sauna onstage tonight. I usually get sweaty onstage, but tonight I was actually dripping wet with sweat by the time we were on the third song. There was literally a fucking heat wave!

When ‘Stay Awake (Dreams Only Last A Night)’ started, Alex was, singing, and I distractedly wandered over in his direction. Before I realized where I was, I found myself sitting under him in a crouched position on the floor. I looked up at him at the same time that he looked down at me questioningly and I couldn't help but notice that my face was centimeters from his crotch. I definitely liked the position.

I tore my eyes away from his and concentrated on playing my guitar riff to take my mind off of the fact that my face was right fuckingthere...I stood up and walked around to the back of Alex, without warning, I put one of my hands straight through his legs and just grabbed. his. crouch.

I was literally groping him through his jeans, and holy mother of God, I liked the new position even more.

My mouth fell open a little but I quickly snapped it shut in fear that I might drool on his head or something.


I almost forgot where I was completely. In my head it was just me and Alex; no one and nothing else mattered.

But then, Alex snapped me back into reality. I realized I was maybe getting too into this… So I stopped as abruptly as I had started, strutting back to my side of the stage.

A few songs later, while I was still melting in the heat wave, Alex suddenly started his whole sexy intro to “Party song (Walk of Shame)” and things reached boiling point inside me. I couldn’t cope with the weatherandAlex being insanely hot...

“Fuck it,”a voice in my head said

I stopped playing guitar briefly and pulled my own top off over my head to reveal my naked torso. Then I tossed my top aside on the floor and resumed playing, smirking to myself as the crowd went wild, wolf-whistling and screaming my name.

I glanced over my shoulder to find Zack looking at me like I had completely lost my mind, which caused me to smirk even more. Alex’s reaction was slightly delayed but a few seconds later he turned around to see what the crowd were screaming excitedly at and laid eyes on my bare chest.I can see the way you look at me...

His eyes widened considerably and his mouth fell open a little, probably shocked that I was showing my body off in front of the fans, usually Zack is the only one with his shirt off.

“Oh, Jack’s taken his shirt off,” he informed the crowd, like they didn’t already know, before turning to look at me again, this time flashing me a sexy grin which caused my knees to go weak.

A few moments later, Zack followed my example and rid himself of his shirt. Alex didn't seem as shocked to see Ray shirtless as he had me, and Zack did not receive an incredibly sexy grin.

I noticed that Rian looked rather fucking scared, like he was wondering if it was something we did onstage now. It made me laugh. I hoped Alex would follow suit and remove his top too, even though I knew there was no way that would ever happen... And I suppose we can’t all just suddenly start stripping off onstage, because this is a All Time Low show, not a porn show.

Then again, Alexcould have fooled me with all the fucking sex noises coming from that dirty mouth of his…

“Fuck! Fucking! Fuckidy Fuck! I fuck myself on a daily basis," he informed the crowd, like the rude, horny fucker he is. "It goes like this; hmmmm, HMMM! SEX!”

Ugh, God, and now I’m picturing him jacking off…

Is he trying to kill us all with sexiness?

Half way through 'Stay Awake', Alex strutted over to me as I innocently played.Come over here and tell me what I wanna hear...He was suddenly unable, it seemed, to resist my naked torso, because he started running his hands all over my sweaty chest, feeling me upagain. His touch drove me absolutely wild.

I soon discovered that the answer to my earlier question is'Yes, Alex does intend to kill us all with his sexiness.'I came to this conclusion at the end of ‘Jasey Rea’ when he took things to awhole new level…

All of a sudden, I felt a sharp stab of envy towards Lisa… She’s been back in his life for two days and has already done all three bases with him! I've known Alex since we where young that’s a whole lot of years and we've only reached first base. Where is the justice in the world?! She must be either really fucking easy…You could do so much better...Or I'm just too hard. (Pun intended.)

The rest of the show was fairly normal. Alex's sexiness overload died down after the whole bases fiasco and I was thankfully able to breathe again normally.

***

I stepped onto the tour bus and my eyes scanned the room on their own accord, looking for the only person I was in the mood to talk to.

“Where’s Alex?” I asked Rian, Zack and Robbie absent-mindedly.

“I saw him outside smoking a while ago,” Rian shrugged nonchalantly.

“Oh, I should have guessed,” I nodded, then I added “I could do with a cigarette myself.”

As much as I honestly did need a cigarette, it was just an excuse to go and talk to Alex and the guys had probably guessed that much. But they had no way of knowing what I was planning on telling him… The truth at last.

I swiftly stood up from the sofa and wandered out the front door, stepping outside into the humid air. I looked around for Alex impatiently, but I couldn’t see him anywhere. But then suddenly, I heard a faint voice I recognised.

“Oh yes, very entertaining… You and Jack seem to have something good going on.”

Lisa.

I became very alert as soon as I heard my name, straining to hear more of the conversation. There was no mistaking that the conversation I was eavesdropping on this time was about me.I know you talk about me.

Before I knew what I was doing, my feet were taking me round the back of the bus, following the sound of her voice.

“It’s just a bit of fun to make the crowd go wild,” I heard Alex reply smoothly.

I frowned to myself; it sounded like he was smirking. I didn’t like it.

Yes, 'Jalex' makes the crowd go wild… But it drives me wild too. He doesn't take it seriously and I take offence at that, because it means he doesn't really takemeseriously.

“I can see now why people say you two have totally fucked!” Lisa laughed.

Oh, controversial.We should get together now, and that’s what everybody’s talking about.

I didn’t know people were saying that about us and neither did Alex apparently.

“Who says that? We haven’t!” He responded quickly.

I rolled my eyes. I could already picture his panicked expression. Whenever someone mentions the flirting between me and him, he gets really paranoid and defensive. I don’t know why it bothers him so much, but it bothers me that it bothers him.

“Well, obviously not! Kids just like to fantasize about these things," Lisa smirked.

Yeah, they're not the only ones.I think about you all the time; you’re so addictive.

“Haha, well, whatever floats their boat, I guess,” Alex replied calmly.

It certainly ‘floats my boat’.

There was a short silence between Alex and Lisa and I started to think they had either vanished into thin air or were making out. I took a few steps forward and peered round the corner of the tour bus, to find that my thoughts were wrong. They had neither vanished, nor were they kissing.

Lisa was leaning with her back against our tour bus and Alex was standing next to her, leaning on the bus with one hand. Lisa was staring at the ground in some kind of trance and Alex was looking at her with a concentrated expression on his face, like he was thinking deeply about something.

“So, I’ve been thinking… You know… About us…” Alex suddenly revived the conversation, before trailing off uncertainly.

“Hmm?” Lisa encouraged him, turning to look at him.

“It’s just… Uh… I really like you…“ Alex began awkwardly, making the jealousy flood through me.

I closed my eyes and pretended it was me he was really saying this too. In my head, I responded by telling him I liked him too, before leaning in and kissing him.

“I like you too, Alex,” Lisa took my words out of my head and used them in reality.

“I know I said I want to play it cool… But uh, I don’t anymore… I want you…" He spoke nervously.

I’d give anything to be the one he wanted…I want you mine…

"So, uh… Do you want to be my girlfriend?” He finally managed to ask after a lot of hesitation.

I groaned quietly to myself. It felt like my heart had just sunk so low it had fallen into my stomach.

“Oh please say no,”the silent voices inside my mind begged Lisa, even though I didn’t see how her refusing Alex would make me feel any better now that what he wants is crystal clear to me and I know it does not involve me.

Lisa couldn’t hear my silent prayer, obviously… And there’s no reason why she would listen to me even if I had begged her out loud (which I would never do).

“Yes, I do!” She exclaimed, much to my resentment.

I knew it was coming… People just do not refuse Alex when he wants something. But I still felt completely crushed.

And as if I wasn’t feeling gutted enough, they sealed the deal with a kiss, suddenly pulling eachother into a passionate embrace.

I heaved a sigh and retreated back inside the tour bus with my head hung low, wondering why the fuck I always seem to walk in on conversations I really don’t want to hear… There must be something wrong with me.

Does Alex build me up to tear me down on purpose? Or does he honestly not know how insane he drives me with his games?What the hell were you thinking?…What wasIthinking?

First, he was acting like he liked me too by kissing and flirting with me so much... Then he slept with Lisa…Then he was fucking all over me tonight onstage… And now he's just asked Lisa to be his girlfriend!

Is he purposefully trying to confuse the shit out of me?

Before Lisa arrived on the scene I was happy enough believing Alex felt the same way about me, but now I can’t be that naive. I think everything I had convinced myself was just false hope. The truth of the matter is, if he had ever wanted me, I would be his by now.

***

Several hours later, at about 2am, Rian, Zack, Robbie and I were all in our beds. We were all pretty much drifting off or already fast asleep, when suddenly Alex and Lisa came stumbling into the room loudly.

Robbie and Zack didn’t stir, as usual, but Rian sighed loudly. I didn’t move or make a sound, but I was fucking wide awake all of a sudden.

The springs in Alex’s bed squeaked loudly in protest as they both got in. There isn’t much room in these single bunks, so even though I couldn’t see through the darkness, I could imagine how close their bodies were… How Alex must have his arms wrapped tight around Lisa, hugging her close to him…

Urgh.

All of a sudden, Lisa annoyingly started giggling.

“Sorry,” Alex smirked softly.

The sounds of shuffling and lips smacking together suddenly filled the dark room and echoed inside my mind. I turned my back on them and faced the wall, burying my head under my pillow, but my imagination was torturing me with the image of what they were doing. I just wanted to disappear.Better yet, make your girlfriend disappear.

I felt like getting up and running out the room, but I couldn’t, because they thought I was asleep, and it would be fucking weird if I suddenly jumped out of bed and left the room now at this time in the morning.

It’s not like any of us have never had girls in the room when the other guys are asleep before… We all have, and it’s never been a problem, as long as we keep the noise down. But this is different. It's a problem for me now. And Alex would wonder what the fuck my problem is if I got up and walked out the room now.

He would never guess that my problem is I can’t handle the jealousy that is boiling in my veins so much it hurts.

I don’t like your girlfriend…I fucking wish I was her!

Notes

i hate being grounded