I Feel Like A Hero

I sighed in happiness as the hot shower water ran down the sides of my face. I went out again last night. 4th time this week. I smiled as I rinsed the shampoo out of my hair. The last couple of months have easily been the best of my life. Life is finally treating me right. After all the bull shit I went through to get here, I'm finally happy.

The feeling of drugs running through my veins is one that nothing can compare to. It's the one thing in my life that brings me happiness without any downside. Alex makes me happy, but in return I have to put in the effort to make him happy. And lately, I haven't wanted to put in the effort to do that. Playing a show has always given me the best feeling, but even it can't compare to how I feel when my body is packed full of drugs.

The only bad thing in my life right now is Alex. He's just seemed so sad recently, and it's kind of bumming me out. I wish I could do something to make him feel better, but I don't know what. I know how to make him feel good, but he refuses to go out with Ryan and I again. That's his loss I guess. He's only missing out on the greatest invention of the human race.

I felt a pang of satisfaction as I looked down at the needle point bruises that have peppered my arm. It's all a routine now. Ryan invites me out, I accept, we go out and the rest is history. We go after shows sometimes and always on days off. A few weeks ago when we had 3 days off in the same city, Ryan and I left right after the show and didn't come back until 30 minutes before bus call. I don't remember what happened that weekend, but I'm sure we had a lot of fun.

I finished my shower and dried off. Then, with my towel slung across my hips, I walked out into the little locker room area that the venue provided us with to shower in. It was pretty nice considering most of the venues we've been to this tour didn't even have showers. I shot a smile at Alex and watched as he shrugged into his t-shirt.

When he noticed I was standing there, he met my gaze with a saddened look on his face. His tearful eyes bore into mine like saucers. I stepped forward towards him.
"What's wrongLex?" I asked, trying to sound interested.

His eyes left mine as he looked towards the ground, "It's nothing..."

A part of me wanted to leave it be and get on with getting dressed, but I knew I couldn't do that. This is Alex I'm talking about, the man I love.

"Talk to me Alex," I smiled at him, "You know you can tell me anything, right?"

He hesitated, but nodded anyway, "I know Jack, I just can't right now."

"Why not?" I asked, putting my hand on his shoulder, "I don't want you to be hurting."

"I don't want us to fightagain..." he mumbled, so low that I barely heard it.

My eyebrows furrowed, "Why would we fight? I just want to make you happy..."

"It's just," he paused when we heard a door close from somewhere behind me, "... Never mind..."

He started to walk away from me. I went to go after him, but I heard someone call out my name from behind me. When I turned around to see who it was, I saw Ryan walking towards me, "Hey man, tonight's gonna rule, hurry up and get dressed."

"Just a second," I threw in his direction before turning back towards where Alex had been, only to see he was gone, "Dammit Alex," I sighed, frustration evident in my voice.

"You guys aren't fighting again, are you?" Ryan asked, raising an eyebrow at me.
"I don't think so," I ran my fingers through my still damp hair; "He just won't talk to me."

Ryan sighed, "You already know what I think about your relationship with him, so I'm just gonna save my breath..."

I glared at him, "It's not as bad as you think it is."

He shrugged, "Whatever. But hey, get dressed already. I'm going crazy waiting for you."
I rolled my eyes but obliged anyway.

~

Something was off. I wasn't quite sure what, but I could feel something wasn't right. I hadn't seen Ryan since we first got here. As soon as we arrived we wereseparated. I tried not to let it bother me, but I did feel a bit awkward surrounded by people I've never met. I sighed as I threw back another shot, allowing the alcohol to flow through my veins. I haven't done anything other than drink yet; I never know where to get the stuff. Ryan, for someone, always knows someone.

I decided it was high time to get something stronger in me and went off to look for my friend. I stumbled through the make shift dance floor; squeezing my way through intoxicated dancers. I wandered around for a while before realizing finding Ryan was a lost cause. I sighed and started making my way back to the bar when the music cut off and someone yelled;

"We need some help! This guy isn't breathing!"

Everything froze for a second before everyone scrambled. Some people ran towards the exits; knowing if 911 were called cops would show up. Anyone that had done anything illegal would be busted. I did my best to scan the crowd for Ryan so we could get out of here.

I ended up not finding him before the paramedics arrived. I cursed to myself before pulling out my phone to call him. As it rang in my ear, I heard hisringtonecoming from the crowd of people surrounding the guy that had passed out.

I shoved through unnamed bodies in attempt to find Ryan. When I did, I gasped. Ryan was on the ground, surrounded by paramedics.

"Shit, Ryan!" I gasped, my hands moving to cover my mouth.

"Do you know this guy?" someone shouted at me.

I nodded weakly, my eyes glued to the scene in front, "He's my best friend..."

"We need to know if he took anything," I turned towards the man talking to me to see it was a paramedic, "Sir, we need to know."

"I- I don't know," I mumbled, "We were separated almost immediately. He probably did though."

The man nodded before returning to Ryan. Time went in slow motion as everything unfolded.

"Clear!"

I felt my hands shaking as the room around me spun. The next thing I knew I was on the ground. I tried to move, but I just couldn't. A shooting pain ran up my head from the back of my skull. The last thing I heard before blacking out was some say, "Send another ambulance, victim's friend just collapsed."

~

When I came to I found myself starring at a white wall. I felt panic set in as I glanced around the room. I soon realized I was in a hospital bed, hooked up to an IV. I tried to sit up, but a pain from my head stopped me.

"I wouldn't try that," I heard a voice tell me; "You gave yourself a pretty bad concussion when you hit the ground."

I turned to see a nurse standing in the doorway to my room.
"What happened?" I askedgroggily.

"You passed out and hit your head," the nurse responded, "We hooked you up to a liquid IV when you got here because your blood alcohol levels were through the roof. You’re lucky you didn't have an alcoholpoisoning."

"I don't remember much about last night," I admitted sheepishly, "I know Ryan and I got separated at the party, but that's it... Did someone else come in with me?"

The nurse frowned, "You probably don'trememberthis, but you passed out after paramedics were already at the scene. Your friend, Mr. Ross, passed out and stopped breathing after injecting a large dose of heroin."

"Oh god! Is he okay?" I exclaimed,immediatelyregrettingit after remembering howsensitivemy head was.

"Unfortunately," she said, walking over to the bed, "Mr. Ross' heart failed in the ambulance and paramedics were unable to restart it. He was declared dead upon arrival to the hospital."

I felt my chest tighten up. The world around me stopped spinning as I lay in that hospital bed trying to catch my breath. Ryan's dead?

"I'm very sorry for your loss, Mr. -um."

" 'm Jack," I mumbled, barely getting the words out.

"I'm sorry Jack," she said, putting her hand on my shoulder, "What's going to happen next is, a doctor's going to come in and evaluate your condition. He'll probably order another CT scan to make sure you don't have a brain bleed. Then a griefcouncilor will come in to talk to you about Mr. Ross," I wish she'd stop calling him that. His name was Ryan, "But first, I need you to call someone to come and officially identify Mr. Ross' body."

I nodded as she handed me my phone, "We found this by your hand, so we assumed it was yours. It's been going off all morning; you have a lot of people worried about you."
I unlocked the phone and saw that she was right; I had so many missed calls from Alex andFlyzik, with even a few fromBrendon. Right as I was about to call him, Ireceivedan incoming call from Alex.

"Lex," I answered, my voice shaking.

"Jack! Oh my god!" he yelled, "What the hell?"

"Please don't yell," I winced, "My head's aching."

He scoffed, "It's not my fault you're hung-over as hell. Why the fuck didn't you guys come back last night?"

I sighed, "Alex, I need you to listen to me. I'm going to text you an address. I need you to get as many of the guys aspossibleto come to that address. Make sureBrendon, Spencer and Jon come. Okay?" I surprised myself with howcoherentthat sentence came out.

"Jack, what's going on?" he asked, a sense ofurgencywas in his voice.

"Promise me you won't freak out?"

"You know I can't do that," he responded.

"I need you to try. I'm at a hospital," I heard him inhale a sharp breath; "I'm okay though, I think. It wouldn't be right to tell you everything over the phone. So just trust me, okay?"

He didn't say anything for a while, but when he did, he whispered, "We'll be there soon. Just promise me you'll be okay."

"The nurse I spoke to didn't think there was anything seriously wrong with me," I said, "But there's more going on and I just need you here."

"Okay," he sighed, "I love you Jack. So much."

"I love you too," I responded, "Remember who I said to bring."

After thephone callended and I got the address from the nurse, I was left alone with my thoughts. It didn't take long before I was reduced to tears. I just can't believe Ryan's gone...

Notes

Don't look at me.

Title Cred: Ghost Town

xoxo Mary