I Feel Like A Hero

We’re driving to our next destination and Jack and I are cuddling in my bunk. I’ve missed this. Right now I’m practically on top of Jack. My arms around him, my legs tangled in his and my head on his chest. I grab his hand and intertwine our fingers.

“I missed this.” I tell him. He nods and kisses my head.

“I did too.” He says. “I’m so sorry.” As he’s said every five minutes.

“Jacky.” I giggle, kissing him. “I know you are. I’m over it.”

“No you’re not. I can tell.” He says. I look at him sadly.

“Jack. Yeah I’ll be upset, but I love you too much.” I tell him. He kisses me.

“You broke my heart. I can’t believe I broke you that bad.” He says. I sigh. “You didn’t… you know… did you?”

“No.” I tell him.

Why don’t I replay what happened after I left Brendon’s bus.

I leave Brendon’s bus quickly and run to my bus. Tears stream down my cheeks. Jack just had to be a druggie. I can’t lose him again. I get onto the bus and Rian sees me. I hold the towel around me so they don’t see my cuts.

“Is everything okay?” Vinny asks.

“Nothing is ever okay Vinny. Nothing.” I tell him, tears now spilling down my cheeks.

“Alex. Chill out.” Rian says. “Is this about Jack?”

“Who said it was about Jack?” I ask them. They sigh.

“Because that’s all you think about.” Flyzik says quietly. I look at him. Before I can snap at them, I turn and run to my bunk.

I curl up under my blankets and cry. I hate everything. Everyone thinks I’m clingy. They think I only care about Jack and not our careers. I’m just broken! I get close to people. That’s my cry for help! No one understands that! No one!

When I hear everyone heading to bed, I get out of my bunk. I wipe my eyes and quietly reach into Jack’s bunk. I grab his Adventure Time blanket and head back to my bunk.

If I can’t cuddle into Jack, I’ll cuddle into his blanket. That’s fine with me. I shut my curtain and curl up under Jack’s blanket. I pull it up to my nose and let my tears fall again. I grab my phone and put my ear buds in. I play “Tonight I Wanna Cry” by Keith Urban and cry even harder.

I just wish Jack could be with me telling me he loves me and that he’ll never do it again. I know that won’t happen because drugs are addicting, but I can dream.

I end up crying myself to sleep.

“Babe?” Jack calls. I roll over, stretching. “We’re at the venue.” He says. Already?

“Okay.” I say, yawning. He pulls me on top of him and kisses me. I don’t hesitate to kiss back. I missed kissing him like this. I just missed this.

“So… concert tonight.” He says, smirking.

“Oh, god.” I say, rolling off him. He giggles and I grab clothes to change. “I’m going to take a shower.” I tell him.

I go into the bathroom and strip down. I look down at my body. Scars. Just. Scars. I shake my head and look at my arms. I will not do it again. Maybe that’s a lie. You never know.

I start the shower and ten minutes later, I get out. I change into my American Flag skinny jeans and black V-neck. I get out of the small bathroom and toss my stuff into my bunk. I straighten my hair and then head to the front lounge.

“Morning, sunshine.” Jack greets, kissing me. I roll my eyes and sit down. “You look cute.”

“You always say that.” I tell him.

“Yeah, I always say it because it’s true.” He says. I just shake my head. He takes my hand and look at my cut up wrists which make me uncomfortable, but I don’t say anything.

“These don’t make me feel any better.”

“What?” he asks, staring right at what I’m talking about.

“You know.”

“Nope. I don’t see anything.” He says, looking at me. I see what he’s doing.

“You’re a butt.” I laugh. He kisses me and rests a hand on my cheek. It gets heated pretty fast, but before anything can happen, Rian walks into the front.

“Hey! There are still people here.” Rian laughs. We pull away and I blush. “Alex, no one knows you… relapsed. Are you really going to go out there and tell everyone? The crew and Zack don’t even know.” Rian tells me. I nod.

“I know.” I say.

After a few minutes, we head inside. The fans go crazy. I hug some and head inside. We get ready to get on stage and when we get onstage, I immediately feel better about myself. Everyone loves me at concerts. I feel like nothing is wrong with me.

We play through our songs and then it’s time for the acoustic part of the concert. I get my guitar and sit on a stool in front of the mic. I sigh.

“Hey, guys. Let’s be real a minute.” I tell them. “A conversation between you and me, alright?” I ask them. They all cheer and I see people in front, nodding. “So, Jack and I haven’t been a completely perfect couple the past few days. I won’t say what he’s done because it’s his business, but I will tell you how I handled everything.”

I sigh and look down at my arms.

“A lot of you have probably noticed already, but in case you hadn’t.” I say. I hold my arms out and hear a lot of people shocked. “I’m sorry guys. I let you down.”

“IT’S OKAY! WE LOVE YOU!” a group of girls screams. I look down at my guitar and smile. Suddenly arms are around me and someone is kissing my cheek.

“Oh, hi.” I giggle. Everyone starts cheering and screaming.

“You looked sad. I don’t like when you’re sad.” He says. Girls make ‘awe’ noises and he smiles. “I made him feel this way. I’m an awful boyfriend.”

“Jacky.” I say, kissing his cheek. “Now go, I have a set to finish before you come back out.” I laugh.

“Fine.” He says. I kiss him and he smiles. “Love you.”

“Love you, too.” I say as he leaves the stage. “Sorry about that.”

Everyone cheers and I smile.

“This song is called Therapy.” I tell them.

Later that night, I went to bed early. It makes Jack worry, but for once it’s not because I’m depressed and don’t want to be around people. It’s because I’m actually tired. I had an amazing night and nothing can make me upset tonight. Especially when Jack decided to join me before I fell asleep.

“Goodnight babe.” He says. I smile.

“Goodnight.”

Notes

Title Credit: Tonight I Wanna Cry by Keith Urban
Just a fluffy chapter so you don't worry about sadness for a time. So, enjoy.
-Jenna<3