I Feel Like A Hero

The last notes of Dear Maria rang through the air of the venue. The crowd shrieked up at the stage, which caused the grin already plastered on my face to grow even wider. It was a good show, but these days, they rarely aren't.

Alex played Daydream Away tonight. I didn't realize it was on the set list until he introduced it; which was okay. It turned into a pleasant surprise for me. Every time I hear that song it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. The knowledge that he wrote it about me and wanting us to be together just makes me so happy.

To celebrate a show well done, I threw my guitar to the side and ran up to the front of the stage. Alex was throwing extra picks to the crowd when I jumped on his back. He stumbled forward a bit and grabbed my legs before steadying himself. Just in time too; a couple more steps and we'd have been in the crowd.

He turned his head to the side to see my face resting against his shoulder. He shook his head and mouthed, 'you're such an idiot.' But his smile betrayed any possibility of annoyance.

I laughed slightly and mouthed back, 'your idiot.'

After waving to the crowd, we ran off stage together; me hanging on to Alex for dear life. I do not want to suffer the embarrassment of falling on my ass in front of everyone. Even though that sounds like something I would do.

After we were out of view of the crowd, Alex let go of my legs. Which caused my weight to shift from him to myself because my feet hit the ground. That's what I get for being tall.

"Good show guys," Brendon said, walking towards us from the direction of the dressing room.

"It was pretty awesome, wasn't it?" I bragged, wrapping my arms around Alex's shoulders.

Brendon rolled his eyes and chuckled, "You're so full of yourself. Anyways, since it's a late curfew, Ry and I were gonna hit up this club downtown. You interested bro?"

I thought about it for a moment. During the few weeks I hung out with them in Baltimore, I learned that partying for them means getting high. Which, I'm not going to lie, is pretty awesome, but I don't know if I'm up for that tonight.

"Nah man, not tonight," I answered, "I'm probably just gonna chill with Alex tonight. Definitely next time though."

He raised an eyebrow at me, "You sure?"

I smiled and nodded, "Yeah. Besides I heard Ryan talking earlier about spending some 'quality time' with you. I wouldn't want to interrupt."

He smirked and shook his head, "How very thoughtful of you. See you around."

"Later."

"What was that about?" Alex asked after Brendon left.

I chuckled, "Nothing too crazy. Hinting at the fact that our dear friend is most likely getting laid tonight."

His eyes widened slightly, "Are they like, fucking?"

"Dating actually," he raised an eyebrow, "I know, it took me awhile to figure it out. They don't really act like it in public."

He nodded, "How'd you start hanging out with them in the first place? You've never talked about hanging out with them until recently."

"The night we broke up I ran into Brendon at a bar while he was waiting for Ryan," I explained, "I think they felt bad for me so they took me to a party and we've been hanging ever since."

He nodded, but then sighed, "I'm still so sorry about that."

I rolled my eyes, "I know you are, but guess what? It doesn't matter anymore. We're moving forward, okay?"

He smiled, "Okay."

~

I ran my hands through Alex's hair as our tongues danced together to a melody of gasping breaths and light moans. This was the first time we've done anything even close to being sexual for quite a long time. I was kind of embarrassed how quickly I started getting turned on.

He moved his hands down from the sides of my face to the bottom of my shirt. I allowed our lips to disconnect so he could pull off my shirt. As soon as it was off and our lips were attached, I started working on the buttons of his flannel.

It took so long because he had it buttoned pretty high up. But once it was slipping off of his shoulders, everything got so much more heated. His arms were latched around my neck as I pulled us closer together.

The next thing I knew, pants were shed and we were left in our underwear. Doing this right now probably wasn't the best idea, considering we were in the dressing room. But you know what, fuck it. I think we need this right now, and the door's locked.

I moved us away from the couch to press Alex up against the wall. I've always heard the wall sex is awesome, but I've never done it before. I unwrapped his arms from around my neck and pressed them against the wall above our heads.

This way I had better access to roll my hips down onto his. He let a little moan of approval before mirroring the action. It on like this for awhile before I paused for a moment.

I felt something wet on my hand. I thought it was a little odd, so I looked up at where my hand was holding onto Alex's wrists. I drew in a sharp breath when I saw a few drops of red coming out from between my fingers.

I looked down at Alex, concern racing through my veins. He looked back up at me with fear in his eyes. This can't. It's been so long since he's...

I instantly released my hands and watched as Alex drew his arms down and cradled the bleeding one to his chest.

"Alex... Baby..." I said, my voice barely above a whisper.

"I'm so sorry Jack," he started crying, burying his head in my chest.

I wrapped my arms around him in an attempt to calm him down. I slowly moved us back over to the couch and sat us down.

"It's okay, you're okay," I hushed. I tried to wrap my head around the situation that was being presented. So Alex relapsed, and by his reaction to me finding out, he has been for awhile. I'm not sure how to react. It's obvious that the best way is being gentle with him, but I've done that in the past and look where we are. I also don't want him to mad at me or scared of me because I yelled.

I sighed remorsefully, "Alex, baby. Talk to me," I cooed, "What's wrong?"

He brought his head from my shoulder and looked at me with bloodshot, watery eyes, "Nothing. But at the same time everything."

"I'm gonna need more than that honey," I whispered, petting his hair.

"I started up again," he cried, "But now I'm really happy and I just keep doing it and it's like I can't control myself," he blubbered on.

I wrapped my arms around him tightly, "Why'd you start again in the first place? Whatever's wrong I want to fix it."

He sniffled, "When we were broken up, I just felt so insignificant. Like, if the one person in the world that's supposed to love me unconditionally forgets about me completely for a week, I can't be important at all."

I felt my heart break. This is my fault. My Alex; the most precious thing on the planet, is hurting himself because of me. It made me want to start crying.

"That's not true," I started, squeezing him impossibly tighter, "You're so very important. Not just to me- even though you're the most precious, important thing in my life right now. You're important to your father, and to Zack, and Rian. And all the fans; they'd be devastated if anything happened to you. We all would be."

He buried his head in my chest again, "You're just making me feel worse."

"No baby, no," I cooed, "I'm giving you a million reasons other than me to be happy. You and I both know that I'd never intentionally do something to hurt you. But baby, I'm only human, and as you've seen, I've made mistakes and I will in the future. I need to know that'll you'll be okay if I ever do something that hurts you again."

He shrugged, "I know that you didn't do it on purpose and I know that you love me. But now that I've started again, I can't stop. I'm not even in control anymore and I'm really scared. I don't want to turn into the person I was in high school."

"I won't let that happen," I said confidently, "I've gotten you through this once before and I'm going to do it again. But you listen here, you my dearest, are so cared for. If you ever needed it, you'd have a support system bigger than the size of Texas. Because even though I love you the most, I'm not the only one that does."

Notes

For some reason, this chapter was difficult to write. It like, beat me up and stole my purse. .-.

ALSO IN 17 DAYS I'M GOING BARCELONA AND I'M SO EXCITED! IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL, LIKE HAVE YOU SEEN THE SECOND CHEETAH GIRLS MOVIE?!

Title Cred: All Time Low- Toxic Valentine

xoxo Mary