Sick Little Games

Trigger warning- talk of self harm and suicide.

Alex's POV:

It was weird. I kept drifting in and out of conciousness. I wasn't stupid, I know that I keep waking up but then slipping back into a deep sleep. I could hear things each time I came back into reality again.
"You really had me worried there, Lex." Jack? What if he leaves me? I can't loose him. "I thought I'd lost you. Please...don't ever do that again." He thought he'd lost me? Was it really that bad? "Not to me, not to your mum, to Rian, Zack and Cass. But, most importantly, not to yourself."
I felt his hand grip mine even tighter. I really want to hold his hand but I couldn't. My hand was just lying limp in his. It was a few minutes, well, it felt like it, before I heard shouting. I couldn't understand what exactly was being said but I could tell Jack was shouting something.
"...we honestly thought that young Mr Gaskarth here wouldn't make it."
What? They thought I was going to die?I suddenly felt really guilty. What about Mum, Jack, Rian, Zack and Cass? How would they feel? I've still got so much to live for. I wasn't trying to end my life, not at all, I was just trying to...cope, I guess. I was trying to deal with the pain I felt. I'd zoned out on what anyone else was saying, I didn't want to hear it. I fell back under again.

I came back around again to the sound of Jack's voice filling the room. His voice was quiet and raspy, as if he had been crying a lot.
"You know, I was worried that you'd seriously gone. I started to think of all the things that we didn't get round to doing. I don't want to miss out on those moments, Lex." He thought I'd died too? Fuck, I feel awful. I tried to process what Jack had said.
"I started to think of all the things that we didn't get round to doing."He was right, there's our whole lives together in front of us...and I nearly ruined that. I'm pretty certain I want to spend the rest of my entire life with him.
"I don't want to miss out on those moments, Lex."I sat an thought...I don't want to either. Jack had turned away from me now. He sniffed a little...was he crying again? My eyes were open...pretty obvious because I can see but I haven't tried talking. I swallowed hard, my mouth felt really dry. Fuck it, I'm just going to go for it.
"I don't want to miss out on those things either, Jay."

Jack spun round, his jaw practically on the floor.
"Lex." He breathed out, a smile starting to spread on his face.
"Hi." I didn't know what to say...Jack looked like he wanted to burst into tears and jump for joy both at the same time.
"Lex, please don't do this again...I can't loose you."
Jack had now perched himself on the edge of my bed. I took his hand in mine.
"I'm really sorry, Jay. I wasn't trying to die...I just kept thinking about what Danny had said and I just needed an escape from my thoughts. You're not mad, are you?"
Jack looked shocked a little, I guess he was trying to understand why I would do such a thing to myself but I've been doing this for four years now, it was normal.
"No, of course I'm not mad...Disappointed, yes, but only in myself for not being worried about how you'd deal with your thoughts when you were home alone. I'm just trying to understand why you'd do it though."
"I've been doing it for four years, Jay..."
I looked down, embarrassment washing over me: I'd never admitted that to anyone before. I felt a pair of arms wrap around me delicately, successfully avoiding the numerous tubes connected to my body.
"Four years? Fucking hell,, Lex. Why though? I mean, you don't have to tell me but I just thought..."
Jack trailed off, looking down as he pulled out of our little embrace.
"I'll tell you...just not yet. I'm sorry but it's hard to talk about it: it's still quite...raw."
Tears threatened to spill out of my eyes as my mind wandered back to that day when I was a small twelve year old boy.
"Shhh, baby, don't cry. I understand what you're trying to say."
Jack pulled me in for another hug. His hugs always made me feel safe and warm. It was almost like we were made for each other. Our bodies just fit together perfectly, like a puzzle. A very easy puzzel, mind, but still.
"Jay? Has anyone called my mum?"
"The doctors did about ten minutes ago I think. She said she was at work or something though but she'll try and get here as soon as possible."
I nodded my head, not having the energy to say anything more. I kissed Jack on the cheek and lay back on the bed, the itchy sheets offering fuck all warmth and comfort.
"Want me to come and cuddle with you?"
I nodded again. Jack crawled over me, his knew grazing over my dick, making me moan slightly.
"Sorry, Lexy." Jack was chuckling at how he had made me moan by just the smallest of movements.
"Whatever, Jacky. But we're not getting off in the fuck hospital..imagine what my heart monitor readings would come out as!"
Jack was laughing now, his beautiful booming laugh filling the room. I pulled back the sheets and allowed Jack to crawl in next to me. He pulled me into his chest and kissed the top of my head.
"Get some sleep, babe. You've had a massive day and you need to sleep."
I nodded and kissed Jack's jaw. He caught on to what I was trying to say and leant down to meet me halfway. Our lips touched, butterflies erupting in my stomach once again. Jack and I kissed slowly and passionately. Jack pulled away first.
"Sleep. Now."
Jack pecked me on my lips again before pulling me in closer to him. I settled into his chest and wrapped my arms around him. I soon drifted off into a peaceful, much-needed slumber.

Notes

Heyy,
Sorry it's kind of lame and short...It's kind of a filler chapter really.
There won't be a chapter tomorrow because I'm going to a concert to see a band called 'Patent Pending' so yeah, that should be fun.

Thank you for all the amazing comments and the subs and the 5k views (holy shite)
Em x