Sick Little Games

Jack's POV:

After I'd sorted my, ermm, 'problem' out, I slipped on my tightest skinny jeans, yes they were for girls, and my favourite Green Day shirt, styling my hair a little more than usual. I don't usually dress like this for school, I normally wear slim fit black jeans and a plain v-neck shirt but that was the old Jack Barakat. The new Jack Barakat is not afraid to be who he is, I am Jack Barakat, the gay guy who loves music more than life. Talking to my mum last night really helped. Don't get me wrong, mum and I have always been close but I could never tell her stuff. I don't think I fully trusted her but it all came spilling out last night. I couldn't stop it. I'd worked myself up to such a state, I couldn't control my words, they just fell out my mouth, bypassing the filter I'd worked on for all these years. I guess it needed to be said. My mum deserved to know, she was my mum, after all. I guess I needed to say it too. I needed to tell someone that I knew wouldn't disown me. I was pulled out of my thoughts by my phone buzzing in my back pocket of my jeans.

Rian Dawson- "Meet me out the back of the school before first bell. I need to speak to you."

Great. I already knew what is was about: last night. I can trust Rian, right? I have known him for a while and he was there for me when Oli fucked off. I decided that I could tell him the truth. He never really knew the real reason why Oli and I stopped talking but he's no stupid. I'm pretty sure he could probably guess what I was going to say before I even said it myself. I stood up and grabbed my bag and headed to school.

-

I pushed through the main doors, shoving through the annoying swarm of twelve year olds and made my way through the halls, feeling a dew people's stares bore though me as I passed, until I reached the old fire exit that was always unlocked and unalarmed. I pushed the bar and opened the door, immediately being greeted by September's breeze. I sat on the old bench that was discarded some years prior and waited for Rian.

A few minutes passed and still no sign of Rian, it was only, like, 10 minutes before the bell went. I was sure I saw him at Alex's locker too, so I know he's already here. A few more minutes had passed and I was starting to wonder if Rian had stood me up. No, he wouldn't have done that. My thoughts were interrupted by a tap on my shoulder, I jumped slightly and turned to face Rian, who was stood beside me with a smirk on his face.
"Don't do that, dude, you scared the shit out of me."
"Sorry, man. Listen, I'm just gonna cut to the chase and ask you: you're gay, aren't you." His question came out as more of a statement. I hung my head low, allowing my fringe to fall in front of my eyes, I nodded, not trusting my voice to answer without cracking. I could feel tears prick my eyes as the seconds went by, silence filling the air.
"And that's why you and Oli stopped talking, isn't it? You told him and that prick wouldn't accept it, correct?" I nodded again, am I like an open book to this dude? "You know, Jack? Zack, Alex and I aren't going to do the same. We love you for who you are. Plus, Alex is gay so he's hardly going to turn his back on you." I wiped away a stray tear with my sleeve, hoping Rian didn't see it.
"He will. I've been such a dick to him, Rian. I'm pretty sure he hates my guts."
"You're wrong, Jack. He's worried about you and he's not stupid either. He can tell that you're gay. Zack and I have had our suspicions for months. Jack, I think Alex likes you more than you think...a lot more. It's him, isn't it? It's him you like. That spark is back in your eyes again." I nodded again, still not finding the courage to look at Rian, who was now crouching down in front of me, a hand on each of my knees, for balance or comfort, I neither knew or cared. "And I think he likes you back, Jack. That's why he's not run from you, that's why he's not said anything to anyone. He stayed for a bit last night, after you left. He knows. I told him." My head shot up at this. How could my best friend do that to me?! "I'm sorry, dude, but he deserved to know and he was going to find out eventually, anyway. He didn't take the piss though, he understood and he actually felt bad, knowing what you've been through. But, Jack, you've got to stop being a dick to him. He's fragile, he's broken right now and you're not exactly helping."
"I know, Rian, I know. I guess I was taking me own self-hatred out on him. I told my mum last night that I was gay. She was okay with it, she said she suspected it too. You know, last monday when I lifted his shirt and saw the scars and new cuts, it broke my heart. I was on the verge of crying. How could anyone so beautiful do that to themselves, Rian?"
"Damn, you've fallen hard, haven't you?" He chuckled at his own comment. This received a punch from me and a groan to tell him to shut up. "Ow, Barakat. No need for that. But seriously, maybe you should apologise to him, wipe the slate clean and start again. He'll give you a second chance, I know he will. Come on, I think I heard the bell a few minutes ago." We both stood up, I dusted myself down from the splintering bench and walked behind Rian to form.
"Oh, and Jack? It's good to see you actually being you." I quirked an eyebrow, not fully understanding what he meant.
"The jeans? The shirt? Your hair? It's nice seeing Jack again. It suits you." I smiled in return, and dipped my head in an effort to disguise my blush.

Rian and I walked through the deserted halls, not bothering to rush knowing that Mr Flyzik was pretty relaxed about being late, he was only 24 though so I guess we was still pretty much a kid at heart. We got there pretty late, opened the door and threw him an apologetic glance.
"I guess that answers that then."
I carried on walking to my sear, glancing at Alex who was sat there with a small smile on his face. His eyes held something that I've never seen in them before. They sort of twinkled under the lights. He looked...happy. For once his eyes actually held emotion and it was a beautiful sight to see. It really did suit him. I vaguely heard Flyzik say something about making out in the cleaners cupboard, I ducked my head and hid my blush with my fringe. It wasn't that I actually was making out with Rian, because I wasn't, but I did find it kind of ironic giving Rian and I's previous conversation.

Rian and I sat down in our seats. I turned to face Alex, his hair looked really good today. Each day I saw him, I noticed something else about the boy. It only made me fall harder for him. Who can blame though? He's fucking beautiful. Alex turned to look at me, our eyes connecting. I held his gaze, wanting to say something to him but I couldn't seem to find the right thing. My mouth kept opening and closing as I tried to find something to say, I'm pretty sure I looked like a fish. Alex turned away and sighed slightly. How fucking stupid can you get, Jack?! Get a fucking grip! Without thinking, I tapped him on the shoulder, gaining his attention. Old Jack was back. A sly grin etched across my features.
"Morning, faggo-...I'm sorry."

Alex looked up at me, his eyes wide in shock. I couldn't believe what I'd done either. I'd stopped myself halfway through...and then apologised. I was proud of myself, in a sense: I was finally making a step forward. Finally.
"Look, Alex. I really am sorr-"
I was cut off by the bell. Alex got up and slung his bag over his shoulder and left the room, muttering a 'save it' as he left. I stood there, completely dumbfounded at his reaction. I said I was sorry, didn't I? I felt a large hand on my shoulder, I turned around to see Rian with a sad smile on his face.
"He'll come around eventually, bro. Just keep trying."
I nodded and sped out the door, trying to catch Alex up. I saw him walk towards math. I literally ran through the mass of students, shoving people out the way as I went, earning a few grunts of disapproval as I went. I didn't care: I needed to catch up to Alex. I eventually caught up to him, grabbed his wrist and pulled him into an unlocked cupboard.
"So you're pulling me into a cupboard to make out with me like you did with Rian? Smooth, I've got to give it to you." Sarcasm dripped from his words, his eyes coldly staring into mine.
"No. I've pulled you into here so we can talk. Well...me talk and you, ermm, listen. Please? Just hear me out." Alex sighed in defeat.
"Well go on then, I've not got all day."
"Alex, I really am sorry. I should never have said any of those things to you. I know I've been a massive dick to you and I honestly do feel bad for it. I'm really fucking sorry, Alex. Can we just...start again?" Alex looked up at me in disbelief.
"You seriously think you can just grab me by the wrist, pull me into a cupboard, apologise and then everything's gonna be okay?"
"Well, yeah, but-"
"No, Jack. That's not how it works. You, of all people should know that. Yeah, that's right. Rian told me. You didn't deserve what Owen? Olive? Oli, yeah, Oli did. But you're not the only one who's been through the shit."
"I know that, but-"
"Just shut the fuck up and let me finish. I moved here for a new start, to get away from the bullies. I moved to another fucking country for that and look what's happened. It's exactly the same. I don't want to hear it, Jack. Save your breath."
"I know, Alex, but-" I was, once again cut off. Not by Alex himself though, by the door to the cupboard we were in slamming shut. Jesus, he's stubborn. I'm not giving up though. Not this time. Alex is different. I want Alex. I need Alex.

I decided not to bother going to class, knowing that Alex would be there just made my heart shatter once more. I had to sort this out. I don't want to go through my entire life knowing that the first person to make me whole again, since Vic left, hates my guts. I cannot let that happen. I pulled my phone out of my horrendously tight jeans and opened up Rian's contact and tapped the message icon.

To: Rian Dawson- "Dude, I need you to do me a massive favour. Can you get Alex over to yours tonight? I'll come over, as usual, but I need to sort this out, I need him to forgive me. He wouldn't come if he knew I set this up so could you not mention it, thanks. I owe you."

Notes

Hey,
I kind of like this story, wow, so vain. Idk, I'm just really enjoying writing it.

thanks for reading,
Em x