*Alex POV*

I was driving in my neighborhood thinking about what Frank said
Once you follow your heart and you go to him, you’ll be glad you did.

What am I spouse to do? Walk in to the house and say Hey Jack sorry I stormed out, turns out I love you, wanna hook up?

I can’t keep messing with Jack like this; messing with his heart is messing with my head. I need to just talk to him, that’s what Frank said. Talk to him before I loose him forever, I don’t want to loose Jack and I don’t think Jack wants to loose me either. Why did this have to fucking happen to me? Why could i fall in love with someone who wasn’t this complicated? Jack wasnt complicated... i was making it complicated

I pulled into the driveway all the lights in the house were turned off; I got out of my car and walked to the front door. The door was locked, is this a Jack telling me he doesn’t want me to come back? I unlocked the door and turned on the lights and looked around, I didn’t see Jack anywhere downstairs.

“Jack?” No response “Jack are you home? It’s Lex I came back, I’m sorry I left. I'm ready to accept my feelings”
I walked up stairs and continued my search for Jack; he wasn’t in his room, not in the bathroom or in the backyard. Jack isn’t home…. Jack left.

“J-Jack?” my voiced croaked trying to hold back the tears. I guess Frank was right, you try to run away but you can’t. This whole experience has been one big rollercoaster.
The higher I get, the farther I fall. The longer I walk the father I crawl. My body is my temple and I am meant to take care of it, but this temple it tilts. I am the house that Jack built…. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it wasn’t for Jack.

“Jack I’m so s-sorry” I was lightly crying on the floor. It was getting harder to breath; I clenched the chest of my shirt. “J-Jack please come back to me, I’m down on my knees I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry” repeating apologizes. Jack this is all so scary

“I hope you know, I swear I’ve never done this before, I have never left like this towards anyone not even Lisa. I have never hurt someone one like i have hurt you, i bet you don't think i care but I care, I’m so sorry. I’m scared for our lives. I’m mostly scared for your life Jacky. Why do I deny the heart that's grown colder? I’m too quick to criticize. I think back to the mistakes I've made I wish it could go back to the way it was, its not easy now because of me. Please come home to me, I'll show you truth, I'm all for you, I'll hold your hand. Ease your mind, yeah we'll be okay. Stay here with me, let what I am, and Let it speak more, more than words. They can't compete with; it’s always been you and me.” I know i'm talking to myself but it feels good to get things off my chest.

I know what I did was wrong, so wrong, I shouldn’t have left Jack here, I shouldn’t have storm out. It’s only now I see how my choices can hurt people, people I love. I just need to step out of my comfort zone and follow my feeling for Jack. I rather hurt myself then hurt him. I just need Jack to come home. I don’t even know where he is. I grabbed the house phone and called Jack.

*Ring,Ring,Ring,Ring,Ring,Ring* H-Hello?” Jack’s voice was broken and fragile
“Jacky?…I-I’m so sorry. I shouldn't have left you.”

“Lex?”
“Jack I feel horrible about what I did. The things I said”

“Alex why are you calling me?”

“I called to apologies; I didn't mean to hurt you! ”

“Well, ya did” Jack sounded a little annoyed

“And I feel terrible about it, Please forgive me I was just scared !”

“Scared? You were scared? I was there the whole time! I was trying to help you not to be scared! I know what it feels like and I was trying to stop you because I didn't want you to feel the way I did! I was there to help you thought it and you pushed me away!” Jack was semi yelling at me

“I know, I ju-“

“No Lex you don’t know, because if you did you would have let me helped you!”

“I know that now!”

“You know I would do anything for you, you know I would do anything you asked me to. If you didn’t want to be with me all you had to say was back off. Instead you insisted on lying to yourself, lying to me! You did everything in your power to find something wrong. Why? What we had going on was perfect and you know it! What happen that made you want to find something wrong? Find something bad so that you had a reason to leave. When you couldn’t find one you started making up stuff! I told you I was there for you! You didn’t have to make shit up !”

“Jack I was scared and I panic!”

“You didn’t have to sacred! I WAS THERE FOR YOU!”

“Jack I was scared OF YOU!”

“You’re not scared of me. You’re scared of the god damn feeling you have for me! I knew that would happen because it happen to me! I was trying to stop it and you wouldn't listen!”

“So if you knew I was scared of my feelings then why did you insist on me kissing you huh? Some sort of face my fear thing?”

“I insisted on kissing you because I knew you would feel something and you might changed your mind”

“Oh so when i didn’t you got mad at me right? So this is my fault”

“YES! It is your fault! You’re the one who wouldn’t accept your feelings! I was trying to make it a less painful acceptance! ”

“You’re the one who kissed me a second time”

“Yeah but you kissed back!”

“That doesn't mean anything!”

“What?! That fucking means everything!”

“Well it didn't mean anything to me!” Jack didn't respond right away, I looked at my phone to see if he hung up, nope.

“W-What?” Jacks voice sounded really hurt. It sounded like i just told him someone died.

“Jack I’m sorry I didn’t mean to-“

“That didn't mean anything to you?” I could just hear the tears rolling down his cheek

“Jack… I-I”

“Do I mean nothing to you?”

“What?! Jack no! You do mean something to me!”

“Then wh-hy do you keep lying to the people you care about?”

“I don’t lie to you.”

“Oh really? Because when I asked you if you felt anything after the kiss you fucking said ‘nope’ and popped your ‘p’ right in my face while straight up lying!”

“Jack I told you I panic!”

“Lex why did you even call?”

“I called to apologies”

“Well you’re doing a great job of that now aren’t you?”

“Jack I’m sorry I didn’t mean to storm out like that.”

“Where did you go anyway?”

“I honestly don’t know, I didn’t really go anywhere. I just sat on the side of the road and cried, I thought and cried.”

“Sat? Where are you now then?”
“I’m at home Jack please come back… I… I’m ready to talk”

“Lex we just got done talking and let me tell you, you did a crappy job of doing it.”

“Jack please, are you going to come home?”

“Eventually”

“Jack please com-“
*Beep*

“Jack?” Jack hung up on me

“Damn it Jack!”

I walked down stairs and grabbed a chair from the kitchen table. I got a beer and sat there staring at the door way, what’s going to happen when Jack gets back? If Jack even comes back. Will I freak out again; will I just hurt Jack even more by giving him false hope? I have to listen to Frank or I will loose Jack forever.

I walked outside and grabbed my phone from the back seat of the car. If Jack wants to talk to me I have my phone right here. I walked back inside and put my phone on the table. I grabbed my beer and finished it. Staring at the phone hoping Jack would call.

“Please call, Please! I just want to know where you are and if you’re okay”

I’m so worried I can hear my heart beating fast, I was starting to freak out, and this could go really good or really bad. I stood up and started pacing.

Jack could be happy that I came back and that I am working on accepting my feelings and we could end this on a happy note or Jack could be irate that I fucked with his heart and would want nothing to do with me for a while. I just need Jack home, with me. I really hope I didn’t upset him, who am I kidding Jack was crying on the phone I obviously broke the poor boy’s heart. Now he is broken and angry at me! Good going Alex, way to make things better! I grabbed another beer from the fridge and continued my pacing taking sips of it every once in a while.

If someone hurt me that much I would super mad at them and leave, Déjà vu. Why do I feel like we have done this before, like this is going around in a circle?

I suddenly got this sickening feeling in my gut, I felt like I was going to puke. I’m doing to Jack as Lisa did to me, I am Jack’s Lisa. I am a monster! Why does Jack still want me, does he even still want me? I have been such an ass to him. God I am a fucking idiot!

If I was in Jacks shoes I would leave me, but then again he truly loves me unlike Lisa. This is true love, Love means doing something for that person no matter what, doing anything for them without hesitation. Crawling back to them even if your are scared.

Frank went to save Gerard he almost died doing it, but he didn’t care because he would do anything for Gerard, even die for him. I have to be like that too, I can’t think about myself I have to think what’s best for Jack, not me.

I was still pacing back and forth

I hope I didn’t ruin my chances with Jack, I hope I didn’t jeopardize everything I had. I have an advantage to Frank; I know Jack loves me back. I hope he still does! I hope he isn’t scared to come back home; I can’t have Jack change his mind.

What does “Eventually” mean?

I spent this whole time convincing myself it was wrong to love Jack that I never thought he might change his mind. I never thought I could/would loose him, well looks like I was wrong. I can’t blame Jack for any of this; I brought all this pain upon myself, I even hurt him in the cross fire. What am I going to say to Jack? I’m sorry? I have said that so many times already I don’t think he wants to hear it again. I just don’t want his feelings to be hurt but I can’t change what’s already been done.

I looked at the clock; it was 1:17 am. So much has happen in one night. I looked in the mirror, I looked like crap my eyes were red and had bags under them i need sleep but i cant, im not sleeping until Jack comes home so I’ll stay up all night with these blood shot eyes. I look horrible! I finished my beer and started pacing again.

I should stop thinking about if Jack is going to come home start thinking about if he is ever going to come back to me. He sounded pretty done on the phone. Mad and sad that everything he did couldn’t change my mind. Thank god Frank did.I can’t tell him about Frank I have to seam strong, right?

What if I don’t see him for another month? What if he falls into that rut again? This time 10x worse because I have broken him beyond repair. I can’t believe I’m doing this to him again! I just keep hurting him maybe I should just step away.

No I will not choose defeat and walk away! I have to listen to what Frank said.

Let’s face it Jack isn’t going to come home for awhile. I went into the kitchen a grabbed another beer and sat down.

“I can’t believe I did this to Jack! I am such a bad friend!”

I was starting to get really angry. “I am all over him for a week then out of the blue I turn on him? Lisa did the same fucking thing to me! And it killed me inside!”
I remember the feeling I got when I walked in on Lisa, my whole world just collapsed in front of me. I was so devastated but at the same time I was furious, I was furious at Lisa. I bet you this is how Jack feels about me right now.

I hope he is okay, I don’t even know where he is. I don’t think he would be at Rian’s because on the phone he sounded like he didn’t want anything to do with me at the moment. If he was at Rian’s I would drive right over there and talk to him. Jack told me how he bragged in Ri's face about how he was wrong. Jack wouldn’t go back there because he wouldn’t want to hear the ‘I told you so’

He wouldn’t be at Zack’s because Zack is doing something with his family.

I made Jack run away, just like how Lisa made me. I ran to Jack because I knew he would help me. I knew he would make me feel better. Jack can’t come to me. I’M the one that made him like this is the first place! I’m so mad at myself! All I do is cause chaos where ever I go! I’m a walking tornado of misery and self destruction!

I walked out of the kitchen into the living room and threw the sofa pillows on the floor and tipped over the sofa screaming. I kicked the bottom of the sofa over and over again until it tore open. I looked down at the destruction I made.

What am I doing? This is Jacks stuff not mine! Oh my god what am I doing! Jack let me into his house and I repay him by breaking his heart? This is Jacks house and his stuff and I am breaking it. Why am I at his house breaking stuff and him the one saying he will ‘eventually’ come home?

I went beck into the kitchen grabbed my beer off the table and finished it.
This is Jacks house and I hurt him in it. I went to the fridge and grabbed another drinking it half way. I could feel the affect of my many beers taking over me. I was becoming unstable. I am already unstable!

I walked back into the living room and flipped the sofa back; I picked up the pillows and put it all back to the way it was. I slowly walked back up to where my chair was. I’m not leaving this area. I looked at the clock again. 2:03 am. It doesn’t look like Jack is coming home any time soon. I sat there staring at the clock, thinking

2:17 am I’m a useless excuse for a friend

2:33am Why am I even still here? It’s obvious Jack doesn’t want me here.

2:45am Maybe Jack’s not coming home because he is waiting for me to figure out that he doesn’t want me here and he is waiting for me to leave?

2:57am Is that what ‘eventually’ means? He will come home once I’m gone?

I sat up and started pacing again. This is driving me insane! It is now 3 in the morning and Jack isn’t coming home! What if he is dead! My eyes started to fill up with tears. What if he killed himself? Because of me?

No Alex stop it that’s not like Jack he wouldn’t do that, and plus he said he was coming home eventually so that means one day, not never. What if he does never come home?

I was crying and pacing back and forth like a mad man.

The front door flew open and I stopped pacing and looked at the door, it was…..
It was Jack.


His hair was messing and his eyes where red. Jack has been crying, because of me.

“J-Jacky?” I could barely talk, it came out as a whisper. Jack didn’t say anything; he just stood in the door way staring at me.

“Jack I’m so sorry, I should have listen to my heart.”
Jack started to walk towards me, “I shouldn’t have stormed out I never meant to hurt yo-“

Jack grabbed both sides of my face and pulled me into a powerful kiss. Neither of us parted are lips, not daring to take it any farther. I wrapped my arms around Jacks waist and just did what my heart told me to do.

Jack pulled away out of breath and put our foreheads together, his breath was heavy and I loved feeling of warmth hitting my face. Jack looked my straight in the eye, his hands still holding my cheeks. He was rubbing his thumb lightly across my face. We stayed like that for a little bit.

Jack looked away and pulled me into a big hug, I hugged back and lightly cried in his shoulder, Jack started rubbing circles on my back shushing me trying to calm me down. I clenched Jack harder starting to sob; Jack remained quite kissing my head a couple times. When I stopped crying Jack grabbed my shoulder and pushed me back, looking at me with a tacit expression on his face. Jack patted my shoulder

“I know you never meant to hurt me” Jack gave a small smile

“That’s why I came back”

Notes

Well this was a long chapter...... (I'm still laughing at the popped your P thing, i just had to use it - TheRosesOnYourDoor)
Do you guys think Alex is off the hook with Jack? Oh and by the way "tacit" means knowing, kinda like mind reading of the face.... Just look it up if you have to

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