*Alex POV*

“WHAT?!?!?!? After everything I just fucking said and you want me to kiss you? Jack were you even fucking listening?” Dose he not understand what no it’s wrong means?

“Alex, I finally got to express my feeling for you and I’m not going down without a fighting chance”

Why does this have to be so difficult? I don’t want to do stuff with Jack because it’s wrong but at the same time I don’t want to hurt his feelings. He really does love me and I don’t know what to do! Love is such a beautiful and tragic thing. I don’t know what’s going on, don’t know what went wrong! I don’t want Jack to having fucking emotional breakdowns over me! What kind of friend does that to someone?
What kind of friend finds out that their best friend loves them and then they just leave them an emotional wreck?
I just want to scream at the top of my lugs and cry. Is this what Jack felt like? This is horrible I can’t believe he had to go through that. Does Jack not see what could go wrong if we did ever be together? What if we got in a big fight and stopped being friends? WHAT IF THIS FIGHTS STOPS US FROM BEING FRIENDS?! I rather not date jack and be his friend then not have him at all. When i say i cant live without him i mean it.

What if Rian and Zack flip out and want nothing to do with us? Our dreams of being in a band will be shattered! All because of Jack and I, I can’t do this it’s to risky!

On the other hand Jack has always treated me right, maybe we wouldn’t fight? I just want to love and be loved, god I’m sick of sleeping alone. Jack and I could do whatever and live life happy together! If the band ever took off and we started touring I wouldn’t miss Jack because he would be with me the whole time! Jack has really been there for me for everything, he has always been my only true shoulder to cry on, and I his.
Jack helped me through Tom, Therapy, fights with Lisa, Jack has always been there. Why am I noticing this now?

I loved growing up with Jack; we would take small adventures around the town. We would always meet on Thames Street and we would walk our way down South Broadway. The best memory I have from our adventure was when we talked through like a small forest or something and we lied there all night looking up at the stars.

Jack is my best friend the last thing I would ever want to do is hurt him. Jack and I have been though so much together.

~Flashback~

“Jaaack” I whined “I think we’re lost” Jack and I wanted to take a walk up this trail that leaded into the hills and now we are lost.
“Lex we aren't lost, we are just…..temporarily unaware of our surroundings” Jack continued to walk up this steep path. "Thats the same thing you numb nut" Jack laughed
“Jack do you even know where we are going?” I was starting to get tired from walking up this hill,
“Alex if we get to the top of the hill and look around we might be able to fine our way back” I rolled my eyes and whispered under my breath “Might” Jack stopped walking and turned around
“What did you say?”
“We shouldn't have gone this far up the trail Jack; it’s going to get dark soon.”
“Come on Lex we are almost to the top!” I rolled my eyes again and we continued walking up. Soon after we reached the top of the hill.

It was a small grassy area with tall small yellow flowers, the view was amazing! The grassy area was shaded because of a hill. It was like someone just cut out a small chunk of this hill, it was all backwards ‘L’ shaped.

“Wow Lex, this place is awesome!” Jack ran forward into the unknown field. Brushing the tall plants, as he did a whole bunch of red dots starting flying off the plants.
They were ladybugs, hundreds of them flying around Jack. I walked up next to Jack looking up at all the beautiful ladybugs. “This place is beautiful” I was amazing by the beauty of all the little red creatures. Jack put his arm around me “Glad we continued walking, huh?” I smiled and wrapped one are around Jack’s waist. “Yeah this place is amazing.” Jack looked at me. “What do you want to call it Lexy?” I looked at Jack then back up at the Ladybugs.

“Ladybug Land”

I was snapped out of my flash back by the sound of a pleading Jack.

“Just one last kiss Lex, please.”

Jack really wasn't going to give this up now was he? Why doesn't he see what I see? I see everything that could go wrong, I see all the danger we are putting on ourselves. Shit I fucking live with Jack now, if this goes south I cant fucking leave and go home because this is my home. How awkward would that be walking into the kitchen and seeing him and not talking. If this goes south dose that mean Jack and I don’t talk? I don’t know what to do, I feel so lost! When ever I get lost Jack would always help me fine my way back home.

Now that I notice it I have always found myself back into Jacks arms, I never wanted to be away from him. We where practically joined at the hip then one day it just, stopped. Why did that stop? Oh right, Lisa. What a bitch, me being with Lisa and leaving Jack must have hurt him so much. It must have killed him inside seeing me with her.

I can’t do this to Him. If I kiss him I’ll just hurt him even more, is there no other way? It seams like whatever choice I make I will always end up hurting Jack.

“Jack I don’t want to hurt you.”

“No matter what you do I’m going to be hurt. So why not kiss me and make it less painful” Wow Jack, don’t sugarcoat it or anything.

I honestly don’t know what to do. I have never been in this situation before; I have no experience in this field. When ever I liked a girl I just dated them. Jack, Jack is a whole different story; he is a guy and my friend! My best friend that I have done everything together with. Jack and I are the perfect duo I don’t want to ruin it with, the feels. I don’t want to hurt him; I don’t know how many times I’m going to say that.

If I’m going to do this the least I could do is give the poor boy a kiss.
I nodded

“Okay Jack fine, I’ll give you a kiss, BUT only one kiss”

Jack nodded and smiled.

I walked over to Jack and stopped right in front of him our faces inches away. I look a deep breath and closed my eyes leaning forward kissing Jack lightly on the lips. Jack wrapped his arms around my waist and brought me closer to him. Jack kissed back playing with the belt loops on my pants.

Jack opened his mouth slightly and our lips started to move in sync, I ran my up to the back of Jack’s head and slowly grabbed a handful of his hair. Jack moaned into my mouth and grabbed my waist tighter; I bit his bottom lip and tugged on his hair a little bit, causing a moan to sound in his throat. I felt his tongue run across my bottom lip and I granted him access. He ran his hands up and down my sides. We began exploring each others' mouths as I tightened my grip on the boy's hip. Jack started sucking and nibbling on my neck. I rolled my head back to give him better access, and he quickly took advantage of it.
He began working on my collar bone as I moaned with pleasure. He moaned back, still sucking on the tender skin of my collarbone. Jack stopped kissing my neck and connected our lips. He gave me one last kiss and we both slowly pulled away.

They say you are meant to feel sparks or fireworks. I think the whole fucking town burned down, on the fourth of July, in an electrical storm, during an earth quake.

“Sooo… ummm… D-did….Did you feel anything?” Jack asked awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck, Oh Jacky I felt everything. I feel everything. I want to live that moment forever!

I looked into Jacks eyes, they were so beautiful. His beautiful brown doe eyes, I could stare at them for hours. I looked deep into Jacks eyes; they were sparkling full of love, passion, Lust.

I cleared my throat, this is always awkward.

“Nope.” I replied flatly, popping the ‘P’.

Alexander William Gaskarth, you sir are a fucking Coward.

Notes

oH mY gOD aLEX!!!! why?!?!

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