We had a project due today, nothing very hard, just a poem we'd written. The part that was making me anxious was the fact that this meant presentations. Fuck my life. I was nervous as hell about standing in front of all those people and reciting my poem, but no one knew I was shy because I was the kid who didn't care about anything and talked back to teachers.

I'd practiced my words over and over again the whole evening before, managing to at least say it without stuttering too much at the thought of an audience. Now it was show time.

I got called first, yeah, that's what happens when the teacher goes by alphabetical order. I walked to the front, which seemed much farther away than usual. My palms were sweaty and so was my forehead although it was covered by my hair. My fingers shaking lightly, I casually held my hands together, folded loosely over my stomach, so it wouldn't be noticeable. Here goes nothing.

" I'm packing up my things and moving on without you
As far as I can see you'll never do what I do

I'm pushing you away, living out my dreams that you tore down
Can't you just swallow up your pride
Admit to me, and finally drown

I think you're in over your head
Choking as the water fills your lungs

Can't you see to me you're dead?
Too late now, what's said is done

You were out of sight, now you're out of line
Went to your head, now you're left behind

Let me go, can't you see?
You're just the next best thing to me

Here I go, honestly
You're just the next best thing to me "

The classroom clapped, it was the rule, you'd lose marks if you didn't clap for others. I breathed in and relaxed a bit when I got to my desk. It's over and done with. I was really happy to be rid of the stress.
The following presentations went on about their cats or space or flowers or whatever people wrote poems about, I was barely paying attention until I saw 'new girl' walk up. I could tell she was nervous, everyone could.

She was shifting uncomfortably from left to right, glancing around the classroom.

"Go on, we're listening." Ms.Crawford said encouragingly.

"uh, alright. So, here's my poem...

She drew butterflies on her skin
She named them hope and let them fly
Her built up walls they stayed within
For she was scared and they were shy

He painted ink into words of pain
He wrote down hurt but hid his tears
The comforting thoughts were spoken in vain
For he was too lost to let them near

They carved their feelings into their hearts
Hoping to understand what they had done wrong
Smiling and laughing, acting their parts
Unnoticed, holding back for so long.

She took one last breath and held it in
Looking for courage to end it all
The ugly thoughts, she let them in
Sank, deep down, and that was all.

He took a breath and held it in
Looking for courage to end it all
His name was called so he walked in
Sat down and spoke of his fall.

...ummm, the end?" She looked up for the first time since she had started speaking, even though I was looking at her intently, her eyes never met mine.

The class applauded again but a few people giggled and I heard someone whisper nasty things about her. What? Why? I was still stunned by how good her poem was.

"Ohhhh I get it, you're talking about a stupid emo killing herself right?" Someone asked her mockingly. I could see tears starting to veil her eyes.

"Oh look, she's turning red like a tomato!!" God damn they could be evil. Their comments only made her go more red and by now the little drops were gliding down her cheeks. Was the teacher deaf? For fucks sakes why wasn't she doing anything!?

"Why doesn't she turn her poem into a true story? It's not like anyone here would miss her..." They kept whispering just loud enough to make sure she'd hear.

That's it.

"Will you guys shut the fuck up? What the hell is wrong with you guys? What'd she even do to any of you?" My shouting obviously got the teachers full attention. But she was just confused and maybe a bit shocked by my swearing.

"Oh come on man, it was just a joke. Innocent teasing, I swear."

Before I could say anything more Miss called the next student up to present, I looked over to the girl, she was looking at her desk, breathing unevenly, I could tell she was having a panic attack due to my own experience but I had no idea how to help or if there even was something to do, so I just looked away.

There was something about her that made me want to get to know her, but this is real life, not some stupid cutesy movie where I'd defend her and all of a sudden we'd be best friends.

No. I had a reputation to keep.

---

At lunch I hurried as usual to claim my spot in the cafeteria, it was kind of a daily mission. I sat by myself, I felt uncomfortable eating in front of people and I had no one to sit with anyway... but I was used to it and had grown to like being in my own little bubble.

Students were quickly filling in all the remaining seats except for the customary space left between cliques. I was glad I didn't have to wait in line for the food seeing as I had brought a granola bar for lunch, it wasn't much but it kept me fed. It's not like we don't have food, trust me, the fridge is always full, I just don't like eating in crowded places, it makes me lose my appetite.

I was concentrating on the lyrics coming from my earphones when someone appeared in front of me, 'new girl'. Yeah, I still call her that, I never bothered to learn her name, why should I?. Something told me I knew the answer to that but I wasn't going to admit it.

"Ummm, could I.. Could I sit here?" What made her think I'd say yes?

"Sure you can sit here... Once I leave. Harsh much?

"Ooh, s-sorry, I just-"

I cut her off. "Just because I defended you or whatever doesn't mean I care, I'd just been wanting to get back at them for a while and that was the perfect occasion. I'm not your friend, I'm no one's friend because no one is worth my time. So if you would please leave, that would be great."

Her eyes were wide and she had gotten all red again, I felt bad for making her cry but it was better done sooner than later. She needed to hang out with the popular girls if she wanted to be cool here, not with me.

She turned swiftly and walked away.

If it was the right thing to do then why did it make me feel guilty? Wow, I'm so creative eh? Stealing overused quotes like that. I sight at my own lame-ness and shook my head before going back to my snack.

---

The rest of the day showed itself difficult on me, I couldn't stop thinking about that girl. Yeah I guess I should try and find out what her name is... I do kinda regret not letting her sit with me, and to see her end up not even eating her lunch and getting teased whenever she'd walk by the group of superficial cheerleaders from our English class made me feel sick. But there really wasn't anything I could do about it.

I couldn't stop people from being people.

I didn't have the influence to change anything.

Notes

A/N
Alex's poem is lyrics from The Next Best Thing - Three Words In Dealing With The End (ATL)
"New girl"'s poem is one I wrote so yeah, *gold star for trying*! :P