Me Without You

I sat on Alex’s couch, with him lying in my lap, running my fingers though his hair as he slowly calmed down. Baz and Peyton were still running around at our feet, trying to get a look at what was going on.
“That was the most scared I have ever been in my life.” Tay whispered from her seat across the room.
“Try being sixteen and alone with him.” I murmured. “I didn’t know what was going on, he hadn’t told me. I thought he had gone mad.” I felt the occasional tear fall from Alex’s eyes onto my jeans. I pressed a kiss into the top of his head.
“I knew that he got panic attacks but I’d never seen one before.” Tay whispered.
“You learn how to deal with them.” I sang, running my fingers over the side of Alex’s face. “He’s strong, He’ll be fine.”
“Jasey?” Jack called as he came in. “Is he okay?” I nodded when he came into view and continued to hum an unknown tune.
“I still don’t know what he was freaking about.” I tilted my chin up so Jack could kiss my lips.
“He’ll be fine. He always pulls through.” Jack reassured me, resting his hand on my shoulder before sitting across from Alex and I. “Hey, you okay Lex?” Alex looked up, gave his friend a half-hearted thumbs up and lay back down, except this time using my thigh as a pillow rather than a place for him to hide his face. He lay on his back and apologised to Tay for scaring her. Baz jumped up on Alex and got himself comfortable between his legs while Peyton sulked on the floor because he wouldn’t fit.
“What was it?” Jack enquired and Alex took a deep breath before replying, pausing.
“I was trying to sort out how I was going to organise the house so I could build a nursery, you know? And then it all hit me. The fact that I was going to have a kid. A daughter.” Jack raised his eyebrows in an ‘I know that feeling’ sort of way and they both groaned, scrunching their eyes.
“Ew. Responsibility.” They both complained at the same time causing everyone to let out small giggles.
“I had a thought.” Alex began, looking up at me for approval to continue.
“And that thought was??” I countered, curious to see what was obviously whirring inside his head.
“As you were completely anti my nickname suggestions I came up with an actual one.” Jack grumbled about how weird this was and I gave him a sympathetic smile and nodded. “Like a name.” My ears and my need for personalisation of my children pricked up. “Since you were 17 there has been one constant name you loved. Don’t ask me how I remember this because I have no idea. It’s very Game of Thrones too, which is funny, but I do genuinely like the name, and I know you do too.”
“Fucking get on with it.” Jack moaned. “It’s weird listening to you two talk about your child. Stop pitching your idea and spit it out.” I gave Jack a stern look for being rude and he rolled his eyes childishly before leaning back in the chair he had occupied.
“Fuck you.” Alex whined. “Anyway. How about Aria?” I looked over at Jack who had a half-smile and I knew he had told him our name ideas. Jack had so told Alex after we’d had that discussion and decided.
“I love it.” I smiled down at Alex who had moved so he could more comfortably trace circles on my stomach, much to Jack’s apparent distaste. “And if we’re running by that logic, her middle name has to be Darcy.” Alex gave me a grin. He wasn’t the only one who remembered the odd conversations we had back in high school.
“You’re brilliant, you know that?” He said gently and I could feel the tension in the air shift instantly as Jack became more and more against the situation, or at least, being directly involved.
“Okay, Jack and I have to go. We have a dinner date.” I bullshitted. “Tay, could you stay here with Alex?” Tay quickly replaced me on the couch, her hands finding Alex’s hair instantly. I followed Jack out the door who gripped my hand and only released me when we got to his car.
“We need to find him a girlfriend. I’m not okay with him fawning over you.” Jack grumbled as he started the engine.
“Nobody’s fawning over anybody Jack. As much as it’s awkward and entirely undesired, Alex and I are having a kid. Conversations like that are going to become a lot more frequent and since you are the step-father, you will have to damn well be involved and weal with it.” I snapped.
“Woah, okay, sure.” Jack gritted his teeth as he made his way to our house. “I’ll just forget that my fiancé is having twins, one of which is not mine, shall I? Is that a good idea? And then with that I’ll forget that the man that is fathering the other child is my best friend and the pair of you used to be totally in love with each other.”
“HA! What? You think I’m going to leave you over this?” I laughed coldly.
“No, Jasey, that’s not…” Jack’s voice had dropped down again, realising he’d opened a can of worms we weren’t quite ready for.
“It’s what it sounded like.” I cut him off. We sat for the rest of the drive in silence and the moment we pulled up on the driveway I let myself out and hurried inside. If one of us said anything else this would get dramatically blown out of proportion, as it always does, and our lives will tear apart, as they always do.
“Jasey!” Jack called after me but I headed straight up the stairs and locked myself in the nursery, cuddling up on one of the armchairs in the corner. In less than six months this room was going to be physically used. Used by my husband and I and our child. Children. Our children. Even though Aria was Alex’s daughter, she would be Jack’s as well, which would take some major getting used to on everyone’s part. And the vision of the three of us in here, two of us married, with twins between us, scared me. I was scared of how our lives were going to turn out. With the boys needing to tour, having to balance Aria between Alex and us. Life was going to be very different in six months and I was not okay with that.

Notes

BAZ AND PEYTON LOOK. O.O
I apologise for giving Alex a panic attack and especially if I wrote it entirely wrong. I don't get panic attacks so I would NOT know what it's like but I felt like I needed to incorporate some of who Alex really is into the next couple of chapters due to the way the story is progressing. So thank you for your kindness and your patience with this. I'm sorry if this in some way offended anybody!!!
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Thank you all so much for reading! x