Me Without You

That was it. I was lost. It got dark extremely early in the UK and I had been walking around in a huff for a good couple of hours now. I was lost in Scotland. Perfect. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and silently thanked Jack for putting me on an international plan before we left the US. I dialled the number that first came to my head and leaned against the brick wall of some sort of sweet shop.
“Holy shit, where are you? I’ve been so worried!” The voice on the other end rushed to get the sentence out quick enough. I sighed and watched the last rays of sun disappear over the old buildings.
“I’m lost.” I couldn’t help but giggle at the situation.
“What are you near? I’ll come and find you.”
“I’m next to the Thornton’s shop. On…” I looked around for a street sign. “Kilmarnock Road?” There was an acknowledging grunt on the line and instructions to stay put. I slunk down against the cold concrete and ignored the stares of the Scottish public as they wondered who the strange American was sitting on the pavement. I looked down at my bare finger and groaned. Why had things gotten so complicated? I wish I could go back to when we were seventeen and there was no question about it. It was simply Jasey and Jack and everyone was fine with that.

I watched as his fingers ran over the fret board. It was mesmerising how the slightest touch could change the entire sound.
“Teach me.” I commanded and Jack flicked his fringe out of his face to raise an eyebrow at me. I lifted myself from my place on his desk chair and jumped onto the bed next to him, folding my legs beneath me. “I want to learn how to play.” I smiled and he laughed, handing me the guitar and then pulling my small frame to where I easily fit into his lap. I drummed on the wooden frame until Jack had manoeuvred us into a suitable position. His large hands trailed over mine gently as he placed my fingers on the strings, lingering longer than he needed to, trailing his fingers back down my arm once he had created a chord. I let him hold my right hand as he strummed downwards, letting a sound ring out through the room.
“That’s a D.” Jack whispered against my ear, his breath tickling my neck. “No innuendo intended.” I laughed and ordered him to show me more. His hands always moved slowly, taking in every inch of my skin, causing it to tingle and send shivers down my spine. I leant back against him and soaked in the feeling of his fingers trailing up and down my arms, moving my fingers into different positions before strumming and then whispering the corresponding letter into my ear. “C, G, E minor.” I smiled as Jack moved my fingers so I played the first couple of lines of Boulevard of Broken Dreams.
“Green Day.” I had recognised the tune instantly and Jack nodded, kissing the side of my head.
“Jesus.” The door swung open and May groaned at the sight of us. “Just go out already. Fuck.” Jack flipped his sister off and I could tell I had turned a very deep red.
“May.” Jack groaned. He had tried to make us official but something about a label pushed me off the idea. That would be it. We would be boyfriend and girlfriend, I didn’t know why we needed the label, and Jack understood that. Everyone knew that I was Jack’s and he was mine, and by not having a label on it if one day everything turned to crap, there would be no dramatic break up. It would just be two people who no longer shared the same relationship they once did. Rian understood that, so did Zack and Alex. May however, simply wanted Jack to “claim what was his”.
“What?” She shrugged, turning to leave. “You’re practically dating anyway. Why not just make it official.” I closed my eyes and leaned back into Jack’s chest where my head fit perfectly. May sighed and turned to leave, knowing I wouldn’t change my mind on the topic any time soon. “Anyway, dinners ready.” Jack looked down at me and placed a small kiss on my forehead.
“You know I love you, label or no label right?” I whispered, trying to make Jack feel better about the fact that I refused to become his girlfriend. I felt him nod and sighed with relief. “Its just that…”
“I know, Jay.” He cut me off, spinning me around so my legs wrapped around his waist and he could look me in the eye. “I understand.” I gave him a small smile before pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. “I love you, too.”

I looked over to where the sound of desperate footsteps where headed toward me.
“Jasey!” The voice called and I beamed as the figure came into full focus, quickly standing up. I ran over to him and let him lift me off the ground, his hand holding my head against his chest, his other squeezing me tight against him. “Everyone’s been worried sick. You can’t run off like that.” I lifted my head so I could shoot an apologetic glance at my saviour.
“I’ve been stupid.” I muttered and he slipped his hand into mine, leading me in what must have been the direction of the hotel.
“It’s okay. Everything will be fine.” He smiled, his thumb tracing small circles on the back of my palm. “You needed to think, and by your calling me, I take your thinking is done?” I ran a hand through my hair, the wind whipping it straight back into my face again.
“I’m not sure.” I mumbled. “I’m scared. I don’t know how this is going to turn out. I don’t like the uncertainty.” We walked a little longer in comfortable silence until I spoke up again. “I mean, I have to constantly be messaging May and Cass about the wedding. I’m constantly freaking out of the babies. Like knowing who the father is for 100% certainty so I can carry on with my life, wondering how the fans are going to react to all this if it goes south. Cause this isn’t just my life anymore, y’know?” I sighed as we turned the corner towards the O2. “I have kids to worry about. It’s so weird, everything I do, I have to think ‘how is this going to affect them?’.” He walked silently next to me, understanding that everything I was saying was just a form of me venting and that I didn’t want a reply. He led me back into the hotel and laughed that I was lucky when I went walk about that I wandered back in the direction of the hotel and didn’t end up somewhere dodgy. We took the elevator back to the floor where all the rooms were and I sighed, squeezing his hand. “Thank you for coming to find me. I’m sorry about all this, I really am.”
“I know.” Alex smiled down at me, squeezing my hand back. “Everything will be fine. Don’t worry.” He let go of my hand and left to find his room at the opposite end of the hallway. I stood awkwardly in front of Jack and I’s room, key in hand. As soon as I opened that door I would have to confront the man that I had essentially broken up with. I would have to actually deal with my problems, one of the things I hated most. I pushed my key in slowly and cringed when it beeped, he so would have heard that. I pushed the door open slowly and took in the sight that was sitting on the end of the bed. His eyes were bright red and dark circles encompassed them. His hair was a total shaggy mess and his expression when he saw me standing there was heart breaking.
“Hey, Jacky.” I whispered.

Notes

Okay so this story is doing so much better than I ever though I would. There's about 40 subscribers and we're the eighth most popular fic. GUYS! This is so cool, thank you so much!

Anyway, I found a break and am literally typing my heart out.
I love you all!
As always, let me know what you think!
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