Wanted Man

-Jack’s Point of View-

I can’t believe he actually let me stay.
He heard me moaning his name. He heard me.. And he let me stay?
I wanted to run to him and away from him all at the same time. So rolling as far away from him in the position I was in now was fulfilling one of my needs. But my other one, to be held and to be loved, was left untouched. Just like always. No one had ever loved me, not my father, my “friends”, my partners, no one. I was always left to be alone. And Alex.. He had taken me in without knowing me for over 10 minutes! He had helped me without a second thought. I never wanted to leave him. I wanted to have him really truly love me, and if he couldn't do that, I wanted to become friends with him. But I had rushed things; I had done too much too fast and let my needs control me. And in the end that ruined everything. But for some unknown reason he wasn’t kicking me out. He had let me come back to bed with him. No one had ever been that nice to me..
A little sob slipped out of my mouth to which I quickly clamped my lips shut. But now that I had started reminiscing on my hell-hole of a life, I couldn’t stop the trickle of tears. Which lead to sniffling. Which lead to full out sobbing. I knew Alex was probably regretting his decision to let me stay now. I was a full grown man and I was crying like a baby. He was going to ask me what was wrong any second now. And when he did I was going to tell him everything and he’ll throw me out without a second thought.
He touched my back, almost as if he wanted me to turn over, but there was no way in hell I was going to look at him, that’d break me down for sure. The bed dipped a little as he scooted closer to me
“What’s wrong now?”
Oh there it is, he asked.
“I told you it was okay, if that’s what your upse-" he continued
“No, its not that” I said trying to keep my voice from wavering as I cut him off
“Then what it is?” he asked softly as if he was genuinely concerned.
“You. You’re so nice to me, even after you knew. No one has ever been that nice to me. But when they found out that I was… different… they were even worse. They would say and do terrible things. My dad never accepted me and made me do something I regret so so much. Everyone’s always hated me and treated me like shit just cause I liked other guys. Is that so wrong Alex?” I said, not being able to control my voice as it went up about an octave higher than usual. It’s not my fault, I’ve just never been able to let any of my emotions out. I could never talk to anyone like I just talked to him.
He stared at me for a moment longer than I would have liked and I could feel the awkwardness slip in. But just before it became too unbearable, he wrapped his arms around me in a hug. I sat there frozen, but melting in his warm embrace.
“Jay, you can stay here as long as you need to. I know we’ve just met, and now we might have started off on the wrong foot, but I really think you’re a good guy in need of a little help. I wanna help you. It’s not wrong to like other guys Jay, no matter what other people say” he paused and took a deep breath, “But I.. I’m.. I’m straight”
A cry of defeat bubbled up in my throat, but I choked it back down. This would be okay, it was plan B. We could, no we would, be friends.
“C’mon Jay.. Lets go sleep” he said, coaxing me to lay down again.
But this time instead of him rolling back to the other side where his previous spot had been, he lay pressed up against me. He was rubbing soft circles into my back and humming a tune I didn’t know. But mixed with how close he was and the aura of tenderness and comfort that surrounded him, I couldn’t help but fall asleep.
~
Sunlight is far too bright. That is my conclusion.
The rays of sunshine poured through the window and directly into my eyes.
Of course, its just my luck.
I moved to start to get up, stopping short when I realized Alex was strewn over me.
I gulped, his entire body was over mine. His head was nuzzled into my chest and his legs were splayed out to my sides; straddling me in the most nonsexual way.
I took a deep breath causing his head to rise and fall. I snickered a little, unable to find out what was so funny about our current situation. Oh right, everything about it was hilarious. How did this even happen? I didn't have time to answer my question though because Alex mumbled in his sleep.
“What?’ I asked, trying to figure out if he was awake or talking in his sleep
With his eyes still have closed, he responded sleepily, “Jaaaaaaaaaaay stop moving. Just stay here with me. Youre warm and comfy”
If he had been fully awake and aware of the situation, I’m sure he would have jumped off of me and ran away, his face burning and his mouth spewing apologizes. But he wasn’t fully awake and aware of the situation.
I wrapped my arms around his and closed my eyes. His head slowly scooted its way up until it was tucked under my chin. I chuckled to myself, he was adorable.
When he really wakes up, there's gonna be a lot of shit to pay, but I wouldn’t give up this moment for anything. I wish with all my heart I could wake up every morning to his face.
I wish he could be mine forever.
But you don't always get your wish.

Notes

Title Cred: Hold On by Green Day
Oh, hello there! Im baaaaaaaaaack in black *cues music*
I know its a crappy update, but that just means there will be another one soon!
Hopefully soon than this one.
Sigh, I'm a failure.
I feel like everyone else realized I'm not doing anything extra now, so they all want to hang out with me. And I always say yes when I really should be like "Uhm no I gotta go write okiethnxbyeiiiiii"
So yeah. Having a life isn't as much fun as it should be because I;m plagued with guilt about not writing. So though, soon I'll get through all of the birthday parties and stuff. Soon I will return full time!
Comment/Rate/Subscribe because ilysm okay? I cant even.. just.. I.. ugh.. bye =^.^=