Wanted Man

-Alex’s Point of View-

Jay… he was… he was doing that vile unnatural thing to himself, the thing that I had found my own self doing far too often. But Jay… Jay had been thinking about me?
He was wrapped in my shirt and had been moaning my name as he stroked his long thick beautiful co-
Alex stop!
I shook my head violently, trying to rid myself of his image as it was only making my own problem in my pants more difficult.
But he had looked to perfect and so beautiful when he was caught, his face flushed with desire, eyes blown wide with lust, his hand cov-
STOP!
But now what was I supposed to do?
If I kicked him out then I was letting my first real chance at romance slip away.
But if I let him stay I would be betraying Tom and everything he stood for.
And besides, I had to focus on finding Jack!
But would it be cold hearted to make Jay leave?
Was I doomed to be forever miserable in my own despicableness?
Yes.
I sighed, tucking myself farther under the covers but then I paused, realizing that Jay wouldn’t come back to bed, for fear of me telling him to get out and go to hell while he was at it. He was probably so terrified and felt alone. How horrid would be for him to think that being the way we are to be bad. I should go tell him to come back to bed. Maybe comfort him on his sexuality, but kept my own desires at bay.. Or was that too intrusive?
I sighed again, but pulled myself out of my warm comfortable bed and walked out to the bathroom door.
I knocked, “J-Jay?” Damn that stutter.
There was a few sniffs, “Ye-ah?” he replied his voice cracking in the middle of the word.
I softly smiled, “Can I come in?”
“Mhmm”
I opened the door a crack to peer in. In the dim light I could see Jay huddled in the corner, his eyes leaking tears and his nose running. The ends on my sleeves were clutched tightly around his hands. He looked terribly frightened of me and refused to even make eye contact with me.
I took a few steps into the room and then crouched down next to him.
I touched him lightly on his arm, causing him to whip his head towards me as he jumped.
“Hey.. It’s okay.. Why don’t you come back to bed, okay?” I said, quietly.
His eyes widened in shock, “You want me… to come back to bed.. with you? Are you sure? Even though.. Even though I..”
I cut him off, “Yes Jay, now c’mon”
He stood up, pulling down my shirt to hide himself since he was only wearing boxers and still must have felt exposed; I would’ve felt exposed too.
I grabbed his hand gently, leading him back to my room. I crawled under the covers, and he momentarily joined me.
I could still hear him sniffling. No, sniffling wasn’t the right word, at this point it was growing stronger.. More like sobbing.
I touched his back in a gesture for him to turn over and look at me. But he didn’t move.
I crawled closer to him, “What’s wrong now? I told you it was okay, if that’s what your upse-“
“No its not that” he said quickly.
“Then what it is?” I said, still trying to be gentle, but I couldn’t mask the curiosity.
“You. You’re so nice to me, even after you knew. No one has ever been that nice to me. But when they found out that I was… different… they were even worse. They would say and do terrible things. My dad never accepted me and made me do something I regret so so much. Everyone’s always hated me and treated me like shit just cause I liked other guys. Is that so wrong Alex?” he said, his voice borderline wailing in all of his pent up emotion.
Before, I didn’t know whether or not I should let him stay, but now I knew, no, my heart knew, that he needed a place to stay. This was his big secret, a secret was had unknowingly in common. I couldn’t throw him out in all of his vulnerability, especially since that’s what people have been doing to him his entire life.
Maybe it was wrong, but as long as I didn’t actually do anything with him it’d be okay, right Tom?

Notes

Title Cred: Don't Stay by Linkin Park.
FYI I have no idea if you've noticed but I never use the same song twice for any of my titles in any of my story, but in this story Imma break that little personal rule and Im going to use every single lyric in that song cause ITS PERF AND IF YOU DON'T AGREE.. WELL.. IDK..JUST AGREE
But hey, I got wifif!! Not that you care, but spring holiday is going well for me, and its just the place I was at didn't have wifi so I was a little heartbroken I was gonna be seperated from y'all for so long, but now I'm back!
So heeeeeeeey!
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