Guts

“Jack why didn’t you tell me? I mean all this time..”
“The fuck was I ‘posed to say Lex? Oh by the way I think I’m in love with you, my best friend since seventh grade. Like that would have went over well.”
“Anything would have been nice! Instead you shut me out and went on a partying spree! I thought I had lost you until this month! Jack I was so scared you were going to die! I couldn’t live without you!” I screamed at him, causing him to flinch like I had hit him.

“I just don’t know how to deal with these feelings, they are all so new.” He whimpered sitting down hard on the couch and burring his face in his hands. “I’m so scared Lex, you don’t understand. I’m not supposed to love anyone else. Maria was my only love. I swore I would never love anyone else again. Then next thing I know I can’t stop thinking about my best friend. Cut me some slack Alex I didn’t know what to do.”

“You could have talked to me Jack! We have been friends for forever! We could have solved this and the drinking never would have been in issue! Instead you ran away like a coward and left me alone! ME! The one who helped you through it all! Well you know what Jack? Fuck you! I could have helped you but you didn’t trust me! You could have came to me but you didn’t! You chose the cowards way out! Well you know what? I don’t give a fuck! Go drink, go party, go drown in your own vomit but remember one thing, I tried!” I screamed at him grabbing the closest thing to me, which was a glass cup, and throwing it towards the door shattering it.

Jack jumped and let out a yelp. I was so pissed I was seeing red. I didn’t even care at that point. I took off to the bathroom, slamming the door behind me and locking it. I knew what I wanted, what I needed. I grabbed my razor out of the shower and slammed it against the sink until it broke. I grabbed a blade that fell from it and pulled down my pants.

At this point Jack was banging on the door begging me to let him in. I turned on the shower and plugged my phone in so I wouldn’t have to hear him. I don’t even know what song was playing but it was enough to shut him out for the most part.

I sat up against the wall and took the blade to the fleshy part of my thigh. It kissed the skin so softly. With each cut I could feel relief. I started bleeding and decided to strip down and continue in the shower so I wouldn’t get blood on the floor.

I sat there with scalding hot water running over my body and the blade kissing my skin. I lost track of how many time I had sliced into my thigh, but it was enough that I didn’t really feel it anymore. I stopped and looked at it and my thigh was just a mess of red. I could see all the lines, but it wasn’t bleeding just yet because the water stopped it. The skin was already starting to raise up and I knew it would be a while before I wore skinny jeans again.

I sighed and stepped out of the shower and dried off. I threw away the broken razor and hid my bade up under the sink. I tried to put on a pair of boxers, but they didn’t cover the cuts. I grabbed some gauze and wrap from the first aid kit and wrapped it around my thigh. I then wrapped the towel around my lower half and exited the bathroom in search of sweatpants and a shirt.

Jack wasn’t at the door when I got out so I assumed he had went to a party like I told him to. I walked back to the bunks and to my surprise Jack was passed out in my bunk. I quietly grabbed my clothes and put them on.

I stood there and just stared at him. Why had he stayed? Why was he in my bunk? As I stood there he rolled over and his eyes opened.

“Lex?” he mumbled still half asleep. “Please don’t leave me again. I was so scared. I love you, I can’t lose you to.”
“You’re not going to lose me you idiot. I’ve always been here for you.”
“I know, but last time. I was so scared I was going to lose you that day Lex.” I knew what day he was talking about. The day I had ended up in the hospital. Nobody really talked about it because it was in the past and I hadn’t relapsed until tonight.

“I’m still here aren’t I? Somebody has to watch over you.”

He nodded sleepily and moved over so there would be room for two. He patted the spot next to him.

Did I really want to go down this road? I looked at my best friend, really looked. His blonde fringe was covering his half closed eyes. He was in one of my favorite Blink shirts and he was wrapped up in my blanket.

I must have been staring a while because he looked up through his fringe and gave me puppy dog eyes.


Who was I kidding? Of course I would go down this road for him.

Notes

Guies! We have made it to page 3 of the Popular page!! You guys fucking rock! I saw that and about cried! You guys are the best!

So sorry about the cutting and everything. Like I've said before this story is kind of a reflection on mine and mi ex's relationship, so yeah... Sorry guys!

I love you and thank you for everything!!

xoxo <3