Guts

It had been two days and she still hadn’t woken up. We had pushed the tour back until further notice. Jack, Zack, and I refused to leave her side. Two of us were always there. Jack never said a word he just sat there staring at her, he wouldn’t even touch her. We would have to force him to eat and we weren’t sure if he really slept or just closed his eyes to make us believe he was sleeping.

Her parents were in hysterics. Zack had to be restrained a few times because he started hitting anything in sight. I sat by her side holding her hand and singing, willing her to come back. The guy who hit her was awake and stable and even tried to come see her, which didn’t end well. It ended with Zack and Jack having to be given a sedative because they both tried to kill. It was the only movement Jack had made since we showed up.

I asked the cops for the full story of what happened. It turns out that Maria and her bridesmaids were headed to the church and she had forgotten something at the house she stayed at and went back to get it. She made it to the house and on the way back she was blindsided by a guy who wasn’t paying attention and ran a red light. Once he hit the car flipped and landed on her, they were lucky to even get her out. The man received minor injuries, but was fine.

The doctors weren’t every optimistic of her waking up. They said there was little to almost no brain activity. They said she was in a vegetative state and she would most likely not wake up. At the time we didn’t know, but the doctors told her parents the best option would be to pull her life support because living as a vegetable was no way to live and it would be best for her.

On the third day, she flat lined. Jack just sat there looking so lost. I had never seen someone look so lifeless; he looked like she did just lying there. The doctors rushed in and Zack had to pull Jack out. They brought her back, but that was when her parents made the hardest decision of their life, to pull the plug or not.

They came in and told us that they were given the choice and they had made up their minds. They couldn’t just sit there and see her almost dead, if in 24 hours she did not wake up or make progress; they had to pull the plug. Zack disappeared and Jack just went to her bed side and grabbed her hand and just looked at her.

I ran home with tears streaming down my face. I locked myself in the room and screamed and yelled and trashed my room. I broke my lamp and pulled my clothes out of drawers and ripped them up. I ripped all my sheet music up and just fell to the ground and cried. I eventually passed out on top of the mess.

When I woke up I grabbed a piece of paper that wasn’t ripped up and my guitar and went to work. At about midnight I was done. I packed my acoustic up and headed to the hospital. It wasn’t visiting hours, but when I walked in the nurse looked at me sympathetically and told me that Jack had left with Maria’s parents and Zack still hadn’t returned so she was alone. I nodded and headed in.

When I got there I closed the door and started talking to her, telling her what was going on and how she was a fighter and could make it through this. I sat down beside her and grabbed her hand and just cried all over again.

He heard a noise at the door and saw a little girl standing there. She couldn’t have been more than 10 or 11. She told me she was sorry and started to walk out. I told her it was okay. She told me that she couldn’t sleep and heard me crying and wanted to see if there was anything she could do for me. I gave her a sad smile and told her that there was. I patted the seat next to me and she sat next to me.

I told her I wrote songs and that I had written a special song for the girl in the bed and needed help singing it. She told me she wasn’t the best singer but she would try for me. I told her I was Alex and she told me her name was Nevaeh. She was 10 and she needed a heart transplant or else she would go to heaven with her daddy. That’s why her name was Nevaeh, heaven backwards.

I started strumming my guitar and singing.
He woke up from dreaming and put on his shoes
Started making his way past 2 in the morning
He hasn't been sober for days
Leaning now into the breeze
Remembering Sunday, he falls to his knees
They had breakfast together
But two eggs don't last
Like the feeling of what he needs
Now this place seems familiar to him
She pulled on his hand with a devilish grin
She led him upstairs, she led him upstairs Left him dying to get in
Forgive me, I'm trying to find
My calling, I'm calling at night
I don't mean to be a bother,
But have you seen this girl?
She's been running through my dreams
And it's driving me crazy, it seems
I'm going to ask her to marry me
Even though she doesn't believe in love,
He's determined to call her bluff
Who could deny these butterflies?
They're filling his gut
Waking the neighbors, unfamiliar faces
He pleads though he tries
But he's only denied
Now he's dying to get inside
Forgive me, I'm trying to find
My calling, I'm calling at night
I don't mean to be a bother,
But have you seen this girl?
She's been running through my dreams
And it's driving me crazy, it seems
I'm going to ask her to marry me
The neighbors said she moved away
Funny how it rained all day
I didn't think much of it then
But it's starting to all make sense
Oh, I can see now that all of these clouds
Are following me in my desperate endeavor
To find my whoever, wherever she may be
I handed her the paper and told her it was her turn. She looked at Maria and grabbed her hand and started singing.

I'm not coming back (forgive me)
I've done something so terrible
I'm terrified to speak (I'm not calling, I'm not calling)
But you'd expect that from me
I'm mixed up, I'll be blunt, now the rain is just (You're driving me crazy, I'm)
Washing you out of my hair and out of my mind
Keeping an eye on the world,
From so many thousands of feet off the ground, I'm over you no
I'm at home in the clouds, and towering over your head
I smiled at her and we sang the end together.
Well I guess I'll go home now..
I guess I'll go home now...
I guess I'll go home now..
I guess I'll go home
At this point I was crying again. My new little friend grabbed my hand and told me, “Dying isn’t so bad, and when we go to heaven we know no more pain or suffering. Plus we can watch over our loved ones and make sure they don’t go through pain. My mommy said my daddy died so that he could watch over us forever. If she does go to heaven, just know that she never left you, she just went to watch over you.” I smiled at her through my tears and gave her a hug.
A few seconds later I heard a noise I never wanted to hear ever, the flat line of her heart monitor. The doctors rushed in and ushered us out.


On Sunday May 28,2006 at 1:37 a.m., Maria Izobell Merrick passed away.

Notes

I am so sorry. This hurt so bad to write. My roommate hates me for doing it, and she hasn't even read it yet.
I knew from the start that this was part of the plan. I told my self I would make a character that everyone loved, myself included, and then I had to have something bad happen. I'm not gonna lie, I cried writing this.

I love you guys and I'm sorry </3
It will get better, I promise.