Holly decided it was time for her to grow a pair. She was going to talk with Brendon.

The air had a slight chill to it, she noticed, as she ran through the muddy paths to the football field. She had texted Brendon during her History class to meet up after school. She canceled meeting with Alex like her usual routine, and when he asked as she left Music, she lied and said she wanted to be with Hayley. She would tell him sometime what she was about to do, but at the moment, she needed to be focused on the explosion that was about to erupt.

With her bag slung around her shoulder and hitting her side as she sprinted, she arrived steadily at the famous bleachers. This place brought such nice memories. She was going to crush those today, like a foot stomping on a bed of flowers.

“You’re late!”

She glanced up at the voice, smiling slightly towards her boyfriend sitting in the exact spot he was just two years ago. She hopped up on the bleachers, her black Converse squeaking against the surface, and walked to the spot next to him. The same exact spot she occupied two years ago.

“Sorry, Mr. Dunning was being a prick and keeping the class like two minutes after the bell.” She shrugged and put her bag beside her, cracking her knuckles in nervousness.

“Let’s just cut to the chase, Holl.” His eyes met with hers, and it was then―staring into his eyes and him sitting in this spot―she remembered why she fell in love with her best friend. “Why’d you ask me to come to this particular spot?”

She smiled a little. “It’s where we had our first kiss, Bren. Why wouldn’t I want to be here?”

“Because this is also the place where we have our big talks,” he threw in and reached over, pulling her face towards his. He pressed his lips to hers and she savored it. She savored this moment because after what she was going to do, this was going to be the last time she would be kissing Brendon Urie, her first love. “Holly,” he breathed against her lips. It almost made her not want to go through with this.

“Brendon, I …” She leaned away, looking down. “I have something to tell you … and I’m not sure how you’re going to react.”

“This is our spot, remember? Dare I remind you, that this is the exact spot where I made a total fool of myself and asked you to go out for pizza with me?” He raised a brow, making her chuckle softly. “But, in all seriousness, you can share anything with me, Holl.”

She bit down on her lip. I shouldn’t do this. I love him. But … Alex, her mind ran in every different direction. “You don’t understand,” she swallowed hard. “This is something you’ll get angry at.”

He took her hands in his, brushing his thumb over them. “I want to know, okay?”

She breathed out slowly, looking up at his eyes and realizing how bad she felt for playing him like a dog these past weeks. She was hooking up with another guy behind his back while he remained completely devoted to her. And it wasn’t just any guy, it was the new Music teacher. She was disgusted in herself.

“I …” She looked down at their conjoined hands. “I’ve met someone …”

She didn’t dare look up at him as he stayed quiet. A minute went by; a long, cold minute. As she was about to fill the air again, he cut in: “How?”

“I don’t want to get into details about it.” She finally glanced up, seeing that he actually wasn’t looking at her. “I just … he makes me feel different.”

“Different …” He repeated with a sigh. “So what? Was I nothing but a piece of shit dog to you?”

“I knew you’d react this way!” She scoffed and stood, wanting to walk away.

“Wait, wait, wait! I’m sorry, Holl. I’ll hear you out.” He grabbed for her hand and pulled her back. “Just … just answer my one question.”

She looked at the way he held her hand. Alex entwines our hands, not cups them, she noted. “What is it?”

“Do you still care about me?”

“Of course, I always will.” She stepped closer to him and pushed a few of his dark locks out of his eyes.

“Are we breaking up?” His eyes were welling up, and she begged to herself for him not to cry.

“It’s for our own good, Bren.” She wiped away the tear that fell from his eye. “It was a good two years, yeah?”

She pulled the strap of her bag over her shoulder, planted a light kiss on his cheek, before she started walking away. She didn’t know he was going to pull her back.

“No, this isn’t happening.” He pulled her close again, startling her as her snaked his arms across her waist.

“Brendon―”

“You’re my best friend, Holly. I can’t get rid of you.” He shook his head, burying it in the crook of her neck. “I’m the addict and you’re the drug. I’m the smoker and you’re my favorite brand of cigarettes―literally.” He lifted his face and brushed a few of her pink and blonde strands from her forehead, leaning in close so she could feel his breath. “The way we love each other … the way we’re best friends … it’s a fucking drag sometimes, but I need it so bad. You’re worse than nicotine to me.”

“Brendon,” she finally said after regaining the reason of why she was doing this. His eyes lifted to hers, his long lashes fluttering. “I can’t … do this anymore.”

“But―”

“If you’re the addict and I’m the drug, then I’m also the dealer.” She swallowed down the sob hinting at the base of her throat. “And I’m cutting you off.”

He finally let her walk away, and Holly knew she did it. She lost her best friend. She wanted to go back, but she knew she couldn’t.

That Brendon Urie. He was worse than nicotine.

Notes

Holly's outfit
Title credit comes from Panic! At The Disco's Worse Than Nicotine, of course!
I really liked this chapter even though it has many feels ; n ;
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Rock on \m/