Long Live Us

*Jack pov*

The door slammed and Jack felt like the world has come crashing down. He sat completely still, letting silence engulf him as he stared blankly at where Alex had been standing moments ago. He tried to figure out what had just happened; who was in the wrong? Obviously the tall boy was blaming himself, but the voice in the back of his mind was telling him that he had every right to say no and push him off. After Alex not talking to him all day, being so angry it scared Jack, the dark haired boy almost felt like he was being used in that moment. Which was fair enough, right? And, yes, he could understand why Alex was annoyed, but how would he explain anything to his mum if she heard them or walked in? Imagine seeing the son you thought was straight, naked in bed with the boy from next door. It would be weird. And very difficult to explain. So he prevented that situation from possibly occurring, and that has resulted in Alex storming out of the house. Was it worth it?
Jack drowned out the world with his thoughts for what must have been at least ten minutes, and the sound of his door opening slowly reminded him that he was no longer alone in this house. Glancing up, his eyes met those of his mum, who looked worried.
"What happened?" She asked quietly, bringing herself into the room and closing the door over behind her. Jack remained silent, not wanting to explain. He didn't really want to tell her about his feelings for Alex, because he had no idea how she would react. He needed his mum, as much as he hated to admit it, but no boy could function without their mum. And Jack knew he was no exception to this. The bed dipped as the women sat down, smiling gently at the terrified boy.
"I think we need to have the talk." She said, and it was obvious she was trying to keep her voice serious.
"We've had the talk..." He replied, rolling his eyes, remembering.
"Yeah that was about girls. Maybe we need one about boys." She said, making Jack's head snap up. Fear suddenly consumed him, and he had to take a deep breath to shoo away the panic.
"I heard what he said." His mum said, her voice not betraying enough for Jack to know exactly what she was thinking, which unsettled him. Once again he didn't say anything, paralysed by fear.
"Jack don't look so scared! Didn't you know I already knew?" She spoke after a few moments, her face lighting up and a smile appearing. The boy frowned, why did everyone say they knew before?
"You died your fringe blonde and wore a white suit to prom. It adds up." This made Jack laugh, remembering the looks he had gotten that night. Zack had died his fringe too, they'd done it to see if they suited it. The white suit was to do with a bet he lost with Rian concerning alcohol, a party and getting girls.
"Whatever." Jack retorted.
"So, are you?"
"I...I think so.." Jack looked away again, as his mum nodded.
"Knew it. I'll always love you, my little boy. But don't do anything stupid okay? There a loads of things about men getting all those nasty sex diseases and stuff and didn't one man get pregnant?" His mum started going on and on, as parents so, until he shut her up and told her to get out with a laugh, making her act upset. When he reached the door she turned around and spoke once more.
"Be careful with Alex. He means well, but I'm scared he'll hurt you. Make sure you don't hurt him, and believe in your heart okay?" She finished and walked out of the door, leaving Jack in the silence once more. He let his mind drift off, lost in thought once more, as he tried to work out what he could do. He was still hurt by what was said and done, but he couldn't go back now. Deep down he knew he would have to wait for Alex to come back to him; if the brunette even would come back. Admitting that the ball was in Alex's court, Jack sighed loudly and went for a shower, wondering what the next few days would hold. Then he remembered what date Friday was. It would definitely be a hard week for the tall boy.

The following morning was dull. Not cold, not raining, but the clouds were dark and the sun wasn't shining. Jack was now sat in maths, wishing they didn't have three periods with this teacher. On top of that, Alex was in the seat next to him. Jack considered moving, but that would only get him shouted at, and seeing as he wouldn't be listening to anything anyway he opted for just bearing the awkward atmosphere that came with the normal seating plan. The lesson was on trigonometry, which didn't interest Jack in the slightest, and he knew it all already anyway. He tried to pay attention, to make his mind focus on something, but after ten minutes of explaining the class was set questions, which was just a drag. Sighing, he opened his text book for the first time this year and found the right page.
"Jen," he said, loud enough to get the blonde girl's attention, making her turn around.
"Can I have some paper please?"
"What? Are you feeling okay?" She responded with a gasp, handing the boy a few sheets out of her refill pad. Jack just made a face at her, making her smile before turning back around. Upon reading the first question he knew the answer straight away, but decided to draw the triangle out anyway. The question were all the same, and fifteen minutes later, Jack had finished the exercise.
"Bloody hell." The curse was followed by the noise of paper being scrunched up, and a loud huff. Looking up, Jack saw a stressed out looking Alex staring down at the book, his left hand clutching a handful of his caramel hair. The site made Jack chuckle to himself; the older boy was obviously still in a foul mood. The next think he heard made him pay attention once more.
"I don't know, ask Jack." Came from Rian, who was also staring blankly down at the paper in front of him.
"Need a hand boys?" He asked nicely, still chuckling at how difficult they found maths. It was cute.
"Not from you." Alex spat in reply, glaring at Jack who just held his gaze, searching the brown pools in front of him for a hint of what was going on in the shorter boys head. Momentarily a flash of regret flashed through them, before Alex quickly turned his head away and looked at the book once more.
"Speak for yourself grumpy pants, Jack, here, now." Rian said, leaning back to shoot Jack a grin. Rolling his eyes and laughing, the dark haired boy stood up and walked past Alex and leaned over the table next to his short haired friend. Purposely, he leaned next to Alex, to see his reaction. Being so close to him was getting hard for Jack; he felt lost without his touch, he needed the boy back in his life. Sighing to himself, he plastered his fake smile to his face and explained the question to Rian, who slowly nodded as they went along.
"Okay, I think I get it." Rian said when they were finished, his gleaming white teeth forming a smile. Satisfied, Jack leaned back to stand up and walk back to his seat, accidentally hitting Alex with his elbow. The older boy let out an aggressive hiss, shooting daggers out of his eyes.
"Oh shit, sorry!" Jack apologised immediately, standing up straight and covering his mouth.
"Can't you do anything right?" Alex growled, sending a harsh glance in the dark haired boy's direction before turning back towards the table. The comment hurt Jack, making his heart sink in his chest. What was making Alex so bitter and harsh? Jack was blaming himself, he couldn't help it, surely it was. It wasn't like Alex was being nasty to anyone else...
"It doesn't look like it.." Jack muttered in reply.
"Oh, is this Mr Gaskarth finally discovering the burden of Barakat?" The blonde teacher taunted from the front, her eyes locked on what was happening at the back.
'Of course she saw it.' Jack told himself, his heart falling right to the out of his stomach as he once again admitted defeat. This wasn't to be his week at all.
"Something like that." Alex replied, just loud enough for people to hear. Jack felt his eyes widen, and he stared at the back of the boy's head. So now he was a burden?! Of course he was. Why did he not realise that before. He turned to do what he normally did: run. It was the wrong mindset, he knew that, but he was one to flee, not fight. His flight path was blocked, however, by Rian's strong arms.
"Let me go, please." Jack pleaded, looking at the door before meeting the stronger boy's gaze.
"It won't work. You need to stay. You'll regret running." He said sternly, talking quietly so only Jack could hear him, keeping their gazes locked. Helpless, Jack looked around the room, noticing that everyone had their beady eyes on him. When his eyes reached Jenna, he wanted to cry. He felt so alone, despite being surrounded by so many people. He tried not to look at Josh's empty seat, and Jenna just gave him a small, supportive smile. It was evident she knew what was going on in his mind, so to stop himself breaking down he returned to his seat, positioning himself as far away from Alex as possible. Slowly, the class returned to normal, and Jack once again became invisible. And for once he was perfectly alright with that.

----------------------------------------------------

It was now Thursday afternoon, and everyone was suffering through music theory. Jack's mind was anywhere and everywhere but the lesson. Tomorrow was looming, and he couldn't get it off his mind, and on top of that Alex was still distant, and it looked like bridges wouldn't be built for a while. Jack needed the brunette, and though he would never admit it, being without him was leaving a gaping hole in his heart. This was hurting him. He wanted - needed - it to be fixed. Yet he couldn't. The one thing he needed to do he was unable of, and that hurt him even more. The brunette boy still seemed annoyed at everything, but quite often his eyes betrayed hurt, giving Jack hope that maybe they were feeling the same way. The lanky boy was awoken from his daydream by Jenna softly laying her hand over his own, making him look up at her. She smiled softly, supportively, her eyes brimming with sorrow for her best friend, like they always did this time of year. Jack leaned forward and rested his head on her shoulder. No words could describe how he felt right now, or how he would tomorrow, and Jenna knew that. The blonde girl was always so understanding, and was always there, which Jack was thankful for. No words would pass between them, but they would still know how the other felt, which was a connection he shared with no one else. Admittedly, he had hoped he would share it with Alex, but that looked doubtful now.
Sighing as the boy was back in Jack's head, he closed his eyes and reminded himself of everything good that had happened since the British boy arrived. He recalled the "shut uuup!" on the first day, and the awkward greeting between them. The way he hid his face with his fringe, and the way his eyes were glowing. Their first time at each other's houses, the gathering, the cuddles. The feelings. The rejected kiss, the argument, halloween, trick or treating, the first date, christmas, the first real kiss, the New Years kiss, the photos, the movies, the car drives in the morning, the singing at the fence, the way his hair shone in the moonlight, saying goodbye to Josh. Everything.
On reflection, Jack realised how much they had been through together. Which made his think of how much more they would go through together. He wanted Alex back. He needed his Alex back. The bell ringing brought Jack back to the music lesson. He opened his eyes once more and took his head off of Jenna's shoulder and looked at her sleepily. She chuckled at him and ruffled his hair, making him pout and sort it out once her hand was taken back.
"Welcome back to Earth, let's go home." The blonde girl said, giving him a small smile, before the pair got up and left the classroom. Jack watched as Alex walked straight past them, obviously trying his best to ignore them. Sighing, the dark haired boy wished he could feel his arms wrapped around him, but he couldn't. So he would be going home and facing the sleepless night alone.

It was now eleven pm, and Jack hadn't slept a wink. He was sitting up in his bed, the duvet wrapped around his naked figure, as he watched the clock on the bedside table slowly tick down to midnight. Tears were welling up in his eyes, but he knew they wouldn't spill over until midnight. His gaze left the clock and he looked out of his windows at the moon, which was shining brightly in the dark sky. He wondered who else was doing this; looking up at the moon. The whole world shared the moon, surely someone else was looking at it?
When his eyes retired to the clock, the second hand was just starting the final minute of the day. Jack's bottom lip quivered as memories filled his mind, the same that did every year as there were no new ones to add to the collection he had stored away. He wondered what she was doing, and how she would be spending the day, or if she was thinking of him. Or if she ever thought of him. What did she look like now? Where did she live? Did she have a boyfriend? Maybe a girlfriend? Why was her Facebook deleted? Why and how did she leave with no traces to ever find her? Would she ever come back? The second hand slowly pulled the minute hand up to join the hour hand pointing at twelve, and the next day started. Taking a deep, wavering breath, Jack welcomed the day with a heavy heart.
"Happy Birthday May." He murmured to himself, so quiet it was barely audible, as he looked back up at the moon. The tears started flowing, one by one, running down his cheek and dropping off his chin onto the duvet. Within minutes his cheeks were soaked, his eyes stinging and breath shaky. It never failed to amaze him how much he missed his sister. It would probably look slightly pathetic to others, but he didn't care. All the thoughts and memories of May were at the forefront of his mind today, which made the pain worse. He lived every day not knowing his sister, who he once would go crying to if he had a nightmare, and she would take him down the highstreet and treat him to a hot chocolate if he behaved and carried the basket in the supermarket. And now she was gone. She was nowhere. Jack didn't even know if she was alive. He might never see her again. Surely that was enough to give him the right to cry like this for one day?
In fact, he didn't care what other people thought. Most people at school were used to Jack and his mood swings and off days.
When it got too two am, Jack's tears were still flowing strongly and steadily. The moon was still glowing brightly, slowly making the descent to make way for the sun. He tried to lie down and close his eyes, but sleep wouldn't welcome him, which he expected, so he have up trying. He considered getting his guitar out, but didn't really want to move or wake his mum up. So he decided against it. Shifting so he had his body was leaning against the wall, he noticed his phone light up. His body went through the blank phase, when you sort of forget what you have to do, and you just stare at the item, trying to work things out in your blank mind. After a few moments sense returned to the boy, and he leaned over and picked up the phone. Upon unlocking the phone and reading what caused the notification, he partially wished he hadn't, as it brought a fresh flood of tears out of his already stinging eyes.
From: Joshie
Hey buddy, thinking of you. I'm awake if you need me, wish I could come and see you... I miss you, more than anything. Love you xx
It took a while for Jack's shaking hands to type out a reply. He wanted to hear the British boys voice, but didn't want to put him through listening to him crying down the phone.
To: Joshie
I miss you so so so so so much :( send me a voice note or something, I miss your voice:(
It took a few minutes, but the next thing to come through was a file of the demo of the song Josh had been working on whilst he was in America, Fireworks. More tears were shed on Jack's part as he listened. Tears for the song, tears for Josh, tears for May, even tears for Alex.
When it got to seven am, Jack's mum walked in to check on him. He hadn't moved, and didn't really need to because she would always take him to school on this day, so they would leave soon. The boy looked up at his mother, their sad eyes meeting, before she engulfed him in a hug. Quickly, he wrapped his long arms around her and held his mum closer, wanting human contact for once. This was part of the ritual, silently reminding each other that they were both still here and together. A few long minutes passed before the women pulled away, her eyes now reddening and teary.
"Come on darling, get ready." She said gently, rubbing his cheek with her thumb before walking out of the room. Slowly, Jack removed himself from the cocoon he had made, and looked in the mirror. His eyes were red, blotchy and bloodshot, with black bags underneath, his cheeks were wet, and his hair was sticking out everywhere. Sniffling, he threw on his shirt and trousers, his shoes and then his black Blink hoodie - all teachers knew not to bother him if he wore this. If he was in, that was enough for them, the hoodie basically meant piss off. He grabbed his black beanie and covered his hair, before putting his glasses on to reduce the pain in his eyes from straining them. Another sign he wasn't worth talking to: he had his glasses on.
In his dreary, tired, worn out, sad state he dragged himself downstairs, lugging his bag behind him, wondering what the day would bring. Though he could guarantee his mind would only be filled with memories, sadness and longing for people who were miles away.

Notes

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