A Daydream Away

Alex’s POV

I was forced to attend school on Tuesday by my friends. Skipping one day was hard enough when you were a junior, and my friends didn’t want me to be behind another day, especially when I wasn’t motivated to do anything anyway.
I trudged down the hallway, avoiding all the usual places that I walked by, since most of them were planned with Jack in mind. I skirted around him in the hallways, not making eye contact with him as Max dumped into me, sending me tripping into the lockers nearest to me.
And then, history class came. I wasn’t prepared to face him, and almost skipped. I would have, if Rian wasn’t in my class. I knew he’d lecture me until my ears fell off about skipping class for some boy. I loved Rian to death, but he was too strict with his school beliefs, and it killed me.
I walked into the classroom, ready to keep myself as far away from Jack as possible.
But the taller boy wasn’t in his spot. His lack of presence had seemed to suck the light out of the room in a way I didn’t know possible. It was like one of the overhead bulbs had burned out and no one had bothered to fix it.
I moved cautiously to my seat, afraid that he’d come barreling out of nowhere, just like he had come barreling into my life. I sat, waiting to hear his laugh for a good 15 minutes, blocking out the lesson entirely. After those 15 minutes, I convinced myself that he wasn’t coming.
‘Shouldn’t I be happy that he’s not here?’ I thought. But I knew I missed his shoulder brushing mine more than I cared to admit. I missed how he apologized every time his pencil squeaked and how he hated eraser shavings on his side of the desk, but loved pushing them over to my side.
I swallowed, wishing he was here with me. I never even found out why he liked history so much.
I stared at his side of the desk, begging his notebooks to show up somehow. What was he doing? Why wasn’t he here?
The hour moved so slowly without him there, and when the bell finally rang, I bolted out of the classroom, not bothering to wait for Rian like I usually did.
If he was here, he’d be at lunch. If I knew one thing about Jack, it was that he liked to eat. Maybe he went home sick, which was why he wasn’t in class today.
I scoured the lunch room for a minute or two before my eyes finally settled on his familiar figure. I let my eyes rest only for a second before tearing them away to find our usually table.
Zack was already there, munching happily on some celery he had brought for lunch.
“Hey!” he grinned at me, obviously feeling good for some reason.
I, personally, could not find one reason to feel good. But I didn’t matter right now.
“What’s up with you?” I asked, trying my hardest to be interested in what was happening in my friend’s lives. Usually, I was the number one fan of the people I loved, but lately I just wasn’t into this whole ‘supporting people’ thing. They were all just going to leave in the end, right?
“I just scored a one hundred on the hardest honors chemistry test of the entire year.” Zack said, a smile spreading across his handsome features.
“Dude, that’s great!” I responded enthusiastically. Chemistry was Zack’s worst subject… and he was in an honors course. The kid was crazy smart, which was something I would never be.
‘Just another way that I’ll never be good enough.’ A small voice in my head coughed at me.
I felt my smile waver a little bit, but made sure not to let Zack see it. I was happy for him, and that’s all he needed to know.
Soon, Rian and Cass headed over. Rian didn’t ask why I had left him, he probably figured I just wasn’t in the mood for anything today.
The three other people at my table started a conversation that I wasn’t interested in, and I let my thoughts take over.
I really wasn’t good enough for anyone, was I? I wasn’t smart like Zack. I wasn’t always cheerful and organized like Rian. Cass always had great advice and was a better singer than I’d ever be. Hell, even Vic was better than me in so many different ways. I was being a shit friend recently, and the love of my life enjoyed messing with my emotions, so that’s all I was good for to him.
What was one thing I was good at? What was one thing I could actually say I was really talented at and would be able to do for a long time?
I racked my brain for answers, but none came. I was getting more upset and frustrated with each passing second, and I almost let out a pained cry because of the headache that was forming.
My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a chair being thrown backwards.
Suddenly, the entire lunch room was quiet.
There was a quick pause and then-
“I said shut the fuck up! You don’t know anything!”
I could recognize that voice anywhere. I could be three miles under the earth with an inch thick hole leading back up to the surface, and still know whose voice that belonged to if they were talking near it. That was the voice of Jack Barakat.
I spun around in my seat, turning to face the commotion.
He was panting, his hands balled into fists, and he was staring daggers into Max, who looked almost pleased with himself.
Jack stood there for a moment, his whole body seemed frozen except for his desperate breaths that racked his body.
His head turned slowly, so he was looking at my side of the lunch room. It wasn’t long until his eyes locked with mine. It was just like the first time our eyes had met. The feeling took over my whole body and my heart stopped.
This time, I saw it. I really and truly saw it, and a thousand realizations hit me at once. He didn’t kiss me because he was messing with me. He didn’t yell at me because he hated me. He didn’t want me out of his life. He enjoyed spending time with me. He wanted to learn about me. He actually liked me.
For the first time, I saw the gentle spark in his eyes. The spark lit up his whole face, and expanded through his whole body, and out to the lunchroom. Then, it hit me. It was like an icy blast from your freezer or a swimming pool on a summer day. So sudden, so shocking, so real, and so utterly obvious that I had no idea how I hadn’t seen it before.
He was in love with me… and even after all these stupid battles going on in and outside my head, I was in love with him.

Notes