A Daydream Away

Alex’s POV

For a moment, everything was right. It was better than the daydreams I had saved in my head, like files in an office. It was better than anything I could write or see or wish to experience.
In my numbness, I let him linger. I let him fill me to the brim with a tingling joy that you could only feel when you were utterly and completely in love. I forgot everything he’d ever said to me that sent arrows through my chest. I forgot how his face looked as he told me to leave, and how he never did anything to stop Max from hurting me.
For a moment, this was all I needed. But that was just for a moment.
I jerked away, memories of my shattering heart vivid in my mind.
“What the hell?!” I screeched, standing up and backing away from the boy sitting in front of me.
“Alex, please, listen I-”
“I don’t care! Shut up! Just stop it! Stop fucking around with my emotions! You just ruin everything!” I knew I was screaming way too loudly and I was probably annoying everyone in the neighborhoods surrounding the park, but I didn’t really care.
I could feel him staring at me, but I avoided his gaze. I couldn’t bear seeing whatever emotion was floating in his chocolate seas.
I walked away from him for the second time in 4 days, but this time I was the one who lost his head. I felt like I deserved the chance to yell at him.
I stormed out of the park and towards my car, leaving the boy I couldn’t stand to lose behind.

“Wait, what happened?”
I was laying on the floor of my living room, tears pouring out of my eyes and running into my ears.
“He kissed me.” I mumbled, my voice in a hard whisper.
Cassadee, who had been the person I called first, let out a long sigh.
“Well, that was a fucking idiot move.” She groaned. I heard her shift in her chair, but I didn’t bother turning to look at her.
I nodded instead of responding, I figured she’d keep talking anyway.
“I mean, he can’t do that. He needs to figure out what he wants before he keeps doing stupid moves. He keeps taking big leaps towards what he wants instead of small steps, and then changing his mind. Fucking stupid.”
I rolled over so my face was on the ground and groaned into the carpet.
“What are you doing?” Cass asked.
“Maybe if I stay here long enough the ground will suffocate me and I won’t ever have to see him again.” I said into the dirty floor.
“Nope. That’s not an option, mister.” I heard Cass move next to me, but I was not prepared for her to tickle me.
“Cass! Stop it!” I squealed through a fit of laughter.
“Nope! Not until I see a real Alex smile!” she replied, setting a knee on my back and tickling my sides.
I heard the front door slam through my laughter, and tried to hide my amused expression as Rian barreled through the door.
“Hey, I know you’re heartbroken and shit, but no flirting with my girlfriend!” Rian spoke, crossing his arms in fake anger.
“Hey, she pounced on me!” I pointed at my attacker, who threw up her hands, faking innocence.
Rian scoffed, almost turning around to walk away, but instead caught my eye.
“Is that a real Alex smile? I haven’t seen one of those in ages.” Rian laughed, moving to sit himself on the couch behind me.
My smile widened, and for the first time in a while, I was back to my old left. Laughing at my friend’s words and the thoughts in my head. I felt lighter than air and nothing could bring me back down.
“You look like Jack kissed you or something.”
I stand corrected. That could bring me down. You know how in Peter Pan, Captain Hook shoots a canon at the clouds, and suddenly all the kids are tumbling down? Well, I was those kids. No happy thoughts in sight, and Jack was a canon ball. Never missing his target and ripping through everything in sight.
I groaned for the third time that night, letting my sitting body collapse in on itself and hitting the ground.
I saw Cass stand up and whisper something to Rian, probably informing him of his mistake.
I closed my eyes, letting the image of Jack fill my mind. I let the feeling of his lips pressed to mine rush over my whole body, but it only caused me to experience a hollow sadness.
I wanted the feeling of him to rush through my veins. I wanted his laugh to fill my heart with joy. I wanted to zip my fingers through his on the busiest street in Baltimore and not worry about the stares we’d be getting. I wanted a future with him.
But he had cut me out of his skin, so I was going to cut him out of mine.

Notes