A Daydream Away

Alex’s POV

I sat in my room, willing the tears that were hiding behind my eyes to show through. I begged myself to scream or cry or have a panic attack or something. Instead, I just sat on my bed, staring at the wall in front of me.
It was like I was hallow.
There were no tears. No screaming. I couldn’t even put in to words how I felt, which killed me. There was no song writing or texting my friends. It didn’t even feel like I was breathing honestly.
It was like my world had completely collapsed around me. He was the cement that had held my walls up, and now they were all crashing around me. I was slowly suffocating, and I could just hear him laughing at me from a distance.
Did he even care? Was this just his plan all along? Just string along the gay kid who was obviously head over heels for him, it was hilarious.
I could feel the anger welling up inside me, but I didn’t want to let it out. I wanted it to sit there, burning in my chest. I wanted it to make my head hurt and my stomach churn so I was in intolerable pain, because god, I was a fucking idiot.
I heard my mom knock lightly on my door, but I didn’t respond, I knew she’d come in anyway.
“Hey honey” she murmured, stepping into my room.
I look up at her, locking our similar eyes together. It took less than a second for her to come to my side a wrap me in her arms.
I buried my head in her shoulder and finally the tears spilled out. I was like a hurricane spilling out onto her shoulder. I was a wreck.
One second, I was full on sobbing, my coughing cut into itself, and my shoulders hurt from them shaking. I couldn't breathe, and thinking wasn't an option.
The next second, I was simply weeping. Tears were just falling gently out of my eyes, and I could breathe again. The problem with that was I was left to think.
The next second, I was screaming his name. I stood, leaving my mother alone on my bed, and flew across the room, screaming so only his name filled my ears. My music sheets were suddenly in my line of vision, and were being torn apart by hands I didn’t recognize as my own. The hands ripped apart all the music that I’d written when his smile filled my thoughts. They tore apart the memories we’d shared, and I didn’t mind.
Then, I was on the ground, curling in on myself, wondering if I was crazy. That must be the only explanation. I must be going insane. In fact, I must have always been crazy, which was why I thought I had a chance. That must be what was going on in my mind. Pure and utter madness was clogging my entire body.
I felt my mother take my head and place it in her lap. Her fingers ran through my hair, and she murmured quiet stories of forgiveness to my ears.
“Why did he do this to me?” I whispered, another tear trailing its way down the end of my nose and on to the floor.
“Because sometimes people think it’s okay to hurt the people who don’t deserve it. Some people are just so angry on the inside that they have to take it out on others.”
“But why me?” I pleaded, as if she knew.
I hear my mother suck in a deep breath, running her thumb over my chin. “I don’t know, baby. I just don’t know.”

I fell asleep with my head in her lap, and I dreamed of him. He apologized, telling me he loved me and that he couldn’t live without me. I remember screaming at him to stop lying, and he told me that he had never told a lie. I told him that that made him a liar.
When I woke, there was a pillow under my head, and a pair of legs a few feet away
“Vic?” I said, my voice coming out croaky.
“Hey there, sleeping beauty.” he said, a gentle smile falling on his lips.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, rubbing my eyes. I knew they were red and blotchy, but Vic had seen me like this plenty of times, so I didn’t mind.
“Your mom called me down. I have ice cream and sappy romantic movies and chocolate. I figured you could have a heartbreak day. I think Rian and Cass are coming over soon. Zack’s out of town.” Vic said, leaning over to rub my back.
I groaned at the mention of my other friends, not because I didn’t want to see them, but because I looked horrible.
“I’m not make-up ready.” I croaked.
And then, I remembered. Jack had said that once.
A new wave of sadness washed over me, but I was out of tears. All I could do was feel my heartbreak each more with each beat.
Somehow I managed to end up on the middle of my living room couch, a bowl of ice cream on my lap, a teenage girl with her arms around my waist, and two of my best friends cracking jokes to try to make me smile.
He never once left my mind.

Notes