“Fallon! You can’t just walk away from this.” Alex shouts from behind me. I know he’s right, but I want to walk away. I just want to shut this out because there is no way what Alex has just told me is true. There is no way Kelsey would do that to me. She’s my best friend.

“Fallon!” Alex shouts again.

This time I turn around and Alex stops in his tracks. We don’t say anything for a few moments until his face softens and I can feel my guard crumbling. The tears that I’d been holding back began spilling over and I lift my hands to my eyes, desperately trying to stop the waterfall. I hear Alex sigh and I feel him hugging me which only upsets me even more.

“No.” I say from my trembling lips. I try to get out of his grasp, but its no use.

“Fallon, we have to talk about this. You-”

“Fallon.” Alex is cut off by Jack’s voice and upon hearing his voice I’m no longer upset. My tears have dried. My mind is only focused on one thought and it’s Jack.

“Fal, what’s wrong?” Jack comes towards me, concern written all over his face.

“You knew.” I say quietly. I can see Alex out of the corner of my eye and his eyes are wide and a bit panicked.

“What?” Jack asks, confused.

“Jack maybe we should-”

“You fucking knew!” I yell suddenly, my outburst surprising not only Alex, but a lot of people nearby.

“Fallon, calm down.” Alex says, reaching for my arm.

“Don’t you tell me to calm down.” I snap at him, pulling my arm away. “You knew all this time Jack. You knew about Kelsey and you never said anything.”

Finally Jack’s eyes widen in understanding and I feel tears treaten to spill again when I realize that I was actually hoping that Jack would deny this. That maybe he wouldn’t know what Alex was talking about. That maybe Alex was the one lying all along. But it’s not true. Just by the look on Jack’s face I can tell that he knew.

He opens his mouth to explain and I open mine to talk over him. “Fuck you Jack! You knew. You let me go on with my life for five fucking years! FIVE YEARS and you never said anything-”

“Fall you don’t understand!” Jack shouts, his brown eyes pleading with me to just hear him out, but I won’t. I turn away from him already starting toward Hey Monday’s bus. Our argument has caused quite a scene and I have to fight through many people before I can break out of the crowd. “Fallon please listen to me!” Jack begs from behind me.

I don’t turn around nor do I give any sign that I hear him. Instead I keep walking toward Cass who opens her arms to me and finally I let myself go and break down sobbing in her arms.

…

“Alex is here again.” Mike says poking his head through the back lounge. “Should I tell him to go?”

I haven’t spoken to either Alex or Jack since our blowout a few days ago. They’ve both come by a handful of times, Alex more than Jack but each time I’ve refused to see them. Cass has been great, telling both boys that I need some time alone to think about what happened.

Sometimes I agreed with her. Sometimes I’d here their voices from the front of the bus and I’d feel like throwing them off myself. But then I’d get over that feeling and I’d start to think of Kelsey and how she deliberately set out to ruin everything. She knew what she was doing when she kissed Alex that day and she didn’t even seem guilty. She laughed with me and sat with me and gave me ice cream for comfort when I couldn’t stop crying over Alex. She was my shoulder during my weakest moments and yet, she was the reason why I was so weak in the first place.

With that realization, I’d always want to go talk to them. Alex or Jack, it didn’t matter. I just wanted to tell them that I know that it’s not their fault and that I’m sorry too. But then just as I would get up and cave and finally talk to them, they would already be pushed off the bus and I’d be too late.

At Mike’s words, I feel a tugging in my stomach and I know I want to talk to Alex. I want to talk to him. I want to ask him about all the years when we could’ve been together but weren’t. So in my moment of weakness I nod at Mike and let him bring Alex back, so grateful that Cass isn’t here because I know she’d kill me for talking to him.

“Hey.”

I look up at Alex and I’m so shocked by his appearance. His hair is disheveled as are his clothes and I don’t think I’ve ever seen Alex look so tired. His eyes are bloodshot and puffy and there are deep bags under his eyes. “Hi.” I reply, not knowing what else to say.

“Fallon you have to forgive Jack.”

I’m surprised that this is the first thing he tells me. And because I’m so surprised I can only say, “What?”

He sighs loudly and sits back on the edge of the sofa. “He misses you so much Fal and fuck, I know that this is my fault. I shouldn’t have told him to keep it from you but please don’t blame him. He’s fucked without you and I hate seeing him like this. Please talk to him Fallon, please.”

“But what about you?” The words fly out of my mouth and I don’t regret them. All this time I thought maybe Alex had things to say to me. I know that this is a selfish thought, but I had some hope that maybe he wanted to talk to me because he misses me.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me Fallon. I know that I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve you, but Jack didn’t do anything wrong and he’s just caught in the middle of this. I miss you and I still love you Fallon. I never stopped loving you and I don’t think that I ever will. But I have to accept the fact that I fucked up and no matter what I do, I'll never be able to fix it.” He rubs at his eyes and I can see that he’s about to cry and I don’t know what to do.

My mind is telling me to turn away and pretend that I don’t see the tears, but I can’t. I can’t just ignore him. This isn’t the Alex I thought he was, but he’s different. I realize that I don’t know this Alex, but I want to. So I get up and wrap my arms around him, placing my head on his shoulder. “Okay, I’ll talk to Jack.” I say quietly.

“Thank you.” I hear Alex let out a quiet breathe of what I think is relief and I feel his arms snake around my waist holding me tightly. My heart thumps loudly in my chest and I hide a smile as I sink into the warmth of his embrace.

Notes

I don't really like this chapter but I felt like I should update. There is drama coming up soon, but I'm not sure how I want to write it. I realize that I haven't posted any cute chapters with Alex and Fallon because they're always fighting so if you guys want I could try to write some cute fillers just for like two chapters or so. OR I could just write all of the drama now and cheat my own system of giving Alex a chapter every five chapters. I would really appreciate it if you guys could tell me what you prefer!!!

but i'm warning you that if i have to write cute chapters then they might take a while because i'm terrible at that stuff