“How’s moving in?”

I sigh in response to Jack’s question, twirling my straw around in my milkshake. We’re seated in a small booth at an old breakfast spot, a place we used to go to when we were kids. Even though my deep, depressing sigh said otherwise, I was happy. Jack and I were falling back into our old routine, the past drama almost forgotten.

“That bad?” Jack asks, stretching his legs out onto the seat next to me. He’s referring to me moving in with Cass. Once we’d arrived back in Baltimore, I knew that I couldn’t go back to the apartment. I couldn’t continue living there with Kelsey, pretending that nothing had happened. So when Cass offered to let me live with her, I shared in her excitement and agreed happily.

I shake my head. “It’s not bad. It’s just an adjustment.” Moving in with Cassadee was great. We talked and bonded and everything was absolutely perfect, but whenever I’d go into my room I suddenly see my bare walls and half empty drawers and feel a pang of nostalgia. My room didn’t feel like home. I felt like I was staying in a temporary hotel.

“You can still always stay with me.” Jack says softly, nudging my leg with his foot.

I roll my eyes, but smile anyway. “No I can’t. You know I can’t. Alex lives with you.”

I wasn't exactly avoiding Alex, but we weren’t exactly as close as we were before everything came out. There always seems to be an awkward tension whenever we’re caught in the same room. I never know what to say to him and I’m pretty sure that he feels the same way. I’m not going to lie and say that sometimes during these awkward moment I don’t want to talk to Alex and to try to bring us back to where we used to be, because I do. But for some reason I always hold back, something in me telling me to wait, that it’s not time yet.

Jack pouts, pushing out his bottom lip in the most adorable way. “You could hide in my room forever. Alex wouldn’t even know that you were there.”

I don’t respond, choosing to take a long drink from my milkshake instead.

“You know what you need?” Jack says suddenly, getting up from his side of the booth and sliding into mine. “You need a night out.”

I look at him, amused. “Do I?”

He nods enthusiastically, his chocolate eyes shining with excitement and I laugh at his childish ways. “Yes, definitely. We are going out tonight and I’m going to get you so drunk that you’ll forget about all of your problems.”

…

I should have learned from my previous clubbing experience that Jack Daniels and I do not mix well. I also should have learned that usually when I’m presented with Jack Daniels and loud music in a small, sweaty, and cramped area I always seem to find my way to Alex. But what can I say? I’m a slow learner and because of that and the three or more drinks I’ve consumed, I now find myself sitting on Alex’s lap, smiling drunkenly, but happily as I curl into him.

“Whoa there,” Alex says, steading me. I’m swaying to the music even though I don’t know the song. “You okay Fallon?”

He looks genuinely concerned for my well being and I understand considering how I’ve barely even made eye contact with Alex in the past few weeks and now I find myself wanting to get as close to him as possible. It’s as if my drunkenness has completely thrown away my will to avoid Alex. I didn’t want to before, but avoiding him made everything simpler. Now though, as drunk as I am, I’m still aware of that blissfully happy feeling I always get when I’m around Alex and the warmth that I feel erupt throughout my body whenever he touches me.

I smile broadly in response to Alex’s question. “I’m great. I’m happy. You make me happy.”

Alex’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise and I giggle. He shouldn’t be surprised I think, Alex has always been and always will be the only person who can make me smile when everything turns to shit. Besides Jack, he was my go to guy when things went sour, like my parent’s divorce. I always knew that I could count on Alex to pull me out of the crippling sadness and confusion that my parent’s spilt left me in. “Why are you surprised? Don’t I make you happy too?” I pout and pretend to be serious as I cross my arms over my chest. I can’t hold the serious face for long and end up bursting into giggles again, almost toppling off of Alex.

After helping return to an upright position, Alex slides me off his lap and into the seat next to him. This act alone makes my eyes burn with stinging tears as I realize that Alex never answered my question and maybe I don’t make him happy and that he probably hates me because I’ve made him uncomfortable.

“What’s wrong Fal? Why are you crying?”

“Because I don’t make you happy.” I reply through trembling lips. “I make you sad.”

“No, no you make me happy Fallon.” Alex wraps me in his arms and his lips brush against my neck when he hugs me, bringing a surge of butterflies into my stomach. “You make me happier than anything I’ve never known. I just keep fucking everything up.” He sighs and I run my fingers through his hair gently, enjoying the feeling of his breath on my skin.

“That doesn’t matter.”

“What?” Alex asks, pulling back. I almost groan because I want to bring him close to me again.

I lean forward and sloppily put my lips close to his ear, just so he can hear every word I say. “It doesn’t matter because I love you anyway.”

I hear Alex’s breath hitch and he pulls back again to look at me. Being this close, some part of my mind registers that Alex is completely sober, not a hint of alcohol on his breath and he will probably remember every piece of this night while I, being completely drunk probably won’t. But I don’t care about that, at the moment, I only care about Alex who’s looking at me in such an adoring way that I know that he loves me too even if he doesn’t say it. So I close the small space between our lips and kiss him softly and happily, feeling the explosion of butterflies in my stomach and the warmth spreading over me. This kiss isn’t greedy or rushed, it’s sweet and gentle and loving and I sigh happily as I pull away slowly, resting my forehead against his shoulder.

“Fallon?”

“Hmm.” I hum in response, looking up at Alex, who sits dazed with a crooked smile on his face.

“I love you too.” Again I feel the butterflies and the goosebumps. I feel perfectly happy and perfectly content and I want to sit with Alex like this forever. But then my bladder screams in response as all the alcohol I’ve had decides that it wants to escape my body. I sit up abruptly, almost slamming my head into Alex’s.

“What?” He asks in a panicked voice.

“I really need to pee.” I whine, crossing my legs together. When I say this his face relaxes and I wonder what he expected me to say.

“Go pee then.” Alex replies, chuckling quietly.

I get up and survey the room for the bathroom only to spot a painfully long line of girls stemming from it. I quickly give Alex one last lingering kiss and assume my position in line as I try not to piss myself.

“Fallon?”

I turn around, almost shoving down the girl behind me who looks so out of it that I’m pretty sure she may not even make it to the bathroom, to see Daniel, in all his glory, grinning at me. Even in my drunken state I don’t feel very excited to see him. “Oh, hey.”

My lack of excitement doesn’t faze him as he moves up to stand beside me. “I didn’t know you were back in town.”

I nod and smile. “Yeah we got back like two weeks ago I guess. How are you?”

Daniel smiles, shoving his hands deep into his pockets. “I’m great. I miss you though, a lot. I didn’t think I would, but Fallon I was crazy to cheat on you then. I don’t know what was wrong with me.” He reaches for my arm and holds my hand, rubbing circles into my palm. “I need you.”

I stare at Daniel for a while trying to register everything he’s just said. I try to take a step back, but I stumble and fall forward into Daniel. His arms wrap around me and I don’t feel the wonderful warmth that Alex’s hands brought me. I feel sweaty and nervous and not at all relaxed around Daniel. “I, I need some air.”

Daniel leads me outside while trying to whisper soothing things in my ear, not realizing that his closeness is the reason why I feel so anxious. As the cool air hits my face I feel myself relax a little, my breathing is slowing and the sweat on my hands drying.

“Are you better?” He asks. I nod and try for a weak smile to reassure him.

“I’m fine. Everything was just a little much in there.”

Daniel nods and looks at me intently. His intense gaze brings a deep blush to my cheeks and I look away. “Fallon.” He says my name softly and when I look up, I’m surprised when his lips crash down onto mine.

I stumble a bit and back into the wall, still surprised as his lips stay glued to mine. I don’t respond or do anything but notice how weird his lips feel against mine. They aren’t soft and warm, but more cool and chapped. The kiss is sloppy and wet and I feel my stomach churning as I stand there with Daniel’s lips on mine.

“Fallon,” Daniel says again, after pulling away from me. His hands are wrapped around my wrist and his thumbs rub small circles on them. My stomach is still churning and I look away from Daniel towards the entrance of the club only to see a sight that makes my stomach twist. Alex is leaving and behind him is a small brunette, with short black hair that I can perfectly identify as Kelsey. She has a satisfied smile on her face as he leads her out to the parking lot, disappearing from my sight.

I suddenly feel very sick and I know that in a matter of minutes every drop of alcohol I have had tonight will come pouring out of my mouth. I try to twist away from Daniel, to get away, to maybe even go after Alex and demand what the hell is going on, but Daniel’s hands hold me in place. I know he’s speaking, but I can’t interpret anything he’s saying, the only thought in my mind is oh my god I’m going to vomit. And finally when I do, I vomit all over Daniel’s nice shirt, one that I bought him I notice and he stops talking to notice the greenish color in my face.

“Shit,” He says, finally stepping away from me as I vomit again, this time on the concrete. “Fallon what the-”

I vomit again, not hearing the rest of his sentence and then I stumble to the side, falling into Daniel. I feel my own vomit in my hair and I feel my limbs becoming too heavy for me to support before I pass out, dropping all of my weight into Daniel’s arms.