Alex.

“For as long as I can remember Kelsey always had a crush on me.” I begin my story, the one that I’ve never been able to tell Fallon because I was always afraid of the consequences.

Kelsey always liked me. I’m not being vain or cocky because I knew that she did. She flaunted it all the time. Before Fallon, I used to flirt with Kelsey for fun. I knew she liked me and sometimes when I was bored or when my girlfriend at the time wasn’t doing it for me, I’d flirt with her, tease her a little.

I don’t know why I led her on. I was young. I wanted to have fun and what better way to do it than to mess with my best friend’s cousin. Kelsey was cute. She was all legs and her black hair was always cropped short. That was about all I knew about her. If you asked me what color her eyes were, I wouldn’t be able to tell you.

But then Kelsey had a friend named Fallon and I fell in love with her. I remember when I asked Fallon out for the first time, I was a nervous wreck. My heart had never raced so fast and my hands had never been so sweaty. I didn’t know why Fallon made me feel this way and I didn’t know why I loved her smiles and her laughs so much. I just knew that I liked Fallon. I liked being around her. I liked talking to her. I liked making her feel beautiful. I liked her laugh and her smile and the way she wrinkled her nose when she was confused and the way she always bit her lip when she was nervous. I liked how her blue eyes sparkled when she talked and how when she focused them on me, I felt like we were the only two people on earth.

When I was with Fallon, I forgot about everything else. Including Kelsey. I barely ever talked to Kelsey. It wasn’t that I didn’t like her, but I just had nothing to say to her now that I didn’t want to tease her anymore. I had Fallon and that was enough. For me at least.

Not for Kelsey though. Even when I was with Fallon she would constantly continue to flirt with me. She’d corner me in between classes, when I was on my way to the bathroom, even while walking home on days that Fallon had to stay after school. I would tell her that I didn’t want to be with her. I was done with her. I knew it was harsh, but I just wanted to get my point across. I had Fallon and I only wanted Fallon.

I remember wanting to tell Fallon about the things that Kelsey would do or say to me while we were dating, but I’d see how much Fallon looked up to Kelsey and how close they were and I couldn’t find it in me to break them up. It wasn’t fair. So I sucked it up and I struggled through many dinners sitting next to Kelsey, trying to remain calm while she’d put her hand on my thighs. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t tell Jack because she was his cousin and I couldn’t tell anyone else because I was sure they either wouldn’t believe me or worse they would and a huge scene would follow. I didn’t want that. I didn’t want Fallon to find out about this.

So one day I confronted Kelsey and I mean really confronted her. I showed up at her house and pulled her outside and I told her that I didn’t want to be with her and that I had never wanted to be with her. I told her that I knew she liked me, I’d always known and I used to use that to my advantage when I was bored, but I wasn’t bored anymore because I had Fallon. I remember she tried to argue with me saying that I didn’t really want Fallon, I was just confused. But that was when I told her that I wanted Fallon more than any person in the world and that I loved Fallon.

That was the first time I’d ever proclaimed my love for Fallon out loud and I didn’t even say it to Fallon herself, I said it to her best friend. When I said it though, Kelsey got really quiet and asked me if I’d told Fallon yet. I told her no, I wasn’t ready to say anything and she nodded and apologized for making everything so difficult. She told me that she didn’t realize that my relationship with Fallon was so serious. I remember thinking that maybe she’d finally backed off.

I walked back home after that thinking about what I’d told Kelsey, that I loved Fallon and I knew it was so true. I knew that I had to tell Fallon right at that moment. I didn’t think about how I had told Kelsey that I didn’t think I was ready to tell Fallon. I didn’t even think that maybe Fallon might not have felt the same way. I just knew that I had to tell her and I did. I went straight to her house and for the first and only time in my life I told a girl I loved her.

I don’t know what happened after I left Fallon’s house. She’d told me that she loved me too and we kissed and talked and laughed and I was just so happy to be sitting there with her.

But something changed after I left. I think Fallon told Kelsey immediately what happened. Fallon was innocent, she didn’t know what Kelsey had planned and neither did I.

The next day at school. I was supposed to meet up with Jack for lunch, but Kelsey cornered me at my locker. She was crying and yelling about how I lied to her. She said that I told her that I wasn’t sure if I loved Fallon yet. She told me that she thought she still had a chance. And then she kissed me. She shoved me back against the lockers and she kissed me and I didn’t know what to do.

And then Fallon came. And she saw me and she saw the back of Kelsey’s head and then she left. I tried to follow her, to explain but Kelsey told me that we should give Fallon space. And I believed her. I’d never been in this situation before. I didn’t know what to do. I mean sure I flirted with other girls while in relationships, but I never actively cheated nor have I ever gotten caught flirting.

I tried to give Fallon space. But I couldn’t, I still called her and texted her. I went to her house everyday, but she wouldn’t speak to me. And then I went to the mall one day and I saw her with Kelsey. She looked so much thinner since I’d last seen her two weeks ago and her eyes were puffy and red. Seeing her so hurt made me feel shittier than before, but when I tried to talk to her, when I tried to tell her that she didn’t understand what was going on, Kelsey wouldn’t let me. She would keep whispering to Fallon and Fallon would narrow her eyes at me. Fallon told me to go away and she told me that she never wanted to see me again.

And then I realized that it took only a few days for my relationship and life to go from perfect to horribly wrong.

I always wondered why Fallon forgave Kelsey and not me and why Kelsey had it so much easier than I did. I thought that maybe it was because Kelsey took her own advice and gave Fallon space. So I tried that. I avoided Kelsey for about a month and then the band went on tour. When we came back from tour four months later, Fallon had a new boyfriend, Daniel. Not only that, but she still hated me.

I was confused and depressed and I drank away my sadness. I wrote sad songs, angry songs, love song all of them about Fallon. I hooked up with Kelsey more times than I’m proud of. I used Kelsey again, never realizing that I was sleeping with the enemy. I never realized that she was the reason why Fallon still hated me. It wasn’t until I dumped Kelsey three months after we’d been hooking up secretly that I began to put the pieces together. I told Kelsey that I was still in love with Fallon and I swear I’ve never seen a girl so angry. Kelsey said that she didn’t understand what I saw in Fallon and that she would not let all of her hard work go to waste.

I didn’t understand what she was talking or what she meant by ‘hard work’ until I finally broke and told Jack the whole story and he told me that Kelsey was planning to break me and Fallon up so she could have me for herself. He said that it would have been easy for Kelsey to be off the hook because Fallon never actually saw her face. Fallon never knew who the girl was, she only knew that I hurt her and that was all that mattered to her.

I was so mad and confused and I wanted to tell Fallon but then I realized that I couldn’t. Kelsey was her best friend and she’s been feeding her lies from the beginning. I didn’t know what she’d told Fallon. I didn’t know what Fallon knew or didn’t know, but I knew that if I told her she’d hate me more and she definitely wouldn’t believe me.

So I kept this story to myself and made Jack promise not to tell. He wanted Fallon to know but I couldn’t. I couldn’t tell her, especially since she was with Daniel and even though I hate the guy, I wanted her to be happy. I didn’t know if Fallon still loved me. I didn’t know anything about her because I’d been officially kicked out of her life.

“All of this, why we’re fighting, why we broke up, why I have never stopped loving you but could never be with you is because of Kelsey. And I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you but you have to understand Fallon, I was confused and scared. I didn’t know what was best until it was too late.” I finish my story with a long sigh and look at Fallon who hasn’t said a word since.

“Fallon please say something.” I say quietly after a long few moments of silence. I don’t know what to do or say. I’ve told my story.

Fallon looks at me and I can see tears shining in her eyes. I get up from my seat to try and hug her, to just wrap her in my arms, but she steps back. “I need some space. I need to go.”

She turns and leaves. And again, I let her go.

Notes

Two chapters in one day! I'm on a roll.