“Turn it off.” I mumble, referring to the loud beat of a familiar song blring throughout the bus. Alex grunts next to me and soon, I feel the cold feeling of a phone. The phone reaches its second ring by the time I realize that it’s my phone ringing.

“Fuck Fallon, just pick it up.” Jack yells from the bunk above us. There’s a loud thumd that comes from above us, probably Jack kicking the bottom of his bed, and then Jack swears in pain.

“What?” I snap, answering the phone. Who could be calling me at such a ungodly hour and what could they possibly want?

“Fallon, hey, it’s me Daniel.”

I don’t even flinch at the sound of his voice, too tired to register that this is my Daniel. Instead I sigh tiredly wishing he would just go away and let me be. “Hi Daniel.”

Alex, on the other hand, immediately lifts his head at the sound of Daniel’s name and turns to look at me. “What?” He says, his voice no longer laced with sleep.

“I hope I didn’t bother you.” He says as Alex continues to look at me with the same surprised expression of his face.

I roll my eyes and look around, searching for the time, 7:15 am. “I was just sleeping. It’s fine.”

“Oh well, Kelsey told me about your accident and I just wanted to see how you were doing.” I’d been out of the hospital for a few days. My wrist still stung, but it was healing and my headaches had gone away. I don’t know what surprised me more, the fact that Daniel was calling me again, or the fact that Kelsey talked to him. But before I can try to clear my confusion on both parts, Daniel continues talking. “I was wondering if you wanted to finally make good on my offer to go out sometime and get some dinner tonight.” He sounds nervous and normally I would be so excited to hear his voice, but now I’m too tired for anything to actually register.

“I would love to,” I say, causing Alex to sit up and try to press his ear to my phone. “But I’m out of town.”

"Love to what?" Alex hisses. I ignore him again. “Give me the phone.” He says reaching for it, a look of determination on his face. I twist trying to get away from his grasp.

“Alex, no.” I reply, trying to get away from him. I’m so preoccupied with getting out of Alex’s grasp that I miss what Daniel’s said. “What?” I say into the phone, while diving across the bunk trying to roll out, while also trying to keep in my arm in a position that won’t produce stinging pain.

“You’re with Alex?” Daniel repeats loudly.

“Oh my god, stop it Alex.” I squeal as Alex grabs my waist and starts tickling me. I smash my face into the pillow to keep myself from screaming as I laugh.

“I want to talk to him. I won’t stop until you give me the phone.”

“Daniel.” I breathe trying to catch my breath between my giggles. “Can I call you back?”

I don’t hear his reply, instead I hang up and slam my elbow back into Alex’s gut, making him cough and release me. “Why the hell did you do that? I was on the phone.”

I watch as he rubs his stomach, coughing, waiting for an answer. “Yeah, with douchebag Daniel.”

“What do you mean ‘douchebag Daniel’?” I demand, narrowing my eyes at him.

He groans and falls back onto the bunk. “What did he say to you?” Alex asks instead of answering my question.

I pause trying to remember and smile when I replay what Daniel said to me. “He wanted to go out!” I say excited. Finally, our plan was working. Daniel wanted me back. “He was asking me out!”

I hop around in the bunk, excited and turn to look at Alex, who looks exactly the opposite of excited. "What? Why aren't you happy like me?"

“You’re not going.” Alex says quietly, not even answering my question.

“Um, yes I am.” I reply, confused. What does he mean ‘I’m not going’? Of course I am.

“No you’re not.”

I stare at him, trying to figure out if he’s joking or serious. “What do you mean I’m not going? Of course I’m going.”

Alex sighs and looks at me. I try to read the expression on his face, trying to figure out if he’s trying to pull some sick joke, but just by looking at him I can tell he’s dead serious.

“You can’t tell me what to do!” I say, shoving him. I’m instantly furious. “Who the fuck do you think you are? I’m held up my end of the deal. And you better hold up yours or so help me Alex I will fucking-”

I’m interrupted by Rian, pulling the curtain open. “Everything okay?” He asks, glancing at both of us nervously.

“Yeah, we’re fine.” Alex says curtly, yanking the curtain back into place. He turns to face me and we just look at each other for a moment as I try to calm myself down.

“What the hell is going on Alex?” I ask him, waiting for an explanation.

He pauses for a moment, before sighing. “I don’t want you to be with him.” He finally says quietly. “I want you to be with me.”

I don’t think I’ve ever been filled with so many emotions in one moment. I am both happy and angry. I want to yell at Alex and kiss him all at the same time. I want to tell him that he has no right to make this confession. He has no right to decide that now, after everything, he can just decide that he wants me back. But I don’t yell at him, nor do I say anything. Instead, I just step over him and get out of the bunk, stumbling. I keep my eyes locked on the ground, avoiding eye contact with all of the curious eyes I feel staring at me as I make a beeline for the bathroom.

“Fallon?” I hear Jack say softly, but I ignore him and slam the door to the bathroom behind me.

…

I don’t know how long I’ve been locked in the bathroom. But I know that everyone’s been long gone after multiple attempts by Jack, Rian, Zack and all of the crew to get me out. Most of them complained that they needed to pee or that their morning breath was really grossing them out. I said nothing in response to anyone who came, but I took note that Alex never did.

I don’t even know why his confession upset me so much. We were nothing to each other. I wasn’t even sure if we were friends again. All I know is that Alex had no right to try and tell me that he wants a real relationship. Not after everything we’ve been through.

I sigh as I open the door, looking around to make sure that the coast is clear. I’m not in the mood for any pity talks on Alex’s behalf. I realize at that moment that I just want out. I want to go home.

As I think this, the curtain of a bunk is quickly pulled open, revealing Alex on the other side. “Fallon.” He barely whispers my name and I hate the tingles I feel shooting down my spine. I’m not sure if they’re from nerves or Alex himself, but I hate them anyway.

I don’t say anything. I refuse to even look at him. Instead, I just yank out my suitcase from under the bunk and I turn around to start looking for my things.

“Fallon, what are you doing?” He asks, sighing. I hear the bunk creak as he gets up. “Fuck Fallon will you just talk to me. I know I fucked up. I’m sorry.”

I don’t know what it was, but at that I just couldn’t control how mad I was. “You’re sorry? You’re fucking sorry Alex? Fuck you! You had no right to try and tell me that you wanted to be with me! No fucking right. We had a deal. You can’t just fuck it up because you’ve changed your mind!”

“Well I’m sorry if I’ve finally decided to tell you how I feel. After years, I’ve finally told you how I really feel.”

“What do you mean after years? You mean when you dated all those other girls? Is that what you’re saying? Or is it after you cheated on me?”

“That was five years ago for fucks sake! Forgive me if I’ve, I don’t know, changed?”

I laugh harshly. “You haven’t changed. You’re still the same old Alex, doing whatever he wants or saying whatever he wants because it’s convenient for you. I was so fucking in love with you Alex! Maybe that was five years ago to you, but it still fucking hurts now for me!”

Alex stares at me and I can see his own anger rising. “What the fuck did you want me to do? I said I was sorry. I told you that it was a mistake!”

“What did I want you to do?” I ask him, my voice rising an octave higher. I feel so close to tears and that drives my anger further. “I wanted you to come back for me and tell me that you loved me. I wanted you to at least try to fight for me. I wanted more from you than a few ‘I’m sorry’s’ after I caught you. You didn’t call me for weeks after the first week. What did I want you to do Alex?” I ask again, my voice suddenly getting small. “I wanted you to show me that when you told me you loved me, you meant it. But, you didn’t. And I was the dumbass who thought you did.”

“I did mean it.” Alex says, reaching for my hand. I pull it back, almost flinching from his touch. He looks shocked and I don’t care. I can’t deal with this right now.

“Stop fucking with my emotions Alex.” I snap at him, continuing to throw my things into my bag.

“I’m not.” He sighs and sits down in Zack’s bunk. He suddenly looks so young and afraid and tired and I start to feel a small bubble of pity for him, but I crush it down. I refuse to feel sorry for Alex. “You just don’t, you don’t know the whole story of what happened that day.”

At this, I really laugh, shaking my head. I felt like we were in highschool all over again. This was the same exact excuse he’d told me then when I caught him. “Fuck you. Unlike you, I’ve grown up. I’m not still stuck in highschool.”

I turn to leave the bus, feeling sick from just sharing the same air with Alex now. “Fallon, you don’t understand.”

“Then help me understand!” I almost scream at him. I’m so frustrated with the secrets and lies from highschool that still seem to haunt us. “What part of the story am I missing? You lying to me? Or you cheating on me? Or what you trying to screw me over? Tell me Alex, please, enlighten me on what part of the story I’m missing.”

He looks at me, his brown eyes shining with unshed tears. I can’t bring myself to feel sorry for him, after all the tears I’ve shed over him, I just can’t. And then just as I’m about to reach the bus door, Alex says the four words that I don’t think will ever stop the feeling of hatred that floods my veins: “It was all Kelsey.”