Who Said It Was Gonna Be Easy?

"yeah" Alex seemed to be lost in thought. Suddenly he sat up and leaned over me, staring into my eyes.

"what're you doing?"

"just thinking about something your mum said to me"

"oh right? What was that then?"

"the eyes are the windows to the soul. Any hidden thoughts or feelings are showcased in the eyes"

"so you're staring at mine like a creep for what reason?"

"to see if I can see if you love me"

"why do you need my eyes when I have a perfectly good tongue?"

"huh?"

"the tongue expresses any hidden thoughts or feelings so they are no longer hidden"

"oh" I let him ponder it for a few minutes.

"wait..did you just..did I..what..did" Alex tried and failed to formulate a sentence.

"I know we've not been together that long but I love you, Alex" I told him. He stared at me for a few seconds before leaning in and kissing me. When he pulled away, I just looked at him.

"well?"

"what?"

"do you love me too?"

"of course I do, jack. That's a stupid question"

"well you haven't said it" he rolled his eyes and mumbled something, blushing whilst he spoke.

"hm?"

"I. Love. You. Ok? I love you" he said loudly.

"I want to scream it from the rooftops sometimes and just yell it. You're everything to me, how could you think I don't love you? How could you possibly have any doubt?" he added.

"I don't know. I just did. I didn't want to say it to you in case I scared you off"

"jack..you're probably the only reason I'm alive right now. That night when you gave me a lift, I was having serious thoughts about going to the river a little way away from my house and jumping in. I was thinking seriously about joining my mum and my brother forever. If you hadn't have given me a lift and made me come to yours, I probably wouldn't be here. And that time when I got beat up and didn't come in school? The only reason I didn't attempt anything was because of you. You couldn't scare me off if you tried"

"one minute" I told Alex as I got up and quickly changed my pants, throwing some to him so he could actually get dressed; we both seemed to have forgotten he was still naked. Once I was clean and dressed properly, I lay back on the bed with Alex, pulling him into my arms.

"I love you and everythings going to be ok. I promise"

"I feel so much better now there are no secrets between us anymore. Now I don't have to keep anything from you and you don't have to keep anything from me. Our relationship is going to be so much better off for this. I love you" he snuggled into me and closed his eyes, a smiled on his face as he sighed peacefully. I couldn't even reply. He was so wrong.

We spent the rest of the day watching supernatural and snuggling under a blanket until I decided to make a fish pie for tea. Thoughts were flying round my head. I felt so guilty but I knew I couldn't say anything. I had to keep my secret from Alex. I couldn't tell him; it pained me to think about so I knew it'd destroy him. Distracting myself from thinking about Alex seemed to help.


That night, I waited until Alex was in the bathroom before taking two sleeping tablets. I knew it was the only way my thoughts wouldn't keep me awake all night. It was my only chance of getting some sleep.

"jack?" Alex asked when he came out of the bathroom.

"mhmm?"

"will you play something on your guitar before we go to sleep? Please?"

"no, I'm too tired" I lied, knowing the sleeping pills would kick in soon.

"please?"

"Alex, I said no!" I snapped at him. His face fell. I let out a sigh.

"I'm sorry. I'm just tired" another lie. He nodded and turned off the light before climbing into bed with me, wrapping his arms around me and intertwining our legs.

"night, lex"

"night, jack. I love you"

"love you too" I murmured, becoming drowsy.

"you know, I had a great weekend. I love your mum, she's so so nice. And we've snuggled a lot which is awesome. And then there was our date and that was fricking cute. And then there was the moment when you told me you love me and I honestly don't think-" I didn't get to find out what Alex didnt think because I let the sleeping pills drag me under.

Notes

Hey guys, I feel like complete shit right now so I'm not sure how long it'll be before I update again so I'm updating now. I'm sorry if its a few days or even longer but um yeah


enjoy I guess