“ya know you’re gonna have to go in there eventually” Rian mused as he watched Janie scratch the last of the cherry red nail polish from her chewed down nails. Janie looked up bashfully with an almost morbid expression on her face as if Alex had died rather than woken up.

“I know” She whispered inspecting her thumb nail before pulling it to her mouth only to have Rian forcefully grab her hand pulling it down to her lap.

“Well everyone else has gone in but you, Janie you’re his wife” Rian reprimanded her as if she were a child but Janie sort of appreciated that he wasn’t afraid to be upfront with her and wasn’t treating her like a china doll like everyone else seemed to.

“He just woke up, okay? What if he’s too tired? I will go in tomorrow morning “Janie proposed in her attempt to buy herself some more time, the adrenaline that rushed through her on her way to the hospital had vanished.

“J-bear” Rian used the nickname he had assigned to her when he decided that Janie was like a little sister to him “ he needs you in there. You were here for him when he experienced his first love, his first heartbreak…everything. You have always been there for him and he needs you now, he needs you to be here for him.”

Janie’s eyes glazed over and her lips began to quiver as the storm inside of her body was finally released.

“I-I know that but w-what if he h-h-hates me? Huh? What if he doesn’t want to see m-me?!What happens then Rian? Please tell me because I can’t walk out of this hospital alone. I can’t leave without him.” Janie yelled hysterically, drawing the eyes of nurses that passed by.

Rian rested a soothing hand on her knee and smiled. “J-bear is that what’s bothering you? You think he isn’t going to want you? Look at me, he loves you and he needs you. Now go in there and hug him or whatever.”

“Okay” Janie smiled, Rian’s words seemingly made everything and in turn Janie found the courage to enter the hospital room. Her feeble hands wrapped around the cold metal handle as she pushed the heavy door open. Her eyes landed on the pale man lying in the bed, his eyes immediately locking with hers but his didn’t hold the same lightness that hers did. No, the skin around his eyes was dark and his eyes even darker, like black pools.

“Hi” Janie said cautiously. Her voice sounding too loud to her in that small room filled with the in sync beeping of machines. She slowly walked closer to the bed, at first she was going to sit next to him but as he dark eyes watched her every movement Janie settled for the chair that was pulled up to the bed. The screeching of the metal as she pulled the chair forward a bit was like an earthquake hitting a small country compared to the awkward silence of the room.

“What are you doing here?” Alex asked, his voice quite almost as if it was forced but it didn’t sound surprised, rather it sounded resentful.

“I ummm…well you….I…What?” Janie stuttered dumbly as she suddenly felt nervous in front of Alex for the first time in her life.

“Couldn’t find the papers? I left them on the bed.” Alex spat out angrily his voice suddenly a lot stronger than it was.

“I-I didn’t come here because of the papers.” Janie whispered, the tears returning to her eyes when she realized that Rian was wrong about Alex wanting to see her.

“Oh okay. So what, then are you here because of Adelia? Wanted to discuss child support?” Alex had never spoken to Janie that way before. His voice was cold and sinister, a voice that she didn’t recognize and never wanted to have to hear again. One by one the tears streamed down Janie’s face as her heart began to physically break.

“N-no.”

Alex sighed in defeat “Then why the hell are you here Janie?”

Janie pushed the chair back before standing and making her way towards the door “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come, I was wrong to think that we could ever be okay again.” Her hand rested on the door handle but before she pulled it open she turned back to Alex who was watching her curiously trying to put everything together.

“And the papers are right where you left them….I couldn’t… So ummm you decide what you want to do with them and get back to me“she wiped the tears from her eyes hoping that when she pulled that door open that no one would recognize the agony in her eyes as she whispered six last words to Alex.
“I love you, forever and always.”

She had made it past Isobel, Paul, Rian and Jack, but as she was making her way towards the hospital exit it was Zack that stopped her.

“What happened?” Zack asked, blocking the exit in front of Janie. Her eyes swept the room looking for a new escape plan but there wasn’t one which seemed dumb. What if there was a fire? All of the people are supposed to go through one exit? Yeah, right.

“I tried, okay? Rian were wrong, he doesn’t want me here. He doesn’t want me at all. So, I’m going back to North Carolina and I guess I will pick up a job, find a house for me and Adelia, and then come back to pack all of my stuff.” Janie explained, feeling that she at least owed it to Zack to let him know what her exact plans were but it could have also been that she was hoping he would tell Alex and that Alex would somehow stop her from leaving him. Of course she knew that was irrational considering he practically just woke up and it would take days before he was better and months before he would be able to chase after her, but that didn't stop her from hoping.

“So, that’s it…you’re just giving up?” Zack asked incredulously.

“Sometimes life doesn’t work out the way we want it to. I’m not giving up Zack, love quit on me” Janie tried to force a sad smile but a grimace came out instead.

Zack pulled her into his chest and rubbed her back in comforting circles, “you need a ride to the airport?” he asked. He may not have agreed with Janie leaving again but this time he understood and he wasn’t going to try to stop her. The way he saw it, if Alex loved her and wanted her to stay then he would have asked her to when she was sitting in that hospital room with him.

“….yeah.” Janie said, following Zack out to his car.

Luckily the airport wasn’t too far away meaning the silence in the car didn’t last long but Janie didn’t blame Zack, it was just that neither of them knew exactly what to say to one another. But all of that tense air seemed to fade away as they stood in the middle of the airport hugging as the last call to Janie’s flight was announced.

“I know I never told you this, but you were always like the favorite older brother I never had. You’re a great man Zack, and it sucks how things work out sometimes. If you’re mad at me, that’s okay. I understand but please do me one last favor?” Janie asked as she pulled the folded up paper from her pocket and slid it into Zack’s larger hand.

“Make sure he gets this. I have to go now. See you later” Janie gave him one last hug before disappearing into the crowd of people getting onto the plane. The moment that the plane lifted from the ground was bitter sweet. On one hand she was going to see her daughter again for the first time in a week, but on the other she was walking away from the only love she had ever known and this time it wasn’t her choice that pushed her away.

Notes

<3 Katy