No Idea
Terrible Things
The plane ride back to North Carolina seemed longer to Janie than it ever had before, maybe it was because of the complaining business women two rows down, or the nagging wife one seat over, or maybe the crying baby sitting a row up or maybe it was none of those things. Maybe it was because Janie was trying to hold herself together much like the man beside of her whom she hadn’t even mumbled a quaint hello to. Much like Janie this stranger had lost someone, his companion of seventy five years, his wife but unlike Janie he would never see his love again.But Janie didn’t know that, she was too caught up in her own self-pity to acknowledge the sad man. Mostly because Janie felt like she was the only person in the world who had ever felt the way she was feeling, she didn’t think anyone would understand especially some old man. He wasn’t the only person Janie seemed to ignore; she also ignored the stewardess who helped her with her bags and the taxi driver whom she only spoke to long enough to tell him the address and then almost forgot to even pay him.
But when Janie walked up the long gravel driveway to the light lit porch and she opened the front door she found it impossible to ignore her reality any longer. The scene she had come home to wasn’t what she expected, the house was cold and lacked the smell of cinnamon, and it was quiet there was no sound of dish water running in the kitchen or a sports game blaring from the television in the back of the house and more importantly there was no three year old running to greet her as she walked in to the house. In fact Janie felt just as alone and unwanted in her childhood home as she had back in California sitting by her husband’s side as he wished her away.
“Momma?” Janie called into the house as she entered it further but she got no response.
“Daddy?” Nothing, Janie walked to the kitchen and turned the light on. She was surprised by the mess that had accumulated in the usually spot less kitchen. She could immediately tell something wasn’t right, her mother would never, ever leave dirty dishes in the sink or old food on the stove. She turned away from the mess, leaning her back against the counter Janie buried her head into her hands and sobbed harder than she ever had before. Slowly her legs became wobbly as she slid down to the floor, not having the strength to hold herself together anymore.
Her whole world was falling apart in front of her much more quickly than she thought was possible and it just wasn’t fair. Janie sat on the floor and cried, screamed, punched the cold tiled floor and threw a tantrum before pulling herself together enough to stand up and assess the situation that her life has been thrown into. But all the while Janie couldn’t help but wonder if this was how Alex felt when she was taking his whole world away from him. She quickly shook the thought from her mind though as her eyes caught sight of the yellow sticky not on the refrigerator that she hadn’t seen before. She walked over and ripped it off before finally reading her mother’s neat handwriting.
Janie-
Adelia is at your Aunt Jude’s house.
There was an emergency
Call me as soon as you read this at:
(704)555-1001
I Love You –Mom
Janie sighed as she dialed the number on the house phone; she brought the phone to her ear and played with the springy wire as it continuously rung on the other end before her mother finally answered in a perplexed tone immediately catching Janie’s attention.
"Janie? Honey, is that you?”
“Yeah, it’s me. Mom what happened? Are you okay? Where is dad? Is he okay?” Janie fired off questions knowing that if she didn’t her mom wouldn’t remember why she told Janie to call; the doctors had found that Ann was in the early stages of Alzheimer’s two years ago.
“I’m fine honey; it’s your father though. He collapsed a few days ago the doctors ran some test and concluded that he had a stroke and they just want to do some follow up tests so we are up here at Lake Norman Regional and I just didn’t know when you would be back so your Aunt Jude agreed to watch Adelia until you were back or I could come get her. Now tell me honey, how did everything go? Is Alex there with you?”
Janie didn’t think it was possible to feel her heart drop any further but it did and her hands began to shake but she refused to let her mom hear her cry, she knew that would only make things worse.
“I-is daddy going to be okay? And no Alex isn’t here with me; things didn’t really work out mom”
“Oh honey, what happened? Tell me.” Ann requested
“Nothing really happened. He woke up and I went in to see him and well I guess he’s done with me. I think he hates me….”Janie kept the story short; it hurt too much to go into all of the details.
“Love is a funny thing sometimes” Ann responded sounding rather detached as if she hadn’t actually listened to a thing Janie had told her and it was then that Janie knew her mom was keeping something from her.
“Mommy, he’s dying isn’t he?” Janie asked but it was more of a statement rather than a question. The silence on the other end of the phone confirmed it for her though.
“how long?” Janie asked, her nostrils began to sting and she clenched her jaw. None of this was fair; she didn’t understand why God was taking away the two most important men in her life or why he was taking them away one right after the other.
“How long?” Janie whispered this time
“They say the most he has is three months but it could happen any time before or after then. Honey, I have to go the doctors need to talk to me. I love you”
“Okay, love you too. Tell daddy I love him…..and to wait for me, okay?” Janie said before the call was disconnected. She placed the phone back onto the hook and let out a stressful sigh, she wished she could just send out an S.O.S. to get her life back to normal or to at least help her find the strength to tell her three year old daughter that her father didn’t want them anymore and that her pappy was dying and going away for eternity but unfortunately Janie the only strength Janie found was the strength to clean the kitchen.
“Alex, what happened?” Jack asked hesitantly knowing that Alex was in a vulnerable state of mind.
“Janie left,” Alex replied shortly
Jack crossed his arms, nodding his head “She left or you pushed her away?”
Alex turned his head away from Jack, the last thing he needed was another person on her side when he desperately felt the need to have just one person on his side.
“Look,” Jack whispered, making his way over the chair by Alex’s bed “I can’t say that I understand anything that is happening right now and I know you don’t want to hear any of this right now but Alex you should know that Janie has been here the whole time. I-I was the one who called her that night…and she took the first flight out here. Your mom picked her up from the airport; I can’t even imagine what Janie must have felt. We couldn’t even get her to leave the first two nights and then I stayed with her the third night at the house so she wouldn’t be alone and she had a breakdown. Ya know…. that was the first time I’ve ever seen Janie actually cry? I mean I’ve seen her happy tears but I’d never seen anything like that from her before”
Alex stayed silent before finally looking up at meeting his best friend’s eyes.
“Oh…” Alex whispered
“I…I just thought I should tell you. I thought it might help “Jack reasoned, looking down at his hands before looking back up and leaving Alex with some final words to think about “S-she was right next to you when you flat lined, she was right there being pulled away from you out of the room when you flat lined. But apparently that doesn’t matter to you, I’m going home. I’ll see you tomorrow Alex, sleep well”
However, Alex didn’t sleep well that night at all. In fact he hardly even slept, all he could think about was Janie and Adelia and when he closed his eyes he could see their faces. He tried to picture his life without them, he couldn’t. He tried to imagine Adelia growing up without him, what she would be like in ten years as a teenager. He could only imagine how angry she would be, how empty she would be. Alex couldn’t bring himself to think about how broken Janie would be; but there was no denying that he had known her long enough to know that Janie would plaster that fake smile on her face, the one she had nearly perfected. He knew she would go day by day lying to everyone around her and when night came she would cry it all out. Alex sighed out loud not noticing the nurse whom had walked in to make her rounds for the night.
“Oh, I’m sorry dear. I didn’t realize you were awake. I can come back…” The nurse trailed off but Alex shook his head.
“No, it’s fine. I just can’t sleep is all” Alex explained as the nurse scanned over the clipboard at the end of his bed before preparing the solutions.
“Ahhh Alex Gaskarth I see, you must be Janie’s husband then?” The nurse questioned.
“I…uhhh, yeah?” Alex curiously looked up at the older woman wondering why she knew about Janie.
“Such a sweet young lady” The nurse commented, switching out the IV bag.
“I’m sorry but how exactly do you know Janie?” Alex asked trying to refrain from being rude.
“Oh, how rude of me! I had lunch with her just the other day. We talked quite a lot and she’s such a smart girl I’m just afraid she lost her way somewhere along this road.” The nurse explained while she gathered all of her things and signed the paper on the clip board recognizing that Alex had already been checked on.
“What do you mean?” Alex asked before the nurse was able to exit the room.
“ She’s given up”
“On what?”
The woman studied Alex’s face, the vulnerability in his eyes shone through above all else.
“love”
“S-she told you that?” Alex asked his voice just loud enough to be audible.
“No, but son a woman of my age just knows. I’ve seen love blossom and die. I’ve seen love lost and Janie, well honey she’s so lost right now and I pray to God that she finds a guiding light home. Heaven knows she needs the strength to find herself again. Well hun, you just take them two pills on the table beside you and get some sleep the doctor will be here bright in early to do a follow up.” The nurse bid farewell and was almost out the door when Alex called out to her
“Wait!”
The nurse turned around and nodded her head for him to continue
“Your name?” he asked, though he wasn’t sure why he needed to know but something inside him told him that it was important.
“Mary Nesbit. Now you get some sleep, honey” She said, and before Alex could mutter a thank you she was out of the room and on to her next patient.
Alex quickly downed the pills with a cup of tap water and lied his head down as his eyes grew heavy and closed involuntarily. Minutes later his soft breathing even out and the quiet sound of his snoring and the beeping machines was all that filled the rom. For at least a few hours Alex found himself worry free and at complete peace oblivious to the heartache that Janie was suffering through alone 430 miles away in North Carolina.
But when Janie walked up the long gravel driveway to the light lit porch and she opened the front door she found it impossible to ignore her reality any longer. The scene she had come home to wasn’t what she expected, the house was cold and lacked the smell of cinnamon, and it was quiet there was no sound of dish water running in the kitchen or a sports game blaring from the television in the back of the house and more importantly there was no three year old running to greet her as she walked in to the house. In fact Janie felt just as alone and unwanted in her childhood home as she had back in California sitting by her husband’s side as he wished her away.
“Momma?” Janie called into the house as she entered it further but she got no response.
“Daddy?” Nothing, Janie walked to the kitchen and turned the light on. She was surprised by the mess that had accumulated in the usually spot less kitchen. She could immediately tell something wasn’t right, her mother would never, ever leave dirty dishes in the sink or old food on the stove. She turned away from the mess, leaning her back against the counter Janie buried her head into her hands and sobbed harder than she ever had before. Slowly her legs became wobbly as she slid down to the floor, not having the strength to hold herself together anymore.
Her whole world was falling apart in front of her much more quickly than she thought was possible and it just wasn’t fair. Janie sat on the floor and cried, screamed, punched the cold tiled floor and threw a tantrum before pulling herself together enough to stand up and assess the situation that her life has been thrown into. But all the while Janie couldn’t help but wonder if this was how Alex felt when she was taking his whole world away from him. She quickly shook the thought from her mind though as her eyes caught sight of the yellow sticky not on the refrigerator that she hadn’t seen before. She walked over and ripped it off before finally reading her mother’s neat handwriting.
Janie-
Adelia is at your Aunt Jude’s house.
There was an emergency
Call me as soon as you read this at:
(704)555-1001
I Love You –Mom
Janie sighed as she dialed the number on the house phone; she brought the phone to her ear and played with the springy wire as it continuously rung on the other end before her mother finally answered in a perplexed tone immediately catching Janie’s attention.
"Janie? Honey, is that you?”
“Yeah, it’s me. Mom what happened? Are you okay? Where is dad? Is he okay?” Janie fired off questions knowing that if she didn’t her mom wouldn’t remember why she told Janie to call; the doctors had found that Ann was in the early stages of Alzheimer’s two years ago.
“I’m fine honey; it’s your father though. He collapsed a few days ago the doctors ran some test and concluded that he had a stroke and they just want to do some follow up tests so we are up here at Lake Norman Regional and I just didn’t know when you would be back so your Aunt Jude agreed to watch Adelia until you were back or I could come get her. Now tell me honey, how did everything go? Is Alex there with you?”
Janie didn’t think it was possible to feel her heart drop any further but it did and her hands began to shake but she refused to let her mom hear her cry, she knew that would only make things worse.
“I-is daddy going to be okay? And no Alex isn’t here with me; things didn’t really work out mom”
“Oh honey, what happened? Tell me.” Ann requested
“Nothing really happened. He woke up and I went in to see him and well I guess he’s done with me. I think he hates me….”Janie kept the story short; it hurt too much to go into all of the details.
“Love is a funny thing sometimes” Ann responded sounding rather detached as if she hadn’t actually listened to a thing Janie had told her and it was then that Janie knew her mom was keeping something from her.
“Mommy, he’s dying isn’t he?” Janie asked but it was more of a statement rather than a question. The silence on the other end of the phone confirmed it for her though.
“how long?” Janie asked, her nostrils began to sting and she clenched her jaw. None of this was fair; she didn’t understand why God was taking away the two most important men in her life or why he was taking them away one right after the other.
“How long?” Janie whispered this time
“They say the most he has is three months but it could happen any time before or after then. Honey, I have to go the doctors need to talk to me. I love you”
“Okay, love you too. Tell daddy I love him…..and to wait for me, okay?” Janie said before the call was disconnected. She placed the phone back onto the hook and let out a stressful sigh, she wished she could just send out an S.O.S. to get her life back to normal or to at least help her find the strength to tell her three year old daughter that her father didn’t want them anymore and that her pappy was dying and going away for eternity but unfortunately Janie the only strength Janie found was the strength to clean the kitchen.
“Alex, what happened?” Jack asked hesitantly knowing that Alex was in a vulnerable state of mind.
“Janie left,” Alex replied shortly
Jack crossed his arms, nodding his head “She left or you pushed her away?”
Alex turned his head away from Jack, the last thing he needed was another person on her side when he desperately felt the need to have just one person on his side.
“Look,” Jack whispered, making his way over the chair by Alex’s bed “I can’t say that I understand anything that is happening right now and I know you don’t want to hear any of this right now but Alex you should know that Janie has been here the whole time. I-I was the one who called her that night…and she took the first flight out here. Your mom picked her up from the airport; I can’t even imagine what Janie must have felt. We couldn’t even get her to leave the first two nights and then I stayed with her the third night at the house so she wouldn’t be alone and she had a breakdown. Ya know…. that was the first time I’ve ever seen Janie actually cry? I mean I’ve seen her happy tears but I’d never seen anything like that from her before”
Alex stayed silent before finally looking up at meeting his best friend’s eyes.
“Oh…” Alex whispered
“I…I just thought I should tell you. I thought it might help “Jack reasoned, looking down at his hands before looking back up and leaving Alex with some final words to think about “S-she was right next to you when you flat lined, she was right there being pulled away from you out of the room when you flat lined. But apparently that doesn’t matter to you, I’m going home. I’ll see you tomorrow Alex, sleep well”
However, Alex didn’t sleep well that night at all. In fact he hardly even slept, all he could think about was Janie and Adelia and when he closed his eyes he could see their faces. He tried to picture his life without them, he couldn’t. He tried to imagine Adelia growing up without him, what she would be like in ten years as a teenager. He could only imagine how angry she would be, how empty she would be. Alex couldn’t bring himself to think about how broken Janie would be; but there was no denying that he had known her long enough to know that Janie would plaster that fake smile on her face, the one she had nearly perfected. He knew she would go day by day lying to everyone around her and when night came she would cry it all out. Alex sighed out loud not noticing the nurse whom had walked in to make her rounds for the night.
“Oh, I’m sorry dear. I didn’t realize you were awake. I can come back…” The nurse trailed off but Alex shook his head.
“No, it’s fine. I just can’t sleep is all” Alex explained as the nurse scanned over the clipboard at the end of his bed before preparing the solutions.
“Ahhh Alex Gaskarth I see, you must be Janie’s husband then?” The nurse questioned.
“I…uhhh, yeah?” Alex curiously looked up at the older woman wondering why she knew about Janie.
“Such a sweet young lady” The nurse commented, switching out the IV bag.
“I’m sorry but how exactly do you know Janie?” Alex asked trying to refrain from being rude.
“Oh, how rude of me! I had lunch with her just the other day. We talked quite a lot and she’s such a smart girl I’m just afraid she lost her way somewhere along this road.” The nurse explained while she gathered all of her things and signed the paper on the clip board recognizing that Alex had already been checked on.
“What do you mean?” Alex asked before the nurse was able to exit the room.
“ She’s given up”
“On what?”
The woman studied Alex’s face, the vulnerability in his eyes shone through above all else.
“love”
“S-she told you that?” Alex asked his voice just loud enough to be audible.
“No, but son a woman of my age just knows. I’ve seen love blossom and die. I’ve seen love lost and Janie, well honey she’s so lost right now and I pray to God that she finds a guiding light home. Heaven knows she needs the strength to find herself again. Well hun, you just take them two pills on the table beside you and get some sleep the doctor will be here bright in early to do a follow up.” The nurse bid farewell and was almost out the door when Alex called out to her
“Wait!”
The nurse turned around and nodded her head for him to continue
“Your name?” he asked, though he wasn’t sure why he needed to know but something inside him told him that it was important.
“Mary Nesbit. Now you get some sleep, honey” She said, and before Alex could mutter a thank you she was out of the room and on to her next patient.
Alex quickly downed the pills with a cup of tap water and lied his head down as his eyes grew heavy and closed involuntarily. Minutes later his soft breathing even out and the quiet sound of his snoring and the beeping machines was all that filled the rom. For at least a few hours Alex found himself worry free and at complete peace oblivious to the heartache that Janie was suffering through alone 430 miles away in North Carolina.
i will not cry i will not cry i will not cry i will not cry
and that's a lie
10/11/14