No Idea
Memories Fade Like Photographs
Prior to the phone call:
Alex looked back to the road behind him, having second thoughts. Was ending his life really worth it? Would it solve anything or would it only hurt Janie even more? He knew the answers to his questions but he just didn't care anymore. If Janie didn't want to be with him then it obviously wouldn't matter if he was on this world or not. He could only imagine that every other person that had dared jump from that very bridge had been just as heart broken and lost as he was, and even though he didn't know their stories he was willing to assume theirs ended much like his would.
His phone buzzed in his pocket probably a thousand times as Alex’s hands struggled trying to hold himself up from falling. But the metal railing was slick and his fingers began to tremble under the weight. He felt is hand slipping, this was it. This was what he was wanting and God was for once delivering his wish. The cold night wind blew through Alex’s hair, tears rolled down his numb cheeks, he closed his eyes as his body free fell to the awaiting ground and he whispered a solemn goodbye.
Cars slammed on their breaks as his vulnerable body came in contact with the cool asphalt road. A crowd formed around his body, some shaking, and some crying, all in shock at the event that had just unfolded in front of their eyes. The whispers could be heard over the cars that rushed by on the other side of the interstate.
“Is he okay?”
“Is he alive?”
“What happened?”
“Who is he?”
And finally the one that matters the most “Someone call for help.”
The flashing lights approached quickly, a path was created in the crowd as the rescuers rushed towards Alex’s broken body. They watched as Alex was lifted on to a gurney and placed in the back of the ambulance. In that instance, all of the strangers came together crying and praying not only for the boy who had lost his way but for the families and friends that he had touched.
In the ambulance the rescuers hooked him up to various machines and covered his face with an oxygen mask.
“What’s his status?” One man asked as he filled out a report.
“Heart rate is at 25 beats a minute…he might not make it to the hospital” The man answered.
“We’re losing him” The man said.
“Not on my watch, get the defibrillator ready” The man ordered as he ripped Alex’s shirt open, the other man handed him the two electrodes
“Ready” The man called out
The electrodes were placed accordingly and a shock was sent through Alex’s body to his heart.
“Again” The man said when Alex didn’t react.
“Ready” another shock but still nothing
“One more time”
“Ready” A final shock was sent to Alex’s heart, the beat began to rise.
“27, 28, 30, 35, 37, 48, 52, 55, 60” The man called out until Alex reached a healthy heart rate.
“We did it” they sighed in relief before checking the box for “Victim Resuscitated.”
Present Time:
Janie sat on the couch; her eyes were puffy and tired. She hadn’t slept since the phone call three days before. She was an absolute mess, running her hand through her unwashed and tangled hair Janie sighed. She couldn’t help but let her mind wander to memories she had created with Alex all the way back to when they had first met.
Janie had moved to Baltimore to live with her grandmother who at the time was in a losing battle with cancer. Her grandmother lived alone and neither Ann nor Ray could take the time to go stay with her so Janie had volunteered to move in with her and go to high school in Baltimore. It was in the beginning of summer when she moved so Janie had decided to go exploring around the city, it was all going fine until she got to the corner of Thames street when a boy with mousy brown her ran into her resulting in him dumping the dark liquid of his Pepsi down the front of her brand new ‘New Found Glory’ shirt. The boy then proceeded to try to wipe the stain away but was basically just feeling her up.
“Look kid, no worries” Janie laughed, pushing his hands away from her body. She looked up at his face, which was tinted pink with a blush. If she had believed in love at first sight then that would have been it for her.
“I’m Alex…” the boy said, awkwardly sticking his hand out and that was the beginning of their own love story.
Janie was brought back to reality when her mother shoved a small packet of papers into her hand. Janie looked down at the envelope and examined it. “Mom, I can’t” Janie whispered as she ran her small fingers over the plane tickets. She closed her eyes and leaned into her mother’s hand which rested on her flushed skin.
“Yes you can baby, just go home”
“I am home” Janie replied being as stubborn as ever.
“Honey, we both know that you need him. He made a mistake, he’s only human and right now he needs you more than ever. Take Adelia or leave her here for a while but you’re getting on that plane whether you like it or not” Ann said leaving her daughter without a choice
“Okay…I’ll go pack my bags” Janie sighed
“Already done, you’re bags are by the entry way. Call me when you land baby girl” Ann said and kissed her daughters cheek lovingly
Janie smiled the fact that her mother knew her so well even better than she knew herself, warmed her heart. They had the best mother-daughter relationship that Janie could ever ask for and she prayed that she could be half the mother to Adelia that her mom was to her. Growing up most of Janie’s friends had horrible relationships with their mothers, always claimed that they hated them and couldn’t wait to be away from them. Janie had never felt like that before and she was more than thankful for that. Janie wrapped her arms around her mom and kissed her cheek “Love you mom” She whispered.
“Love you too baby. Now go get cleaned up the plane is leaving in a few hours”
Janie stood up and ran up stairs to shower. As the hot water rained down over her body she felt completely relaxed, a feeling that she hadn’t felt in a while. She stayed under the water until it ran cold, her hands wrapped around the knobs turning the water off. Stepping out of the shower she grabbed a towel and dried herself off before wrapping her hair up. She wiped the steam off of the mirror with her hand, just enough to see her face. A gasp escaped her mouth, she could hardly recognize the woman staring back at her and it wasn’t a good thing. This new woman looked lifeless, soulless and utterly unhappy. Shaking her head, Janie exited the bathroom and entered her bed room to get dressed. Not seeing the point in dressing up she threw on some lounge pants and Alex’s blue sweatshirt before pulling her damp her into a messy pony tail. She slipped on some flip flops and walked to Adelia’s room.
She stood outside of the doorway watching her daughter color with her father on the floor. Adelia’s childish laugh filled the room as her grandpa poked her tummy. Janie smiled at the inter action between the two. She walked into the room and kneeled behind Adelia to look at her drawing.
“What are you drawing baby?” She asked the child
Adelia looked up with a smile on her face and her eyes lit up “Mommy!” she exclaimed before turning her attention back to the drawing. Her stubby fingers pointed at each scribbled person “Me and you and daddy” she explained.
“It’s beautiful baby” Janie said wiping a tear from her face.
“Come here” She said opening her arms to hug her daughter. Adelia jumped into her arms, wrapping her small arms around Janie’s neck. She placed a sloppy kiss on her cheek and squealed as Janie ran her fingers across her small body tickling her body and making her laugh.
Finally setting Adelia back down Janie stood up. “Baby, mommy has to leave for a few days. Are you gonna stay here and play or are you coming with me?” Janie asked. She had firmly believed giving her daughter options and letting her make her own decisions even though she was only a mere three years old.
The three year old sat silent for a few minutes before looking up at her mother.
“I didn’t play with the aminamls yet…” was all Adelia said.
“Honey you can stay and play mommy will call pappy everyday on the phone and talk to you until I come back okay” Janie said now on her knees to be eye to eye with Adelia.
‘Okay, bye mommy” Adelia said giving her mommy a kiss.
“See ya later sweetie, be good for grandma and pappy okay?”
“K” the three year old muttered absentmindedly as she turned her focus back to coloring the sky purple in her picture.
Janie She kissed Adelia’s cheek one last time before running downstairs. She bid everyone a last goodbye, grabbed her ticket and headed to the airport. Something in her gut told her she was doing the right thing even if her mind was disagreeing with it.
Janie took her seat in the plane next to the window; she closed her eyes as her body settled into the less than comfortable seat. She had been on a plane so many times that she no longer got nervous before or during takeoff it had become a routine that she got used to once she started dating Alex. She would fly across the country just to surprise him at a show, fly across the world to spend his day off with him. And here she was again flying to see him only this time the feeling was much different. She wasn’t feeling the usual ‘cant-help-but-smile’ feeling or the butterflies in her stomach, no this time she felt sick, worried and a little bit angry that Alex would put himself in harm. This time she felt almost obligated to fly out and check on him, and it wasn’t a feeling she was used to.
The silent tears clouded her vision as she scanned across the occupants of the seats surrounding her. In front on her was a newlywed couple, talking animatedly about their honeymoon in California. Janie didn’t have it in her to tell them that California wasn’t as beautiful as the media blew it up to be. But then again with a broken heart, nothing seemed to be beautiful anymore. Beside her was an older couple, they didn’t talk much but the way the held hands and exchanged cute glances, it killed Janie that in fifty years that wouldn’t be her and Alex. Then there was the mother and child that sat behind Janie, both crying and sad. Mourning over a lost husband and father, a best friend and Janie could so easily connect with them. She had never felt so empty, even when Alex wasn’t around much it was still comforting to know that he would be there eventually but now Janie didn’t know if she would have that security blanket anymore.
With shaky hands she wiped the salty tears from her face and turned her attention to the window where clouds and blue skies were flying past her. It wasn’t long until her eyes became heavy and began to droop closed, but as soon as it happened Janie fell into a dark abyss of dreamless sleep. She felt comfortably numb in that state of sleep. She had nothing to think about for a change and nothing to worry about. When she was in that state no one existed, it was nothing but relaxation and Janie didn’t mind if she was to never wake from it. But unfortunately she was awakened from her pretend reality and when she stepped out of the airport and into the arms of a broken mother, her reality crashed into her hard, like gravity falling from the atmosphere.
Alex looked back to the road behind him, having second thoughts. Was ending his life really worth it? Would it solve anything or would it only hurt Janie even more? He knew the answers to his questions but he just didn't care anymore. If Janie didn't want to be with him then it obviously wouldn't matter if he was on this world or not. He could only imagine that every other person that had dared jump from that very bridge had been just as heart broken and lost as he was, and even though he didn't know their stories he was willing to assume theirs ended much like his would.
His phone buzzed in his pocket probably a thousand times as Alex’s hands struggled trying to hold himself up from falling. But the metal railing was slick and his fingers began to tremble under the weight. He felt is hand slipping, this was it. This was what he was wanting and God was for once delivering his wish. The cold night wind blew through Alex’s hair, tears rolled down his numb cheeks, he closed his eyes as his body free fell to the awaiting ground and he whispered a solemn goodbye.
Cars slammed on their breaks as his vulnerable body came in contact with the cool asphalt road. A crowd formed around his body, some shaking, and some crying, all in shock at the event that had just unfolded in front of their eyes. The whispers could be heard over the cars that rushed by on the other side of the interstate.
“Is he okay?”
“Is he alive?”
“What happened?”
“Who is he?”
And finally the one that matters the most “Someone call for help.”
The flashing lights approached quickly, a path was created in the crowd as the rescuers rushed towards Alex’s broken body. They watched as Alex was lifted on to a gurney and placed in the back of the ambulance. In that instance, all of the strangers came together crying and praying not only for the boy who had lost his way but for the families and friends that he had touched.
In the ambulance the rescuers hooked him up to various machines and covered his face with an oxygen mask.
“What’s his status?” One man asked as he filled out a report.
“Heart rate is at 25 beats a minute…he might not make it to the hospital” The man answered.
“We’re losing him” The man said.
“Not on my watch, get the defibrillator ready” The man ordered as he ripped Alex’s shirt open, the other man handed him the two electrodes
“Ready” The man called out
The electrodes were placed accordingly and a shock was sent through Alex’s body to his heart.
“Again” The man said when Alex didn’t react.
“Ready” another shock but still nothing
“One more time”
“Ready” A final shock was sent to Alex’s heart, the beat began to rise.
“27, 28, 30, 35, 37, 48, 52, 55, 60” The man called out until Alex reached a healthy heart rate.
“We did it” they sighed in relief before checking the box for “Victim Resuscitated.”
Present Time:
Janie sat on the couch; her eyes were puffy and tired. She hadn’t slept since the phone call three days before. She was an absolute mess, running her hand through her unwashed and tangled hair Janie sighed. She couldn’t help but let her mind wander to memories she had created with Alex all the way back to when they had first met.
Janie had moved to Baltimore to live with her grandmother who at the time was in a losing battle with cancer. Her grandmother lived alone and neither Ann nor Ray could take the time to go stay with her so Janie had volunteered to move in with her and go to high school in Baltimore. It was in the beginning of summer when she moved so Janie had decided to go exploring around the city, it was all going fine until she got to the corner of Thames street when a boy with mousy brown her ran into her resulting in him dumping the dark liquid of his Pepsi down the front of her brand new ‘New Found Glory’ shirt. The boy then proceeded to try to wipe the stain away but was basically just feeling her up.
“Look kid, no worries” Janie laughed, pushing his hands away from her body. She looked up at his face, which was tinted pink with a blush. If she had believed in love at first sight then that would have been it for her.
“I’m Alex…” the boy said, awkwardly sticking his hand out and that was the beginning of their own love story.
Janie was brought back to reality when her mother shoved a small packet of papers into her hand. Janie looked down at the envelope and examined it. “Mom, I can’t” Janie whispered as she ran her small fingers over the plane tickets. She closed her eyes and leaned into her mother’s hand which rested on her flushed skin.
“Yes you can baby, just go home”
“I am home” Janie replied being as stubborn as ever.
“Honey, we both know that you need him. He made a mistake, he’s only human and right now he needs you more than ever. Take Adelia or leave her here for a while but you’re getting on that plane whether you like it or not” Ann said leaving her daughter without a choice
“Okay…I’ll go pack my bags” Janie sighed
“Already done, you’re bags are by the entry way. Call me when you land baby girl” Ann said and kissed her daughters cheek lovingly
Janie smiled the fact that her mother knew her so well even better than she knew herself, warmed her heart. They had the best mother-daughter relationship that Janie could ever ask for and she prayed that she could be half the mother to Adelia that her mom was to her. Growing up most of Janie’s friends had horrible relationships with their mothers, always claimed that they hated them and couldn’t wait to be away from them. Janie had never felt like that before and she was more than thankful for that. Janie wrapped her arms around her mom and kissed her cheek “Love you mom” She whispered.
“Love you too baby. Now go get cleaned up the plane is leaving in a few hours”
Janie stood up and ran up stairs to shower. As the hot water rained down over her body she felt completely relaxed, a feeling that she hadn’t felt in a while. She stayed under the water until it ran cold, her hands wrapped around the knobs turning the water off. Stepping out of the shower she grabbed a towel and dried herself off before wrapping her hair up. She wiped the steam off of the mirror with her hand, just enough to see her face. A gasp escaped her mouth, she could hardly recognize the woman staring back at her and it wasn’t a good thing. This new woman looked lifeless, soulless and utterly unhappy. Shaking her head, Janie exited the bathroom and entered her bed room to get dressed. Not seeing the point in dressing up she threw on some lounge pants and Alex’s blue sweatshirt before pulling her damp her into a messy pony tail. She slipped on some flip flops and walked to Adelia’s room.
She stood outside of the doorway watching her daughter color with her father on the floor. Adelia’s childish laugh filled the room as her grandpa poked her tummy. Janie smiled at the inter action between the two. She walked into the room and kneeled behind Adelia to look at her drawing.
“What are you drawing baby?” She asked the child
Adelia looked up with a smile on her face and her eyes lit up “Mommy!” she exclaimed before turning her attention back to the drawing. Her stubby fingers pointed at each scribbled person “Me and you and daddy” she explained.
“It’s beautiful baby” Janie said wiping a tear from her face.
“Come here” She said opening her arms to hug her daughter. Adelia jumped into her arms, wrapping her small arms around Janie’s neck. She placed a sloppy kiss on her cheek and squealed as Janie ran her fingers across her small body tickling her body and making her laugh.
Finally setting Adelia back down Janie stood up. “Baby, mommy has to leave for a few days. Are you gonna stay here and play or are you coming with me?” Janie asked. She had firmly believed giving her daughter options and letting her make her own decisions even though she was only a mere three years old.
The three year old sat silent for a few minutes before looking up at her mother.
“I didn’t play with the aminamls yet…” was all Adelia said.
“Honey you can stay and play mommy will call pappy everyday on the phone and talk to you until I come back okay” Janie said now on her knees to be eye to eye with Adelia.
‘Okay, bye mommy” Adelia said giving her mommy a kiss.
“See ya later sweetie, be good for grandma and pappy okay?”
“K” the three year old muttered absentmindedly as she turned her focus back to coloring the sky purple in her picture.
Janie She kissed Adelia’s cheek one last time before running downstairs. She bid everyone a last goodbye, grabbed her ticket and headed to the airport. Something in her gut told her she was doing the right thing even if her mind was disagreeing with it.
Janie took her seat in the plane next to the window; she closed her eyes as her body settled into the less than comfortable seat. She had been on a plane so many times that she no longer got nervous before or during takeoff it had become a routine that she got used to once she started dating Alex. She would fly across the country just to surprise him at a show, fly across the world to spend his day off with him. And here she was again flying to see him only this time the feeling was much different. She wasn’t feeling the usual ‘cant-help-but-smile’ feeling or the butterflies in her stomach, no this time she felt sick, worried and a little bit angry that Alex would put himself in harm. This time she felt almost obligated to fly out and check on him, and it wasn’t a feeling she was used to.
The silent tears clouded her vision as she scanned across the occupants of the seats surrounding her. In front on her was a newlywed couple, talking animatedly about their honeymoon in California. Janie didn’t have it in her to tell them that California wasn’t as beautiful as the media blew it up to be. But then again with a broken heart, nothing seemed to be beautiful anymore. Beside her was an older couple, they didn’t talk much but the way the held hands and exchanged cute glances, it killed Janie that in fifty years that wouldn’t be her and Alex. Then there was the mother and child that sat behind Janie, both crying and sad. Mourning over a lost husband and father, a best friend and Janie could so easily connect with them. She had never felt so empty, even when Alex wasn’t around much it was still comforting to know that he would be there eventually but now Janie didn’t know if she would have that security blanket anymore.
With shaky hands she wiped the salty tears from her face and turned her attention to the window where clouds and blue skies were flying past her. It wasn’t long until her eyes became heavy and began to droop closed, but as soon as it happened Janie fell into a dark abyss of dreamless sleep. She felt comfortably numb in that state of sleep. She had nothing to think about for a change and nothing to worry about. When she was in that state no one existed, it was nothing but relaxation and Janie didn’t mind if she was to never wake from it. But unfortunately she was awakened from her pretend reality and when she stepped out of the airport and into the arms of a broken mother, her reality crashed into her hard, like gravity falling from the atmosphere.
Notes
I should let you know that I got a little carried away and wrote 14 pages for the this update so i'm going to have to split it between like three updates. Also, I felt bad about the last upate so here is my apology with update number 1 of the 3. I'll post the next one tomorrow. At first, I was wary about posting so often but this is turning out ot be a pretty long story and i've decided to add a lot to what I already wrote so I don't think it will be a problem.<3 Katy
i will not cry i will not cry i will not cry i will not cry
and that's a lie
10/11/14