Breaking Down Walls.
Thirty-One
Alex
It's been a few days since Ivy told Zack, and things have been going well. Ivy has been eating and see's been happy I have no idea how long it will last, hopefully it will last and she gets better but that's not going to happen. It's about 2 am; Ivy woke up having a nightmare the one she always gets. Everyone in the van woke up but it's been an hour since then and she still won’t calm down.
"Ivy please baby, come outside okay? Let’s get some air"
She slowly nods, tears still running down her face. I can't see he like this anymore. I don't want to see her, this fragile again. We find somewhere to take a seat outside Ivy sits across from me and leans in to cuddle me.
"What happened, I know the dream you had but you've never been like this before, just talk to me"
She shook her head
"Ivy stop this, just talk to me. You can trust me"
"I can't A-lex"
"Why not?"
"I'm scared"
"Why, it's me? You can always talk to me, you know that right?"
"B-ut this dream w-as diff-erent"
"How?"
"It wasn't my pare-nts that were in the car"
She sobs quietly I grab her and pull her closer.
"Who was it Ivy?"
"I don't w-ant you to know?"
"How come?"
"Because I-t will worry you"
"Was it you in that car baby?"
"N-o"
"Just talk to me, please I want to know. I can't see you like this"
"It was y-ou guys"
"oh, it was just a dream it wasn't real I’m still here, I’m still Alex. I’m sat here next to you. There wasn't a car crash okay? Calm down"
She violently shook with tears, she started whimpering. I do the only thing I know I grab her shoulders
"Ivy listen to me, it’s okay, stop this. I'm here, stop crying, it wasn't real. That dream was never real, it might have been in the past but right now that dream is bullshit."
I pull her shoulders closer and kiss her, trying to prove that I’m here with her, she quickly kisses me back, and I slowly pull away.
"See?"
"I know your here Alex, I'm not stupid. That dream scared the shit out of me, thinking that I could lose you all, and be left here alone again, I don't want that I don't want to be on my own again Lex I can’t be on my own."
"Hey, you never will be okay. I love you Ivy. I don't care if people think it's too quick to say that, I've known you for years. I knew I loved you from the minute I saw you, I was silly and never told you, I'm sorry. But know one thing okay? I will always be here no matter what. You're my world now Ivy, I don't want to be here without you. Ever, I love you too much to back out of this. I never want to see you bad again; I don't want to see you in a hospital bed."
I took both of her arms in my hand and pulled her sleeve up. She watched me do this.
"I never want to see you do this again baby, it breaks my heart knowing I couldn't save you from this, just know I'm never going to leave you on your own baby"
I let out a tear and let it fall to onto her arm. I looked up at her, she was still, she didn't move not even a bit, It was dark outside I tried to make out her facial expressions, she had tears falling down her face. The tears weren't stopping.
"Al-ex no one has ev-er spo-ke to me like t-that before, I'm sorry fo-for crying. I love you to Alex. I wish I knew how you felt wh-en you first met me. Because I felt the same Alex. I just wanted you. I never thought I would have you here with me. I promise I will try and get better now properly I don't want to cut, I don't want to hate myself. But I miss them Alex, so much. I want to be home with them, even though they are not there. That house is where I wanted to be so bad. I didn't want to leave, I never knew what it was like to come outside, I was too scared. But now being out of there, I don't want to go back. I'm scared that if I do I won’t want to leave"
"Ivy you listen to me, you are never going to be stuck in that house again. I won't let that happen, I don't care if I have to physically drag you out, I will do it. I know you miss them you always will. But I'm here to help you with that now. I think we should go back in the van your brother is probably freaking the fuck out"
Ivy
"Ivy you listen to me, you are never going to be stuck in that house again. I won't let that happen, I don't care if I have to physically drag you out, I will do it. I know you miss them you always will. But I'm here to help you with that now. I think we should go back in the van your brother is probably freaking the fuck out"
I reached my arm out for Alex to pull me back up, before I knew it he had me pulled into a hug, he kept whispering 'I love you, you're beautiful never forget it" he pulled away from the hug and started walking back to the van, before he got there I turned him round and looked into his eyes, he looked like he could cry. I slowly moved closer and kissed him slowly. I knew that it was going to be okay, I had finally realized he was meant for me, in that moment it hit me that I was good enough for him, I wasn't too fat to horrid, to depressing because, he still wanted me. I could be all of those things but he would still be here, he would still be talking to me he would still want to cuddle with me; he would still want to kiss me. No matter what I'd previously done. I felt wanted, I felt safe with him. I loved him. That's it. I love him.
Zack
Since 1 is I had been up Ivy, had another nightmare. I looked over to Alex, who was trying to calm her down. He didn't look surprised that she had awoke screaming and kicking. It seemed natural to him. Maybe that's another thing, he knows her way better than I do. Probably more than I ever will, He was looking into her eyes, whispering to her. I walked up to the seat they had occupied
"Is she okay Alex?"
"Yeah Zack she's fine, you can go back to sleep if you want I'm going to take her outside anyway, get her some air. She'll be fine I promise mate"
I nodded and let a tear slip, I wanted to be the one taking her outside and talking to her about why she woke up the way she did, I wanted to be calming her down, I wanted to be holding her, I wanted to be her brother. I knew better than that thought, She didn't want me she wanted Alex.
I saw Ivy and Alex slowly walk off of the van and outdoors, I watch them leave. I knew I wasn't going to be able to sleep anymore. So I stayed awake listening, trying to make out the conversation going on just outside of the van
"I know the dream you had but you've never been like this before"I heard Alex tell her, He knows the dream? What dream has she had it before? I don't understand I had never heard her scream in her sleep. But then I was never really listening for her, maybe that's why on the last tour Alex was getting up at 2 and walking into the front lounge and about 20 minutes later he would get a phone call. If I knew it was Ivy I too would have woke up. I wish I had taken more notice of her.
"B-ut this dream w-as diff-erent"
"How?"
"It wasn't my pare-nts that were in the car"
That's the dream, she dreams of our parents’ death. Why hadn't she told me? I had to stop listening I couldn't take it anymore; I didn't want to know how bad of a brother I had become. I tried to close my eyes; I knew I had already heard too much. I let a few more tears fall I whimpered quietly. Making sure I didn't wake anyone.
It had been about 15 minutes since I tried to fall asleep and I couldn't, everything was stressing me out. I wanted Ivy to come in now. I wanted to make sure Alex had made her happy again. I tried to listen to their conversation again.
"Hey, you never will be okay. I love you Ivy. I don't care if people think it's too quick to say that, I've known you for years. I knew I loved you from the minute I saw you, I was silly and never told you, I'm sorry. But know one thing okay? I will always be here no matter what. You're my world now Ivy, I don't want to be here without you. Ever, I love you too much to back out of this. I never want to see you bad again; I don't want to see you in a hospital bed."
"I never want to see you do this again baby, it breaks my heart knowing I couldn't save you from this, just know I'm never going to leave you on your own baby"
I knew exactly what he was on about, This is the only thing I was now scared to talk to her about. I know I shouldn't be listening, but I can’t help it. I know that Alex loves her, and he will do anything to make her better, but what is she going to do when he can't do that anymore, I need to know everything about her, including what makes her happy, so when he leaves I can be there for her. I can do everything he could. I can fix her.
"Al-ex no one has ev-er spo-ke to me like t-that before, I'm sorry fo-for crying. I love you to Alex. I wish I knew how you felt wh-en you first met me. Because I felt the same Alex. I just wanted you. I never thought I would have you here with me. I promise I will try and get better now properly I don't want to cut, I don't want to hate myself. But I miss them Alex, so much. I want to be home with them, even though they are not there. That house is where I wanted to be so bad. I didn't want to leave, I never knew what it was like to come outside, and I was too scared. But now being out of there, I don't want to go back. I'm scared that if I do I won’t want to leave"
I know when we get home, I have to watch over her, just in case she starts slipping. I need to talk to her.
"Ivy you listen to me, you are never going to be stuck in that house again. I won't let that happen, I don't care if I have to physically drag you out, I will do it. I know you miss them you always will. But I'm here to help you with that now. I think we should go back in the van your brother is probably freaking the fuck out"
It hits me Alex really cares for my sister she could do anything, and he would still stand by her no matter what, he's in this for the long road. He wants her to get better. I never thought he'd be good for her. Knowing him for years I've learnt what he's like, but I think he could change for her, I've never been so happy to see my sister with someone. I'm proud of her for getting better. I now just need to talk to her, about everything. Get to know her all over again. I'm prepared to help her now, before I was in denial I didn't think she needed help. Now I know what I need to do. Hopefully she'll let me in.
It's been a few days since Ivy told Zack, and things have been going well. Ivy has been eating and see's been happy I have no idea how long it will last, hopefully it will last and she gets better but that's not going to happen. It's about 2 am; Ivy woke up having a nightmare the one she always gets. Everyone in the van woke up but it's been an hour since then and she still won’t calm down.
"Ivy please baby, come outside okay? Let’s get some air"
She slowly nods, tears still running down her face. I can't see he like this anymore. I don't want to see her, this fragile again. We find somewhere to take a seat outside Ivy sits across from me and leans in to cuddle me.
"What happened, I know the dream you had but you've never been like this before, just talk to me"
She shook her head
"Ivy stop this, just talk to me. You can trust me"
"I can't A-lex"
"Why not?"
"I'm scared"
"Why, it's me? You can always talk to me, you know that right?"
"B-ut this dream w-as diff-erent"
"How?"
"It wasn't my pare-nts that were in the car"
She sobs quietly I grab her and pull her closer.
"Who was it Ivy?"
"I don't w-ant you to know?"
"How come?"
"Because I-t will worry you"
"Was it you in that car baby?"
"N-o"
"Just talk to me, please I want to know. I can't see you like this"
"It was y-ou guys"
"oh, it was just a dream it wasn't real I’m still here, I’m still Alex. I’m sat here next to you. There wasn't a car crash okay? Calm down"
She violently shook with tears, she started whimpering. I do the only thing I know I grab her shoulders
"Ivy listen to me, it’s okay, stop this. I'm here, stop crying, it wasn't real. That dream was never real, it might have been in the past but right now that dream is bullshit."
I pull her shoulders closer and kiss her, trying to prove that I’m here with her, she quickly kisses me back, and I slowly pull away.
"See?"
"I know your here Alex, I'm not stupid. That dream scared the shit out of me, thinking that I could lose you all, and be left here alone again, I don't want that I don't want to be on my own again Lex I can’t be on my own."
"Hey, you never will be okay. I love you Ivy. I don't care if people think it's too quick to say that, I've known you for years. I knew I loved you from the minute I saw you, I was silly and never told you, I'm sorry. But know one thing okay? I will always be here no matter what. You're my world now Ivy, I don't want to be here without you. Ever, I love you too much to back out of this. I never want to see you bad again; I don't want to see you in a hospital bed."
I took both of her arms in my hand and pulled her sleeve up. She watched me do this.
"I never want to see you do this again baby, it breaks my heart knowing I couldn't save you from this, just know I'm never going to leave you on your own baby"
I let out a tear and let it fall to onto her arm. I looked up at her, she was still, she didn't move not even a bit, It was dark outside I tried to make out her facial expressions, she had tears falling down her face. The tears weren't stopping.
"Al-ex no one has ev-er spo-ke to me like t-that before, I'm sorry fo-for crying. I love you to Alex. I wish I knew how you felt wh-en you first met me. Because I felt the same Alex. I just wanted you. I never thought I would have you here with me. I promise I will try and get better now properly I don't want to cut, I don't want to hate myself. But I miss them Alex, so much. I want to be home with them, even though they are not there. That house is where I wanted to be so bad. I didn't want to leave, I never knew what it was like to come outside, I was too scared. But now being out of there, I don't want to go back. I'm scared that if I do I won’t want to leave"
"Ivy you listen to me, you are never going to be stuck in that house again. I won't let that happen, I don't care if I have to physically drag you out, I will do it. I know you miss them you always will. But I'm here to help you with that now. I think we should go back in the van your brother is probably freaking the fuck out"
Ivy
"Ivy you listen to me, you are never going to be stuck in that house again. I won't let that happen, I don't care if I have to physically drag you out, I will do it. I know you miss them you always will. But I'm here to help you with that now. I think we should go back in the van your brother is probably freaking the fuck out"
I reached my arm out for Alex to pull me back up, before I knew it he had me pulled into a hug, he kept whispering 'I love you, you're beautiful never forget it" he pulled away from the hug and started walking back to the van, before he got there I turned him round and looked into his eyes, he looked like he could cry. I slowly moved closer and kissed him slowly. I knew that it was going to be okay, I had finally realized he was meant for me, in that moment it hit me that I was good enough for him, I wasn't too fat to horrid, to depressing because, he still wanted me. I could be all of those things but he would still be here, he would still be talking to me he would still want to cuddle with me; he would still want to kiss me. No matter what I'd previously done. I felt wanted, I felt safe with him. I loved him. That's it. I love him.
Zack
Since 1 is I had been up Ivy, had another nightmare. I looked over to Alex, who was trying to calm her down. He didn't look surprised that she had awoke screaming and kicking. It seemed natural to him. Maybe that's another thing, he knows her way better than I do. Probably more than I ever will, He was looking into her eyes, whispering to her. I walked up to the seat they had occupied
"Is she okay Alex?"
"Yeah Zack she's fine, you can go back to sleep if you want I'm going to take her outside anyway, get her some air. She'll be fine I promise mate"
I nodded and let a tear slip, I wanted to be the one taking her outside and talking to her about why she woke up the way she did, I wanted to be calming her down, I wanted to be holding her, I wanted to be her brother. I knew better than that thought, She didn't want me she wanted Alex.
I saw Ivy and Alex slowly walk off of the van and outdoors, I watch them leave. I knew I wasn't going to be able to sleep anymore. So I stayed awake listening, trying to make out the conversation going on just outside of the van
"I know the dream you had but you've never been like this before"I heard Alex tell her, He knows the dream? What dream has she had it before? I don't understand I had never heard her scream in her sleep. But then I was never really listening for her, maybe that's why on the last tour Alex was getting up at 2 and walking into the front lounge and about 20 minutes later he would get a phone call. If I knew it was Ivy I too would have woke up. I wish I had taken more notice of her.
"B-ut this dream w-as diff-erent"
"How?"
"It wasn't my pare-nts that were in the car"
That's the dream, she dreams of our parents’ death. Why hadn't she told me? I had to stop listening I couldn't take it anymore; I didn't want to know how bad of a brother I had become. I tried to close my eyes; I knew I had already heard too much. I let a few more tears fall I whimpered quietly. Making sure I didn't wake anyone.
It had been about 15 minutes since I tried to fall asleep and I couldn't, everything was stressing me out. I wanted Ivy to come in now. I wanted to make sure Alex had made her happy again. I tried to listen to their conversation again.
"Hey, you never will be okay. I love you Ivy. I don't care if people think it's too quick to say that, I've known you for years. I knew I loved you from the minute I saw you, I was silly and never told you, I'm sorry. But know one thing okay? I will always be here no matter what. You're my world now Ivy, I don't want to be here without you. Ever, I love you too much to back out of this. I never want to see you bad again; I don't want to see you in a hospital bed."
"I never want to see you do this again baby, it breaks my heart knowing I couldn't save you from this, just know I'm never going to leave you on your own baby"
I knew exactly what he was on about, This is the only thing I was now scared to talk to her about. I know I shouldn't be listening, but I can’t help it. I know that Alex loves her, and he will do anything to make her better, but what is she going to do when he can't do that anymore, I need to know everything about her, including what makes her happy, so when he leaves I can be there for her. I can do everything he could. I can fix her.
"Al-ex no one has ev-er spo-ke to me like t-that before, I'm sorry fo-for crying. I love you to Alex. I wish I knew how you felt wh-en you first met me. Because I felt the same Alex. I just wanted you. I never thought I would have you here with me. I promise I will try and get better now properly I don't want to cut, I don't want to hate myself. But I miss them Alex, so much. I want to be home with them, even though they are not there. That house is where I wanted to be so bad. I didn't want to leave, I never knew what it was like to come outside, and I was too scared. But now being out of there, I don't want to go back. I'm scared that if I do I won’t want to leave"
I know when we get home, I have to watch over her, just in case she starts slipping. I need to talk to her.
"Ivy you listen to me, you are never going to be stuck in that house again. I won't let that happen, I don't care if I have to physically drag you out, I will do it. I know you miss them you always will. But I'm here to help you with that now. I think we should go back in the van your brother is probably freaking the fuck out"
It hits me Alex really cares for my sister she could do anything, and he would still stand by her no matter what, he's in this for the long road. He wants her to get better. I never thought he'd be good for her. Knowing him for years I've learnt what he's like, but I think he could change for her, I've never been so happy to see my sister with someone. I'm proud of her for getting better. I now just need to talk to her, about everything. Get to know her all over again. I'm prepared to help her now, before I was in denial I didn't think she needed help. Now I know what I need to do. Hopefully she'll let me in.
Notes
Look at that 2 updates in a week!
I'm still in work doing this, I'm getting annoyed I'm trying to write and every 20 minutes I get
asked to do something haha this has taken me a lot longer than it should have.
Anyway thank you for reading this. I really do love everyone who gives this a chance.
Please give me a comment If you're still reading this!
-Kay
Also is there anything you would like to happen in this story?
Rate.Comment.Subscribe
Hops on black Pegasus of rainbow feels to ride next story
9/6/14