Breaking Down Walls.
Two
Ivy
It's been about two hours since I opened my present from Alex and everyone else. I still had a fake smile I couldn't get rid of it like I said I wanted mom and dad to walk through the door that would make my 17th real, that would make me feel real again because it's been a long time since I've felt like I was actually living instead of feeling numb, that was the scariest part when I could drag a blade over my arms and feel nothing. No pain. Nothing. It would scare any fucker, but I've got used to it. If you pretend to be happy everyone thinks you are. No one asks questions. Nobody tries to fix you. Maybe I wanted to be fixed.
Zack was staring at me. Fuck was he talking to me? I zoned out I just looked over at him and nodded
"Ignoring your brother I see their little one” I don’t understand why they keep calling me that, they have called me it since they met me, but I’m not little anymore.
I look behind my shoulder to see Rian stood there with a smile attached to his face.
"I did not ignore him, I just simply wasn't listening"
"Same thing ivy"
Instead of arguing with him I just gave him a hug and squeezed past him into the living room. I still keep imagining what it would be like if mom and dad were here and what we would be doing right now, I would probably be watching sponge bob I loved that program. Since mom and dad past I don't watch it, it brings back good memories of them. Just like this whole fucking place.
I felt my brother put his arm around me
"Ivy me and the guys are going out Alex has offered to stay here is that cool yeah?"
Of course it fucking wasn't I wanted my brother with me on my 17th not in town. Of course I didn't have the guts to tell him no.
"Yeah that's fine tell Alex he can go as well I kind of want a few hours on my own"
"Okidoke sweetie I’ll see you later"
He kissed the top of my head and left. Thanks bro just leave me. Cool.
I heard the front door slam. Looks like it's just me now great, I decide to sit on the couch and watch some TV there is nothing better for me to do.
Before turning the TV on I decided I want some popcorn I jumped off the couch silently humming an all time low song, when I saw Alex stood in the doorway holding out some popcorn. It's like the boy could read my mind, but what the fuck was he doing here he was supposed to leave with the others, again he read my mind
"Listen Ivy I know you said you wanted to be alone, but I felt bad leaving you if you want I’ll just sit and shut up so you don't even have to hear me I promise"
He gave me his half smile knowing I would let him stay. Me and Alex have got a lot closer in the past year, I knew I could talk to him when I didn't want to talk to Zack I really grew to trust him.
"Fine Alex but no talking" He again smiled doing as I said.
He didn't say one single thing as he took a seat on the couch. I knew that he couldn't resist talking we were sat there silently for about 20 minutes.
"Ivvvvvvyyyyyy! You know you love me and I’m your bestest friend in the whole galaxy"
"Alex we agreed no talking"
"But ivvvyyyy I want to ask you something"
He was now using a baby voice knowing I’d listen to him then.
"What do you want to ask me?" I said in an annoyed tone he knew I was joking
"Well since you're 17 today...”
"NO ALEX I know what you're going to ask me and no I’m not leaving I’m staying here"
"But I told your brother I would get you out of the house. Ivy it's one day it's not going to hurt and at any point if you want to leave we can leave. Just please"
He put on the half smile he knew when he did that I would do anything, but not this time.
"Smile at me all you want Alex I’m not leaving today I want to stay in"
"But why ivy, it's your birthday you should come out"
"You want to know why I don't want to leave!" I was now shouting at him he gently nodded
"Because Alex I want to be near them today when I’m at home it feels like they are here to and that’s why I don't want to leave, I miss them Alex. I want to have my birthday in my house alone where I can feel them with me."
After I said that I ran up the stairs until I hit my bedroom where I just fell onto my bed and broke down, this is the first time I've cried about it since the funeral, this is the first time I felt real and not numb. I felt extra weight fall onto the bed and then a hand sat on my hip
"I'm so sorry Ivy I didn't know sweetie"
Was all Alex said, He kept repeating 'I’m sorry’; 'it's going to be okay Hun', 'let it out'
ALEX’S P.O.V
Seeing Ivy like that scared me a little bit yeah she had got angry with me before but she never shouted at me and she's never cried in front of me or anyone, I didn't think she could cry, she shuffled around on the bed until she was facing me she hugged into me, her head resting on my chest, she was shaking I could tell she was still crying, I pulled her closer to me and whispered
"why don't we go down stairs and play some video games, or we could just watch TV"
I felt her nod I slowly sat up pulling her with me, I wiped some stray tears with the pads of my thumb and made a goofy face, which received a laugh. It felt good to see her smile
"You know Gaskarth I’m going to beat your ass at any game we play" She said as we put Mario cart into the Xbox.
"Fuck off Merrick get ready to get your ass kicked!"
About 1 hour later she had beat me at most of the games we played, in that hour Ivy was happier I could tell she was still upset but she was getting there.
"Shit ivy I forgot to text your brother about not going out!"
"Calm it Gaskarth it will be fine he'll figure it out"
In response I poked my tongue out and headed towards the kitchen to make some coffee, looking at my phone I saw it was 8:48pm the party for Ivy started an hour ago.
Fuck. Mission failed.
It's been about two hours since I opened my present from Alex and everyone else. I still had a fake smile I couldn't get rid of it like I said I wanted mom and dad to walk through the door that would make my 17th real, that would make me feel real again because it's been a long time since I've felt like I was actually living instead of feeling numb, that was the scariest part when I could drag a blade over my arms and feel nothing. No pain. Nothing. It would scare any fucker, but I've got used to it. If you pretend to be happy everyone thinks you are. No one asks questions. Nobody tries to fix you. Maybe I wanted to be fixed.
Zack was staring at me. Fuck was he talking to me? I zoned out I just looked over at him and nodded
"Ignoring your brother I see their little one” I don’t understand why they keep calling me that, they have called me it since they met me, but I’m not little anymore.
I look behind my shoulder to see Rian stood there with a smile attached to his face.
"I did not ignore him, I just simply wasn't listening"
"Same thing ivy"
Instead of arguing with him I just gave him a hug and squeezed past him into the living room. I still keep imagining what it would be like if mom and dad were here and what we would be doing right now, I would probably be watching sponge bob I loved that program. Since mom and dad past I don't watch it, it brings back good memories of them. Just like this whole fucking place.
I felt my brother put his arm around me
"Ivy me and the guys are going out Alex has offered to stay here is that cool yeah?"
Of course it fucking wasn't I wanted my brother with me on my 17th not in town. Of course I didn't have the guts to tell him no.
"Yeah that's fine tell Alex he can go as well I kind of want a few hours on my own"
"Okidoke sweetie I’ll see you later"
He kissed the top of my head and left. Thanks bro just leave me. Cool.
I heard the front door slam. Looks like it's just me now great, I decide to sit on the couch and watch some TV there is nothing better for me to do.
Before turning the TV on I decided I want some popcorn I jumped off the couch silently humming an all time low song, when I saw Alex stood in the doorway holding out some popcorn. It's like the boy could read my mind, but what the fuck was he doing here he was supposed to leave with the others, again he read my mind
"Listen Ivy I know you said you wanted to be alone, but I felt bad leaving you if you want I’ll just sit and shut up so you don't even have to hear me I promise"
He gave me his half smile knowing I would let him stay. Me and Alex have got a lot closer in the past year, I knew I could talk to him when I didn't want to talk to Zack I really grew to trust him.
"Fine Alex but no talking" He again smiled doing as I said.
He didn't say one single thing as he took a seat on the couch. I knew that he couldn't resist talking we were sat there silently for about 20 minutes.
"Ivvvvvvyyyyyy! You know you love me and I’m your bestest friend in the whole galaxy"
"Alex we agreed no talking"
"But ivvvyyyy I want to ask you something"
He was now using a baby voice knowing I’d listen to him then.
"What do you want to ask me?" I said in an annoyed tone he knew I was joking
"Well since you're 17 today...”
"NO ALEX I know what you're going to ask me and no I’m not leaving I’m staying here"
"But I told your brother I would get you out of the house. Ivy it's one day it's not going to hurt and at any point if you want to leave we can leave. Just please"
He put on the half smile he knew when he did that I would do anything, but not this time.
"Smile at me all you want Alex I’m not leaving today I want to stay in"
"But why ivy, it's your birthday you should come out"
"You want to know why I don't want to leave!" I was now shouting at him he gently nodded
"Because Alex I want to be near them today when I’m at home it feels like they are here to and that’s why I don't want to leave, I miss them Alex. I want to have my birthday in my house alone where I can feel them with me."
After I said that I ran up the stairs until I hit my bedroom where I just fell onto my bed and broke down, this is the first time I've cried about it since the funeral, this is the first time I felt real and not numb. I felt extra weight fall onto the bed and then a hand sat on my hip
"I'm so sorry Ivy I didn't know sweetie"
Was all Alex said, He kept repeating 'I’m sorry’; 'it's going to be okay Hun', 'let it out'
ALEX’S P.O.V
Seeing Ivy like that scared me a little bit yeah she had got angry with me before but she never shouted at me and she's never cried in front of me or anyone, I didn't think she could cry, she shuffled around on the bed until she was facing me she hugged into me, her head resting on my chest, she was shaking I could tell she was still crying, I pulled her closer to me and whispered
"why don't we go down stairs and play some video games, or we could just watch TV"
I felt her nod I slowly sat up pulling her with me, I wiped some stray tears with the pads of my thumb and made a goofy face, which received a laugh. It felt good to see her smile
"You know Gaskarth I’m going to beat your ass at any game we play" She said as we put Mario cart into the Xbox.
"Fuck off Merrick get ready to get your ass kicked!"
About 1 hour later she had beat me at most of the games we played, in that hour Ivy was happier I could tell she was still upset but she was getting there.
"Shit ivy I forgot to text your brother about not going out!"
"Calm it Gaskarth it will be fine he'll figure it out"
In response I poked my tongue out and headed towards the kitchen to make some coffee, looking at my phone I saw it was 8:48pm the party for Ivy started an hour ago.
Fuck. Mission failed.
Notes
Is anyone liking this so far?
I would love some feedback
-Kay
Hops on black Pegasus of rainbow feels to ride next story
9/6/14